Penelope

Penelope had to make a decision, one that she rarely if ever had to make. If she was going to save her marriage to Derek and if she was going to continue being his solace, then she would have to make the decison to be patient. Penelope knew Derek and all of his demons too well. He would fight for the right to fight them alone and he'd insist that he was fine even as he drowned, pride first in the black lagoon of dispair.

They were approaching their fifth wedding anniversary and already they'd met their fair share of challenges. One being the ability to conceive a child. Something that the two of them had assumed would be so easy had caused them heartache and pain. No matter how hard they'd tried, month after month was met with disappointment. Derek blamed himself and secretly, Penelope did too.

Nightmares and memories of a childhood of abuse and the things he'd seen in the course of doing his job, had left him leary of bringing a child into a world filled with chaos, knowing that no one was immune.

Now Penelope was nearing the end of her sixth month and the pregnancy had filled her with hope that the impending birth of their son would allow her husband to breathe and trust in his abilities to keep them all safe. But it hadn't and this last case had only intensified his fears.

"I'm not sure how much more I can take, JJ!"

Penelope needed to hear a reassuring voice and so, the first thing she did after arriving at the BAU, was to summon her best friend to her lair.

"Garcia..."

"No JJ, this case has ripped him wide open! He's not sleeping, he's not eating and he's not talking! I need him to talk to me, JJ!"

"Breathe! You know what the doctor said."

Penelope took a moment to steady herself as she began flipping on her computers. Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!

"I want to help him but I feel so helpless! He's suffering and I don't know how to fix it!"

JJ took the seat next to her friend and waited until she was sure she had her attentnion.

"You know your husband. He's going to figure it out and when he does he'll be ready to talk to you, Garcie. No matter how many temper tantrums you pitch, it's only going to push him further away from being able to talk."

"I know, I know but..."

"But?"

"I think I know why it's affected him so much this time."

"Okay, spill."

"The victims!"

"What about the victims?"

"JJ, they all resemble me!"

"Penelope, we've had blonde-haired victims before..."

"No JJ, the victims were blonde, curvy...and pregnant!"

FLASHBACK...

"You're pregant."

Penelope looked at the doctor in disbelief. She couldn't believe the words. She'd dreamt of being a mother but she and Derek had agreed, that this was not a good time to have a baby. All Penelope could think of was having a baby with her husband but he insisted, he demanded that they wait until things were settled down. With what they did for a living, things were never settled but she kept her feelings and opinions to herself.

"Mrs. Morgan did you hear me?" The doctor asked.

"Uh...yes, pregnant..."

"I thought this would be good news, I know how important a baby is to you, Penelope."

"Of course, it's just that, my husband, he's not sure it's a good time."

"But you two have been trying for five years and..."

"I know but he's...we've been struggling as of late."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Have you two considered counseling?"

"You don't know my husband, doc. He keeps saying he's fine, that we're fine but."

Dr. Mendes pulled her stool next to where Penelope was perched on the exam table and gently took her hands in hers.

"Penelope, you are more than just my patient, you're also my friend. If you need to talk about anything, I'm here for you."

"Thank you, and yes, you are more than my doctor. I appreciate your friendship. It's good to have a friend outside of the bureau."

"Well, you've got one and I'm here anytime, okay?"

Penelope shook her head, yes and wiped a tear from her face. She needed to talk. She needed the ear and the shoulder of someone who wouldn't plead for her to give Derek time, someone who wouldn't try to convince her that her husband loved her.

Penelope glanced at her watch and began changing back into her clothes. She needed to get back to work before her team and especially Derek would start worrying. She wanted to believe that things would work out she needed to believe it but as she made her way to the exam room door, she wasn't so sure they would.

FLASHBACK ENDS...

"Penelope?"

JJ was worried. Penelope was consumed with her fears and worry and as her friend, she didn't know how to help, or what to say that would make a difference.

JJ's voice pulled Penelope from her memory.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I..."

"I know you don't want to hear this but, you have to trust Derek's love for you. You and this baby are his priority and there is nothing he won't due to keep you both safe."

"But the case is over JJ and there's no threat! I need him to let it go so that we can go on with our lives. I need him here in the present; I need him and our baby needs him."

"He knows this, but he needs time to process everything. Please, just be patient, okay? Just be patient."