Self-made

The outside world was unknown to her, but she could see a glimpse of it through the window in his room. Or. No. She wasn't in a room. That was a dream. Or was she dreaming now?

Why can’t I see?

Are my eyes open? I can’t move! I…feel weird. Like I’m here, but not. Can anyone hear me?

Hello?

What’s the meaning of this?

Kana tried to pull herself together. She knew she was awake, that was a start. Dimly, she thought she was on a train. She had no ticket. Or if she did, she didn’t know how to get to it. She couldn’t hear anything, unless she counted her voice in her head as sound. No bumps, clicks, or clacks. Why was she so sure she was on a train?

Kana wanted to trace back to the last thing she remembered, maybe rebuild to this moment. But she was distracted by the distance of her sentience. Like being trapped in a room full of people who hated her, there was an energy in the lack of sensory response. As though her organs thought her unworthy of them.

Ah!

Sensation! It was one of those body senses, but not the basic five they talk about in grade school. More along the lines of the inner ear.

You are here.

Kana tried to take a deep breath and could not shudder, despite the stress of not feeling a chest expand. She strove to think clearly.

Where was I last?

Panic was a black mould and Kana was a crawl space. Too empty to be cold, but here. Obscurely important. She tried to shake herself. There was nothing to shake. Just that…gut feeling? She wasn’t sure she had a gut now. Was her body everything?

All right, Kana. Get it together.

She didn’t know why she bothered speaking. She didn’t really hear her voice or feel anything between lips and tongue. Just that…sensation. The more she leaned into it, the more she got some sense of gravity. Even if no direction was down. Of all this frightful serenity, though, by far the worst was the lack of wind. She felt no air on her face and could take no breath. It was terribly hard not to panic.

What’s that? Who’s there?

Light! Kana was not actually worried about who might be there. She was much too overwhelmed by the hope that there was someone. Something.

Any.

Another light. They looked like vertical slivers from here at first. Not that she really had a “here,” per se, but she chose to think of her thinking as…best not to derail herself further.

She let go of her hold on that instinct, that sense of balance or place, as she tried to approach the lights. Or maybe squint? She didn’t seem to have eyelids. She wasn’t completely sure she had eyes. With an imagined swallow, she watched as the lights went out. Soon she was gripping that instinct again, and then it happened – lights!

Kana focussed all her heart on that sense of…presence. More lights, and thin tendrils began to connect them – to fire all about. Then! As easy and as difficult as finally working something out of her teeth with her tongue, she found that she could make the lights turn and float…toward her? She tried not to think too much about that.

In Courier New font, Kana read:

Maint. Gen. CMD:://>

Run system diagnostic…

Running…

System nominal.

Search error…

Searching…

ERROR: error not found.

Override command…

[End window]

As Kana turned the lines, she found that they were walls of text or labelled digital windows, but side-on to her previous – don’t overthink this, she thought – position. All of the lights turned out to be different variations on that theme, and sometimes included login info. Why was she seeing all this digital maintenance? Or maybe technical support? She found brake checks and every light had some mention of speed-related themes. Override to slow down. Emergency stop procedures. And so on.

One of the lights gave her a shock:

[Courier New]

ACCELEROMETER LOGS ACCESS GRANTED

Welcome Journeyman Engineer Carter.

Speeds listed, five minute intervals, 0845-1015.

Accuracy confirmed: readouts listed with verified speeds.

Calculating averages, advanced parameters: Date - Departure - Destination - Schedule

Speeds above policy averages detected

Atypical acceleration commenced…1020.

Alert rejection: Systems nominal

Access granted: log notes + atypical speed registry

Displaying notes…

Why can’t I see?

Are my eyes open? I can’t move! I…feel weird. Like I’m here, but not. Can anyone hear me?

Hello?

What’s the meaning of this?

[End window]

Kana was horrified. She death-gripped her balance, the only thing in this whole nightmare that she trusted. Lights began flashing all about, running like office files zipping along rails. They began to alternate white-red-white-red with the rhythm of an alarm klaxon.

It felt like an attack. Like they were trying to corner or control her. She started trying to grip the files, to alter them. She tried reaching out through the windows or to staple them somehow to the impression she had of a train track. But there was nothing to see, no track and no fingers to brush over it.

The most she could find was to flip their login access. Reset your password. She started using it like a mantra. The alarms got faster, more intense. They'd have been louder if she could hear, but she knew the sounds were happening. Like dream logic. But she'd make this dream lucid if she had to. Reset your password, reset your password, resetyourpasswordRESET

She began to scream, to demand, to plead. Panic took over until…

“…can you hear me?”

With nothing to blink, it took Kana that much longer to realise that that had been a real voice.

Yes! A voice! Who are you? Where am I?

“We need to you slow the train.”

So there was a train! Wait, I’m not doing work for you without answers. Kana was shocked by their audacity. Didn’t they see this was an emergency?

“We’re past danger territory. We don’t have a lot of time. At least release the comms.”

What the hell are you talking about?

“We see from the logs that you’ve been talking to yourself.”

Kana could hear someone in the background call out, “Conductor! I've found the persona drive!”

The closer voice said, “Are you really Kana Tsubaya? The Tsubaya-sama?”

Tsubaya-san would have been enough. Who is this joker? I thought you said this was an emergency?

“I’m not gonna lie, Tsubaya-sama, I’m covered in my weight in sweat. What can I do so you will cooperate immediately?”

Tell me what’s happened and why.

“We’re trying to figure that out. If you’re really who you say you are…”

I am Kana.

“...well, ahem, um…your death was on the news. Your rags-to-riches story was super popular, but it was how you were using your new money and industry to fight the rich that had everyone cheering. You were the first resistance not to disappear. We’ll be happy to try to dig up more, but please - uh, kudosai - just slow us down.”

Okay. Okay. Were they lying? How could she make them prove it? One of the technologies she’d been protesting – beyond the usual, like the surveillance state – was mind uploads. It was supposed to be in an “advanced stage of development,” but what if…

“Sir! Sama! We can take control by shutting you down. We want to get to the bottom of this, but we won’t let you…”

You’re acting like I have all this power, then threatening me. How do I know this isn’t a trick? I demand answers, but even if I…why are the lights turning off? I can’t feel my balance anymore! Stop that! HELP M-