Sangura's Faith

(Shemira)

Many have offered to do this Shemira for you my Amadeus. They say it is not good that I am the Shomeret for my own husband. But who could do this better than I, your wife?! I loved when you introduced me to someone, you'd say " This is my Sangura". I love you Amadeus, and since I don't know when I'll see you again. I will stay and talk to you until the Cheva Kadisha come for your body.

Oh how blessed can one woman be with such a husband as you? We were both fifteen years old on our wedding night. That was fifteen years ago, and I remember it like yesterday. My new husband held me in his arms tight, yet somehow still gentle. When you opened your arms, you grasped my shoulders with your hands. When I looked up at your face you were crying and said " All that I am is God's, all that I have or will ever have is yours"

With those simple words you took my heart. It was yours, I couldn't claim it as my own if I wanted. Yes, I say again no woman was blessed with such a husband as mine. My Amadeus, how will I live without your voice in my ear. Even at the end of your life you showed your love for me. You made sure I was taken care of for the rest of my life. So again you have taken my heart, but you can have it my love. Take it with you, I will get it back should we ever join again.

'KNOCK... KNOCK... KNOCK...

I must go now Amadeus, the Cheva Kadisha are here. They will take care of your body, and honor our tradition as you wished should be done. So I may not see this body again, but I will always love you, always remember you always have you.

(Shiva)

So my love today is the first day of our Shiva. I am told it is good that I stay inside and mourn you. How does a woman mourn losing her heart? The Rabbi says it is good to do this, so I guess it is good. This time of morning is when I would ask " how did you sleep". Please Amadeus if you can answer don't. Your voice from beyond the grave may send me to mine. Then who will complete this Shiva?

The good Lord did not see fit to bless my womb with a child for you. So if I go too soon the seven days will not be fulfilled. Forgive your wife Amadeus, she complains to you even now. How could a man love such a woman? The sun never set on a day without you hearing your wife complain. Truly the good Lord guided the matchmaker's hand, when you were picked as my match.

I sit here in a home paid for in full by my husband. I have rooms full of clothes. And the man at the market says food will be delivered for the next year. Even the tax keeper say I'm paid in full the next year. But still I sit here and complain to you.

I am told to sit quietly and mourn my husband. For seven days I am told to be silent. I laughed in my heart when the Rabbi said this to me. My husband wouldn't know what to do with one day of silence. Now I'm told to give him seven days of silence. Well Amadeus do you wish silence, if you do just say so my love.

So many pleasant memories you have given your wife Amadeus. The morning after our first wedding night, I woke early hoping to prepare breakfast for my husband. But you were awake before me. You sat next to me looking down on me as I slept. You said to me " Good morning my Sangura. How are you this day we are blessed to see?" My good husband heard his wife's first complaint." I said to you " How can a woman be, so early in the day?" You laughed and opened your arms, wanting me to climb into them, and I did.

I soon jumped from the bed. and made you breakfast. It was always a joy to prepare meals for you. I remember nervously dicing the onions and potatoes. My mother's voice in my head telling me, " a wife knows her husband's stomach." She told me to never ask my husband what he likes to eat. Just prepare the meal and watch how he eats it. If he eats it quickly, and clean his plate. Remember that's one he likes. If he eats it slowly and leaves food on his plate, never prepare that meal again. I know my husband likes his eggs softly scrambled, his potatoes and onions soft, and his toast lite with strawberry jam.

Truly your mother and your father raised a good man in you. However your brother must have missed a lesson or two from your father. How can two men come from the same home, and be so different. Your brother Dolion, has never been pleasant or kind to me. As you know we only got visits from him when he was in need. He was never even humble with his request. Or it would be better to say his demands. Thing have not changed since your passing Amadeus.

Dolion says a woman that has not provided a child can not inherit anything. He wants to take our home from me. He wants to take the credit you arranged for me at the market. He thinks the tax payments you made on my behave should be credited to him. He has not only said these things, he is also taking action on them in the court of elders. Oh, Amadeus I so hate to trouble you with these things. Both my parents are gone, and the only friend I have is Miriam.

It is coming to the end of our seven days of mourning. The Shiva is the only thing that's held him back. On the morning of the eighth day, I am expected to go before the elders. I must explain why a woman should have such things. In a letter from the Rabbi I was told a woman shouldn't have such wealth. That if I was allowed to keep it, I wouldn't seek another husband or have children. But I won't trouble you anymore with these things. I will sit quietly for the rest of our Shiva. I love you still my Amadeus.

(Court of Elders)

Rabbi Haskel " Sangura it is good that you have come before this court at this time. We of course are sorry for your loss. Amadeus was a good man, an honest man. But there are things that must be settled my child."

Sangura" Yes Rabbi I understand, I read your letter, so I am here."

"Don't look so worried my child. We know you to be a good woman. We know you were a loving wife. The court will do well by you, do you trust in us Sangura?"

" I don't doubt the integrity of you wise men Rabbi. It is the man that has brought this before you that I doubt."

"Oh, I see, well this court is familiar Dolion. So, we know your concern is justified. He has been a subject before us many times."

" What does this court want from me Rabbi?"

" Well, Sangura you are a healthy woman, still young enough to bear children. We want to know from you, what will you do with your time? A woman with no husband, no children, and no needs could cause trouble for the community."

" Rabbi I will not cause trouble; I will help all I can in the community. I will help take care of the orphans. I will visit the sick and the elderly. I will give respite to the parents of multiple children. I will be able to do whatever the community needs of me."

"These things you say are good my child. But who will determine when and what you do? If you tire of these things, you can simply stop doing them. There will be no one with authority to tell you what you should be doing."

" I did not make things as they are Rabbi. I would give up my freedom and wealth to have my husband back. I don't understand why I have been called here. What should I do Rabbi? You tell me, and I will obey the will of the elders."

" Such a humble woman, I see the reason your husband loved you so much. Sangura this is what needs to be done. You will marry Dolion and give him a son. This is how things can be made right."

"RABBI NO PLEASE NO! I will give everything I have to this court and beg for food. Please don't make me marry this man. PLEASE!"

" Calm yourself child. We know what kind of man Dolion was before his brother died. He has changed and only wants the family line to continue. He has given us his word he will treat you well. Just give the man a chance, I believe he will do well by you Sangura. "

" Yes, Rabbi I will do as you say, and I pray you are right about him."

" Go home now child, Dolion will be there after thirty days has passed. At that time in the eyes of this court he will be your husband. It is good that the two of you start your lives together as soon as possible."

(After the thirty days)

Oh, my Lord today is the day Dolion will come to stay with me. I submit to your will Lord; I only ask for your mercy. I will be the best wife I can be for this man. I will have a hot breakfast ready for him when he gets here. I know he doesn't have the patience of Amadeus. So Lord please help me to keep quiet, and not bother him. Thank you my Lord, I trust that you will make things good.

KNOCK... KNOCK... KNOCK

Sangura " Who's there? "

" It's me Dolion, Sangura please let me enter."

" Of course, yes come in Dolion nice to see you."

"And it is nice to see you. I see you have a big breakfast prepared here. Is all this for me?"

" Yes, Dolion please have a seat, I want our first day together to go well. I made everything the way your brother liked it. I will of course learn your likes and dislikes. For now I hope this is good enough."

"Thank you so much Sangura it looks lovely. I'm sure you have a lot on your mind. Well, this is the time to speak. We have not gotten along in the past, I hope that will change. I can not be my brother. But I will be a good man to you, tell me now how you feel about things. This way we can know where we stand with one another."

" Dolion, ... may I truly speak what's on my mind and in my heart?"

"Yes Sangura, I need to know."

" I don't want you here. This is my home, given to me by my husband. I don't know why you have done this to me. I will obey the ruling of the elders; I will be humble to you. I hope you will be kind and respectful to me."

" I do not expect you to love me as you loved my brother. He was as good as Enoch the great teacher. I also don't blame you for not liking me. I am not the man I was before, losing my brother has changed me. I don't know if you will ever love me, but I will earn your respect."

" Thank you for saying this, now that you have finished eating. Is there anything else you want this morning."

" No Sangura I must go now I will be back in the morning."

"You will not be staying the night?"

"I will not sleep next to you in the same bed you shared with my brother. I will take care of some things from my former life. When I return tomorrow, I will have a new bed for us. This breakfast was nice, but I like something simple like porridge with toast and eggs."

" Yes, my husband I shall do as you wish. May I go see Miriam today my husband?"

"Yes, you may, only do as I have said for tomorrow."

(At Miriam's house)

"Miriam, it's the morning of the first day and I'm already tired of this man."

" How bad could he be, I hear he has lots of women in town that love him."

" Goodness Miriam how could you joke about such things."

" Oh, Sangura you were spoiled by Amadeus. You were blessed to have such a good man. Dolion has been a free man his whole life, he doesn't know how to speak gently to a woman. I pray he learns quickly for you."

" So do I Miriam, so do I. May I sit here with you today, it could be my last day of freedom."

"Yes, my friend stay as long as you like."

" Miriam what do you know of his life in town? What do you mean he has a lot of women that love him?"

"Oh, Sangura you still have the innocence of a child if you don't know what I mean. He has known many women in this town. And they were glad to be known by him. It may be his only good quality."

" Please speak no more of it. I shame myself for asking such a question. Let us speak of more pleasant things. How are you enjoying your freedom? It must be nice to be a woman untroubled with husband or child?"

" Yes, it is, I'm sure you are wondering why I haven't been called before the elders and given a husband. Is that what you are truly asking me Sangura?"

" I must admit the question has been on my heart since I left the elders."

"Sangura I was never married, nor did I have a good family as you did. I had to learn to survive on my own from a young age. I was blessed with beauty and smarts. I used those two attributes to gain favor with powerful men. The good Lord is truly master of the world. But men with power and money can bind the will of the council of elders. This is why I'm not troubled by them."

" I wish we had this talk before I found myself married again. I wish you had told me these thing Miriam."

" Sangura, if you are this troubled to deal with one immoral man. You most certainly couldn't deal with a multitude of them. While at the same time making each of them believe you care more for them than all the others. I love you my friend, but a fox couldn't hope to teach a house pup how to be a fox."

" And I love you Miriam, for your honesty. You have given me a better way of looking at things. I will go home now, so I can be up early to greet my new husband. May God be with you and keep you safe my friend."

" Thank you Sangura, hope to see you soon."

(The next morning)

Well good morning my Amadeus, this maybe the last morning I can speak with you. Of course, now you are my brother-in-law. I will be the best wife I can be for Dolion. I pray the good Lord forgives my desire to simply join you. I try to put such thoughts out of my mind.

Dolion " SANGURA! Who are you speaking with in your bed chamber?"

Sangura " Oh my... there is no one here Dolion. I am sorry I did not know you were here."

" I HEARD YOU SPEAKING, and I heard you speak my name. Now I ask again who you are speaking with woman?"

" I was only speaking to myself Dolion. This is how I start my day, please be calm my husband."

" Yes, I am the husband now. I will not be awakened in my home by a woman speaking to herself. Is that understood woman?"

" Yes, my husband, are there any other rules you have for this home you have provided for me."

"That mouth will lose its cut at me Sangura. I am not the man my brother was woman!"

"Even the serpent speaks truth from time to time."

" I guess there is no reason to wait. I wanted to be a good man, a good husband. I wanted to be respectful and bring a new bed before we shared it. But it seems you need to know who the man of this house is."

" What do you mean by that Dolion?"

" Don't speak softly now Sangura. Don't speak at all, come back to the bed chamber. I will have a son from you, and we'll start on making him right now."

" Dolion, I am not one of those women from town, don't speak to me so harshly."

" You have no idea what harsh is from a man. It is clear you need to know the proper place for a woman."

(After Dolion's attack)

Dolion " Maybe that will silence your tongue, at least for a while. I'm going to town to take care of some business. When I return, we will do this again, and again, and again. You will give me a son, and you will respect me Sangura!"

"Yes Dolion, I will do whatever you want. Please don't be so harsh."

" I will be however I wish to be, have something ready for me to eat when I get back."

(Six weeks later)

" Good morning Dolion, I'm glad you're home today I need to tell you something."

" What do you mean you're glad I'm home today?"

" Dolion you've been away for six weeks, that's my reason for saying that. I have news to share with you. Please don't be angry, it is good news."

"Well speak your news woman, I will decide if it is good or bad."

"I AM WITH CHILD, DOLION! I will bring forth a boy child."

"WHAT! How can you know this?"

" My time of uncleanness did not come upon me. I have also been ill in the mornings. To be sure I used some of the wheat and barley seeds. And they have shown that I will bring a boy child into the world. Why do you seem angry, I thought this is what you wanted."

" That is because you are a foolish woman Sangura. How is it you could not give Amadeus a child for fifteen years? But in two short months with me you are with child."

" Who can know the will of the Lord? So Dolion if this isn't what you wanted. Why did you do so much to make it happen?"

" I never thought you would agree to the council's terms. If you refused, you would have been cast out of the town. And all of this would be mine. When you agreed I was shocked, but I figured I'd run you off in a week. But no matter how I treated you, I would not run you off. And now you are with child."

"Oh Dolion, you cannot truly be this horrible. So, what do you intend to do now?"

" I intend to go to town and handle some business, I will return this evening."

" How can you leave me now after the news I've given you?"

"You will be fine for a few hours Sangura."

(Late that evening)

" Sangura, please wake up my sweet wife!"

"Amadeus! Is that you?"

"NO! It's Dolion your living husband."

" Forgive me Dolion, it's just you have never spoken to me so gently."

" It's okay just come to the table with me, I have something for you."

" What do you have for me Dolion? It's so late can we do this in the morning?"

"No, we must do it now, so come and be a humble wife, listen to your husband."

" Yes, Dolion I will come to the table. Does my husband wish me to prepare him something to eat?"

" That won't be necessary I brought a preparation, it's on the table for you."

" Ha ha did you cook Dolion?"

"No woman I purchased a treat for the mother of my child, the mother of my son."

" So, you're not angry anymore?"

" I was never angry with you Sangura, I was just afraid. Now eat a slice of this cake."

"Thank you so much Dolion, what kind of cake is it?"

"Taste it, just be sure to eat a big slice."

" ... well do you like it."

"It's sweet but there is also a peculiar sent and after taste. I have never smelled that sent before. Do you know what's in this cake Dolion?"

"No, I don't sweetheart, just be sure you eat the whole slice."

"You are being so sweet to me, thank you Dolion. As you can see, I finished all of it."

" That's great, now drink this warm milk to help you get back to sleep."

" This is treatment I could get use to Dolion. I am tired but I promise to be up early to fix your breakfast."

" That would be wonderful Sangura, you are such a good cook, and a far better wife than I deserve. Just get some rest, all will be well in the morning."

(Early the next morning)

Sangura " AHHHHH.... MY GOD THE PAIN! HELP, HEEELP ME PLEASE."

Miriam" Sangura, your neighbors sent for me. What is troubling you dear?"

"Oh, Miriam something is wrong. My stomach hurts so much, I can't take this pain."

"Sangura there is blood all over your bed. What happened to you, and where is Dolion?"

"I don't know Miriam, please get the apothecary, or one of the Hippocrates, the pain is unbearable."

" I will Sangura, I'll get back quickly as I can."

* * * moments later* * *

" Sangura, it's Miriam I have returned. I talked with the Hippocrates and told him of your condition. He will not enter the home because of the blood. He says you must go to the place out side the city for women during their time of uncleanness. He will only see you there, but he is demanding payment first. I have given him one of my silver brooches for him to see about you. But first let's get you to the place of uncleanness."

" If you touch me, they will consider you unclean, I know the place I will go on my own."

" You will have my help to get there, Sangura. What do I care if I'm considered unclean for a few days. You are like a sister to me, now place your arm around my neck. I will get you there quickly so you can get the help you need."

(In the place of uncleanness)

Sangura " Oh thank the creator we are here. I will love you forever Miriam for your help. I would never have made it here without you. Where is this man that says he can help me."

Miriam " He waits at the entrance; I will bring him to you."

* * * After the examination * * *

Miriam " Sangura he says he knows what the problem is and how to resolve it. He also says to treat you he would have to remain here amongst the unclean. Because of this he wants a greater payment. He knows of your credit with the market, and say if you transfer it to him, he will treat you."

" Very well bring me the parchment I will sign it. I will give anything to save my child and end this pain."

* * * Seven days later * * *

Miriam " Sangura how are you, my friend? The Hippocrates wouldn't let me see you until now. I hope you are feeling better."

Sangura " Oh by the heaven no I am not, I am far worse. I can't even speak of the things this man did to me. The pain is far worse, and the flow of blood seems endless. Have you seen Dolion, he hasn't come to check on me, or his unborn child?"

" I am sorry you aren't better Sangura, I do have news of Dolion. But I fear it will only make things worse for you."

" My pain is so great I can't stand. I don't know the condition of my child. And because the flow of blood is so great, I must remain in this place. How can things be any worse? Please tell me what you know of Dolion!"

" Dolion returned to your home and had it cleaned out. The thing in the home that were not considered unclean, were sold for far less than their value. He tried to get the market credit transferred to him, but couldn't without your signature. He then used your home as a place of ill repute to make money. I told the elders of this, and he was cast out of the city. Your home has been declared unfit for use and will be destroyed. "

" Where shall I go if I'm ever able to leave this place? How could things have gone so poorly for me so quickly? I have no wish to live any longer, Heave forgive me, I have no wish to live."

" Sangura don't speak in this way. The Lord hears all, so please don't speak like this friend. On the day you are able to leave this place you will stay with me. If anyone challenges that I will remind them of what they have done to you. If they have any shame or empathy, they will be silent."

" Thank you, my dear friend, that gives peace to my heart. Please tell me what you heard from the apothecary you went to see."

" Yes of course, he gave me this tonic he says will stop the bleeding and the pain. "

" And what will it cost me, not that I have anything left to give?"

" I have given him something he long desired to have. It will cost you nothing my friend."

" You have done this thing for me, Miriam? How can I forgive myself that you must do this for me?"

" There is nothing to forgive, you are my sister. And I have done far worse things for myself. I only hope it works as he says it will. He says it should take effect quickly."

" Okay give me the tonic I shall drink the amount he says."

Miriam " Well my friend is it working?"

" Yes, yes the pain is gone! Oh I thank the Lord the pain is gone... Wait Miriam I think something is wrong. The pain is gone, but I feel nothing below my waist. I can not move my legs, please look for me are my toes moving?"

"No, they aren't moving, I'm sorry I pray this is only a short-term effect."

" Oh just leave Miriam, leave me here and don't come back. Every time you come here you must remain for seven days. I cannot do this to you anymore. I place myself in the hands of the creator. I will no longer try man's healing, I will wait on the hand of the Lord."

"My time is mine to sacrifice, you can't ask this of me Sangura. I wouldn't be able to sleep without knowing your condition. Please my friend, my only sister don't ask this of me."

" I know you love me, Miriam. Your love is not just with words but an agape love. So, if I truly love you, how can I watch you share my burdens? So, I say this to you, only return if you have a cure for my affliction. Other than that live your life, this is how you can show your love for me."

" I will do as you say Sangura. But you will be in my thoughts and prayers every day."

"Thank you, my friend please hug my neck, one last time."

(Twelve years later)

Azura " OH PRAISE HEAVEN HE IS HERE, HE IS HERE!

Sangura " Goodness child who is here?"

" The Rabbi that has healed many with nothing more than a touch. He teaches a New Testament of the Lord. I have heard so much about him. I hope he remains long enough for my unclean time to pass, so I can see him."

"I have heard of many healers, but never seen them actually heal. How much does this Rabbi charge for to heal."

" He asks for nothing only that you love the Lord, and everyone you know. He teaches simply to treat people the way you want to be treated. And that the Lord loves all of us more than we could ever know."

" Yes, child that sounds so wonderful, but how do you know these stories about him are true?"

" Do you know of the man call John that baptized people in the river Jordan?"

" I have heard of him and his teachings."

" My own mother was there to be baptized by John when the Rabbi from Nazareth arrived. John fell on his knees when he saw him. But the Rabbi stood him up on his feet. My mother had seen many men baptized and thought this was just another. But after John raised the Rabbi from the water. The sky opened and a bright light fell on the Rabbi. Then a deep and powerful voice came from above the clouds and spoke to the Rabbi."

" Do you know where he is in the city child?"

"Just look for a crowd of people and you will find him."

" Will you help me into the city that I might be healed by this man? Or if nothing else, just see him with my own eyes."

" I am unclean maim, to enter the city now would be wrong."

" I know you are young sister. But do you know of my affliction?"

"I know only that you are always here. And that you get all of your meals through the kindness of others."

" Then my affliction is greater than you can know. What a kindness it would be if you helped me at least to the gate of the city. I don't know how long I have in this world. But to see the man you describe would bring me great joy."

"Then I will help you to the gate. I will pay the tax collector for your entry. I pray the Rabbi finds you and heals you of all your troubles."

" Why are you willing to do all this for me? I don't know you at all, and only spoke to you because you disturbed my sleep."

" It is what the Rabbi teaches we should do. Now let's get you to the gate before the Rabbi leaves our city."

(At the city gates)

Sangura speaks to herself " May the Lord forgive me for entering the gates in my condition. The young lady helped conceal my flow so I could enter the city. But it is so consistent it will soon show again. Oh, I see the multitude they are heading this way. Lord give me the strength to crawl to him. I'd shout for him but he'd never hear me over the crowd. Okay I'm in the middle of the crowd I pray no one steps on me. That's him I must move faster before I miss him. I'm not worthy to be touch by him. If I may but touch his garment, I shall be healed."

The Rabbi saw her and said " Daughter, be of good comfort, thy faith hath made thee whole."

And Sangura was healed.