Scarlet Prayers

"We need the money, Zaka" she begged him. "This man will pay us big money. One bird is enough to keep us for the next 6 months. Six! They are paying more than last time."

"Mama, I will leave school and find work. Not this, mama. Not again. God will not forgive me"

"Zaka, my boy. I need you to get a good job. A better job. I need you to stay in school longer. I want better for you. Your father wanted better for you," she pleaded desperately, on the verge of tears. Zaka felt instantly guilty, shifting his gaze to the broken floor of their shack.

"But what if I cannot find another? They say there are not many left. In school they told us there are less that 250 in the whole country"

"They say they will pay your food for four days. If you can't find one, we don't have to pay the money back. You just have to bring xate palms instead. My child, we have nothing at all left. Without your father's income we have nothing". Her voice cracked before her sentence finished, revealing the depth of her despair.

The mention of Zaka's father brought unwelcomed tears to his eyes. He desperately missed his father. Since the murder, Zaka had been waking in the night, soaked in sweat from night terrors. They had become so terrifying that he was scared to close his eyes, the image of seeing his father shot would repeat over and over until he woke up screaming. He tried to stop sleeping, to stay awake as long as he could. But that's when the voices started. Voices calling his name in ghostly tones. Voices telling him he would be next. This scared him more than being asleep.

Zaka was terrified all of the time. He knew he was on the verge of insanity; walking a tightrope that had no safety net at all. Only a canyon to plunge into. If it weren't for his mother being so in need of him, he would have taken his own life already. He had fantasised many times of how he could end all of the pain he felt. Another friend had done so last month, making the 6th suicide in school already this year. Zaka knew who would be next, he always did. The eyes are the gateway to the soul and they cannot lie. When a person is attuned to their own despair, it becomes natural to sense this in others.

Zaka envied them. He had become increasingly resentful thinking of how they had escaped the hell that was life in Belize City. An anger that he had to keep pushing deep down inside of him. Existence was so painful for everyone he knew. Everyday was a struggle just to eat, just to survive. Once his mind had become infected with fear, life had become harder than he knew how to bear. How could he tell anyone how he felt? They would probably beat him for having such crazy thoughts. His mother would be even more distressed. How could he leave his mother alone? There was no choice but to try to keep hold of his mind and life. And also to do as she asked.

"Okay, Mama. I'm sorry. Of course I will go"

Zaka felt his mothers arms around his numb body. "Thank you son, thank you. God understands. God will understand we have no choice."

The pressure in his head was becoming unbearable. He excused himself and went to lie on his mattress, distubing two roaches as he did so. Zaka thought about the journey he would have to take and the dangers he would encounter. He heard in school that there were many more people being employed to protect the birds and that they had guns.

He had been happy to hear this at the time. He loved the birds. Their beautiful colours and sounds. He wanted for them to be protected because he knew in his heart they belonged in the jungle. Free. Not in some rich mans' cage. How ashamed he had felt when his teacher spoke of the evil poachers.

Zaka knew he wasn't evil. But in the same moment that he told himself this, he wondered if it were true. Was he evil? Was he evil or was the rich man paying for this the real evil? Zaka wondered what else he could do? There was no money, no food left. Without papa, life had become infinitely harder. He couldn't watch his mother suffer more upset. He prayed to god and he asked for help.

He asked God to help him pass the military checkpoints without trouble. He asked God to help him to find a nest without any dangers. He prayed for the strength he needed to climb the high trees. He prayed not to encounter snakes, or men with guns. He prayed not to be attacked by local gangs on the journey. He prayed for his safety. He prayed for his mama to find peace as she slept. He prayed for his own sanity.

His final prayer that night was for the beautiful Scarlet Macaws. He prayed for them to escape after he handed them over.

He prayed that they would once again find their freedom.