Soul Sisters

She’s quiet ofttimes and loves seclusion. I wonder she can read minds, that’s why she’s stuck with me like pop socket which sucks the cellphone’s back. As much as she loves me, she hates guests in our home. When someone visits me, which is a rare occurrence, she turns away from me, marches to the corner of the patio door, twitches her tail and watches outside. She refuses to eat all day and never allows me near her. It’s a sign of anger which I don’t get it. I expect and wait patiently for her to welcome guests one day and stop being mad at me. Apart from this one thing, me and Kitty are inseparable. We are like soul sisters.

It’s five years since I met my parents after the day I walked out from them. To taste freedom became way more overpowering that I hate to visit them. I was smart enough to stop their visit to my home as well. Not anymore. This year I’m not in short of excuses but, they are stubborn enough to convince me.

Christmas and family reunion are best duo. For some weird reasons, I feel nervous and less excited to meet them. It doesn’t mean we are a messed up family with backstories. I don’t love attention or likes connection. I wanted my space and don’t want any person to pry into it. It is difficult to explain to my parents and make them understand about it. I don’t want to hear them pin me as a weirdo. I planned to make this as normal as possible.

“Ten days. Jus’ ten days, try to be human and not a fucking robot.” It’s going to be my mirror talk till next month. I can handle it somehow. My second biggest fear is Kitty. She can’t stand a stranger for a short period. Ten days would lead to a complete withdrawal. I should take her to vet. Early solution would be better before it is too late.

D-day for vet visit arrived. I hoped for a long session, but it was over before I could slow down and catch a breath. Depression meds for Kitty, that’s all, huh. Sounds simple. Will it work?

Onset of worry spread inside me. Ma and Pa, you’re putting my Kitty cat in danger. How dare? Worry and danger don’t go well together. Breath in and breath out. I need to compose myself before I undergo an emotional breakdown. This too shall pass. It should. Oh, no! it must. I can’t help so I hugged my Kitty tight, and she seemed happy. Thank God, she doesn’t know. So far, so good. Let’s face it. I felt determined with my Kitty’s warmth.

The trees are there, and there are lights everywhere. The shine of the bells in the Christmas tree excited Kitty. She felt enthusiastic and playful. Any minute from now, Kitty’s relaxed mood can overturn since my mom and dad are on their way from the airport.

“Why you look off?” It was my dad’s first words to me. Those four words means a lot of thing. I knew it and I can sense it. He is asking me if I’m not interested in having them. He is asking me why I’m impassive. It didn’t hit me hard, though. I’m what I’m and not feeling bad about it. Kitty is the only one in my mind and everything seemed bullshit. I can’t speak my mind loud and create a drama. I hate the arrow of advice from them. It’s quite boring.

I ignored my dad’s question and welcomed my parents, and looked around for Kitty to see her reaction. My dad saw Kitty face to face and smiled at her. She gave a look with full of attitude and moved with a grace to her favorite anger corner aka the patio door spot.

“Cats are mysterious. Stress little. Kitty will be alright.” My dad understood what I’m worried about.

Whatever, I want my Kitty back. Hope ten days isn’t too long to work our relationship was my mind’s voice. Christmas wasn’t too bad. Reunion was less annoying since my dad and mom kept things simple and didn’t bug me much. Fewer conversations and I’m happier.

Five days felt shorter. Kitty ate and slept, but never allowed me near her. She walked around our home a little. Jeez, depression pills work. I was stressing over nothing. As far as Kitty doesn’t stick to patio door, things are under control. I can pacify her and lessen her anger soon. Relief and sigh are best combo.

It’s day ten. My parents are sad to leave me alone in my home. I’m excited and joyful. It’s odd for them but, for me, it’s all I wanted. I was counting the days. Today, it will be Kitty-Kat day for me. After the long, painful goodbye rituals, I locked the door and rushed to convince Kitty.

She wasn’t near the patio door, wasn’t in the kitchen, wasn’t in the bedroom. What the hell? I locked all the doors. How can she go missing? It’s impossible. She is hiding somewhere inside the home. I searched every square inch of my home. No luck.

I recalled all the stories about how owners never find missing cats and felt devastated. Tears rolled down to my cheek. I have to find Kitty before it is too late. Think, think. My brain failed to work under pressure. I felt isolated, unsafe, and insecure. Emotions clouded me. I knelt down and cried until my eyes had no tear to produce. The wave of exhaustion hit me, and my brain was ready to draft a plan to find Kitty.

Where can I find Kitty? Where Kitty would be?

I went outside my home and searched the neighborhood streets. She wasn’t there. I walked down to the park close by my home. No signs of Kitty. I enquired the neighbors, searched in every corner of approximately three miles but failed. With each minute of failing to find Kitty, my anxiety grew. It’s the saddest day in my life. Nothing could replace Kitty and I can’t take my mind off her and feel better. How much ever hard I try, it is near to impossible to let her go. My weak legs crawled towards home with a heavier heart.

Next phase is to widen my search. I have to give ads, but I know it is a long wait and nerve-wracking process to find the missing pet. Is there any process to get Kitty back home fast? I scratched my enervated mind. Mixed speculations flooded me. What if something happens to Kitty? It is hard to bear such things. I struggled to push all the negative thoughts aside and imagined the brighter side. Out of the blue, I had a wild idea and believed it will work.

I am one hundred percent wrong in the way of searching Kitty and that’s why I’m feeling nervous. I shouldn’t think like me and should think like Kitty. If I were a Kitty, where would I go?

Kitty likes to be alone. She might have chosen a shady place where there is no one around. Alright, got it. I’m confident that I’ll bring Kitty back. I have to list all the places which are worn out or teared down. The places which are deserted in my area will work. She might not have gone far.

Four streets down the lane, there is an teared down horse barn. Nobody bought that place. Each one has some stories about it. Some believed it’s haunted and others named it "The cursed barn". I don’t buy the mythical stories and have visited the barn alone many times when I feel down. It’s quiet and has an obnoxious feeling, but apart from that, there is nothing wrong with that place. I love it since it feels safe and calm down there. Prior to Kitty, the barn was my only hope to live. How did I forget it? Mmm, interesting. I wish Kitty would be there.

The area looked barren. It’s an abandoned acre of land and nobody still bought it. I pulled over my car into the open space, which had absolutely nothing but the old, barely standing barn. Shingles of the barn roof looked old and worn. It felt like in any minute it will fall on my head. I had the same feeling when I saw the barn for the first time.

The front gable end was missing, and it was the only opening to enter and exit the barn. The front door was not accessible and shut tight. I used to sit hours together leaning to the side wall or lower siding. The experience I had in the barn was exceptional. I don’t have to worry about anything when I was there. No people-pleasing happens there, no stress can touch me there.

Once I stayed in the abandoned barn for two nights without food and water. It’s a rejuvenation when the real world scares the hell out of me. I didn’t need the barn when Kitty was there. She revitalizes and revives me. I should not lose her. She is the only one I look up to, and she feels more real than anyone in my life.

It was dim inside the barn, as light had to enter only through the front gable, which was not too big. I squeezed myself in to the small gap to go in. It smelled musty inside, but I was used to it. Since it was mid-morning, Sun shined bright outside. I had to squint my eyes to adjust to the darkness inside. It took few minutes to see things clearly. I began my search mission as soon as my eyes had the power to see. It was not a big barn; it is the size of my bedroom and kitchen put together. The barn is nearly empty except for the many small organisms, dirt and few old hay bunches. There wasn’t much clutter, which made difficult to search. I did my best to see every single patch of land to find Kitty. My hopes became rusty and old, like the barn.

Cats are mysterious. I heard the voice of my dad fading into the empty barn. The ground felt shaky, and I thought, I was going to collapse.

When I woke up, it was pitch dark. I knew that night had fallen. There was no energy left in me to get out and go home. It’s sick to be in that home without Kitty. I spent the night there in a hope that Kitty might come there.

The next morning Sun peeped into the barn with no care for my lost Kitty. I forced myself to leave the barn with the thought that everything is short-lived, including her. Move on. It’s said easy. With thousands of interlinked philosophies, I drove back to home.

She was mad. Crazy. She purred and widened her eyes.

It’s my Kitty. She was sleeping out in the cold all night near the front door. How did I know she was here all night by seeing her with no words?

It’s what connection means. Soul sisters.

I took her and hugged her tight. She scratched me a bit and then calmed down.