Sharking It

I feel my leg bouncing from anxiety no longer wanting to be contained inside. Despite my nails already being bitten down, I feel my fingers go to my mouth anyway. There's a small voice in my head screaming that this idea is dumb and I should leave while I have the chance. However, there is another telling me that this decision is important despite it being fifteen minutes past my appointment. Much time and energy went into what it is I want since speaking with my therapist a month ago. This tattoo is something that I need to help reinforce the mantra and mindset I've adapted.

"Marcia Waters?" comes the lilting voice to my left "Sorry it took so long" the tattooed woman says "I wanted to make sure the picture was perfect" she finishes holding up a beautiful and intricate underwater scene with a shark exerting power as it seemingly swims towards me "How'd you come up with the concept anyway?" she asks, her tone curious as she leads me down a bright hallway.

The smell of lemon cleaner burns my nostrils as I am sat down in a plush leather chair. My leg is stretched out at the best angle, and the beautiful drawing flipped forward onto my thigh and pat down with water. Nervously I watch as gloves snap over hands and the tattoo gun skillfully put together. "This is going to sting" she warns before putting the needle to smooth skin. Pain explodes as layers of skin are peeled away with black ink. My artist sensing the tension looks up at me and says "Are you going to tell me the story of this?"

A wry smile forms on my lips as I think of where to start. All the days of depression, the heightened anxiety stopping me from going for what I want, the darkness threatening to pull me under and never release me. "There's an emotional and physical pain associated to thinking of the past. It's a haunting place, whether you come from a loving family, or you're a happy person. Our past has a way of holding us down like rocks in water; One can get stuck there and easily drown. Often times something triggers events from years ago and the brain goes into hyperdrive. Every negative comment, person, and insult rewinds like a home movie you would rather not have video of. The brain creates scenarios of how things could have been approached or handled differently, as if you have a choice. People you would rather not think of or who have really emotionally hurt you make a comeback and your healing progress is wiped away essentially. The past is not a place I would choose to go, but is a place my mind often vacations in. Not in the good way either.

Growing up I loved the water. When wanting to tune out the world, all I would have to do is go underwater. There is no sound or chaos, there is just silence as light breaks through the blue hues and the ripples of water come together in sync. Floating is effortless and calms the mind. As I got older though, I realized floating my way through life is unrealistic. It's all about sink or swim.

Sharks are notorious for being predators in the water, with negative connotations and stories. However, a shark mindset is one of importance when it comes to success. Sharks have tenacity, they see what they want and they go full speed, whereas our emotions and self-esteem might hinder human beings from reaching or even trying for what it is that we want. We as human beings go full speed ahead only to stop short suddenly and change or minds. Sharks do not have that ability it is either they go suddenly at a fast pace, or they slow down gradually without the opportunity to freeze up and stop short. They manipulate their ecosystem just as we as human beings do; Only they act on need rather than selfishness or personal desire. They trust their instincts, while we as human beings read to much into ours and do not trust our guts majority of time. We ruin the earth, put toxins in the air, destroy oxygen levels and harm health, whereas sharks rid the ocean of the weak, contribute to their ecosystem health and keep other species in check.

When thinking of the past there are dozens of voices and thoughts fighting for dominance. It's like I am frozen in place while everyone and everything is continuing to move. Stuck in this awful place, slowly sinking back into the low self esteem child I used to be, wondering what is wrong with myself and thinking that the negative comments made by those I felt close to at one point are true. Which is why I say reason 2 that an adaption of a shark mindset is important: They do not swim backwards. Though physically impossible for them, the attitude of always forward is important, probably more important than 'Just keep swimming'. If one just keeps swimming you're treading water, versus keeping forward means you're making progress. Healing from the traumas of the past take time, moving forward from broken dreams, relationships, jobs and the past is necessary. If you want to revisit than that is perfectly okay, and often times important to better understand where you've been and how far you have come, however eventually you need to move forward from that visit. Our past is done and over, it cannot be changed or altered. It is something that contains a version of ourselves that no longer exists. What matters is today and the next moment in time. We may not have been the best version of ourselves previously, we may have been the villain in others stories and there are many out there that will know us as that version, however we are different."

It isn't until I finish speaking that I realize my thigh is pulsing, and the tattoo is almost all colored in with black and grey. My artist has set the needle gun down and seems to be contemplating as her hand still hovers over it, her lip caught in her teeth. "All of that is amazing" she utters "but I can't help but think we need to put the entire motto in the tattoo at the bottom. How is 'Shark Mentality'"? All I can do is nod.

My reminder on my thigh reinforces my mantra and mindset. In life we need to be like sharks. Not aggressive or intimidating, but powerful and sure. We need to understand that this majestic fish has been around longer than human beings and should be treated with respect for all that they bring to our ecosystem and all that they convey to the underwater world. We need to adjust or opinions and consider that they like us, are predators but it is easier to act negatively to them because they are purely instinctive. One thing is certain though, whoever looks at my tattoo will be informed that sharks not only help the oceans stay balanced, but the reasons behind my tattoo can also help human brains stay balanced as well.

In many ways we are similar - neither species is perfect despite the differences in genetic makeup. Both human and shark have genetic setbacks allowing others to pull ahead of us due to individual and genetic limitations. Why then would we try to break down either ecosystem through cruelty? We harm others with negative words, aggressive behaviors and dirty looks while we harm other ecosystems through killing for sport versus need, waste and contamination. Shouldn't we be trying to save every ecosystem and utilizing all beneficial methods of doing so? Sharks contribute greatly to this. Moving forward, I will adhere to a shark mentality.