Primaversary

The creak of a heavy door swung slowly, opening to a cement, well lit room. Floor-to-ceiling windows and glass doors spanned the south wall exposing a courtyard that connected to the parking lot. Rows of tables set the stage of a classroom on the west side of the room. Vertical pallets stacked with magazines and heavy forgotten art history books created a make-shift library in the southeast corner of the room. On the other side of the tables, a counter and sink sat in the corner. Baskets and shelves of art supplies hung from the wall. A rug, surrounded by chairs and a stage in the center, sectioned off the back corner.

Mabel Fitsgerald sipped her coffee as she approached the teacher’s desk. The morning addiction warmed her tongue. A pungent aftertaste caused Mabel to examine her mug, but nothing looked out of place. The breakroom must have carried a different brand of creamer.

“Heyo!” The first students arrived in a pack of three as Mabel wrote Mrs. Fritz on the chalkboard.

“Happy Friday, kids. Sign in as you sit, please.” Two students studied her as the first signed in. They looked at each other sizing up a motherly figure in a ruffled blouse and knee length jean skirt. They would be walking out of the building in 10 minutes.

---

Mrs. Fitz,

Thank you so much for subbing while I’m away at the dentist. You will only have to monitor as the students will be working on their final projects.

A few minor notes and suggestions:

The first group to arrive will be Don, Don, and Thomas. They are very busy with clubs and baseball this semester but there is nowhere to be this morning. Do not give them permission to leave.

----

“Ahem.”

One of the boys stood in front of her with a note.

“We have chess club this morning. Don, Thomas and I just wanted to sign in for the day. It was nice to meet you.” A student in faded jeans and a plain black t-shirt gave a sheepish grin. He attempted to shake her hand. Mabel stared at him a moment before smiling.

“Don? You and I both know that isn’t true.”

“Heh. You caught me.” The boy winked. “But we do have a baseball meet-”

“Really?” Mabel interrupted.

“Hahaa. You’re good. Can I go to the bathroom?”

“Take the hall pass.” Mabel waved to a paddle with a tiny key attached to it at the end of the desk before returning to the note.

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The second group will be the Disney princess gang (Belle, Jasmine, and Tiana). They will sit in the back with Starbucks while they work. No cell phones unless playing music.

Preston and Pamela will come in dramatically afterwards. They celebrate the milestones of their relationship on prime days not months or years. Today is day 43. No animals, loud noises, flashing lights, fire, or weapons. The couple is aware.

Jesse is the girl with duct tape on her mouth. Don’t ask her to remove it. She has a deal with the other students. And it’s best this way. Most likely she will be late. Let it go.

That should be everything. I will be back after first period. Good luck!

John Roth

---

The door opened and a click of heels moved in unison toward the signup sheet. Mabel saw three drastically different body-types wearing expensive jumpsuits and designer aprons. The Disney Princess gang that stood before her was very close to what Mabel had imagined. The shortest finished a text before tucking the phone in the bra of her shirt. They swished their side to side, batted big eyes, and laughed in perfect pitch.

“Hi Mrs. Fitz!” They squealed in unison.

“I’m Belle, this is Tiana, and Jasmine.” The tallest princess introduced them.

“Good morning, girls.” Mabel smiled.

“Oh, we are women.” Jasmine corrected. The comment was strangely polite.

At the table they drank Starbucks like models on their day off. A bang of the door hitting the cinderblock of the wall caused Mabel to jump.

“Seize the day! Clear the way for my Pamela!” A short pudgy boy bowed low twirling his hand toward the entrance of the door, in the other he clutched a shoebox with a bow. His slicked back hair stiff with gel. This must be Preston.

He glanced up as a thin, pale creature strut slowly into the room in platform boots. Her black laced attire opposed an expressionless face. Dark hair draped over the student’s eyes. Tattooed roses with grieving faces as petals wrapped her arms and chest. Fantasy characters periodically trapped under menacing thorns. This must be Pamela.

“Hello Mabel.” Pamela greeted flatly as the couple moved toward the sign in sheet. The couple's arms draped uncomfortably on each other’s waist.

“Pamtron.” One of the Princess’ warned. The couple detangled and held hands.

Surprisingly all of the students began to work without instruction. Tiana pulled out a portable speaker and a playlist the group must have put together themselves as the genres changed with each song. The substitute teacher opened a romance novel. Ten minutes passed before a creak and click of the door interrupted Mabel’s reading.

The student was tiny wearing an oversized t-shirt and jeans. Duck tape covered her mouth. As Mabel glanced at Jesse, the student realized she was caught sneaking in late, and strutted over. Jesse was energetic and mumbled a hello and began a muffled speech.

“Hi Jesse, don’t worry about the time. Just start your project.” Mabel stifled a laugh at the accuracy of John’s letter.

Jesse glanced around the room and stopped as her eyes landed on Preston and Pamela. She glanced at Mrs. Fritz in alarm. Garbled words failed to explain her thoughts.

“Go sit down Jesse.”

The student looked defeated as she walked back to sit with Belle, Jasmine, and Tiana. Jesse immediately began waving her arms frantically, pointing in different locations around the room. The Disney clan nodded and smiled before returning to their projects.

Preston jumped out of his seat a minute later. He stood with his arms spread.

“Ladies and gentlemen! Today is 43!” He bellowed. Then sat back down. The room turned their attention to the couple. A moment of silence passed before Pamela stood calmly.

“Good sir, for 43 I present you with this gift.” she stated as if reading cue cards. Then handed over a giant envelope sealed with an intricate wax emblem. Preston stood again placing the shoebox on the table.

“Madam, for 43 I present you with this gift.” His voice, sweet and charming. He raised his eyebrows.

Mabel noticed immediately the box had holes poked in the top. She opened her mouth to remind the couple about no animals but it was too late. Preston lifted the lid. Pamela looked down. She smiled for the first time since she entered the room. It would have been captivating had the next series of events not occurred.

Hundreds of moths swarmed out the box. They tornadoed in the air until dispersing widely at the ceiling. The Disney clan pulled umbrella’s from nowhere. They opened them, forming a globe around the group to block the infestation. Don, Don, and Thomas began swatting the air and counted how many moths they killed. Jesse just sat at the table with her head down.

“I have been breeding since prime 5.” Preston announced with pride as moths clouded the room. Pamela looked impressed.

The couple then opened Preston’s gift. The boy looked up in giddiness.

“Oh boy! I do love a good scavenger hunt!” The two began to wander about the room as if a swarm of insects hadn’t teemed the class.

“FIVE!” Don belted from somewhere in the storm.

“Pathetic, I killed si-SEVEN!” Either Don or Thomas replied.

Preston kneeled under the teacher’s desk where Mrs. Fitz was crouching. Pamela’s face appeared behind his. She waved in a corpse-like manner. Preston yanked a piece of paper taped underneath the drawer. The two stood up leaving Mabel with a few of their legs. Preston’s ironed khakis and Pamela’s fishnet tights.

“Fantastic! Really, just wonderful!” Preston delighted as Pamela read.

“If it’s your gift you seek, the work of Kusama you must peek.” The couple wove arms together as they shuffled away. Mabel dropped her head on her knees. She had lost control. Why did she think substitute teaching would be a good retirement hobby?

“TEN! I killed ten moths!” Thomas popped his head through the moths to gloat to his friends. Two heads appeared beside Thomas.

“First to 15!” A Don shouted in glee. The heads disappeared.

Jesse sat diligently working on her final project. Chaos suited her. Jesse mumbled and gestured to the umbrella orb showcasing her progress. It shook in acknowledgment. Jesse continued, proud of her work. Thomas, Don, and Don periodically stopped to admire Jesse’s art before returning to the insect cloud.

“Well, gosh darn-it, we did it Pamela! Well done!” A satisfactory voice rang through the insect mob.

Gradually, the invasion thinned. The moths flitted toward a buzzing glow that illuminated the room. Mable slowly lifted her head above the desk to ensure the worst had passed. In the middle of the room, Preston stood straight holding the UV lamp. His smile was so wide, his mouth gaped forming the mouth of a cave with jagged teeth.

Pamela stood next to him cradling a large bowl. Her stare bore through Mable as moths fell one by one into the dish. The couple looked at each other.

“Happy 43, baby.” Pamela uttered.

“Happy 43, my sweet!” Preston bellowed.

Pamela and Preston shuffled to the courtyard doors. Don, Don, and Thomas remained scattered about the room chasing the dwindling insects. Their large hands and arms hurtling through the air in a threatening manner as they smiled innocently.

The Disney princesses collapsed their umbrellas simultaneously. Jasmine reapplied lipstick with a pocket mirror. Belle concentrated on her phone until the music started again. And Tiana waved the last pesky moth away with a manicured hand. Don jumped from behind clapped. With a final twitch, the creature dropped to the floor. Mable blinked and the students were engrossed in finishing their final projects.

Outside, Pamela poured a bowl of sugar water into the grass. Moths flew in every direction while others crawled in the grass too wet to fly.

“Insects are surely on the unacceptable Primaversary gift list.” Pamela spoke flatley, gazing into the parking lot.

“When do you think they will catch on to the spiked creamer?” Preston grinned. The couple shrugged, Preston opened the door for Pamela, and they returned to class.