Out of Sorts

The idea of adventure and exploration isn't for everyone. Some dream, but won't ever venture beyond their homes. Some don't see the need for adventure and are quite happy living their lives without it. Some don't even think about it. But, I was different. My mother and father both lived on the road for many years before having me. Staying in towns and cities you wouldn't have thought even existed. Even when I was born they couldn't settle on a place to stay.

As a child I moved to five different states. By the age of 10 I saw more of The United States of America than most American citizens. But, I loved it. I felt safe in strange locations because my parents just knew exactly what to do and what to say. If they had issues, I certainly wasn't aware of it. In those 10 years I developed my sense of adventure and figured myself to be a young Indiana Jones.

I didn't exactly have much to entertain myself with except a few books that were scattered around our mobile home. One which captured my imagination was 'The Search for El Dorado'. A place, in what was the New World, that held an immeasurable amount of wealth. Legends and myths grew from a single man to an entire empire. Money had no real meaning to me as a child, but as I got older I often pondered how my parents used to make their money to fund our travels.

However, my care free life was about to come to an abrupt end. I was down by a lake skimming stones across it, thinking about what it would be like to actually search for a lost city. That was until I heard the faint sound of a bang. It disturbed the local wildlife and it sent an array of birds shooting off in all different directions.

I knew my parents had parked up just off a dirt track. They said they needed to discuss a few things before heading into the next town, which was only two kilometers away. I was told to go entertain myself elsewhere, so that's when I made my way down to the lake. It took around 5 minutes to reach it.

I didn't think much of it as my parents were both experienced hunters. My father owned a Winchester 88 and would use it regularly. I continued to skim my stones until I heard police sirens and in that moment I realised something wasn't right. I darted back up the hill, slaloming in and out of trees and leaping over upturned pieces of undergrowth. I tried to protect my face as best as I could from the branches, but one caught the right side of my face and left a gash an inch in length. I stumbled as the pain took me by surprise, but I pushed on.

I wish I hadn't. I wish I just fell to the floor and stayed there. The sirens were deafening as I got closer and eventually there I was standing about 200 yards away. I was watching everything unfolding. The ambulance was already making its way back to the town. There was five or six police cars dotted around our vehicle. My mother was sitting to one side and it was the first time I ever looked at her and saw pain. Her long brown hair was draped over her knees as her whole face was planted in her hands. I could hear her sobbing as she was picked up and placed in the back of one of the police cars.

I hid behind a tree until I could hear a set of sirens drive away. One by one the cars left the seen. The area surrounding our home was taped off and I could see some officers set up road blocks. I assumed that was protocol. I stayed out of sight until I felt like everyone had gone. When I was satisfied, I emerged from behind the tree and slowly made my way to our home. It was dark now and for the first time in my life, I felt afraid. The door to our motor home was left wide open. There was a spattering of blood on the ground outside leading up to the entrance. I was careful not to touch anything as I knew everything should be left as it was. I peered up and through the door and my eye instantly caught the pool of blood that covered the floor.

I felt sick. I don't know why I needed to investigate, but I felt compelled to. I thought it would act as closure for me, but it just opened up more questions. Questions I wouldn't address for years to come. I left the scene and just walked. I kept walking. I couldn't even cry and I had no one to turn to.

The next few years became a blur. I looked older than my age so people didn't look twice, despite a 10 year old walking around the streets without a family. Fast forward a few years and I found myself living rough in a big city. I thought that a big city might provide me with some kind of opportunity to start a life that meant something. A job, a roof over my head and even an education of some description. My parents taught me to read, but I couldn't really write. They leaned more towards teaching me how to survive on the road.

By the age of 18 I'd almost given up hope. I was stealing to survive. I was crafty because that's what I knew. Thinking about it, I learned a substantial amount just simply watching my parents. They knew how to strip someone of cash without them ever knowing. In hindsight, I knew exactly how they could afford to raise me without a job between them.

I spent most of my nights searching for food and just trying to stay alive, but one night in particular I decided to confront some of my demons. But, it wasn't my demons that came to my mind. A young Indiana Jones, El Dorado and all those thoughts of adventure came flooding back. In that moment I knew my life didn't belong anywhere in particular, so why force it?

Without a second thought I got up and and scrambled together my belongings. I found a car close by and did what I had to do. I wasn't proud, but I got on my way. I wasn't sure of my exact whereabouts, but thankfully I've carried a map of The USA since I was 5. My father gave it to me and told me that if I'm ever lost, to just consult this map and I'll find my way.

About 100 kilometers away from where I was, there was a huge mountainous region. I felt the excitement in the pit of my belly as I drove. I felt like I was truly treading in the footsteps of my parents. I never really knew where they'd been before I was born as they never discussed it.

I stopped off at a local petrol garage. I searched the car for any money, whether it just be loose change. I found $5 in the glove compartment and proceeded to enter the store. My appearance garnered a bit of attention as the automatic doors slid open. I smelt, my hair and beard were long and matted. I could see people actively moving away from me and avoiding any aisle I happened to be in. I gathered myself some non-perishable food and water. As I made my way to the counter, the clerk clearly saw me as someone to be suspicious of. He scanned and bagged my items.

'Is that all, son?' he enquired knowing I would hardly be able to purchase much more.

'Yes.. Sir..' I replied.

I handed over the money and left. I got back into the car, but could feel the eyes of the man who served me just burning through my skull. I shrugged it off and got on with the drive. There was only 20 kilometers to go. As morning turned into afternoon, I arrived at a point that looked as though it could serve me as a good base to start my exploration. As sleep eluded me the previous night, I thought it best to steal a few hours. Gather my strength and reset my mind.

When I came to, it was darkness. Again, experience prevailed and I decided to stay with the car for the night. I used the opportunity to unpack the contents of my bag in its entirety. My mother always used to prepare me a bag that would serve me use should I ever get separated from them. It was the one thing I salvaged from the scene of my father's death. It contained the map, a compass, a swiss army knife, flashlight and first aid kit. I could now add food and water to it.

When the sun pierced through the night sky, I saw this as the perfect opportunity to get on my way. I left the car and started walking towards a slight entrance into the dense forest. As a matter of extinct, I left myself a breadcrumb trail as I moved deeper in. I didn't fancy getting lost in here after all.

The sights, the smells were all exactly how I imagined it would be. There were some paths I used that took me high up and down low. Some were man made, some clearly were not. I didn't see or hear a single human being as my first day of exploration came to an end. There were markings that gave evidence to the notion that this area of the forest was accessible to the public. Blue arrows lined some of the paths and various wrappers were discarded slightly off trail.

Once again, as day ushered in night, I needed a place to set up camp. I found a dense thicket that provided the perfect shelter. I drunk my water and ate a small portion of my food supply. I then used my bag as a pillow and hunkered down for the night.

I was out for a couple of hours before getting disturbed. It took a while for me to realise what was going on, but I was no longer alone in the close proximity of my camp. The rustling of leaves came about 30 meters away from me. I tried to peer through the thicket, making sure to not make too much noise, but I could only see the moon. That was until the moon was completely blocked out. Panic set in and my breathing became heavier. My pulse was racing. I edged myself into a position where I thought I could see better. It worked and to my relief it was just a deer. I let my head drop to the ground and a wry smile overtook my face.

I slept until dawn. Once I was up and gathered my things, I checked the area the deer was sniffing around and noticed a few droplets of something. It looked out of place and darker in colour than just morning dew. From first glance it looked like blood. It was fresh as it hadn't yet dried out. I shrugged it off as just being surrounded by wildlife and a normal thing to see. Maybe the deer was already bleeding before it came to my camp.

I got on with my journey and after walking for a few hours, I could hear a river. The perfect opportunity to have a proper wash. I made my way towards the sound and sure enough a huge river came into my vision through the tree line. I placed my bag on the floor and stripped my clothes off. I made sure to use the quieter section of the river, at the shore. The water was extremely cold, but I needed it. I felt the dirt and sweat wash away and felt so much better in myself. I walked out of the river and sat on the shore to allow myself to dry naturally. When my skin was dry, I began to cloth myself again.

I swung my bag over my shoulder and set off, but not before a faint glimmer of light caught my peripheral vision. It only lasted half a second, but came from the other side of the river. I had ventured into territory which became less man made, so the likelihood of it being a human was next to none. But, what animal could produce a light like that? My mind concluded that no animal could and it was nothing.

There was a small hill to climb up that led me away from the river and further into the forest. As I moved between the trees I remembered the scar on my cheek which had come from a branch sticking out. Which led my mind to think about that day. The unanswered questions. The closure that I never actually got. Did my mother kill my father? Why did she? Was it an accident? Why did I choose not to seek out my mother after she was taken away?

My mind became more of a blur and the weight of what actually happened finally hit me like a tonne of bricks. I sat down on a rock formation that had a vantage point. I could see for miles. I was truly in the thick of this forest now and maybe the thought of me emulating my mother and father was more prominent now than ever. Emotions came hard and tears started to stream. 8 years since it happened and now I shed a tear.

I held my head in my hands like my mother did all those years ago. In time I looked up again and wiped away the tears. As I did, I could see a small plume of smoke rise above the trees way off in the distance. I really rubbed my eyes clean and concluded that it was smoke of some description. Another plume of smoke emerged a little to the left of it. I was taken back because I felt for sure no human would come this far out.

Leaving the rock formation behind, I made my way towards the smoke. I knew it would take at least a day or two to reach, so I found another good location to get some rest. It was another point of higher altitude that overlooked the low laying section of the forest, more importantly I could see the smoke rising again and I was certainly closer.

Day turned to night and night turned to day. The smoke was gone, but I knew what area to head for. I carried on my journey. Approximately five hours later I reached a point in which I could actually smell smoke in the air. I knew I was getting close and at that moment I didn’t really understand what I was close to.

It wouldn’t take long for it to dawn on me what exactly it was I was close to. Through the trees I could see a tall line of bushes that seemingly spread for miles. It almost looked like it was put there deliberately, as some kind of wall. Like a castle wall. It just looked so out of place.

Eventually I reached the lining of bushes and realised it would be hard to squeeze my way through them. But, not knowing how long this was I decided to force my way through. A few branches scratched my face as I went through, but nothing of note. Despite it seemingly never ending, I did start to see the light on the other side.

In a calamitous way, I popped out the other side and came crashing to the floor. I landed on a small patch of grass, which was unexpected as I hadn’t seen grass since I first arrived at the forest. By this point I hadn’t yet looked up. Once I gathered my bearings, I picked myself and dusted myself off.

I looked up and almost fell back down straight away. Not through clumsiness but through sheer shock. There were houses. Not just one, but many. I could count 15 just as I sat there. I scrambled to get my map out, but there wasn’t supposed to be any civilisation in this moutainous region. A completely off grid settlement.

Before I could truly take in what I was looking at, I could see a person walking between the houses. My eyes darted to one side and could see a rather large rock, so I edged over to it and hid behind it. More people came into view and the faint sound of chattering was heard. It was English and they sounded like any person you’d see on the streets. I did think they may have been indigenous to this area.

Darkness crept up on me again and I was very unsure as to where I would be sleeping for the night. I searched around me but, beyond going back from where I came, there was nothing. I continued to just peer over the rock and observe what was happening. Lights were switched on at the houses, with a few bigger lights illuminating the rest of the area.

‘Are you lost, son?’

The voice petrified me to the point I was rendered speechless. I froze on the spot and my mind started to think the worst. I’ve been found, they’re going to kill me.

‘I don’t know.. I don’t know where I am.. I saw the smoke in the distance and wanted to investigate…’ I replied with distinct fear in my voice.

‘I said that a long time ago.’ The man said with a clear smile on his face.

He offered me a hand up which I accepted. I then followed him as he walked back to the houses. A small crowd had gathered in the centre of this community. They varied in age, but no one looked my age. I’d have said the age range was 30-60. One thing I found strange was that there wasn’t any children or women. Just men.

The man who found me stood in front and positioned himself to address his fellow companions.

‘This man is with me. Anyone who dares to hurt him will have to deal with me personally and we know what happens when I take things personally.’

I was frightened as to why he’d have to say that, but I didn’t utter a word. I looked closer at these men and they looked like they’d seen things in life you wouldn’t want to. They almost resembled a band of criminals.

The man led me to his own home and ushered me inside. He checked to make sure no one followed him back. He offered me a drink and I accepted as it had been a while since he drunk anything. A pot of tea was put on and I felt oddly at home. Something felt a little familiar.

I scanned the room to try and see any information of any kind. That’s when I saw it. A receipt for a Winchester 88, purchased in 1989. The exact rifle my father had. He would’ve been 20 in that year, the age in which he bought the Winchester.

The rifle was popular, but the coincidences were lining up.

When the man came back with the tea, he sat down with me and just looked at me. Almost staring into my soul. After some time and a few awkward glances, the silence was broken.

‘I can’t believe after all this time, I’d finally get to meet my son again…’

I’d never seen or met this man in my life.