Perspective

Author: Frank Mani

Cowriter: Em Zinger

Editor: Tate Adams

instagram: zingers.com.au

This Short "Persceptive" story is protected by © Copyright act 2021. Any unauthorised reproduction of the material without 'Zingers' will be facing Legal action.

Warning!! This book is Fiction, None of the characters in this story is real. discretion advised some viewers might find it alarming since it tackles real life situation.

Perspective

What is the first thing you think about, when you ponder the word Perspective? I think of the eyes. Yes just like the eyes, perspective can be deceiving and its correlation with our brains doesn’t help us either. This human quality is our biggest fault merely because we don’t fully know the mind and its fullest potential. It’s what starts and ends wars. The injudicious would say if we all shared the same sentiment there would be solace in our world but that’s erroneous. My ideology originates from the philosophy of having too much of a good thing has its ramifications; there needs to be a balance. So unique perspective are not on earth by chance. I’m terrified of my perspective. It is why I’m too afraid to write out my thoughts and feeling predominantly because I’ve watched to many crime documentaries and mystery films to know that psychopaths and deranged people write/speak to themselves. I’m honestly terrified when I die people will decipher my thoughts differently and see it in another Perspective. You are probably wondering the context and continuity of this book. My answer is self-same as yours “I don’t know” Even though I am the storyteller. I believe everyone can feel the exact same notion even though they share different experiences. “as a wise man once said we've all got shared trauma” thus feelings are not unique, but Perspective is. Why is that you ask? Because the only true view of our selves is judged through our own point of view. We are the surrogates to our own court case in other words our lives. “I don’t know. What do you mean you don’t know James?” Lisa says before slapping me out of my daydream. “I thought you said you will love me forever” she cries as I grab on to her hand and hug her. Sorry I forgot to mention; I am sorta in the middle of a breakup by the beach right now. Long story short I fell in love with a slight older woman and got married, like I mean she’s like 50,60 I don’t know but she’s at the verge of dying in tears. “Sorry I just don’t feel the same anymore” I say with teardrops running down my face, suddenly she kisses me on the lips. Her kiss is soft that I begin to drift off to thinking about a quote. “If I have seen further than then other, it was standing by shoulders of the giants”- Isaac Newton. In 2020 a bunch of Research collected 24,000 dreams. The Group of Researchers found that dreams are continuations of our reality, so at what point did we stop sleeping? What if the first time we shut our eyes to sleep we fell in a even deeper state of siesta? When Lisa pulls away, she stares into my eyes with her soft brown eyes, the breeze gently blows her curly brown hair before taking a step back while still holding on to my hands.

“Then I guess this a goodbye” she says in utter tears. Before walking away from me. On the drive home a empty void fills my stomach as I’m listening to the radio music. I don’t understand how radio music always know what someone needs like do they have telepathic capabilities. A good old country song by Chris Isaac “Wicked games” is playing. When I arrive home Lisa has packed all her stuff. I walk into the room, I used to call mine but it doesn’t feel like the same space I’m accustomed to. I slowly approach the bed and gently lay down on the white sheets while slowly closing my eyes. Eventually I Fall asleep. How I see certain things is we dream about what we see and when we are awake whatever we are thinking about the most will become actuality. I could say behind my mind my wishes has always wanted to meet someone like Lisa that’s just as lost as me; but I don’t feel like I even loved her enough like my ancestors cared for their wives. Do you remember that story of Adam and Eve? Eve ate the forbidden fruit which supposedly gave them intelligence of being aware that they were bare. This was all because the serpent assured them that the fruit wasn’t forbidden. A little tale that hasn’t been told is that the fall of Man wasn’t on Eve but Adam. I see this moment in history as a test in love. When Eve had eaten the bear fruit, he had already fallen in love with Eve. He couldn’t stand the site of not having eve around, so his love drove him to indulging with her. Suddenly i find myself in a forest with snakes all over my body. I then wake up from my dream breathing heavy. The room is dark now. There’s nothing but silence, all I can hear is my thoughts spiralling out of control. I pick up a notebook and a pen in one hand begin to write my Perspective. As I begin to write, I recall a moment in time I called the bedroom mine. We fell in love quickly when we met. Maybe that’s where we went wrong but is there really a speed limit when it comes to love? How I see it love can be a bumpy road for some lucky passengers their ride is ineradicable with non-existent obstacles. I suddenly find myself in a room with white sheets in a dark room stroking Lisa’s hair as she lays her head on my chest. The breeze from our bedroom gently pushes our curtains back and forth. “You know sometimes I feel like my mirror is my only friend like Charlie Chaplin once said ‘The mirror is my best friend cause when I cry it doesn’t laugh back’” Lisa says staring out at the tv playing in the distant. “What do you mean you have me?” I shoot back with confliction. “Sometimes I feel like you’re in another universe” she responds in a mellow voice. “of course, I am not Lisa, I am here with you right now”. “Yea James sometimes Things can be deceiving, they could seem so close like the moon but be so far away besides even if you were, you would not understand somethings I go through” she responds before siting up and curling herself up. I then sit up playing with her hair “why wouldn’t I understand, as a wise man once said we've all got shared trauma. So, what’s a little more?”.

The sound of my doorbell and the lightening outside catches my attention. I walk towards the door. My friend Yarn is at the front door in the rain with a umbrella and black suit on a collared tie around his neck. He is a priest at our local Catholic church. Me and Lisa used to attend every Sunday. After every teaching they would have a buffet. The young would chew recklessly on the stale bread. The old would confublate and share about the blessings they received. I was never a firm believer, but she was. Just like how she believed even in our relationship all the way till the end. I wish I attacked the problem a little differently. “I’m sorry for the late visit. I was meaning to come earlier but I was stuck in the confession room” Yarn says stepping in closing his umbrella up. “You shouldn’t have” I reply firmly as I turn around to the kitchen to put the kettle on as Yarn closes the door. “No, I had to, I heard the church saying today was the anniversary” Yarn. “You mean the break-up. yeah, it was like any other day”. “Oh I’m sorry James I shouldn’t have” yarn says solemnly. “it’s fine Yarn, I just don’t know where I went wrong”. As I reflect on the day me and Lisa we’re expecting a baby. I pour some water into two cups and throw a teabag in each. Yarn walks towards the kitchen bench as I reminisce the time, we both held our child together at the hospital. For only a few days later to be taken from us. “I don’t know how God can let this statistic be a verity” I say sitting across the priest as he nods to show his listening. “Through the first 5 years of life main deaths is 36% infections,28% in preterm and birth 23% in asphyxia” I educate the priest. “God tends every flower individually and when it’s blossomed. He protects them for eternity” Yarn responds. I stand up pacing up and down the lounge room nodding in disapproval. “But what about the Families left behind!! Hmm” I contest from the top my lunges. "Mr James Please come down. Maybe that’s where you went wrong?”. The word ‘wrong’ echoes through my mind as I recall every-time Lisa tried to make a baby. I would act busy, and I never realised how unhappy it made her. Maybe my feelings to leave started a long time ago. Flashbacks to when we first met at the club on the dance floor. She was grinding her hips on me. “You surely know how to move!!” Yell over the music playing. Everyone yelling a cheering. “Thanks, I use to be cheerleader” Lisa screams. “That’s so cool, want to see something cooler? “I yell. “Sure, why not” she yells back before I lead her to the back ally. There’s a staircase that goes to the top of the club. “We are we going” Lisa giggles. “You’ll see follow me” I say climbing the staircase as she follows. When we reach the top, we both lay on our back and stare out into the clouds. “Wow it’s so beautiful” she says excitingly with a smile. “You really think. by the way my name is James”. “Nice to meet you James I’m Lisa”. “When you look at the sky, what do you see?” Lisa says as we lay on top of the roof staring into night sky. “I see the Moon and the stars” my response comes out with confusion which makes Gracie laugh a little. “What?” I say with a smirk. “Well, when I look at the sky, I see the moon. Behind the moon which is 150 million kilometres away from the sun. How I see it is the Moon is part of a shadow play and the beautiful moon we so admire is using a borrowed light source which is shining so far away from home. Like you James. How far away are you from home?”.

“Well like the sun doesn’t know it’s origin. i don’t exactly remember why I am even here.” I say. “Sounds like an early parental divorce huh?”. She replies clinching her teeth. “Yep, pretty much my father disappeared, how about you? Lisa”. “well my origin is the same but I’m here for a bachelorette party” … “ oh exciting congratulations “I say sarcastically. “it’s not mine you idiot, it’s my friends” Lisa says with a smile across. “Sadly, no go has wanted me for a long time”. “ I don’t understand why they wouldn’t, you are incredibly beautiful woman Lisa” My comment makes her move closer to me and gives me a big long kiss. Yarn places a bible on the table snapping me out of daydream. Sweat is dripping on my forehead. “Have you been seeing your therapist lately James?”. “Yes, he says that these private confession sessions are good for me”. “I would agree with your therapist they are not just good for your mental health, but they eradicate all of your sin”. “it’s funny you say that because I think I have done the worst sin known to man… I have been seeing this girl, I mean for a while now”. I Begin to have flashback my time with Mia that’s her name. She works across the street of a bookstore. Every Thursday I would go to the bookstore and there she would be working at the cafe across the road. The first time I met her it’s like I was looking at Lisa. Do you truly believe when you die you just go to a heavenly place? My theory is souls are recyclable. It’s the same soul all over and our memories are just whipped. Souls are like rain; rain falls to the floor and evaporates from the floor and in a few weeks it’ll rain again. What if death is like quantum time travel? Like even if recantation was possible; when you are in a new body, you placed in any time in history and just create a multi-universe. “James?” The priest asks in a confused tone. “Yes” I reply coming to the realisation, I still have a visitor in my living room. “I thought I lost you there, I was asking and what is this ladies name?” Yarn says clearing out his voice. “Lisa that’s her name but I feel like I am moving on to quickly, I don’t remember how I turned into this guy” I say nervously sipping on my tea. “There’s no such thing as moving on too quickly James, there no ideal way to grieve to loss”. “Loss?” I question place my teacup on the table. “why should I be grieve when I am the one who ended the relationship?” I say aggravated tone making yarn sit up straight.

“of course,” yarn say anxiously as I stand up pacing around the room. “Even when ending a really long relationship. It is normal to feel malaise” he adds on as he grabs his bible and opens up to a page. “ Like In Isaiah chapter 40 verse 29 it says, Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” The word strength resonates with me as i slowly inhale and exhale. I recall the day we came home from the hospital after losing the baby. I remember looking into Lisa’s eyes; there was no strength just anger and sadness. She moaned all evening and night. Sleep became more of a chore and going outdoors felt like the touch of the sun would tear her soft pale skin to ashes. I sat there helpless not understanding what she felt. Now I understand because I feel the same, several years later. “I feel like no matter what I do, I will never get over this moment. It plays over and over in my head” I say to Yarn while sleeping on the couch. “Try and elaborate on what you remember about the moment, James”. “Well, I remember the waves slowly hitting the sore, The birds are chirping. The sky is dark grey. she is holding my hand. I feel the warmth of her hands as she expresses how she feel. Her deep ocean eyes stares into mine. When I reveal how I don’t love her anymore. Her palms turn cold, and I think a piece of her broke”. I watched her helplessly cry as she kisses me and hugs me goodbye. My tears gently roll down my cheeks feeling emotionless and helpless. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” The priest says softly as he leans forward. “Ephesians 4:32” my response comes weakly.

My thoughts drift me to the moment I bumped into Mia in ally. She is tacking out trash at the back of the cafe as I walk in, she stops and takes a pack of smokes and begins to smoke. As I walk towards her “Aye you are not allowed back in here?!” Mia screams. “I am sorry. I think I am lost; I am looking for the town square” I say nervously as she stares at me in annoyance. “it’s down the main road, if you follow it, you won’t miss it” she says blowing smoke out her mouth. “Thanks. Aye is it alright if I have a smoke?” I ask desperately as she hands me one. I light it up and begin to inhale. “So, what is a beautiful girl like you doing a job like this?”. “Well, you know how to make a girl feel good, don’t you” she says sarcastically while leaning against the wall. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant like. shouldn’t you be taking on modelling or something?” I point out disturbed as she throws her cigarette and steps on it. “Relax I know what you meant” she smiles effortlessly. “Life is short, I mean. I think you would kill it out there”. “I mean I thought about I don’t feel like it”.

My thoughts suddenly bring me back to the current moment. “Look I know you don’t feel like it but as your friend and priest I think you should face your reality” Yarn mentions as I sit up on the couch. “What are you talking about Yarn?”. “You know your wife?” He questions confused. “You mean my soon to be ex-wife” I say conflicted. “James she’s been dead for 5 years, okay you suffer from Dissociative Identity disorder and sometimes when you have these triggers that makes you runaway”. Just as Yarn finishes to educate me I have Flashbacks of her lifeless body hanging from a fan. " AH WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS? Yarn" I protest covering my ears and scratching my hair. "Because I know you can't bring her back but Christ has spoken to me.He can mend your soul as whole again but you must accept him" Yarn lectures me as he hands me the bible when I lean over to grab it, I recall something i did in one of my triggers; the last time I ran away. I felt like a new Strong man. The thing with Dissociative Identity you forget a lot, have unexplained mood swings with rapid flashbacks that make no-sense which gives you no solace. “You are wrong, I can Bring her back ” I say composing myself with a smile. “James what have you done” Yarn says standing up while his lips shiver. “Come I’ll show you” my response makes him shake an a itoa. I lead him into my basement as Flashbacks run through my mind as I remember myself digging up Lisa’s grave and grabbing her body out of her casket. I find myself and Yarn standing in front of two steel tables. Lisa and Mia’s body are laying on both tables. “Oh my God” Yarn whispers. “You see. I am giving her a stronger and younger body” I say excitedly while i recall my moment with Mia back in the Ally. “You don’t feel like IT?? HMM. You don’t deserve This body!” I yell as I grab a cloth out of my pocket while Mia tries to run away and i grab her by the arm. “Someone helps!” She screams before I wrap my arms around her and put the cloth around her mouth. I drag her towards my vehicle at the end of the ally. I find myself writing symbolise all over the basement with the priests blood. Yarns Body is laying lifeless on the floor as I begin to chant in Latin “Asmodeus ego meum amorem Mia”. The room begins to shake as my eyes turn dark black while i raise my hand as black fluid slowly rolls down my face. Imagery, Flashback of me breaking up with Lisa by the beach, me driving back home to find a hand written note on the front door saying ' I am sorry, i can't do this without you. if you can't have me no one can' to me running towards the bedroom and once again i see her hanging from the fan.When my thought stop pacing ridiculously my eyes turn back normal while the basement lights start flickering as a shadow with three heads and horns emerges behind me.

so do you know now ?the context and continuity of this book? how do you depict me?. I judged myself just as much as you are now. how does that make us any different? but what would would i know, i am just the storyteller and thats my perspective.

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