Skating Free

“Pass it here! I’m open, I’m open!”

Todd couldn’t see the person yelling, but he knew to rely on his instincts. With a quick twist of his hips, he shot a pass to center of the ice, where Derek had managed to find an opening in between the two defenders. Derek hammered the puck with a powerful slapshot, and it whistled through the air, over the opposing goalie’s stick and into the net.

A roar went up from Todd’s teammates, echoing across the ice. Yes, the official hockey season was over, and this was only a friendly scrimmage on a frozen pond outside of town. But that didn’t matter. For a small town in northern Michigan, high school hockey was the biggest event on the calendar, and the whole town would make their way to the stands for every home game: old timers who remembered when the rink was first built; alumni who, even years after graduating, still wore their hockey jerseys on Saturday nights at the local pub; small children who dreamed of one day playing themselves. Even for Todd and the other freshmen on the junior varsity team, it was an incomparable thrill that little else could match. At least, that’s how it was for most of them.

Todd gave Derek a high five as he glided past him, then slowly skated back towards the edge of the pond. A group of girls had gathered to watch the game, and while most of them didn’t notice him, Kirsten shot him a smile and a quick, congratulatory thumbs up. Todd blushed and looked away, trying to hide the dopey grin that crept onto his face, but not before he noticed Kirsten giggling with the girl next to her. High school girls, he thought to himself. He had no problem getting on the ice with guys thirty pounds heavier and six inches taller than him, but it was gonna take a lot more courage than that if he ever wanted to flirt with Kirsten. Todd shook his head, and stepped off the ice, grabbing a water bottle from his bag and taking a long drink.

Will, Todd’s best friend since first grade, slid in beside him. “Unfair you know”, he said. “You guys had Derek on your team. You wouldn’t have had a chance otherwise.”

Todd laughed as he bent over to unlace his skates. A little trash talk, especially in a competitive atmosphere, never bothered him. “And I suppose that amazing assist I had at the end was just luck? Or were you too busy watching the girls to pay attention to the game?”

Will shot him a big grin as he removed his own skates. “What can I say? I can’t help it if I’m so attractive.”

“In your dreams”, Todd replied jokingly. This was what Todd loved about being a hockey player. The camaraderie and friendship. Even if he wasn’t best player, although he was certainly one of the best skaters, everyone accepted him. He couldn’t imagine life without these guys. It almost would’ve been easier if they were jerks, Todd thought to himself. Maybe then it would be easier to give it up…

“Hey y’all”, Derek yelled out. Derek had been best friends with Todd and Will since elementary school. They’d been the “Three Iceketeers”, flying around frozen ponds like this pretending to be NHL legends. But there was some distance to Derek now. As the only freshmen good enough to make the varsity team, Derek had become increasingly popular, both at school and throughout town. He even got invited to parties with the seniors. And of course, when he did have time for his fellow freshmen, he was now the de facto leader of the group, with everyone clamoring for his attention. “Great game! I’m thinking it’s time for some burgers. Who’s up for heading down to Harry’s?”

He was answered with the tired cheers of his fellow hockey players, and the delighted squeals of their onlookers. Will, who had finished changing and packing his gear, looked over at Todd, who was moving slower. “You coming bro? Hurry up!”

Todd looked at his friend. “I’ll meet you up with you guys later. I have to run home and take care of some chores first.” The lie flowed off his lips easily.

Will’s eyes widened. “Chores? Really dude? Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Sorry man”, Todd replied, looking at his feet. “You know my dad. He’ll let me out the play hockey, but I don’t think he wants me grabbing burgers before I get stuff down, and I can’t be grounded before Spring Break.”

“Fine”, said Will, rolling his eyes. “Text me when you’re free.”

Todd nodded. He hated lying. It felt wrong, especially to his friends. But there was no way he could ever let someone else know his secret. Todd waved as his friends started moseying away, pretending to take his time packing his things. Finally, he was the only one remaining at the pond. Glancing around to make sure he was the only one around, Todd pulled a second pair of skates out from his duffel and slid them onto his feet. The second pair, unlike his hockey skates, were a little heavier, but also a little more flexible, and had a longer blade with a pick at the toe. Not skates for a hockey player, but perfect for spins and jumps.

Todd skated out onto the ice again, his quick, aggressive pace from the game replaced with a long smooth glide. Getting up to speed, he launched his body into the air, his body twisting through the icy wind, before landing gracefully on his left skate. This felt right, he thought to himself. This was what he really wanted to do. Hockey was okay, but figure skating…No, he couldn’t. This was a hockey town, all of his friends played hockey, his parents were so proud of him. This would have to be good enough, these secret trysts out where no one could see him.

Todd continued skating, feeling almost like he was floating over the ice, sprinkling in the occasional loop or flip. He even tried an axel, although that ended with hard landing on his rear. More practice was definitely needed. Reaching the edge of the pond, he raced towards the center, gathering speed before his next jump, spinning not once but twice in the air! His first double loop. Not bad, he thought to himself. Then, he heard a noise over by his bag. He spun around, and his heart sank.

Derek was standing over by the bench, the scrimmage jersey he must’ve forgotten in his left hand, his eyes transfixed on Todd. He was staring as though he couldn’t really believe what he’d just seen. Todd, meanwhile, was frozen on the ice. This was his worst fear. His secret was out, discovered by no less than the most popular freshman in school. It wouldn’t be long before everyone knew. What could he do? He couldn’t lie, Derek had seen him. He couldn’t threaten him, Derek had twenty pounds on him, and anyways he wouldn’t want to threaten anyone anyways. Maybe he could beg? Yeah, Todd thought, that’s what he needed. Not just a sissy figure skater, but a guy who cries and begs for mercy. Todd slowly skated over, resigned to his fate.

“Hey”, said Derek in a monotone. His face still wore the same expression of shock and disbelief.

“Hey Derek”, Todd answered. “Listen, about that, I was just…”

“I promise I won’t tell”, said Derek.

Todd stopped mid-sentence, unless how to proceed.

“It’s your secret”, Derek continued. “I won’t tell without your permission.”

Todd took a deep breath in. “Thanks. I owe you.”

Derek nodded. “Wanna come join us for burgers?”

“Sure”, said Todd. He sat down on the bench, and started removing his skates.

“You’re pretty good.”

Todd froze. This was unexpected. What did he mean, pretty good? Was Derek actually complimenting him on figure skating?

“I mean, it’s none of my business”, Derek said. “But you’ve got skill. Especially for someone who doesn’t skate in front of people. You have a secret coach or something?”

“I paid for a few lessons at the rink”, Todd said. “With my snow shoveling money. I watched some videos online as well.”

Derek’s eyebrows arched. “A few lessons? Dude, that’s impressive as hell. Why are you trying to keep a secret?”

Todd looked down at his feet. “Everyone plays hockey here.”

“So what?!” Derek yelled, exasperated. “Look man, I promised I wouldn’t tell, and I meant it. But I gotta say, you shouldn’t be afraid. Besides, if anyone gives you crap about it, I’ll knock a few of their teeth out. And I bet the other guys would do the same.”

Todd blushed. This was not at all what he’d expected. He felt tears welling up in his eyes. Blinking, he wiped them away, and grabbed his bag. Derek stood up as well, and the two of them began the trek towards Harry’s Burgers. They were both silent, walking up from the pond, but there was a shared understanding in the silence. An understanding that even though they’d drifted apart some this past year, they still had each other’s backs. It felt good. No, it felt better than good.

“I bet Kirsten would think it’s cool too”, Derek said, interrupting the silence. “The figure skating, I mean.”

“Really?” Todd out.

“Yeah”, Derek replied. Then he grinned. “Of course, then she’d get to know your personality…”

Todd laughed, finally releasing all the pent-up anxiety and fear in his chest, and gave Derek a friendly punch on the shoulder. The two friends continued up the hill, laughing and joking. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if everyone knew he liked figure skating, Todd thought to himself.