Pathway Back

And all the kings and kingsmen, people of the village, queens, warriors, intellects, and commonfolk came together with the intention of setting out on a quest to help me find a way back to the light that I lost. So I stayed in the dark for 30 days and 30 nights, awaiting their return, And after all that time had passed I saw them emerge from the hills, smiles from ear to ear. I found myself perplexed and surprised as they stood before me to see that they had gathered several pathways back to joy. The kingsmen came first, layed out various literature for me, upon which I wasted no time plunging in, The Koran, The Holy Bible, Upanishads, and Bhagavad Gita. However to my great dismay after scouring through page after page reading texts over and over again, dissecting words for meaning and all, I still felt empty inside.

“Fear not” the intellects assured me, they brought me to a room insisting once inside I would find everything I could ever need or want. When I opened the door, three women and three men stood before me, eyes fiery full of promises of pleasure. There were alters brimmed with fruits and sweets and all mouthwatering assortments. Wine was poured to the brim and all night I indulged and was indulged, bathed in pleasure and gratification, intensified feelings peaking over and over again. But after it all, I knew those worldly sensations could not near pierce the surface. So I carried on, thought of ways to get along and it was then that I looked up.

A monk stood poised directly in my line of sight.

She was not from our village, not from this realm and there was this iridescent, glow that surrounded her. This monk drew me in and as I came closer she held out her palms to reveal one white-spotted red-capped mushroom.

Her eyes held promises that all the people of the king’s village could not utter. So without speaking I consumed the mushroom and followed the monk. I pictured she would take me to a monastery or temple of otherworldly delights but when we stopped moving I looked around me to see a forest.

It wasn't until I started to zero in on this massive tree in front of me that I realized I must have never truly seen a tree before… for this was not merely a tree but a being of immense spirit. The bark of the tree flowed like a river current, peaking and cresting unending, everchanging. Leaves smiling, dancing, shining in the liquid gold pouring down from the sky... the sky, how could it be that through all my years as a human being. All these days looking up, the sky had never opened up like this for me before. As alluring and vast as an ocean.. Was it an ocean in the sky? My gaze shifted to the velvety lilac petals in front of me and I let out a gasp as it dawned on me that the flowers were creatures too. Smiling twinkling and winking as beautiful and complex as the monk and I. The monk. I looked up just in time to see her pulling out a small stereo... Did monks believe in using technology? Is she even a monk?- I actually hadn't confirmed any religious or spiritual beliefs with her I just sort of assumed- And as soon as the thoughts came to me they were gone. Replaced by the undulating wonder of the present moment. Every fiber of my being thought things couldn’t get any better, but just as I had suspected all along, I didn't really know shit because a sweet melody trickled out of that small box, towards me, igniting and enhancing every atom of reality. And just as I had never truly seen a tree I must have never really felt a beat, not like this. Deep, in my bones, waking up parts of myself that I didn’t know or perhaps had forgotten existed. And in that moment, if I closed my eyes, I believe that my ears alone could have driven me home on that pathway I mentioned at the beginning of this memoir, but I left my eyes open as I reveled in the sensory overload.

The tree had stood in the same place for 111 years. And though to outsiders it appeared untouched except by the occasional wrath of a thunderstorm, this wasn't the case. The sounds of the forest touched the tree, the stories carried throughout the inner systems and up by the roots touched the tree, the rays of the sun touched the tree and most of all, the observations the tree made touched him down to his core. 111 years of observations but never had he quite experienced what was going on with the human that stood before him. By some stark miracle, the human stood before him seeing him for what he was, a plethora of multifaceted primordial energetic wisdom.

A sensation of bemusement crept up from the mycelial network that sensed the rhythmic footsteps of the human that began to lose himself in dance. This sensation crept up into the roots and then continued to be drawn up the immense trunk of the tree dispersing itself throughout the branches and leaves. As if cued up by the heavens at that moment a breeze drifted through, twisting and turning through the network of leaves creating a dance of their own. Auric fields merging the true being of the forest was revealed to the human and his dancing came to a halt. He stood jaw agape paralyzed by the glory of this revelation, As their auric fields merged like never before a divine line of communication opened up. Words were not uttered nor did they need be. For the man and the tree and all of the beings in the forest in this moment were One. Interconnected. All working sentient parts of the same body.

The ancestors peered in onto the divine spectacle before them pleased and in awe at the neverending stream of surprises that arose from the field. They had been with the boy for all of his existence. A lifetime of watching over, offering silent support, rooting for and loving this unsuspecting fractal of the all. They watched him grow, hope, dream, learn, strive, achieve, fail, laugh, cry and dare to know himself. Through it all, they held him in the same unconditional love as they did for the rest of the universe.

This past chapter of his life tugged at their heartstrings, as it was particularly challenging for him. A series of struggles and life events slowly snuffed out his fire, they watched it fizzle out to a flame and less and less until it was just an ember. He did not, however, go gentle into the dark night he sought a way, as best he could. Certain members of the tribe thought intervention from the higher realms was necessary. The matter was brought up before the council, taken to the altar of the elders and though divine intervention was not uncommon it was decided that he was in fact right on track.

They watched the winds of will and destiny fan his ember into a spark and the spark back into a flame and as this alchemical process of metaphysical reverse osmosis began its spectacle the ancestors radiated vibrations of wonder and awe at the utter perfection of the cosmic mystery.

A smile crept across the (unorthodox) monk's face. She stood firmly as the bridge between everyday waking reality and the not-so-subtle dimension that the vast majority of humans lived their day-to-day existence unaware of. Like everything woven together so intentionally so intricately, so too was her role in the Universe. At first, she spent the majority of her time playing in and exploring the unseen. Too much of anything however can tip the scales undesirably. Her journey was one of cultivating balance. Diving inward and outwards, Talking to plants and people. Sitting in meditation serenaded by the organic symphony of the forest, and making perfectly curated playlists for moments like this. She had spent the last month compassionately yet indifferently watching the man search desperately for the light of truth, Saw the looks of certainty on the faces of the kingsmen and intellects claiming to know the secrets of the pathway to light. She watched as the man desperately clawed through book after book, downed one concoction after another, and exhausted every hedonistic urge in his body, waiting on her cue from the forest. When it manifested in the form of a single mushroom she was ready.

How is it possible to feel this alive and what was in that mushroom? It was just a flash of a thought, instantly however a response materialized. The mushroom only shines light on what is already alive. Eyes wide I turned to the monk who sat nearby in meditation. Now I could see clearly the auric field I caught a glimpse of upon first sight of her. It radiated from her being, powerfully magnetic. Without saying a word I sat adjacent from her and closed my eyes to dive inwards as well. To my surprise, what I experienced behind closed eyes was just as spectacular as the glorious forest. I zeroed in on my heart and the light radiating from the core of it, spilling out of every part of me into the ether. All along it had been my hope to find a pathway back to the light that I had lost. Never would it have occurred to me that through life's tribulations, the straining and searching, a brilliant new radiance would emerge, so organically. Could this metamorphosis I just went through, and all the cycles surely to follow this peak experience be hinting at something larger? Something I glimpsed in this transcendent state of total interconnected harmony with the forest and realms I was unaware of until this day? The mushroom only shines light on what is already alive. Could it be possible then, that the ultimate pathway to light, the master secret of the universe, the ultimate lesson to be realized is that- "HEY!" My eyes popped open. For the first time since we met (maybe in years even), the monk broke her silence. Her voice twinged with annoyance and bemusement. "You came over here to meditate right? Well this, what you are doing is not it." "But how?" I stammered "Your thoughts are noisier than the entire village. Disrupting the flow, dimming the connection." I smiled, gazing into her twinkling eyes, then out at the mystical forest before closing my eyes once more. Diving inwards to a realm free of mental chatter and labels, narrated only by the sound of our breath and the forest.