Optimistic Ed, the Cunning Witch, & the Forest Troll

Once upon a time there was a optimistic boy called Ed Poetastic. He was on the way to see his dearest friend, Rosita Rosette who lived in the next town.

Though it was safer to go by carriage along the main roads, it was also a quarter day’s travel. So Ed decided to take a short cut through Bumblebee Reservoir, the vast dense forest between his town and Rosita’s.

It wasn't long before Ed became lost. He looked around, trying to locate familiar landmarks, but all he could see were tall, oddly-shaped trees.

Feeling unusually nervous and needing reassurance, he reached into his bag for his favourite toy, PopCorn, a tiny, plush ball fashioned to look like a unicorn. Even with Ed’s gentle handling, as with most well-loved items, over the years, PopCorn’s once iridescent, multi-hued tail had worn down to a stub. Nevertheless, her consistent presence never failed to make Ed smile, so he took the toy with him everywhere.

But PopCorn, The Miniature Stub-Tailed Unicorn was nowhere to be found! Ed began to panic. He felt sure he had packed PopCorn this morning. He checked once more in all the satchel’s pockets and corners—nothing. He retraced his steps backward. Still nothing. Ed was beginning to get more and more worried, and to make matters worse, all this strenuous walking was making him feel hungry.

He sat down on a tree stump and considered his dilemma. He had neglected to bring along some bread for his journey, but he did remember to pack his flint. He could forage in the forest for wild mushrooms and edible flowers and create a small fire to toast them on. He began his search, finding a few mushrooms that resembled the petticoats fine ladies wore, and under the shade of lower bushes, some that were as fluffy and cream as a lamb’s wool.

As Ed was gathering clover and carefully placing them in his bag for later, a Troll wearing a bright silk around its neck ran by in a whoosh, neckerchief billowing like a parachute behind them, until they disappeared into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Ed.

Flowers momentarily forgotten, curiosity got the better of Ed, and he begin to follow the peculiarly dressed Troll. Perhaps if he caught up to them, they could even tell him the way out of the forest.

Goodness, was the Troll light and fleet on their tree-trunk limbs! Eventually, Ed lost sight of their whereabouts, but soon arrived at a clearing. In the clearing were two houses, one that looked exactly like a giant Broccoli and other made from Super Burrito.

Ed could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?" Nobody replied.

Ed eyed the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

As Ed was contemplating his plan, a cackle pierced the silence, giving Ed a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a golden birdcage. In that cage was PopCorn, The Miniature Stub-Tailed Unicorn!

"PopCorn!" yelled Ed. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!" The witch just shrugged.

"Give her back. She belongs to me!" cried Ed.

"Not on your sweet nibblins’!" said the witch now sizing up Ed and licking her lips.

"Please, please,” implored Ed, “At least let PopCorn, out of that cage! She doesn’t like small spaces."

Before she could reply, the stylish Troll in the Orange Necktie rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the cleaning.

"Why, Hello Cornelius," said the witch.

"Good morning, Clotilda." The Troll noticed PopCorn. "And what have we here?"

"This is PopCorn, The Miniature Stub-Tailed Unicorn, and he is mine now, and I love him to pieces." explained the witch matter-of-factory.

"Ooooh! PopCorn would look lovely in my house. Give her to me!" demanded the Troll.

The witch vehemently shook her head. "The delicious, dumpling-shaped Unicorn stays with me."

"Um... excuse me..." Ed interrupted. "but PopCorn, already lives with me! And might I add— not in a stinkin’ cage!"

The troll rolled their eyes dramatically ignoring Ed. "Is there nothing you'll trade for that adorable little trinket?" they asked the witch.

The witch thought about this for a moment, then said, "Hmm, I do like to be entertained. Here’s what—I'll release her to anybody who can eat a whole front door to one of my houses."

Cornelius the Troll looked at the house made from Super Burrito and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from Super Burrito if I wanted to."

"Well, there is no need to show off," grumbled the tetchy witch. Simply devour one one front door and I'll let you have PopCorn, The Miniature Stub-Tailed Unicorn."

Ed watched in disbelief, his worry growing. He really didn't want the witch to give PopCorn to Cornelius. He wasn’t certain if his favorite toy unicorn would like living with the fashionista Troll, trying on new outfits and playing runway all day long. He knew PopCorn would miss his other stuffed toy friends.

Cornelius the Troll took great care to tuck away their gaily printed scarf, and put on their bib, withdrawing a knife and fork from his pocket. "I'll eat this whole house, lickety-split," said the Troll. "just you watch!"

Cornelius tore off a corner of the front door of the house made from Super Burrito. They gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, the Troll started to get bigger — just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of Super Burrito, they grew to the size of a giant snowball - and became every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," groaned Cornelius.

Suddenly, they started to roll away. Cornelius had grown so round that they could no longer balance upon their feet! "Help!" Cornelius cried, as they rolled off down a slope into the thick gloom of the forest.

Cornelius, the Fashionable Forest Troll ended up never finishing the front door made from Super Burrito, and so, for now, PopCorn, The Miniature Stub-Tailed Unicorn remained safe, albeit, trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep the Gourmet Popcorn Unicorn. Yay, me!”

"Not so fast," exclaimed Ed. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from Broccoli. And I haven't had my turn to try yet.”

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The bloated Troll’s voice carried through the forest. "Really, Clotilda darling, I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Oh, fine," the witch spat out. She glared hard at Ed. "You saw what happened to Cornelius. I’m confident you won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Ed.

"What?" The witch sputtered, taken aback by the boy’s unexpected declaration. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted your precious PopCorn back?"

Ed ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from Broccoli and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Ed sat down on a nearby log.

"A-ha! You fail the challenge!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," Ed calmly explained . "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Ed's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from Broccoli. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. This time, he ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Ed was down to the final piece of the door made from Broccoli. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Ed had managed to eat the entire front door of the house made from Broccoli.

The witch stamped her foot, incensed. "How dare you try to trick me!" she said. "No rewards to cheaters!"

"Come come, now, Clotilda!" said a voice. It was the dapper Troll Cornelius, once again down to their normal size. They walked back into the clearing, fiddling with their lovely flowing necktie. Cornelius the Forest troll was beaming, for in the time it took for Ed to completely consume the broccoli door, Cornelius had made it home and found the purse and boots that coordinated with their bright scarf, and this made them very happy. "Admit it, Clotilda of the Edible Acorn Coven— this young man won the challenge fair and square. Now hand over PopCorn, The Miniature Stub-Tailed Unicorn or I will have to eat you along with what remains of both your houses."

Clotilda the witch looked horrified at the prospect of being Troll Dessert du Jour. She took several steps back. Then, huffing, she reluctantly opened the door of the cage.

Ed hurried over and grabbed PopCorn, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, PopCorn, The Miniature Stub-Tailed Unicorn was unharmed.

Ed thanked the Troll who shrugged and smiled with a saucy wink. Before he departed, Ed grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Rosita. It was starting to get dark.

When Ed got to Rosita's house that afternoon, his best friend was waiting, pacing the cobbled path that fronted her house. When she saw him, she ran to throw her arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Rosita. "How did it come about that you are so very late?"

As they walked arm and arm into her cottage, Ed described his day to his friend, but he could tell that Rosita found it hard to believe his incredible story. So he grabbed the napkin from inside his satchel.

"What's that?" asked Rosita perching on a tall kitchen stool.

"Our dinner!" Ed sang out as he unfolded the thick paper to reveal the what he had knicked from Super Burrito cottage.

Inside was an object in the shape of a mailbox. Rosita peered closely at it. Upon closer inspection, she saw it was made of rice, beans, carne asada, & guacamole.

Rosita almost fell off her chair.

~The End~

Tricia De Jesus-Gutierrez, aka Phynne~Belle, is a Bay Area poet & podcaster, organizer of Phynnecabulary, a platform that connects the international creative community, and a member of the Poetry Global Network, a company of poets, for bringing poetry to the world. You can learn more about what she does at on her Linktree.