Once Upon a Midnight Josie

“Tell me what you see.”

“Well, it’s cold. The air is bitingly frigid and it’s so windy."

“But can you see anything?”

“Hmm. I think… I think I’m near water.” The simulation glitches and she takes her goggles off, feeling defeated.

“That was good, Josephine. Soon you’ll be able to relive your dreams in their entirety!” Doc is practically jumping up and down, but Josephine can’t shake the reoccurring sadness, that's been plaguing her lately.

“Congrats, Doc. I’m happy to be of help.”

The doctor's smile falls a little and she hands over the pills that are meant to induce vivid dreams. If only they worked. “Oh, Josie. We’ll figure this out. You’re the key to unlocking the mystery of dreams. I just feel it. With my new technology, I’ll be able to show you everything you've missed.”

She tries to placate her with a grin, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. How long had it been since she could remember dreaming of anything?

Heading home she thinks about what pieces they were able to reach. The cold still lingers, and she shivers on the bus, despite the Floridian summer. It isn't just the temperature that has stayed with her, but a feeling of sadness like she misses someone, or they are missing her.

Living alone for most of her life had kept her on her toes. With no parents at fifteen, she chose to get emancipated so that she didn't have to waste her high school days in a foster home. She has faced many challenges, but the biggest one has been her dreams.

She longed to see her parents in her sleep or to be able to fantasize about anything. If she could remember her dreams, she could use them as conversation starters, she could share them with other women her age, and she could help her friend who for some reason chose Josephine as her guinea pig for her college senior thesis on dream therapy. Josie’s limbs were exhausted, the exercise always drains everything out of her.

She decides that a nice relaxing bath sounds like a good idea and pours herself a glass of wine to take with her pills. Letting the hot water envelope her pale skin she leans back, sinking slowly as she sets her wine glass down on the edge so she can close her eyes.

The water is like ice. It contracts her lungs in a way that leaves her gasping. She opens her eyes but it’s dark, the stars above barely giving way to any light. There’s shouting, crying, screaming. It’s the sounds of Hell, she’s sure. Panic gives way to even less oxygen and just before the cold takes her under a voice reaches out.

“Penelope.”

She awakes to the sound of her wine glass shattering against the tile floor. She knows that she was dreaming, and must have carelessly knocked her drink over, but the more she thinks about the dream, the less she can remember, minus the cold, which continues to follow her, as Death does to the elderly.

She puts on several layers of clothes, even going so far as to blow dry her body after her hair, but the feeling of being frozen remains. Her fingers are purple, her lips almost blue, and she decides she might just need a hot drink, which does end up helping some. It makes her feel grounded and after sipping the last of her velvety hot chocolate, she finally gets some sleep.

However, in her dreams, she remembers. There’s the outline of a woman, young but sure of herself.

“You know I was worried about transferring to this ship due to what happened almost six months ago, but I think I made the right decision.”

“Oh, Jessie. You jest. This ship is unsinkable! They said so in all the papers.” It was Josie’s voice that speaks, but she has no control of her actions.

“I know, by the way, do you plan to keep disappearing? You'll get fired if you aren't careful.” The woman called Jessie begins to take form in Josie’s mind’s eye and she could see her outfit looked like that of an old maid, but her face still seems blurry.

“I do not disappear! We’ve just left Queenstown, there’s nowhere for me to go!”

“You’ve been going somewhere, Penny, but you don’t have to spare me the details. I just hope he’s rich enough for your tastes.” The women laugh together, and then Josie can hear the sounds of seagulls, she could smell the salty ocean air, and feel the chilly breeze against her warm cheeks.

“This is so beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you, Penelope.” Josie turns to see that Jessie is gone, and suddenly the sun is setting behind her. A man stands where the other woman once was, and his red hair and accent give way to his Irish roots.

“Could I have this dance, lass?”

“But there’s no music.” This time her voice is timid, soft, yet pretending to be strong.

“You’re all the music I need, Penelope.” He touches the bottom of her chin, tilting up her cold lips, but then his eyes dart to behind her. “Don’t go!” He yells, reaching for her as an alarm rings out, jostling her awake.

She fumbles with her phone until the alarm is off and slowly sits up. She attempts to hold onto those feelings, but the faces and words seem to slip the longer her eyes are open. Instead of her normal morning routine, she calls the doctor.

“Josie? Are you okay?”

“I need to tell you some things before I forget.” Josie hurriedly explained the ship, the cold wind, what little she could remember of the people, and the doctor let out a loud gasp.

“Wow. I can’t believe you remember so much. We must be having a breakthrough! Let’s meet up today! Does noon work for you?”

“Sure. Thanks, Doc.”

Getting ready wasn’t as easy as she had thought it would be. Glimpses of the people from her dream kept distracting her and at one point she nearly fell back asleep, her mind so focused on trying to go back to those moments.

As soon as she meets up with her friend they run additional tests, and get Josie hooked up to the machine. Josie knows it’ll zap all of her energy, but she’s desperate this time to try and remember what she saw.

“All right, same as last time. I’m going to count down and once I say one you’ll be asleep. Just focus on whatever you felt earlier. You should still be able to hear my voice again. You ready?”

Josie nods, already bringing that warm feeling of laughing with the woman who seemed to be her friend to the forefront.

However, this time is not quite the same as the last. She feels her body falling asleep during the countdown, but her brain seems to be moving on to other places. If she could have described it she would have told Doc it’s like that feeling you get when you dream you’re falling, but instead of jerking yourself awake, she detaches herself and flies away.

“Can you hear me? Josie? Can you hear me?! Penny!”

Startled, she looks around, once again having that same feeling of not having control.

“You scared me to death, Penny.” It’s Jessie. In the dream, the memories flood back in about their friendship. “I know it’s only been two days since we boarded, but I worry about you. You’re just so young. I mean I know I’m only six years your elder, but still. You can’t keep wandering off like this. Where did you go?"

“Oh please, Jessie. I did not go anywhere but to A La Carte, and then back to our room.”

“It’s that… red-head, isn’t it?” Her face twists into one of contempt, and Josie is immediately affronted by the tone.

“Jessie!” Josie chastised her friend and took a seat nearby. “His name is Jonathan.”

“Oh, my dear Penny, please do not hang around him. It’s said those people bring only despair and ruin! I just couldn’t bear to see you suffer so.” Jessie lays her hands over Penelope’s begging with her eyes.

“Oh, pish posh, Jessie. He’s a lovely man. His village is small, starving, and he and some friends are just trying to seek a better life. There’s nothing wrong with that. Famine is everywhere these days.”

Her friend sighs but still sits beside her. “Just please promise me you’ll be okay Josie?”

Josie whips her head to look at Jessie but she is gone once more. No longer is she crammed into the cabin she shares with Jessie, she’s back under the stars. Except ahead of her seems to be a wall of sorts. Screams are coming from above her, flashing lights all around, but she doesn’t understand what’s happening. As it gets closer, the cold once again wraps around her, and she’s drowning in it, gasping for air, struggling to stay afloat among the bodies that are suddenly passing by her.

“Penny! Penny, I’m coming!” An Irish accent fills her with dread, but her vocal cords are frozen, she can’t even tell him to turn back.

“Josie! Wake up!”

Doc rattles her awake, shaking her shoulders profusely until Josie flutters her eyes open. “Great heavens woman! What in the absolute hell!”

Josie feels as if she’s awoken from a rather long nap, one that did not leave her feeling well-rested. “What happened?” Josie can remember only one thing, the cold. It was as if it lingers as a warning, telling her, do not proceed .

“Honey, you weren’t giving off any readings. It was as if you slipped into a coma, I was scared you weren’t going to come back. I don't know how to explain it, but you weren't having a normal dream."

“I was dreaming. I just can’t remember much, but if I had to guess I think I was with those people again, on that ship.”

“I don’t think it’s important anymore. It’s probably for the best if we take a break on this for a while.”

Josie nods, but she doesn’t want to give up. She wants answers. What was happening in her dreams? Why couldn’t she ever remember the important stuff and why on earth is she still so cold?

Upon returning home Josie decides against a bath this time and opts for a steamy shower. Resting her head against the wall she lets the water soothe her frigidness, relaxing into the warmth. It’s then she feels strong calloused hands wrap around her. Normally she’d want to scream or be alarmed in some way, but his Irish accent puts her at ease.

“I’ll wash your back.”

She trusts him, and she isn’t sure why. Her voice speaks without her even realizing it.

“My John, thank you.”

“Aye, lass, whatever you wish, I will obey.” His hands travel along her back and then around to the front, caressing her, flaming the fire that is her love for him.

Josie wills her eyes to open, but the warmth, his hands, they are all gone, leaving only Josie standing under her now cold shower. She shakes her head and plays it off as a daydream, a hallucination from all the poor sleep she’s been getting. Although it has been a while since she’s had a partner, she’s never been one for romantic fantasies.

Crawling into bed she stares at the bottle on her bedside table, wondering if she should take the pills now that she wouldn’t be visiting Doc for a while. Deciding that it probably isn’t the best idea she lays down, hoping it’d be an uneventful night.

She opens her eyes and notices she is inside a break room of sorts, wearing some type of staff uniform. It looks old, complimentary to the outfit Jessie wore. Then she remembers Jessie, but looking around she doesn’t notice her among the other staff members. Her body stills at a realization. Josie is actually in control for once, and her heart begins to race. She can move freely if she so wishes, but a strong force is telling her to get to work. Slowly raising her hands to look at them, testing to see if she really can control her movements, and it proves her eyes are not playing tricks. It's like she’s truly there.

She files out of the room and an older man immediately catches sight of her and begins to shout in what sounds like Italian, and then moves into English.

“Penelope! Where have you been!? I knew taking on a teenager was a bad idea, but so help me, child! Get to your register at once!”

“Yes sir!” She responds without thinking but is glad her body seems to know where to go.

“Penny! My word child where were you?!” Jessie appears out of a side door and without a second thought Josie runs to hug her friend.

“I think I’m dreaming,” Josie says, but Jessie just laughs.

“You silly girl. Always with your head in the clouds. Let’s hurry up and get to work before we’re both fired.”

Jessie darts off, and Josie enters a restaurant on instinct. She spots another older woman, the only other female staff member, already manning one of the two vintage-looking cash registers.

“You’re late, Penny!” She says half-heartedly, but still smiling.

“I’m sorry ma’am.”

“Please dear, I’ve already told you, call me Miss Ruth. I know you and Mabel are young, but I’m not that old!” They both turn to their tills and begin adding up tickets to give to the waiters so they can collect payments.

A long time seems to pass in this dream world as Josie continues to do the math, but she’s having fun and enjoying herself. It’s a dream she feels like she’ll remember forever.

“Almost closing time, dearie. You ready for your date?”

“With John?” I smile and the older woman giggles.

“You’re a lucky one. He’s a fine lad. Not many men like him around these days.” We giggle some more and Josie thinks about John’s hands wrapped around her and Miss Ruth pokes her side. “Ah, Penny. I see those rosy cheeks! Why don’t you head on out of here and I’ll finish up. Most of the people left are just here for the captain’s dinner party anyway.”

Josie gasps and wraps her arms around Miss Ruth tightly. “Thank you! You’re the best!” Josie darts back towards the breakroom where she figures she must have some kind of locker. She finds one with the word Penny on it and opens it to reveal a beautiful emerald green dress, that she knows will compliment her partner's fiery hair. She changes faster than lightning and heads to the spot they originally met. Josie isn’t sure why she’s remembering and thinking all these thoughts, but she welcomes them. The night sky leaves everything practically pitch black, and even the stars seem dimmer than usual, but there’s still just enough light to see an outline of him.

“Lass, you look radiant.” He eyes her hungrily, and she giggles.

“My John.”

After a moment Josie decides this is her dream, and she reaches up to kiss him. He answers her in tandem, his hands just like she remembers from the shower. “Before we go too far on our midnight stroll. I got you something.”

“What? John, you shouldn’t have. What about your family?” Josie hadn’t wanted to respond that way, but she can feel herself slowly losing control of the dream.

“Penny, you’re my family.” Tears well up in her eyes, and she kisses him again. His deep chuckle reverberates through her chest, making it warm. He pulls out a small bag. “Now I know it’s nothing big, but I wanted you to have something to remember this by. Every beautiful lass deserves good memories.”

Josie slowly sifts through the bag and pulls out a hand mirror. She notices it’s heavy. It looks and feels as if it’s made of ivory. The reflection looking back is a carbon copy of Josie, but she is losing the ability to react. “Oh, my John, you really-“ She turns it over in her hands and stops.

“Is it too ugly, Lass?”

“What? No?” Her voice says, but Josie has completely lost control now. For if she could speak, she may have screamed. On the back of the mirror is an etched picture of a familiar ocean liner, with the words RMS Titanic, in cursive below it. “I love it, darling.”

Josie tries to will herself awake again, but nothing is working. Even as John and Penny grow more intimate, she finds herself wanting to run away. How could she be here? Why was she dreaming of this? With a moment of willpower, she forces the body she’s in to pull away, causing John to look confused.

“Penny? What’s wrong, my love?” Instead of a reply, Josie breaks down into hysterics.

“I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming.” Her words come through, but they sound so strained.

“No, this is real. When we get to America, we’ll have the rest of our lives together to dream.”

She wants to scream no at him but puts her strength into moving her legs off of the deck. As she’s running, she can hear John yelling, “Don’t go!”, but there are also other people yelling above her. She looks towards the bow, and the wall from her previous dream is there, but now she realizes, that it’s not a wall.

She screams, dashing away from it, but instead of hearing it crash Josie’s eyes open, and she finds herself screaming in her apartment. Quickly she stops, gets out of bed, and pats herself down. A knock on the door startles her, and she cautiously checks the peephole to only see tufts of familiar red hair. “John?” She asks, swinging the door open to meet eyes with a stranger. She doesn’t even remember who that name belongs to but feels like this man isn’t him.

“Um, no, sorry. My name is James, I just moved across the hall to help my great-great-grandpa and I heard screaming, so I just wanted to ask you to be quieter please.”

Her brows furrow at his lack of concern for the screaming and more for his elder, but her cheeks flush all the same. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was having nightmares, I think.”

“You were screaming like that and only think it was a nightmare?” He smirks at her, and she scoffs.

“I’m sorry, okay. I’ll try to never dream again.”

He laughs, and looks down, only for his eyes to shoot back up and to the side. “Um. I’m s-sorry. I-“ She looks down, realizing she’s only wearing a long t-shirt, and her cheeks flame to life.

“Get a good look, perv?” He turns back to her, his cheeks matching his hair.

“I am not a perv. Look.” He covers his eyes, and she can’t help the giggle that escapes. “My great-great-grandpa is very old-fashioned Irish. He likes knowing all of his neighbors, so would you be willing to join us for dinner tonight? You won’t be alone; all the other tenants nearby will be there too.”

Josie thinks on it for a moment and decides this guy is very handsome, and who is she to turn down free food. “Sure.”

He is looking away again, but it seems the corner of his mouth turns up. “Make sure you wear pants though. It’s at seven.” She doesn’t even respond, just closes the door on him.

With that in mind, she gets her day going, the night’s dream shaken off like it was nothing. After cleaning, showering, and picking out a casual emerald green dress for dinner, she relaxes on the couch, putting on some comforting TV show. Oblivious, she slips into her dream once again.

Although to her it’s not a dream. It feels too real. Her eyes snap open and she recognizes the cabin she shares with Jessie, who is nowhere to be seen. It’s taking on ice-cold water and she scrambles to open the door, but it won’t budge. Her gift from John is still in her hands, a token she doesn’t want to part with.

“Help! Help me please!” Penny’s voice pleads with silence answering her in return.

Minutes seem to pass by of her yelling for help until she hears that same Irish accent.

“Penny! Lass!” He breaks down the door and she throws herself into her arms, the water up past their calves now.

“Let’s go love.”

“Where’s Jessie? Mabel? Miss Ruth? Is everyone okay?”

He scoops her up like a baby and covers her ears. “Just focus on surviving, okay? That’s what I need from you please. You nearly scared me to death disappearing like that. How you ended up down here, I’ll never know.”

She can’t hear much over the sound of rushing water and John’s rapid heartbeat, but she can still see doorknobs rattling along with all the staff rooms. It’s clear Penny wasn’t the only person who had been locked in their room, but to break down every door seemed impossible.

“We need to let them out!” She cries, but John keeps going.

“We’re going down fast, Penny. I’m so sorry.” She feels his tears plop onto her dress, and she clutches him tighter, not wanting him to see her break down into hysterics again.

Josie can’t believe everything she’s witnessing, seeing, hearing, and feeling. She can feel everything Penelope can and all the fear leaves her just a shattered fragment in Penny’s head.

He races up all stairs as if they’re nothing. People are swarming the elevators, knocking others down on the lower levels, but the people towards the top seem to be doing just fine as if the ship isn’t sinking.

“Penny, love. You have to get on a lifeboat.” He whispers to her and she grips him tightly.

“What about you, my John?”

“They’re only boarding women and children right now. I’ll be on one as soon as they let me.”

“I don’t want to be parted so soon.” She’s crying again, her pain a dull ache throughout Josie’s consciousness.

“It won’t be for long, my love.” He kisses her, with the sound of the violin in the background, playing music as people fight over boarding lifeboats. He sets her down, puts a life vest on her, and pushes her gently in the direction of the boat. Josie can feel the bow of the ship sunken deeply, meaning there wasn’t much time left before it broke in half. The screams and cries resonate through Josie from the dream she’d had the other night, instantly making Penny’s skin crawl.

Penny looks back to see John has disappeared from the crowd, hopefully, to get on a different boat, but she is beginning to panic. The lights on the ship suddenly start to flicker and some people are throwing themselves over the side of the edge into the icy waters. Josie feels that lingering cold beginning to return, and as Penny is about to step into the lifeboat, a cracking noise shakes the ship. Penny falls, her mirror goes flying, and she grabs the side of the lifeboat, but it starts to begin its descent too fast and she fears she’ll be crushed if she hangs on. Taking a deep breath, she grits her teeth and lets go.

Josie flails awake, no screams this time, but fear still radiating through her. Once again, her memories have all faded, leaving behind the feeling of tensed nerves and an elevated heart rate. Her clock reads 6:50 PM and she darts off the couch, throwing on the outfit she picked out earlier.

She’s across the hall right on time, and James opens the door with wide eyes. “You clean up nice, Miss No Pants.”

She laughs and he ushers her into his sitting area, where some of her neighbors are already stationed. She does feel more comfortable with them there, especially her downstairs neighbor Jessica, who always baked her things when she found out Josie was by herself. They caught up a bit, and then James’s great-great-grandpa was wheeled out by a male nurse.

Jessica said what everyone was thinking. “Damn, sir, you don’t look a day over one hundred.” The old man laughed an airy laugh and they all took our seats to eat.

“Did you cook all this James?”

“Yep! My mom was a chef, so she passed a lot of stuff down to me. It’s just me and my Pops now, though, but I enjoy cooking for him.”

While the neighbors are all busy fanning over James, something about his Pops keeps Josie looking at him. His hair reminds her of snow, but his eyes were a shade of green that almost match her dress.

She feels as if she knows those eyes, but chalks it up to being from her close encounter with James. After dinner, she stays around to apologize properly for that morning and finds herself looking at lots of old nautical items.

“He likes boats, been building them since he was young. Not me, though.” James says from behind her, causing her to jump. “Sorry, Lass.”

“Lass??”

“Ah, it’s an Irish thing you know. Figured the hair might have given it away?” She laughs.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry again for this morning and thank you for dinner. Have a good night.”

“No problem, and anytime.” He winks at her, and she leaves, excited to sleep. She missed Doc a little today but hopes they can get a coffee tomorrow or something.

After putting the dress back up in her closet she collapses into bed, her dream already pulling her back.

There’re several things she notices all at once when she’s back. There’s no light anywhere for miles, the stars seem to have disappeared behind the clouds, and the moon is nowhere to be found. Her throat burns from the cold and her lungs seem to be failing miserably. She still has her life jacket on, but everything below her neck is like an ice cube floating in a glass of water. The biggest thing is that Penny is fading fast. Penny’s consciousness seems to be here, but Josie isn’t sure if she’s got any strength left.

“Penelope! Penny! Penny! I’m coming!”

She wants to tell him not to come, that it seems to be too late for her; her vocal cords are frozen. Josie remembers dreaming this before, and she can tell, that this story is coming to an end.

“I got ya, lass!” Those strong hands hoist her up onto some type of handmade raft. “Penny? Can you hear me?” Josie fails to attempt to shake her head but can blink a few times. “Oh, thank the heavens. When I saw you fall, I thought I’d lost you. I’ve already lost so much.” He rubs her throat, trying to warm her up.

“John.” Penny weakly squeaks out after a moment.

“It’s okay you don’t have to speak.” But Josie can feel how fast the moments are fleeting, she knows Penny is done for.

“If I disappear, I’ll be okay.” She rasps out. Josie isn’t sure what to think. Did Penny know about her?

“Disappear? You’re already here with me, love. We made it.”

She shakes her head and tears start to fall.

“What? Penelope, you aren’t making any sense.” Josie begins to feel weak. She’s starting to worry that if she doesn’t wake up soon, she might not make it.

“I’m sorry. If you want me to survive, I need to disappear. She’s dreaming.”

Tears fill his eyes. “You mentioned dreaming earlier… Am I too late?”

“I’m sorry, but my memories will continue on,” Penny whispers. “I hope I get to see you again. You are my John.”

His broad shoulders slump and shake, “I love you.” He says, and Josie wishes she could cry through her frozen tear ducts. “You should disappear then, love. Be safe wherever you go, until I can see you again. Whatever you wish, I will obey.” He leans over Josie to kiss her forehead and she sees his eyes, and their striking color of emerald green, which sends her over the edge and off her bed.

“Ow.” She says, and for the first time in her life, she remembers her dreams. Not wanting to waste another moment she puts some pants on and goes across the hall, she knocks until James opens the door and he stares at her incredulously.

“Can I see your grandpa, please? It’s important!”

“Um, sure?”

Josie leaves no room for argument and she rushes into the room she saw him come out of earlier. She knocks lightly and comes to sit down next to his bed, finally seeing him for who he is.

“Thanks for living a full life.” She whispers, and those same green orbs flutter open to gaze at her.

“Penny? I thought I saw you at dinner but told myself I was going crazy.”

“Ah, not quite Penny. I’m Josie, but you’re also my John.” Josie grabs his hand and he smiles.

“I thought when Penny disappeared from my arms, she’d simply passed on quietly, but you’ve got her, don’t you?” He points at Josie’s heart and she kisses his knuckles, holding them close.

“I will always hold you both close. Thanks for everything John.” She squeezes his hand and he smiles.

“No, Josie. Thank you for remembering us.” He reaches for something on his bedside table and pulls out Penny’s mirror. “Keep this from now on, so you’ll never forget.”

Josie gently grabs the heavy mirror, recalling exactly how it felt in her hands before.

“I will forever.”

“To forever, then.” He says, those strong hands now ladled with age, but still just the same as they were all those years ago upon that fateful midnight stroll.