Running With the Shadows of the Night, chapter 16

How long’ve you been here?

A nurse has come and gone. The chaplain stopped by and spoke with your mom.

Where is she?

Asleep there.

Good. She doesn’t sleep enough.

No….Shall I start?

Yes, please.

Well, you remember that Silas and I went to the police station to listen to Kenny’s confession, and when it got close to sunrise, we left and went back to the keeper’s cottage.

I remember.

Okay, good. Here we go.

Senka and Silas sat quietly, enjoying each other’s presence and the sound of the distant waves. They watched the colors in the sky change as the sun rose over the continent behind them. The birds woke and started their days, calling to each other to proclaim their existence and their pleasure at being alive. A cool breeze wafted through the open window, carrying with it salt air that hadn’t seen land for over five thousand miles. Senka and Silas were here, in the middle of their own universe.

At length, Silas reached for the laptop and opened Google Maps, going to a street view and turning the image so that Senka could see it. “What do you think?” he asked her.

She took the computer from him and looked at the picture. It showed a cream-colored cottage with a light blue door. The house was set back from the street and surrounded by a riot of lavender, milkweed, Hummingbird sage, California poppies, and plants Senka couldn’t name. It was as though the house had been designed by fairies with a sophisticated aesthetic sensibility. “It’s gorgeous,” Senka answered. “Are you thinking we should make an offer on it?”

“It’s too late for that.”

Senka was surprised by her disappointment that it had already sold. How could she have gotten attached to a place with just one look at the Google Maps street view image? “How come you wanted me to see it?”

“I was curious if you found it attractive.”

“Yeah, it’s lovely. It looks cozy.”

“Good. I bought it yesterday while you were out.” His smug smile was one of the most charming things Senka had ever seen.

“So it’s too late to make an offer because you’ve already bought it! You’re so sly!” She looked at the picture again and felt a surge of excitement. “Where is it?”

“On the street that fronts the golf course. We’ll be closer to the cemetery than we are now.”

“That’s perfect! How did you find it? Was it listed for sale on Zillow or something?”

“Well, it wasn’t precisely for sale.”

Her excitement slid down several notches. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“I convinced the owners to agree to sell.”

“How? Why?”

“I made them an offer they couldn’t refuse,” he said, shrugging.

Senka was on her feet, gaping at him in horror. “Oh, my god, Silas. What did you do? Kill another deer? Take its head?” Damn it! she thought. Have I been blind to the warning signs again?

“What? No! Why would you think that?” He looked appalled and disgusted.

“Jesus! Silas, haven’t you ever seen The Godfather? ‘I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse’? That’s what Don Corleone says after he chops off a racehorse’s head and puts it in the guy’s bed.”

“No! I just persuaded them.”

“Persuaded them how? Willed them?”

“No. Persuaded them. Here. Sit down with me again.” He took her hands in his and met her eyes. “Senka. My love. I will always be honest with you. I have always been honest with you, even when I was afraid it would mean that I would lose you. That you would be repulsed by who I am. What I am.”

“I didn’t mean—”

He held up his hand to stop her. “Wait, please. You have every reason to be wary. I have just witnessed why you have reason to be wary. Those fears have been rekindled over the last days as you have watched Kenny…operate. My love, you have a way to see who I am, nothing hidden.” He paused, looking at her.

“You mean by stepping into you, joining with you?”

“Yes. You endured the unnamed one. You endured Kenny. You saw their naked essence. Would you like to know mine? If you choose, I would willingly show it to you.”

Butterflies stirred in Senka’s stomach. She nodded and stood. He stood with her. She stepped forward until they were touching, then she looked up and met his eyes, liquid brown, warm, the corners creased by a slight smile. She rested her hands on his chest as he held her gently against him. At last, she allowed herself to become insubstantial, and she stepped forward into his body.

She was first conscious of the quiet, the unruffled stillness of him. Then, the essential heart of Silas, the spirit of him, filled her. It felt like standing in a redwood forest, dappled sunlight all around her, the springy ground of centuries of fallen needles under her feet. It was peace and possibility and hope. She lingered, feeling a bliss she had never known, then finally stepped back, separating once more.

Their eyes met again, and Silas wrapped his arms around her. She held him close and pressed her cheek to his chest.

“Better?” he asked.

“Yes. Much.” She looked up. “Did you feel me?”

“I did.”

“What was it like? Was it cold and weird?”

“No, my love. It was like standing by the ocean between tides, when the sea is blue glass. The surface of the water is still, but you know that just beneath there is so much…life.”

Senka held him close. “Can we do that again sometime?”

“Anytime you like.” His laugh was a low rumble against Senka’s ear.

“Good. Okay, tell me about our house.” She pulled him toward the loveseat where they sat together.

He grinned at her. “The other night while you were out, I took a walk by the graveyard and looked at houses. This one seemed perfect. I knocked on the door and introduced myself to the residents. They’re a very kind couple who have recently retired. It has been their dream for decades to leave everything behind and travel around the world, but their retirement funds wouldn’t allow them to. In return for their house, I have subsidized their travels. It’s far more than the house is worth, but I didn’t feel that mattered. It’s only money, after all. I told them that I have seen much of the world, and my only concern was that they would grow tired of traveling and want to return. I promised that I would gift them the house of their choice, should they want to come back.”

“A house of their choice? What if they choose some twenty-five million dollar mansion?”

“My love, I am three hundred years old. I have invested well. The cost is immaterial.”

“Oh! I see. Well, good. So, when can we move in?”

“Next week. They are eager to start their new adventure. I have hired someone to tint the windows, I hope that’s alright.”

“It’s safer for you, I’m sure.”

“Much.”

“Do we need anything else? Furniture or whatever?”

It felt strange to be talking about home furnishings after their usual conversations that consisted of plots to end the unnamed or plans to bring Kenny to justice. Strange but very good.

As the night came on once again, Senka and Silas wandered over to the cemetery to see if their friends were around. They found Ms. Wang, Signore Peluso, and Bink sitting together by Ms. Wang’s grave. Even from a distance, they could hear Bink’s excited voice and see him gesticulating animatedly. When he saw Silas and Senka, he jumped up. “Dude! Senka! I can’t wait to tell you.” He turned to Silas and held his hand up for a high-five. “Silas! How’s it hangin’, bro?” Silas looked perplexed but knew enough to slap Bink’s hand.

As the two sat on either side of Signore Peluso and Ms. Wang, Senka asked, “What’s up, Bink?”

“Catch this. You know how you can fly, like, anywhere you want to go?”

“I guess. I mean, I haven’t gone farther than Pebble Beach.”

“Anyway, I decided to give it a try. You know, see if I could leave here.” He drew a circle with his finger to indicate the cemetery.

“How’d it go?”

“Dude, that’s just it. I went to the police station!” He looked at Senka, clearly expecting a response. He was so excited that Senka felt she should react in kind but wasn’t sure what he was excited about.

“Bink, dear,” Ms. Wang prompted, “tell her what you plan to do.”

“Oh, yeah, right. You know how the police went door to door searching for that poor kid? That was, like, totally cool. So I decided I want to know more about what the police do. So I’m gonna shadow ‘em.”

“You’re going to haunt the police station?” Senka smiled at the image.

“Oh, dude! That’s even better! Yeah! I’m gonna haunt the police station. I’m gonna hang out and watch them and learn all about what they do. I’m gonna interview any ghosts that are around. Then I’m gonna find a way to lead the cops in the right direction. What do you think?”

“I think you sound super excited about it, and it’s a terrific idea.” Senka wasn’t sure just how terrific an idea it would turn out to be in practice, but the plan thrilled Bink. At the moment, that was all that counted.

Ms. Wang leaned in to Senka and whispered conspiratorially, “Let’s go for a walk.” As they stood, she turned and cheerily called to the others, “We’ll be back.” They ambled toward the far corner of the cemetery, picking their way past graves and around markers, and she tucked her hand into the crook of Senka’s arm and smiled up at her. “How are you, Senka dear? I think it’s been a difficult few days.”

Senka felt grateful for her friend’s sensitivity and care. “It has, to be honest. You know, Ms. Wang, I just keep thinking about how blind I was. Willfully blind. I married someone who was so clearly not a good person. I ignored that because all I really cared about was that he seemed fascinated by…well, by me. How could I have been so stupid?”

“I think you’re asking the wrong question, dear. To be ‘stupid,’ as you put it—though I think I’d say ‘flawed’—is to be human. A question that might give you a useful answer is, What have you learned from this recognition of your flaws? People say it’s ‘learning a life lesson,’ but I think it’s a question that’s at the heart of existence: how can we always strive to be better?”

They walked on in silence for a bit, turning onto the golf course and passing the place where Jeremy had died. A chill lurked there, a place where a vicious, inhuman murder had happened. They were both lost in thought, then Senka spoke. “I always believed, when I was alive, that death was an ending. But it’s not, is it?”

“It doesn’t have to be. Some people never allow themselves to live, so death doesn’t change much for them. Some people choose for it to be an ending. Well, we won’t actually know if it’s an ending until we decide to leave, will we?” She patted Senka’s hand, including her in the clan of beings who have another adventure still waiting for them. “And, of course, some people decide to stay and allow death to be a change but hardly an end.”

“Ms. Wang?”

“You’ve been very polite to call me that for so long. I think we are going to be great friends, so I would prefer that you call me Grace.”

“Grace. That’s a pretty name.”

“It’s short for my parents’ name for me, Ai-Xiu. It means graceful love. My parents were very hopeful.”

“Prescient, I think. Grace, is Mr. Wang still alive?”

“Ah.” Senka glanced sideways at her and saw a sadness creep into her expression. “No, dear. He died twelve years, two months, and four days before I did.”

“Did he stay? Did you see him when you got here?”

“I don’t know if he stayed. He was gone by the time I arrived.”

“I’m so sorry. You must miss him.”

“Every day, Senka dear. Every day since the moment he died.”

“Why do you think he chose to move on?”

“I don’t know for sure. I believe, though, that he lived his life so fully, with such…what? Joy? Zest, maybe, and that he was always so curious and excited about each new adventure that he decided he was ready to move on.”

“And you’re not hurt that he didn’t wait for you? I’m sorry if these questions are too personal. Please tell me if I’m being intrusive.”

“I’ve existed too long to be concerned about that, dear. Not hurt, no. I would have liked to have seen him again. You know, we were in love and devoted to each other for over sixty years. Even so, we weren’t joined at the hip. I was very fortunate to find him and to have him with me as long as I did. And now!” She giggled and looked up at Senka, her eyes shining. “Now, I am very much enjoying learning Italian!”

Senka laughed. She thought about Silas and felt grateful again that he, of all beings, had stumbled on her in that cabin in the woods. An uncomplicated happiness suffused her as she considered that they had eternity to spend together. They could look forward to days and years of peace. Unless a vampire hunter materialized in their midst, of course. She smiled to herself at the absurdity of the thought.

When they returned to the others, she sat down next to Silas, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, and he turned a beaming smile towards her.

Signore Peluso was in the middle of describing his favorite dish in greatly improved English and with copious gestures. “The important theeng, miei amici, ees pa-tee-yence, pazienza, you see?”

“Patience,” Grace clarified, crinkling her eyes at Signore Peluso.

“Ah, maestra mia. Patience, sí. Add a leetle broth, stir, absorb. Add a leetle broth, stir, absorb. Each time, a leetle. Too much,” he waggled a finger, “no good.” He paused, transported by his memories, then added, “And the perfect threads of saffron, poof, the stock ees yellow like the sun. Then grate the Parmigiano. Ah! Che bello!” He lapsed into reverent silence. For four beings who hadn’t eaten food in decades, it was an entertaining, though somewhat mysterious disquisition, but it was clear that Signore Peluso was lost in happy memories.

They sat together, taking in the night air, Bink on the ground, legs crisscrossed, grinning goofily at the others perched like birds on a wire on Grace’s wall. Suddenly, he sat forward and peered into the darkness. “Hey, guys. Look at that.” He pointed in the direction of the lighthouse.

“I don’t see anything,” Silas said, squinting at the sky.

“I do!” Senka grabbed his hand. “Not up there, down on the ground.” Small, disembodied, glowing spots rose and fell, moving ever closer to them across the grass. Hovering above the spots were two glowing circles. As they watched, the spots and the circles were encompassed in a shadowy outline. Coming toward them out of the darkness was a small black kitten with white paws, it’s tail held high in the air. As it neared them, it announced its presence with a high-pitched mew-let. Without breaking stride, it trotted directly to Silas and jumped up into his lap, then sat down and regarded him earnestly. Silas held out his fingertip and the kitten stretched forward to touch it delicately with its nose, then returned to gazing up at him. Silas scratched it behind its oversized ears, and the kitten responded with a deep purr.

“Oh, my goodness!” Grace exclaimed. “That is the loudest purr I’ve ever heard. Why, I’m sure they’re hearing that purr all the way to San Francisco!”

Silas leaned down toward the kitten. “Hello,” he said softly. “Did Luna send you?”

“Mewp,” the kitten responded, blinking slowly.

“I believe that is a yes.” Taking an uncharacteristic breath, Silas blew gently into the kitten’s nostrils. It blinked, shook its head as if to dislodge a fly, then sneezed.

“What was that for?” Senka asked.

“It allows him to understand us.”

Recognition dawned on Senka. “I always thought Luna was especially good at that. Now I know that he truly was.” The kitten yawned hugely, showing his pointy teeth and tiny pink tongue, then picked his way delicately over to Senka’s lap and curled up, turning his head upside down. “Oh,” Senka crooned. “He’s perfect. Look at the white band across his little chin! It looks like a strap to hold his ears on!”

“How do you guys know it’s a boy? It could be a girl,” Bink said, sounding proud of his scientific knowledge.

“No, he’s a boy,” Senka answered, stroking his chin with one finger.

“How can you be sure, though, dude?”

“He told me,” Senka replied, and realized that was perfectly true.

“He speaks English, too?” Bink asked.

“No. I…I get pictures. Do you, Silas?”

“That is true for me, as well.” Silas put his arm around Senka’s shoulders again. With the other, he reached over to pat the kitten. “Hello, Luna XXIV,” he said.

“Silas?” Senka began, a bit tentative. “Do you think maybe we could try a different name? I mean, maybe Luna has run its course as a name.”

“Yes,” he responded, considering. “You’re right. It’s a name that belongs to a different era. An era of fear and running. An era before you.”

“What name should it be, do you think?”

“Maybe the cat already has his own name,” Bink suggested.

They looked at the kitten in silence. “No,” Silas and Senka said at the same time. Silas added, “He is content with whatever we choose.”

“Sole? Or Sol, god of sun?” suggested Signore Peluso.

“There is a kind of bookending quality to that name,” Silas considered.

Grace took Signore Peluso’s hand. “That’s too tidy, I think. And it would be a heavy load for a little cat to carry.”

They considered for a while longer.

“Hang Ten?” Bink said hopefully.

“Mrow!” The kitten put a stop to further discussion of that name.

Senka thought of that which had been with her at her most troubling times. That had first brought her some ghostly powers. That had allowed her to feel safe, and from which she had taken her own name. “How about Shadow?”

‘Shadow.” Silas seemed to taste the name. He looked at the kitten. “Shadow?”

“Mrrrrp.” Shadow started to purr.

“Very good.” Silas stood. “Now, who would like to see our new house?”

The others responded with surprise and excitement, and they all stood, ready to follow. Silas turned to Shadow. “Ride or walk?” he asked. The kitten stretched out a paw towards him, and Silas scooped him up and deposited him on his shoulder. “Try not to dig your claws in, please.”

They set off across the cemetery and along the golf course until they stood before the real-world version of the Google Maps street view. Senka, Silas, Shadow, and the others admired the little house and garden as the lights from inside cast a warm glow into the night. Senka considered what a sight they would be to any passer-by. Or rather, that Silas would be: a tall, well-dressed man with long, dark hair and chiseled cheekbones, a black cat perched on his shoulder, laughing and talking happily…to himself. She smiled at the image, then noticed Silas looking at her. He grinned back and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

When the group returned to Grace’s wall, Silas, Senka, and Shadow said goodnight and continued on to the keeper’s cottage. “I’ve been thinking,” Senka said as they walked.

“Mm?”

“After we got back from saying goodbye to Stanley, Grace asked me how it was. I told her I thought it was the most important and meaningful thing I’d ever done.”

“Yes, I can imagine.”

“Silas, I think that’s what I want to do.”

“What do you mean, my love?”

“I want to keep people company as they die.” They had reached the cottage and went in. “I think for so many people, dying can be a lonely process. It was for me. I want to help people not be lonely or frightened as I was. I’ll go up to the hospital and choose someone who’s dying. If they can see me, I’ll stay with them. I’ll help them enter into the shadow world.”

Silas sat in one of the rocking chairs, and Senka joined him, sitting in the other. Shadow leaped the gap and curled up in Senka’s lap. Silas said, “You could tell them a story. Everyone loves stories.”

“I could tell them a story about death, help them see that it’s not as frightening as they might think.”

“You could tell them about us.” He looked over at her and smiled.

“Mur-owr?”

“Yes, Shadow. I’ll tell them about you, too. And our Luna. And the times we were scared or brave or happy. About hope. About falling in love.”

“It’s a wonderful idea, my love.” Silas reached over and Senka took his hand. They rocked in contented silence, then Silas snorted. “Woman of shadows and Shadow the cat. We are perfect for each other, are we not?”

“In so many ways.”

That’s why you came. To keep me company.

I’m glad it was you I found as I walked through the wards, looking for the one who needed me next. You have been so brave, so kind and wise.

Will you stay?

Of course.

I mean…after.

As long as you need me.

Will you hold my hand?

Are you frightened?

No, but I want to close my eyes and still know you’re here.

I’ll be here to see you through.