Searching For Peace

I could remember the last day of my life as Shiloh. I was driving my jeep with my friends downtown, we were unapolegetically loud. Then out of nowhere a car T-bones into the driver side. In the hospital all I could feel was a throbbing in my spine, later learned I had become paralyzed. I was lucky until they found internal bleeding. I was already dead in some parts of my body, so it was no shock that I would die soon after. My mother cried and cried. She went on rambling when she thought I couldn't hear, about how my father had left and now she’s going to be gone. She spoke to herself and swore she was going to end it after I had passed. She couldn't take it. What a careless mistake I had made, going out with friends, feeling immortal, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I couldn't even speak to her, reassure her or tell her to stop. I was so distant already but what could I do. I closed my eyes and was dragged into death later that day.

First, there was light, and I wondered if I was good enough for heaven. The light grew darker and I tried to convince myself that I was good enough. The dark veil was parted by distant chatter. A long line unfolded before me. The path of grey stone was worn, many had been here, many are here still. The man in front of me is leaning over hunched like an old plant.

“Where are we?”

The man turns completely blank faced. “We are awaiting rebirth into paradise.” No other words, he had an open expression and blank like a robot. It was hot and sticky here in the never ending line and a speaker announced that all entrances would be closing later today. The line dwindled down enough that I could faintly hear the clerks. It was like an airport, we all needed checked in and fast. I was three people away, time seemed to ooze by here. I caught a glimpse of the final attendant, pale shiny hair was all I saw.

“Name….. We have you as this religion sir, is that right?…… Can I have your key card again sir….” The leaning man walked through a blue shiny archway and disappeared...

“NEXT-” a loudspeaker screeched behind the desk. Walking up slowly and cautiously? Is this just a dream, there is no way this is real..

“Name.” His smooth voice echoes in the empty grey area.

“Shiloh Hillis.”

“Ah you are new here. I'm going to need some paperwork done. It's been such a long day, the flow of people never stops.” The guy handed me the paperwork, he had white hair and tired grey eyes. Eerie, but beautiful. I filled out some questions like my name, blood type, life regrets, date of birth, years lived everything you would find on a doctor's form with a few extra add ins. After contemplating for a while we were the only ones left in the domed space.

“How exactly do you get a job like this?” I ask, completely curious. He looks up again.

“Well, I can't really explain it. I was awarded a job after my seventh life, but nothing here is permanent, big man said I would be here till the time comes. Then back to the human world, I go.” He looks off in the distance with a sliver of hope churning in his eyes.

“Why? Doesn't that seem too vague?” I regret saying it out loud.

“Well it's destiny, another couple years on earth, and maybe I can be at peace.” He sighs.

“So I am not at peace? What did I do wrong?” I ask regretfully, I had done lots wrong, but what one thing defined my ability of peace?

“I asked the same question, finding peace comes in stages. You live you learn and die and renew. Until you find peace, whatever it is, you keep going. Anyways, this paperwork is to get you a key card. It locks up your memories from past lives and will keep all of your previous life information for the next time you come up here” He explained with care but his voice was slowly losing its energy.

“Why would I want that?” I was in no position to question the work of an angel in the afterlife, but I felt brave, I was already dead anyway.

“Well, I suppose it's quite difficult. But here, the in-between, all your memories return at once and people act like zombies. It is hard to process all the emotions, and regrets for your short stay in the in-between. You have been the most awake for a while." He looks up from the computer. "You are awfully curious, I guess you are a young soul, but so was I. It seems unfair, but trust me from what I heard it's worth it to find peace.”

I look back down at the sheet for my attached key card, “Sir…”

“Call me Micah.” he interrupts.

“Okay Micah, I… I don't know what to write for religion,” I gulp, not wanting to offend Micah. People are very protective of their beliefs. Is he that type of person? Is he a person?

“Well let’s see, down this corridor is God, Yahweh, and The Egyptian gods plus Greek and Roman." He gestures behind him to an endless grey hallway. "Next turn has Allah, Hindu gods, Buddha, the Spirit Realm, some more, everything really, everyone is here.”

“Well, I feel like I believe all and none. I don't know yet…” I whisper.

“That's completely fine we can-”

“GATE CLOSES IN TWO MINUTES!” Blares a deep automated voice through a speaker in the corner of the deserted commons.

“Shoot, Shiloh okay, I need you to finish that now to print your key.” I write none for religion and fill out birth date, place. I hand the sheet to him in record time. Micah is flying around typing stuff into the slightly outdated computers. The printer makes three beeps and Micah makes a frustrated noise.

“I can't believe it's out of metal! The gates close in two minutes. Run there to the arch and wait for me. Don't go through yet! DON'T.” His voice transitioned from a soft icing into a startling dissonant tone. It was baffling to see an angelic figure to be frantic and so… human.

“I'm sorry I held you up, I talk too much,” I shout to him as he hurries to fix the printer. His white hair shimmies in the fluorescent light. He moves gracefully quick. Now I see his full attire from behind the desk. All grey down to his shoes, he's is without pigment. Almost like a ghost, or some could say an angel. He grabs the key off of the printer tray and some paper and runs towards me. The arch’s light is fading and Micah hands me the delicate key, but before he could steal my precious memories I tripped through the gates pulling him with me and they closed around us both. Hot air was pushing us in circles through scorching bright lights, the papers flew around me, but my hand was clenched tight on the key. It splashed into dark and I opened my eyes to a new life.

Who knows if I meant to fall or not, it just seemed like fate.