Special Meal

This post is part of the Vocal Cooks Collaborate series.

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The latest recipes are Alysha Grace's A Handful of Salt: Baking Bread With Mom and Maria Calderoni's Where Pacifism & Terrorism Collide--Find the Tastiest Soup In all the Land.

Serena got out the hand-written recipe she had spent weeks developing. The recipe had started out as a dip for egg rolls, but through trial and error and a lot of inspiration from recipes for noodle sauces, salad dressings, and tips she found on the internet, Serena had made it her own. She had figured out the weights for everything because she hated to measure things and preferred to use a digital kitchen scale for everything except the water and guar gum. She looked at the list of ingredients, measurements, and the weights she had written next to the measurements:

Spicy Peanut Dressing

PB Fit--7 Tablespoons (56 g)

Honey--1 Tablespoon (21 g)

Soy Sauce--4 Tablespoons (60 mL)

Rice Vinegar--2 Tablespoons (30 mL)

Lime Juice--2 Tablespoons (30 mL)

Warm Water--4 Tablespoons (¼ cup)

Garlic Chili Sauce--2 Tablespoons (30 g)

Truvia--1 packet

Guar Gum--⅛ teaspoon

Serena put all of the ingredients into a large glass measuring cup and got out the immersion blender she had purchased specifically to prepare this recipe. As she blended the ingredients for the dressing she thought back to the last time she had made it.

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Serena looked across the table in anticipation. She focused on memorizing the way the candlelight danced across Caleb’s features. His caramel-colored skin looked warm and supple in the ambient glow. His chiseled jaw was cloaked by a thick black beard. His black hair was cut short on the side but a little longer on top so that he could part it on the side of his head and comb it over neatly. It was longer than he usually wore it, but it still looked nice when he styled it. He had a thick, but neatly-trimmed moustache to match. His black eyebrows framed his amber eyes that were flecked with hints of gold. She knew from their two years together that she would think about all of these details after he left. She would especially remember the way his aftershave smelled: woodsy and spicy with a hint of leather.

She caught their reflection in the dining room window. Even their reflections showed a perfectly complemented pair. Her turquoise eyes, auburn hair, and creamy skin looked far more exotic next to his beautifully rich, darker features than the reflection that looked back at her in the bathroom mirror.

He was leaving at four o’clock in the morning, and every time he left she knew it could be the last time she saw him. He refused to tell her about his missions. She didn’t know how much of his secrecy was his own choice or how much of it was the policy of whomever he worked for, but he seemed to want to keep her distanced from his job. She knew he was a military contractor, and that his job was dangerous, but that was pretty much all she knew about it. She felt guilty when he asked her about her days at work and how she was doing, because she knew she couldn’t ask him anything about his job.

“This dressing is amazing!” he had said as she gazed at him appreciatively. His table manners were impressive for a man who had learned to eat meals as quickly as possible and move on without a trace.

“Thank you,” she had answered. She was used to being complimented by him on her cooking, but it still made her feel loved and appreciated every time he did it.

“Where did you get it?” he had asked.

“I made it myself,” she proudly admitted. She had made a salad of green leaf, radicchio, arugula, and romaine and topped it with shredded carrots, wonton strips, slivered almonds, and thinly sliced green onions. For protein, she had cooked chicken breasts with a clean sriracha seasoning she had found online. She had cut some up for the salad and served extra on the side to make sure he got enough to eat. She added a serving of brown rice for variety. She had weighed everything she added to the salad because she knew how concerned he was about his macronutrients. He wouldn’t “splurge” even on his last meal before a mission because he needed to be at his peak performance.

“Is that peanut butter?” Caleb asked. There was a note of concern in his voice. He loved peanut butter, but he rarely ate it because the fat content was too high.

“No. I replaced the peanut butter in the recipe with PB Fit. It’s a powdered version of peanut butter I found that has a lower fat content,” she assured him. “I also cut the sugar in the recipe back by using truvia for some of the sweetness. I calculated the macros for you.”

She might as well have propositioned him for sex. He gave her a smoldering look and stood up from the table to walk over, take her in his arms, and kiss her with the kind of intensity that made her legs feel as though they were made of gelatin. She could tell he wanted to keep going, but he helped her back into her seat and walked back to the meal she had so lovingly prepared for him.

The rest of the night was spent laughing and touching as if it was the last time they would ever see each other. He left just before four o’clock in the morning to meet up with his team. Before he left she had put her arms around him and held him so tightly she was surprised he could still breathe. She didn’t want him to go, but she knew that this job was what he felt called to do. His job made him feel alive and she would never ask him to quit.

They had talked about marriage and starting a family, but he was not willing to do it until he moved on to a line of work he felt was safer and more stable. He was unwilling to put her and any children they had in the position of having to get along without him. She often fantasized about how beautiful their children would be. She saw them as a perfect blend of their mother and father, carrying the best features of both.

He had an interest in law enforcement, which still seemed risky to her, but she would be happy to have him at home more. Private security was also an option he was considering. She hoped he would be ready to move on to the next stage of their lives soon, but she refused to be responsible for asking him to settle down before he was ready.

She had her own career, of course, but her career did not require them to separate for months at a time. The publishing firm she worked at would allow her time off when she needed it. If they did decide to start a family she would be able to take family leave and even work remotely, if she chose to, in order to spend more time at home.

When Caleb left in the morning she had felt like, once again, her heart was being torn slowly from her chest. She held him with all the strength she had in her body, but then he was gone. She laid in her bed, feeling like an empty shell until she had to pull herself together and get ready to go in for a normal day of work.

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Serena finished blending the dressing and got the salad and chicken breasts ready. She poured two glasses of Cabernet Sauvignon. She lit the candles she had placed on the table. She had even bought two red velvet cupcakes from her favorite bakery to complete the mood. Everything was placed on the table and ready to go.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Serena looked at her reflection in the window, arranging her hair around her face in the most flattering way possible. She hadn’t seen Caleb in almost four months and she wanted to look her best when she opened the door.

*Note: If you would like to make the dressing with regular peanut butter I would suggest using hot water instead of warm and omitting the guar gum.