Shadow of the Sanctuary

I feel myself running endlessly through the streets, a dark shadow sprawling around me in the moonlight. I fall, hitting the ground hard as the shadow descends above me. I roll to my back throwing my arms over me as the creature bares its talons toward my face.

I jolt awake. The phantom image of an owl lingering in my vision before disappearing back into my nightmare.

I peel my body out of my sweat-stained sheets, the dark puddle a stark contrast to the eggshell bedding. I sit on the edge of the bed for a moment, gathering my thoughts. Images from my nightmare circulate in my mind. Looking up at the clock hanging on my wall, I realize it’s only two in the morning. I’m not supposed to be awake for another few hours, but there’s no way I’m getting back to sleep now.

A sudden tapping on the window rips me away from my thoughts. I turn to see a familiar face staring at me through the pane, waving frantically to be let in. A brief smile crosses my lips before I head to open the window.

“Hey, Renji.” My friend beams, climbing through the too small opening. “You ready for your ceremony tomorrow?”

Ugh, the ceremony. I’d almost forgotten. No, that’s not true. I’d tried to forget, but it’s all I’ve thought about.

My birthday.

Twenty years old today, and I’m supposed to meet my companion.

“Honestly, Pris, no.”

At that point Pris finally notices the state my bed is in. As she flops her weight into a nearby chair, a sparrow flies into the room, landing gingerly on Pris’ knee. “You’re still stressing.”

“No, it’s not that. I…Bad dreams. I’m sure the companion ceremony will be just fine.” Starting to strip the soaked sheets from my bed, “What are you doing here, Pris? It’s late.”

“Can’t I come check in on my best friend before his big day?”

“At two in the morning? No.”

“Eh. You were awake anyway.” Pris pulls a small paper sack from her pocket and pours a bit of birdseed into her hand. The little sparrow, Horus, hops onto Pris’ wrist and begins pecking at the feed.

“Not on purpose.” I grumble.

“Maybe not, but you’re up now. Come on, let’s go for a walk.” Pris gets up, putting the seeds back into the sack. She grabs my arm and practically drags me out of my flat.

We walk through the familiar streets, meandering through the town we both grew up in. It’s never been a large town. Only about two thousand residents, all members of our conclave. Certain families travel out of town for trading or hunting, but overall, most of the conclave has never left the confines of the forest surrounding our town. There’s a wall about a mile outside the town limits. Well, not a wall really. More like a high privacy fence. Fifteen-foot-high wood planks fitted together side by side that runs nearly a perfect circle around the town, save for four gates. One leading in each cardinal direction.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we’re not trapped here. Anyone is allowed to leave at any time, but most choose not to. Once they receive their companion, most people find themselves content to live here with the conclave.

Pris was like that when Horus came to her. A person’s companion is said to be a reflection of them in some way. Most of Pris’ family’s companions are songbirds. I always thought that fit them pretty well. Her mother’s always been a little too chipper. My family’s been a bit of a mixed bag. My dad’s is a squirrel, white as fresh snow. His name is Synth, and he’s a bit of a trickster. My mom’s is a garter snake named Juniper. The rest of my family’s are everything from horses to turtles, each uniquely suited to their person.

As for me, I don’t know what to expect. I mean, most teenagers don’t, right? Most go into the ceremony super nervous, worrying about what their companion will be and what that says about them.

I’ve been having those thoughts for months, but tonight, it’s different.

Pris and I walk for a while, her just chattering on about anything and everything on her mind. I’ve always found it comforting to have her around. Partially because it meant that I didn’t have to carry the conversation. She knows I don’t like to talk that much, so she’ll fill the silence.

We walk until we hit the edge of town. The nearly full moon lights our path as we leave the brick houses and streetlamps behind. We wander into the forest heading straight for our old hideout. It used to be a treehouse. Pris and I built it together when we were kids. As we got older, we got too big to go up there, so we set up some chairs and a canopy underneath.

“Wait here!” Pris runs off, scurrying up the ladder to the tree. When she comes back down, she carries something I can’t quite see. She rustles around the plastic bag, pulling out a leatherbound binder. She beams, “Remember this?”

“Yeah, of course I do.”

“We used to research the different companion animals for hours. Even then, we were obsessed with what form ours might take.” She opens the binder to pages filled with research on various animals and their symbolism in our conclave’s teachings. It even has a detailed family tree with each person’s companion dating back centuries.

I take the book from her, thumbing through the different profiles. Songbirds and snakes, reptiles and rodents. Vipers and predators are frowned upon, mistrusted in our conclave. I’ve never understood why, but they’re sent outside the walls to live in the world beyond.

I’m terrified that’s going to be me.

Pris and I sit together for a while longer under the tree house. We talk for a bit, but eventually, we just sit together enjoying each other’s presence. In time once my anxiety cools down, I find myself dozing off to a dreamless sleep.

When the sun starts to rise, the piercing light rouses me from my sleep. Pris stirs, lifting her head from its place on my shoulder.

“Hey, what time is it?” I yawn.

“Hmm.” She groans. “About six.”

The realization hits us both at the same time. “Oh shit.”

“I’m gonna be late!” I hop up from the ground and pull Pris up with me. A last look into the binder brings a smile to my face. I pack it back into the plastic bag and run up the ladder to put it away.

Pris and I rush back into town. We run by my house so I can take a quick shower and change. I run into my mother, who is none too happy with me not being ready on time. As soon as I’m ready, she basically drags me out of the house.

The Sanctuary looks just like it always does for the companion ceremonies, the wide atrium open to the overcast sky. A dais rises in the center surrounded by a ring foliage, festoon lights strung between. My friends and family circle around the dais, each of their companion animals nearby. Everyone wears the traditional garb for the ceremony. Brown leather jackets and pants adorn the onlookers, each family represented by different colored shirts.

I wear pretty much all white. My white leather jacket rubs uncomfortably against the collar of my shirt. I feel my hands start to shake as all eyes drift to me. I take a deep breath and walk up the steps onto the dais, the eyes of the crowd boring into me. I take a knee in front of the conclave leader Susannah Col, also known as the Locke. Looking behind him, I catch sight of Pris. She’s standing with her family at the edge of the steps, silvery-blue shirts ornamenting the family of booksellers. Horus the sparrow sits reverently on her shoulder watching the proceedings. She smiles at me playfully, a hint of mischief ever-present in her eyes.

“We all know why we’re here today.” The Locke begins. “On this joyous occasion, another member of our conclave comes of age. Today, Renji gets his chance to meet his lifelong companion.” She plants a T-shaped staff into the hole in the center of the dais. “I call upon our ancestors. Grant young Renji a companion as cunning as a crow, as loyal as a hound, and as swift as a hare.”

A quiet chorus of affirmations echoes through the atrium. The Locke backs down off of the dais leaving me standing alone under the open roof. I rise from the ground and take a step back from the perch.

The crowd waits with bated breath for the arrival. I’ve never been allowed to attend one of these until now. The underage are forbidden, but from what I’m told, the creatures usually just crawl or slither or fly in and perch on the staff.

So, I wait. And wait. A minute passes. Then another. Then another.

A confused murmur spreads. My mother and the Locke speak in hushed tones as the time passes. I feel my pocket watch tick, tick, tick against my chest. After what feels like an hour of nothing happening, many of the guests make their excuses and leave the Sanctuary. Even my family abandons me after a while, until the only people left are the Locke, myself, and Pris.

The Locke approaches me on the dais. “These things happen sometimes, my boy. Some companions just take longer to arrive than others. It’s best you wait here. I, alas, have another appointment I must attend.”

Despite everyone else’s departure, Pris and Horus stay behind. The two of them pick a spot beneath one of the light poles and sits down.

“You know, Pris,” I call out. “You can go if you want.”

“Is that what you want?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Then I’m gonna sit right here until you get a companion, or we starve to death. Whatever’s first.” She winks at me before pulling out two little pouches from her jacket. She opens them both, spilling a bit of birdseed from one onto the floor between her legs. From the other, she pours herself a handful of nuts.

Hours pass and clouds shift in the sky. I look down, dropping to my knees. I feel like I’ve failed somehow. What is it I could have done to anger the ancestors enough to single me out this way?

Just then, a shadow passes over me. I hear a flutter then silence again. When I raise my eyes, I see the most beautiful and terrifying creature I’ve ever seen. Two black, four-toed feet with razor-like talons grip the perch before me. Brown and white wings spread almost as wide as my arms. My face reflects in the black eyes staring back at me.

“Hello, Renji.” The deep rumble echoes through my skull.

“Who said that?” I shout.

“Said what?” Pris stirs from her nap. Noticing for the first time the imposing figure of the giant barn owl before me. “What. The. Crap? Is that your…?”

“I… I don’t…”

“Of course, I am, Renji. What were you expecting?”

My head whips back to face it. “I dunno, I guess…”

“Ren, are you talking to me? Or…?” Pris questions.

“N…No, I…”

“She can’t hear me. I speak only to you.”

“Are you inside my head?” I squeak.

“Obviously.”

“Renji, what is going on?”

“Pris!” The excitement overcoming my apprehension. “This is…” Back to him, “Wait, I didn’t get your name.”

“My name is Kotan Cree. You may call me Kotan.”

“His name is Kotan. You apparently can’t hear him, but he’s talking to me. In my head.”

“Talking? Like you’re having a conversation with it?”

“With him, yeah.” A little confused. “You don’t talk with Horus?”

“Uh…no. Horus can’t talk. No companions can, far as I know.”

“Seriously?”

“I mean, there’s a connection. I get feelings, but no conversation.”

“Oh. I see… Uh.”

“Should I…Get the Locke?”

“I guess…” A realization creeps into my mind, “No. No it’s alright.”

I can see my realization reflected in Pris before she can say it, “Wait a minute, Ren, your companion’s an owl. A bird of prey. You won’t be able to stay.”

“I know.”

Pris and I spend the next few minutes in silence, letting that thought sink in. Kotan, apparently a bird of few words, stays out of it.

“Pris, I—”

Suddenly the Sanctuary doors creak open. The Locke and a few of my family returning to check in. An audible gasp escapes some of them when they see the massive bird staring back at them. Several neatly masked emotions cross the Locke’s face: surprise, concern, but ultimately settling on sadness. She has known me since I was an infant, and now she has to send me away never to return.

The Locke ushers me into her office just outside the Sanctuary. Once there, she explains in great detail my situation and why I must be excised from the conclave. “It’s not a banishment per se,” she informed me. “Think of it more as a spiritual journey.”

“A spiritual journey from which no one I know has ever returned. Look, Madame Locke, I understand and accept that it is our custom to send people like me away, but don’t try to dress it up as something it’s not. Kotan and I will leave peacefully. All I ask is for a few days to get my affairs in order here and say goodbye to my family.”

“I’m sorry. I can only give you a day. By the time the sun sets tomorrow evening, you and your…you and Kotan will be escorted to the gate of your choosing. From there—”

“East Gate.” I interject. “I’ve heard the stories from some of the traders. I’d like to see the Sea.”

A sad smile tugs the corners of her mouth. She rises from her chair and urges me toward the door. Gentle, “Very well. Bring whatever supplies and gear you can carry and meet at the East Gate before sunset tomorrow.”

As I am about to close the door behind me, “Take care of my parents, please.”

I choke up as I see a tear welling in her eye. She nods, and I turn to leave.

The next day goes by about how you’d expect. Well, mostly. My father, siblings, cousins, and friends were all absolute wrecks, distraught that I would have to undergo such a trial. The whole family helped me pack up my room. When it came time to figure out what I could take with me, my mother handed me an old leather hiking pack with a tent and blanket roll hanging from the bottom. We stuffed a couple sets of clothes, matches, a toolkit and a large canteen into the pack. My dad was even able to fit a small cooking pot in there.

I slept rather well that night, considering I was about to leave the only home I’d ever known. I had the dream again, but what was a nightmare before, now presented differently. Everything was the exact same, except I didn’t fear the owl descending on me. When I awoke, Kotan was looming nearby, his keen eyes darting around the room. Through our connection, I could tell he was curious more than anything.

The real surprise came the next morning. None of my family were at breakfast. That is, except my mother and her companion, Juniper. Even Kotan didn’t join us. At that moment, I could feel him flying around the woods hunting for his own breakfast. My mother fixed what any other day would have been a simple meal—an omelet, turkey sausage, fresh orange juice. Today, though, it felt different. Frankly, it felt like a last meal, because in many ways it was. It was in those moments, sitting there with my mother that I realized, she’d barely reacted to any of this.

When we got close to finishing our meal, I notice my mother’s brow pinch, “Renji, there are some things you need to know.”

“O…Okay?”

“You aren’t the first person in our family to be sent out.”

“Really, then who?”

“Me.”

For some reason, that news didn’t hit me as hard as it should have. “Snakes prey on rodents. Even garter snakes like Juniper.”

Her only response as a gentle smile as Juniper coiled her way around my mother’s wrist. Honestly, I don’t know why I hadn’t thought about it before. Maybe because, as far as I was aware, no one had returned after being sent away.

“But if you were sent away, why did they let you back?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk about.” Suddenly, she gets very serious. “It took me eight years to officially earn my way back. Most never do. The idea is that to be allowed back, you must overcome your predatory instincts. Show that you can be selfless when it counts.”

“So, it’s some self-righteous crap.” Not a question, but the comment sparks a smile from her.

“Yes, pretty much.”

“How did you ‘earn’ reentry?”

“I saved a man’s life.”

“Oh, yeah? What happened to him?”

Gesturing to my father out the window, “Ask him yourself. He’s out in the yard.”

Mom and I spent a while after that talking about her adventures. When the time came, my parents walked with me to the East Gate, my pack weighing heavily on my shoulders. As we approach the Gate, nearly every member of the conclave lines the street. Everyone I have ever known has come to see me off.

“One last gift,” My father says. He gestures to my brother who brings forward a long object wrapped in a blanket. He unfurls the wrapping in front of me revealing my father’s old hunting rifle. With a tear in his eye, my father hands me the rifle and a small pouch filled with ammunition cartridges. I sling the rifle strap over my shoulder and enfold my parents in a hug.

“How touching," I didn’t notice at first, but when I look up, Kotan is perched atop one of the gate posts.

One person who’s conspicuously absent, though, is my best friend. I’m about to leave, possibly forever, and she doesn’t even show up. I bid my family farewell, hugging each of my siblings in turn. My father’s crying like a child, but my mother’s stoic as ever. As I’m walking away from them, a woman comes to me.

“Renji,” Alita Reis, a young but stout woman I went to school with. “My father and brothers went to trade in the city. They should have been back a few days ago. I have no right to ask this of you, considering your situation, but would you mind terribly…”

“Of course, I don’t mind. I don’t know what I’ll be able to do, but I’ll look for them.” She hands me a photograph of her family before returning to the crowd.

When I get to the gate, my family gives me one last smile, then each of them turns their back to me. Soon, every conclave member has their back turned. Unexpectedly, I feel a tear roll down my cheek. A few hundred yards down the path, I hear a clanging and scraping like someone is running toward me. When I turn around, low and behold, Pris is falling over herself, an oversized backpack adorning her. Horus flits after her, easily keeping up with Pris lumbering.

“Wait up!” She calls, “Didn’t think I’d let you go alone did you?”

“How could I be alone? I’ve got Kotan. You should go back home.”

“Are you saying you don’t want me with you? Your best friend? I’m hurt.”

“That’s not what I sai—”

“It’s settled then! Let’s go!”

Once Pris has something in her head, there’s no use arguing. She trails ahead of me, leading the way down the path. Kotan soars along overhead. I try to hold a mental conversation with him, but he keeps pretty quiet.

We travel the road through the night, the moon lighting our way. Despite Pris slowing us down, we’re able to make it to outskirts of the next town by morning. When we find an out of the way place, we lie down for a nap.

When we wake, we head into town to ask around about the missing Reis men. Through our link, I project the image of their faces to Kotan as he flies overhead.

A few days pass of us searching without much luck. What food supplies we brought start to run out after the second day. Since we’re camping outside the city, we’re able to forage for something to keep us going, but it rapidly becomes apparent that we need to do something for funds.

Kotan is very active at night. He hunts and searches the countryside. I get frequent flashes from him in my dreams. I get sharp visions of mice running for their lives and townsfolk taking walks in the moonlight.

Despite our accommodations, I get the best sleep I’ve had in months. In the morning, Pris and I pick up some odd jobs and chores for a little cash while still trying to ask around. After lunch, Pris and I make the decision to move on to the next town. Just as we’re packing up to leave, an older man runs up, presses a letter into my hand, then disappears back into the crowd.

According to the letter, we’re on the right track. It says the Reis men as well as a few others are being held hostage in a village to the south of here. It didn’t say why, or even who left the letter, but it’s the only clue we have so far.

With our new information, Pris and I head south toward the next village, but when we get close, the sight is abhorrent. Pretty much all that’s left are charred remains. It’s not just the buildings either. Scorched bodies of human and companion animal alike litter the ground. The smell about floored us both. Only one building still stands. It appears to be the town Sanctuary.

Together, Pris and I realize that we should not be wandering into this desolate town in broad daylight. Not without knowing what we’re walking into. I’ll freely admit, the possibilities terrified me. We took shelter in one of the more intact houses on the edge of town to wait for nightfall. I offer to keep watch while Pris and Horus get some well-deserved sleep.

As sunset approaches, “Allow me to scout ahead for you, Renji.” Kotan suggests.

“You?” I think, “Are you sure? Could be dangerous.”

“Aw, you’re worried about me. How adorable.”

“Well, of course I am. We’re connected.”

“Considering how little you’ve spoken to me since we met, I was beginning to think you had a problem with me.”

“Honestly, my life’s been a bit hectic. Sorry I haven’t been very conversational.” I snipe. “It is kinda you’re fault I’m banished from home.”

“That’s not fair. I didn’t choose you.”

“Then who did?”

“Noone? Nature? The Gods? How should I know?”

“Fair enough.” I concede. “What is your plan then?”

“I want to try something. Close your eyes.”

“…Why?”

“We’re going to try sharing our sight.”

“Is that even possible?”

“Well, you’ve done it in your dreams. I’ve felt it. Now we just have to do it consciously.”

I close my eyes and focus on the thoughts and feelings from my connection with Kotan. It’s difficult to filter out the noise: the cool breeze on my skin, the sounds of cicadas and crickets chirping incessantly, the smell of burned flesh and stone. I feel a breeze as Kotan takes off into the sky. I take and hold a deep breath, quieting my thoughts. Sharp images flicker behind my eyelids.

A moment later, the image solidifies. Even with the cloud cover blotting out the moon, I can see every detail of the world around me. Kotan’s eyes catch sight of a rabbit flitting around in the rubble. Then a toad hopping in a corner. A family of deer gather in a clearing outside town.

“Are you ready?” Kotan asks.

“Let’s go.”

Kotan turns his focus to the Sanctuary. I feel the wind in his wings as he angles toward the center of the wreckage. We fly to the edge of the atrium, perching on the rim. We peer down inside. On the center dais, six men are tied to a post, their companions caged a few feet away. In view, four masked men with large guns pace around the veranda. A wolf paces near the prisoners. A rattlesnake coils in the shadows. We can’t see any others, but I suspect more predator companions are lurking nearby. We hear shouting and pleading from the hostages. I recognize one as he raises his head. Julian Reis, black eye and bruises covering his face and neck.

Seeing him like this jars me, causing the image to falter. When I open my eyes, Pris is sitting across, staring at me.

“Everything alright?”

“No. No, it isn’t.” I tell Pris about everything I saw, much to her dismay. The second I finish, she wants us to run home and get help. I talk her out of it, but her agitation is pretty evident. On the other end, I can hear Kotan in my head, urging me to action. Thing is, I agree with him. Kotan stays at the Sanctuary relaying anything relevant back to me. I load my dad’s old rifle while Pris begs me not to do anything rash.

“You’re going to take us to Col.” I hear through Kotan. “

Reis’ voice: “We can’t get you into the conclave! You’re not allowed, Rodrick!”

“Come on, Dad, we’ve been over this, conceal us in your wagon.”

Dad? I didn’t know there was another Reis kid. From the sound of his voice, he must be significantly older than Alita.

“If you don’t, I’ll kill my replacement. Sorry, brother dear.”

My blood starts to boil. I shoulder the rifle and make my way to the Sanctuary. Pris decides it’s safest if she and Horus join me. I send her around back to cause a distraction. She sets fire to another part of the building, drawing the guards away. I rush in, keeping to the shadows. I see the coast clear and run to the dais.

Just as I’m untying Julian, I hear a snarl behind me. When I turn, the last thing I see is a rifle butt slamming into my face.

When I come to, I can just see the clouds through a crack in the surface above me. I have a gag tied around my mouth and rope binding my limbs. I hear an argument between Rodrick and a female voice. Locke Col, I realize.

I quickly focus on Kotan who is soaring above us. We share sight, only for me to realize we are exactly where I wish we weren’t: home. Rodrick has a knife to Col’s throat. The other men and their animals have townsfolk at gunpoint.

I wriggle my hands free of my bindings and pull out the gag. As quietly as I can, I untie my feet, and open the compartment. I edge my way out and grab the nearest weapon, a piece of rebar. In a flurry of motion, I swing at two of the guards, knocking one out and sending the other sprawling. Just as another turns on me, a shot rings out and the man drops. I see Pris running toward the fray, rifle in hand. Kotan swoops down, gouging the eyes of the wolf. A weasel springs from a bush, tackling him to the ground.

“Cease!” Rodrick yells. I turn to find Locke Col with a knife at her neck. Rodrick’s mongoose companion poises for an attack. “You should be on my side, boy. She kicked you out too.”

“It’s tradition.” I plead, “It’s been going on a lot longer than any of us have been alive.”

“That shouldn’t matter. A leader shouldn’t send her people away for the sake of tradition.”

“Whether or not I agree with you doesn’t matter now. Look at yourself.”

“Rodrick,” Col chides, “You don’t have to—”

He presses the knife into her flesh, a line of blood trickling down her neck. “I should kill you. I should kill every one of you who exiled me. I was barely more than a child and you threw me out into the cold. Literally! In the dead of winter.”

“Hey, man,” I push, bringing his attention back to me. “They exiled me too. I get it.”

“You? You’ve been gone…what?” Angrily gesturing with the knife. “A week? You know no—”

A loud sound echoes through the area, metal on flesh and bone. Rodrick crumples to the ground. Alita Reis stands over him, cast iron frying pan in hand.

Once all the aggressors have been apprehended, Col singles me out in front of the gathering crowd. “Renji, you risked your life to save mine. I know it hasn’t been very long, but you have proven your selflessness. As Locke, I welcome you back into the Conclave with open arms.”

“Nah. I’m good.” I respond, almost surprising myself. “Rodrick may have been deranged, twisted by his trauma—trauma you inflicted—but he wasn’t wrong. Tradition is no excuse for the things you’ve done.”

“I don’t understand, Where will you go?”

“I’m going to go see the Ocean. And if you aren’t going to change tradition, send them all to me. We’ll find a way to take care of each other.”

I turn and leave. As I walk away, Pris and a few others join me. She slips her arm through mine as we walk into the night.