Rhododendron McMean and the Rumble in the Village

1

Once upon a time, there was a village. It had a mayor, Rhododendron McMean, who liked to call herself Ro-Ro.

Ro-Ro was a mean-spirited little woman. She was older than she would have liked.

Eager to appear younger, she dressed like a teenager. Unfortunately, that's what she thought, but what others saw was this skinny lady wearing a loose tent, bulky and funny shoes and hair like a haystack but after an autumn storm. The hair was all over the place, pretty much like Ro-Ro in the village.

Ro-Ro's dog, Turturro, was the epitome of nastiness. This little bark machine was a chihuahua with a mean streak, making the villagers add "Arr" before its name.

It was always showing its teeth, ready to attack at any moment. Even when it wasn't barking, it made an arr'ing noise that was just as annoying.

Turturro was also incredibly nosy, and its small size made it easy to sneak into places it shouldn't be. It was like a little spy, always poking its nose where it didn't belong.

Ignoring Turturro's constant yapping and snarling was impossible, and the villagers couldn't help but feel a little afraid of the tiny terror.

2

Ro-Ro was a force to be reckoned with in the village. Her presence instilled fear and agony in the hearts of the villagers. They knew that she held all the cards and that her knowledge of their secrets gave her a power that was hard to resist.

Despite her position as mayor, Ro-Ro was not well-liked by the people she governed. She was not elected but appointed by the Leader of the Big Smoke, which was unfair and made the people fume. They saw her as a manipulative and cunning woman who used her knowledge to get her way.

Ro-Ro's power stemmed from her extensive knowledge of the villagers' secrets. She seemed to know everything happening in the village and used it to her advantage.

The fear and suppression that Ro-Ro radiated were palpable.

People would avoid her at all costs, afraid to cross her path or even whisper about her. Even those who disagreed with her would keep their opinions to themselves, afraid of the consequences that might come from challenging her authority.

Her power was absolute, and no one seemed to stand up to her.

In the desolate village, Ro-Ro's omniscience was a chilling mystery. Her ability to discern unsavoury truths was a curse upon the community, and any inkling of dissent was met with swift and ominous retribution.

Sometimes, people even disappeared without a trace after confronting Ro-Ro. “They left,” was the only thing Ro-Ro mentioned, “and that’s right for us”.

In this bleak landscape, it was safest to remain silent and submissive lest one become another casualty of Ro-Ro's wrath.

3

The landscape surrounding the village was rugged and wild, with steep hills and rocky outcroppings. A river flowed swiftly through the narrow gorge, its waters churning and frothing as it rushed past the village.

The tall trees lined the riverbank and were thick, their branches stretching over the water like a protective canopy. The air was always filled with the sound of rushing water and the hum of machinery from the sawmill and power plant.

The narrow road followed the river, and it was the only way out from the village.

Despite the constant activity and noise, a sense of isolation and loneliness hung over the village.

The houses were simple and functional, made of rough-hewn timber and stone. The streets were narrow and winding, with little room for anything except carts and wagons and the daily bus from the Big Smoke. The people there were hardworking and industrious, but sadness in their eyes spoke of lives in quiet desperation.

Despite its humble appearance, the village was an important hub of activity, supplying the nearby Big Smoke with the resources it needed to grow and thrive.

The sawmill and power plant were the lifeblood of the community, providing jobs and income for the people who lived there. But there was also a sense of resignation and acceptance as if the villagers knew that their lives were tied to the river and the land and that they would always be at the mercy of the forces of nature.

And the worst force of nature was Ro-Ro. She was so petrifying that even the thunder and lightning would hide in fear.

4

The sycophant weasel, known for its graceful movements and soft-spoken nature, was a master of words. It had somehow convinced the army of beavers responsible for the dam that he was one of them despite being a completely different species. Regardless of its incompetence, Ro-Ro has appointed it as the Dam Lead – or like some whispered The Damn Lead.

As Ro-Ro's confidant, the weasel had access to information and resources that others did not, and it used this to its advantage.

Despite lacking leadership skills, the weasel maintained his position by constantly flattering and pandering to the beavers. It would often tell them what they wanted to hear, even if it was not in their best interest, just to keep them on his side.

A loud hippo ran the sawmill, which was the source of all income for the village. Unfortunately, it depended on the power plant under the command of a huge bull.

The tension between the hippo and the bull was palpable. The hippo often complained about the lack of electricity and blamed the bull for not doing its job properly.

On the other hand, the bull would snap back at the hippo, reminding it that the sawmill was not producing quality timber but uneven planks of waste.

The weasel, caught in the middle, would try to ease the tension by using its smooth words and cunning tactics. This only irritated the bull and annoyed the hippo. They hated the weasel but couldn't do much about it because Ro-Ro preferred his stories over them.

Meanwhile, the rats at the power plant were a hilarious bunch. The bull had employed them because he thought they were clever. They would often be seen scurrying around, trying to fix the generators and wires, mainly causing short circuits.

The rats' smelly presence was a constant source of annoyance for the bull, who would often try to shoo them away. But the rats were too busy with their work to pay any attention to the bull's antics. And they were too quick and trim for the bull to catch.

They would laugh and make fun of each other, even amid a power cut. And there was a lot of laughter among the rats. Rats seemed to be the only creatures who didn't give a rat's arse about Ro-Ro and Turturro, who feared the rats more than anything else. So, Ro-Ro had to leave the power plant alone, gritting her teeth.

5

In the village, there was also a police station and a constable, an enormous elephant.

This pachyderm was responsible for keeping the peace and order in the village. Her parents used to own a porcelain shop in the same village. Unfortunately, they lost it all when their daughter hit her teenage years and turned into a real character. Her parents never recovered from the shock of their daughter destroying all the porcelain.

This elephant was so large and would often sit accidentally on anyone who happened to be behind her. This made the villagers constantly run in front of her, never daring to stay behind. The ideal outcome for the police thought Ro-Ro.

Ro-Ro threw waspish comments and ridiculed the elephant often, but this poor elephant was utterly oblivious to the fact that she was being bullied. She had no self-awareness but large ambitions.

So, prepare for what's to come because things are about to get interesting now that you know the setup. This village may not have been the nicest place to live in, but there's a story waiting to be told, and it's worth hearing.

6

The school was the only place in the village where smiles and joy still existed. The children loved their old principal, who was funny and witty – and didn't fear Ro-Ro a bit.

However, one day, their old principal died.

Turturro was just barking at her when she dropped dead in front of the scared children.

The screams of the children brought to the school Ro-Ro and the parents who quickly collected their children and ran away. They consoled the children as well as they could on the way home, thinking about what would come from the school under Ro-Ro's instructions.

Ro-Ro was overjoyed.

She didn't like the old principal because they shared a bit of history together.

The principal was the only one who ever challenged Ro-Ro, and she could keep her job only because she was the cousin of the mayor of the Big Smoke. So, Ro-Ro had to swallow her pride and let this stubborn principal sometimes voice her concerns about Ro-Ro's leadership style. But it was finally over, and Ro-Ro decided to seize the moment.

Ro-Ro advertised the job in Big Smoke’s leading newspaper, interviewed candidates and employed the new principal. She was full of great expectations.

This new principal would be her loyal servant, and that's about it. She smiled, which scared the living daylight out of the children who were at the school when Ro-Ro announced that she had chosen a new principal.

Things didn't go exactly as Ro-Ro thought.

7

The rumours about Ro-Ro's leadership methods made their way to the Big Smoke, and people didn't even want to look that way. The selected principal had second thoughts and withdrew his application just before signing the contract.

The only candidate left with good references and available was a young and inexperienced man. Handsome, though, thought Ro-Ro.

Ro-Ro decided to bite the bullet and employ the young man. After all, she was the boss and could handle this young man who looked more like a teenager to her.

It also strokes her vanity nicely to walk with this handsome lad in front of all the shops and villagers to the school and show the village how he was already inducted into the world of Ro-Ro. Arr Turturro sniffed him and, to everybody's great surprise, let the man pet it. Ro-Ro was over the moon.

Things went then back to normal.

8

The village lived in fear of saying anything that could be interpreted the wrong way and could come to Ro-Ro's knowledge.

The new principal continued teaching; the sawmill kept making too short or too long logs; the beavers kept changing the river's flow on the whims of the weasel, which greatly affected the already patchy production of power. And Arr Turturro kept roaming around the village as diligently as ever. Ro-Ro knew everything and kept everyone on their toes.

But the young principal wasn't as naive as Ro-Ro thought. He was actually very good at observing things. And what he saw was alarming. The children were afraid.

9

The bloody dog was everywhere, trying to lick his fingers, and worst of all, the elephant almost managed to crush him. She had a crush on him, which was dangerous because she liked to do girly pirouettes in front of the principal, and only his quick reactions saved him when the elephant fell on her large bum after one of those pirouettes.

The principal met the parents and asked questions but got no answers. Arr Turturro was always with him, if not with Ro-Ro.

The principal thought something was wrong in this village while scratching the dog under its collar after one meeting with the parents.

Under the dog’s thick leather collar, he felt something strange.

10

He had been working at an electronics shop while studying at the university and was familiar with all kinds of little electronic contraptions.

Now his fingers felt something strange: under the collar was a battery, some sensors and something else. He tried to see what was there, but suddenly, the collar gave him a sharp but strong electric shock. Arr Turturro sprang away, barking like never before and vanished.

The principal sat in front of the school and was bewildered. What the heck was that? I need to find out, he thought.

11

So, during the following days, the principal befriended again with the dog. Scratched its neck and gained its trust again. It slowly let his fingers feel what was inside the collar, and suddenly he knew.

This was not an ordinary collar for dogs. There was a microphone and all. This was surveillance equipment.

With a knowing smile, he started to whisper to the ear of the dog: "You are such a lovely little dog. Ro-Ro must be very proud of you. She is such a great leader and wonderful human - you must be the luckiest little dog there is. And I am the luckiest YOUNG man there is because I can work for her and have you visiting me every day. I just wish she could be - but that's not what I should think. NO, I have to forget these thoughts. She is a divine, beautiful goddess; I must respect and adore her from afar”.

Arr Turturro was now entirely under the spell of this young lad. He rolled on his back and let the principal scratch him everywhere. Everywhere! Arr Turturro was in heaven.

And the principal hatched a plan.

12

The next day, Ro-Ro paid a visit to the school. That seldom happened during the old principal's reign because Ro-Ro feared what she might hear, but now she was full of confidence and joy.

She even started to sing to herself. Out of tune, of course. But the elephant still spun her pirouettes like an oversized carousel when trying to please her when hearing the singing. She was different now, more frightening than before when she was merely sulky and vindictive.

This young principal was the answer to all Ro-Ro’s prayers. The answer also to those prayers that Ro-Ro hadn't known she had because the little weasel - after all - was just a little weasel, though soft, warm and slippery. But this young principal, he was something. He was a young man and not a brute but a poetic shape of smooth skin, curly hair and a tight bum.

In her girly mind, Ro-Ro imagined how, in the summer, when the river was warm, she would take the principal to the picnic and see him taking his clothes off, wearing just tight swimwear and diving into the waters of her dreams.

13

The next few weeks passed, and the principal kept talking to the collar about life, Ro-Ro and the village. He kept telling stories about the elephant, weasel and the rest.

Ro-Ro listened in her chamber, and things started to get very strange. The old status quo was shaken.

The elephant, bull, weasel and hippo were upset. The young principal got all the attention, and sometimes Ro-Ro gave orders to them like never before. Orders that made sense and orders that were good - but orders that made them feel terrible because these new instructions showed how little they really knew about anything they were supposed to do.

Then came a massive request for wood to the Big Smoke and a requirement to produce more electricity to manage the tremendous workload. The young principal saw that this was now the time to show the big boss of Ro-Ro what was going on.

The opportunity presented itself soon.

14

Arr Turturro came to meet the principal, and like a ritual, it let him scratch. Slowly, the principal managed to get the collar loosened and off the dog. The skin of the poor dog was infected under the collar.

Ro-Ro could give the sad dog electric shocks from her remote whenever she felt that the little thing needed a bit of punishment to keep it barking the right tree. The principal felt sorry for the little slave.

When the dog realised that it had got its freedom, it started to weep. It looked at the principal with eyes filled with tears of joy, gratitude and misbelief.

With a loud voice, the principal said to the collar: "I think Ro-Ro that you know what just happened. We have all known for quite some time how this collar worked and how you kept your suffering pet as your slave and the whole village on their toes. And not only that, you managed to surround yourself with those idiotic animals to lick your rear side. In your vanity, you almost ruined this village, but now it is over. You are exposed!”

15

When the principal said those last words, he could hear Ro-Ro screaming loudly and in a terribly high pitch in the distance. "Elephant, elephant - run and arrest that dirty little liar, that principal who has betrayed us all," shouted Ro-Ro in range and furry.

But that was all for nothing because the principal had sent the recordings and report to Ro-Ro's boss in the Big Smoke. The police and the boss were already in the village, and the elephant had been put in a cage.

When the police came to arrest Ro-Ro, she escaped from them screaming horribly, but because the beavers (now freed from the weasel's rule) had again changed the river's flow, the stones were wet, and Ro-Ro fell from the dam and flew towards the water in the abyss.

Then they heard a cracking noise and saw how Ro-Ro's tent-like dress had been tucked into the tree branch spiking from the dam. She was hanging in midair, yelling insults but unable to do anything that mattered, waving her hands, kicking the air and swearing like a sailor.

Arr Turturro ran on the dam and, with a joyful bark, peed a golden stream across the air, covering Ro-Ro with every drop of insults and pain the little dog had experienced through the vile collar that Ro-Ro had forced it to wear.

The police managed to save Ro-Ro from the tree branch and put her in the police car that took her away from the village.

16

And so was the reign of Rhododendron McMean over. The village elected the young principal as the new mayor (the boss of the Big Smoke had initiated that the village was now ready to choose their own mayor to avoid blunders that Ro-Ro's appointment had caused). “It was a mistake to centralise the power,” said the boss of the Big Smoke and continued, "You local guys know better what you need and how you get things properly done".

The new handsome mayor captured the weasel, hippo and bull puting them into the same cage as the elephant. He took them to a new zoo for all the villagers to visit and to remember what it was like when the central government knew better and when animals were put in positions they never should have had.

The villagers planted a real Rhododendron tree in the middle of the new zoo. Its fruits are poisonous, but its flowers are beautiful, and the villagers understood that sometimes power-hungry vanity makes values vanish, and what was left was grapes of wrath.