Stamped on these lifeless things

“Nobody can hear you scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. We say that’s the whole point!”

It was the fourth time the commercial had run in Eloise’s feed in ten minutes, and it was the fourth time she cursed the algorithm. There was no way she could afford the travel fees to take herself on a deep space existential screaming retreat.

That was the whole point. Those who needed the services most couldn’t afford it, but the algorithm kept throwing the advertisements in their faces, making them want to scream into the void even more desperately, all the while knowing they could never afford such an escape from the mundanity of customer service, and yet the commercials kept coming, and the rage kept growing, and…

Break time was over. Back to the digital trenches.

*Beep* “Hello, and thank you for calling Indomitable Industries Incorporated. The core mission of the triple eyes is to ensure every customer is satisfied with their purchase. This is Eloise. How can I assist you in achieving equilibrium with your technology today?”

“Oh, thank the infinite it’s you, Eloise. I thought I was going to have to explain this whole mess all over again.” The voice was half an octave too high for Eloise’s nerves to tolerate this close to midday meal. “You’re never going to believe what the technician left me to deal with after the last service call.”

Eloise tapped on the mute button implant just below her right earlobe that insisted on glowing an ominous orange at night, making it nearly impossible to get any sort of decent sleep. When the choices were complete darkness and an open microphone inside her throat near the vocal cords or a glowing orange nightlight, Eloise learned to deal with a sleep mask.

The frequent flyer on the line didn’t hear Eloise groan since she was on mute, but the orange light above her terminal glowing in ever-brighter intensity ensured the overseer would be upon her in short order.

Today was definitely going to be the day.

Eloise tapped the implant again. The light above her went out, and she felt the microphone hum to life at the back of her throat. She had to swallow hard to choke back the gag reflex that never relented when the microphone turned on.

Today was the day.

“Hello DJ. What’s happening now?” Eloise used her most patient customer service voice. DJ wasn’t just a frequent caller, she was a shadow hopper.

Shadow hoppers were the subset of customers that learned early in their purchase history that if they made enough noise on the feed, and garnered enough attention from the digital marketing team, they could ride the shadows of imagined success to undeserved accolades and free upgrades.

DJ was quite possibly the most obnoxious shadow hopper Eloise had ever been forced to service, and every interaction felt like a needle superheated in the core of a red giant star scored against her bones.

“Oh Eloise, that last technician was just terrible. He left me no instructions on how the upgrades to the supercomputer interface are supposed to work. My people can’t tell if they’re supposed to be jacking in, jacking up, or jacking off!” DJ snorted with laughter.

Eloise tried to laugh. She searched deep within herself and the years of experience making nice with people who wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire, but she couldn’t find it. She did manage to stop herself from sighing in disappointment at the needlessly dirty joke.

“Did the technician show the manager on duty how to put the headset on?” Eloise went into muscle memory and tapped the monitor in front of her. The work stations at the triple eye were more spacious than at Liebniz Stellar Services where her friend Glorinar worked. Eloise was able to put out both her elbows and still not touch the walls.

The monitor lit up with the customer menu. Eloise used her forefingers to scroll through the list. What she wouldn’t give for some arcane technology like a basic keyboard. Now that the triple eye had adopted the Canoptic alphabet preferred by eighty-five percent of the settled planets in the galaxy, they could go back to the faster method of data input.

Of course that would require a financial investment, and they’d already blown this year’s technology budget on the mandatory forefinger implants to make it easier for the monitors to detect instruction.

Eloise paused a moment to reflect on how much it was going to hurt at her exit interview.

“There is no headset, Eloise. I don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s a bunch of wires attached to a metal basket.” DJ’s voice was rising to a pitch that would have made canines flinch.

“It’s not a basket, DJ. It’s an extra-cranial neural interface. Or a headset. It sits on top of the head, and the computer can then read the user’s thoughts to get its instructions.”

The shriek that directly injected itself into Eloise’s ears made her teeth ache. “No one said anything about reading my mind. That’s an invasion of my privacy! I won’t have it!”

Eloise had DJ’s company account pulled up. She scrolled through the attached documents and found the most recent upgrade contract. “I’m checking your contract now, DJ, and it shows you signed off on the upgrade last week. If you want to downgrade the system, I’m going to have to add on a service charge.”

“You didn’t charge me to add the stupid thing, but you’re going to charge me to remove it? That’s nonsense!”

“Your company agreed to be part of an early-adopter pilot program to test the new interface and provide feedback on ways to improve our services to our customers. Free installation was part of that pilot program.”

“I still don’t see why I should pay to undo this obscene invasion of privacy.” DJ’s voice was lowering in pitch and increasing in that tone that Eloise liked to describe as “mega-beast.”

This was the part of the call that always got tricky. She could either push forward with the fee and face an onslaught of insults and derogatory language designed to remind Eloise that her job put her at the bottom of the employable social stratus, or she could try something absurd and see if she could alter this rage comet’s trajectory.

Today was the last day any of this was going to matter, so she might as well go absolutely off the charts.

“DJ, I know you just upgraded to the neural interface, but would your team be at all interested in upgrading that system? Our engineers have been developing a head’s up display that builds on the technology of the neural interface that reads body movement signals through the skull and translates them to a holographic visual display. They’re currently looking for alpha testers; this isn’t even in beta testing yet.”

Pause for the barrage of words she’d just spewed to sink into the ego on the other end of the line.

“Is this something you would be interested in testing for us? The upgrade would be free, and it comes with a ten percent discount on the monthly service subscription for the first three months.”

Eloise had made up the ten percent discount, but considering the holographic interface doubled the monthly service fee after the initial three month trial period, she felt certain she could justify the loss to management.

DJ made thinking noises. Eloise took a deep breath and slowly let it out as quietly as possible. If DJ thought Eloise was sighing with impatience, the entitlement cycle would begin all over again. But Eloise’s nerves were shot. She was done with this day. Done with this job. Done with this planet.

This was the last call. Self-care dictated that Eloise be kind to herself, and the kindest thing she could do was stop having to placate fragile egos with absolute nonsense.

“If we don’t like it, you’ll come and uninstall it for free?”

Eloise grinned. Sure, these calls were recorded, but the triple eye never honored a promise unless it was in writing. There was no way a free uninstall was going into the contract. “If you don’t like it, we’ll come and uninstall it.”

“For free?”

“Why not?” Eloise was too good at this verbal dance. It made her heart ache and her skin crawl. “I’m revising the contract right now to send to you. Will you be able to sign off on the upgrade now, or should we receive confirmation from upper management after they’ve reviewed your input?”

Play to the bruised ego. Reinforce the desperate ache to feel powerful. It was so easy it hurt.

“I’ll give it a once-over and sign it right now while I have you on the line,” said DJ. Her voice had dropped to its lowest, authoritative pitch. This was the boss who didn’t need anyone’s approval. She could take care of things.

Eloise’s monitor pinged with receipt of the signed contract. Ten percent discount, but no free uninstall.

Why didn’t anyone actually read the contracts?

“All right, DJ, you’re all set. Technician Blue Indigo Twelve will be out in two days to complete the upgrade. In the meantime, the extra-cranial neural interface has a training program built into it. Put it on, tap the button on the front, and it automatically runs the startup tutorial.”

“Thank you for your help, Eloise. I’m always so grateful to get someone like you who understands this technology can be a bit much for us older ladies of the Quad Corp.”

“Indeed. Now you have yourself a good rest of the day, alright?” Eloise said this last line with the forced smile of years of training.

“I will. Thank you.”

Eloise ended the call, closed the Quad Corp. account details on her monitor, and tapped the implant under her ear.

The orange light above her work station glowed, but she couldn’t care.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…..” she whispered to herself. Eloise could never quite trust the mute feature completely, so even though the company promised she wasn’t being recorded when the microphone was muted, she never fully gave into the urge for expletives.

No profanity was rule number one of employment, and that meant at all times. Eloise was bound and determined to leave today on her terms, and not on theirs. So, the last sound of the word trailed into oblivion.

She closed her eyes and leaned back in her harness. Eloise had read about a customer service station orbiting the third planet of the Procyon system where their work stations included a flat surface for resting your arms and chairs for sitting.

Eloise tried to imagine actually sitting, and she couldn’t picture it. The harness straps dug into her shoulders as she tried to ease the pressure on her feet.

The orange light above her station glowed so bright now, she could see it through her eyelids, and yet, she didn’t move. The overseer would be on his way to her station to reprimand her. He would tap his feet and demand an explanation for why she wasn’t already servicing another customer.

“A company that sells its products to seventeen star systems can’t afford delays in customer service calls,” he would say. It was what he always said. He never deviated from the script.

No one ever deviated from the script.

No one except Eloise. That improvisation of a ten percent discount was probably already being analyzed by the quality assessors to determine if she should receive demerits for creativity or if they were going to update the script with the offer.

Based on previous experience, they would reprimand her and dock her wages while also updating the script for future usage.

None of that would matter after today.

A gruff male voice cleared its throat behind Eloise’s head. She didn’t bother to hide the heavy sigh as she slowly opened her eyes and put her weight back onto her toes.

“Yes Jackes? What can I do for you?”

“You’ve been on mute for forty-seven and a half seconds. Take another call.” Jackes was born to be a middle manager. Literally. His species was genetically modified to thrive on recycled air, stale food that had been left out for hours after an executive meeting, and face splashes of cold cleansing liquid from a bodily waste closet. Their skin was gray and mottled to absorb nutrients from the ultraviolet lamps built into the ceilings.

Middle managers derived all physical pleasure from micromanaging those within their purview, and reporting infractions on those outside of it.

Eloise declared it a shallow, meaningless existence, though she would never tell Jackes to his face. The greatest gift the genetic engineers ever gave to the middle managers was their cognitive dissonance.

The company was the greatest place that hired the best people, but all the employees were slacking and needed constant oversight to ensure they were fulfilling their obligations to the company.

Eloise sighed again and said, “No, Jackes. I don’t think I will.”

“You will take another call, and you will unmute yourself. Three demerits.”

“Your demerits are worthless, Jackes.” Eloise snapped off the connectors to her harness, landing on her feet. She bounced a couple times to adjust to her feet having to hold up her full weight. Slowly, she turned, savoring every second of the upcoming words that she had been aching to say for so very long.

Looking Jackes in the eyes, those dead, pale blue eyes, Eloise said, “I quit.”

Everything went black as Eloise fell to the floor.