On the Verge of Tomorrow

Never lose sight of the strength from within. A Love Supreme, Ma B. It was as if Nia was reading the inscription in the silver, heart-shaped locket for the first time. In reality (reality...what’s that?) Nia read that inscription every day since … well, since what she calls AL: After Life. So, it wasn’t the catchiest of phrases, but it was appropriate. Besides, who did she have to impress? No one, absolutely no one.

No one...Nia found herself almost mesmerized by that phrase. How often did she casually say that to someone in the past? For Nia, “no one” meant no one special, no one important, no one she wanted to interact with, etc. There was always someone, a person, a human being she could interact with even when she didn’t want to be bothered. Without any reason or rationale, Nia found herself trying to remember all the times she attempted to avoid going to an event because no one would be there. No one ... Well, it seems that her un-wish had finally been granted. I guess this is what used to be referred to as irony...or was it simply the absolute worst, never-ending nightmare?

Nia had no way of telling, but she felt as if her birthday was approaching; Nia would always get sentimental and deep in thought around her birthday. It was never, “Oh my gosh! I’m getting older!” kind of thing. Just a time of reflection of where she came from, where she was, and where she hoped to be in the future. So, that probably explains why Nia had been fumbling with her locket more than usual in the past few days. Whenever Nia thought about her childhood, she was always filled with awe, curiosity, amusement, and gratitude.

Nia had been adopted when she was 5-years old. There wasn’t anything too dramatic about her biological mother giving her up for adoption; just a “typical” young woman about to embark on a new adventure and then having to deal with an unexpected pregnancy. Nia knew nothing of the relationship between her biological parents. Interestingly enough, she really didn’t care. Even as a child, Nia was quick to let go of things: If she got into trouble, she quickly accepted the punishment and just moved on. If a toy broke, she was filled with excitement about the next toy that would replace it. Perhaps, because Nia had lived in many different foster homes, that she learned at an early age to let things go. Not to say that she didn’t miss things or even cry, but she moved forward quicker than most people she knew, even the adults in her life.

There were three things Nia had been given as a child that she clung to for dear life: a picture of her biological mom; her name, Nia, which means “purpose” in Swahili (she never liked nicknames), and the silver, heart-shaped locket. In fact, it was Ma B - her biological mom - who had made sure that Nia had it with her when she was a baby. Initially, Nia’s biological family had cared for her during her infancy, but at some point, decided it was too much of a burden. It seemed a miracle that at age 27, she still had the heart-shaped locket from Ma B. For whatever reason, it always seemed to give a sense of calm and strength during her most challenging times and darkest days. Nia always thought those dark days would be past experiences that would give her strength for tomorrow, “and all that jazz,” as her sister would say. But those dark days quickly became these dark days, and weeks, and months, and years…

Nia had lost track of how long she had been sitting on the rubble by what looked like a library. An avid reader, Nia found this to be her favorite spot. Granted, most of the books were either burned beyond recognition, slightly charred or had many pages missing. But occasionally, she would find a few hard-cover books that were - with the exception of a few burnt pages - pretty much intact. These discoveries always gave Nia some sort of satisfaction; she had often debated with her friend Adam about why hard-cover books had a lot more character than soft-cover books.

Adam...He was had been one of the oldest friendships in Nia’s life. There was a brief moment before they headed to college when they explored a romantic relationship, probably just apprehension about the future. It was one of the best Summers of her life, but Nia and Adam both knew that they made much better friends than lovers. Adam...the first man...and now there wasn’t any man! That sad and morbid thought made Nia burst into laughter. There isn’t a man, woman, or child in sight. Where is the first man when you really need him…

Nia had made her “home” near the library in a small 10x10 cellar that was located close to the library. Nia was overjoyed to see how well-stocked it was: enough canned goods to feed a small clan, batteries, a few blankets and towels, a box of rusty but useable tools, a few bags of clothes that were probably meant to be donated, bottles of toxic cleaning supplies (no need to worry about the ozone layer now), miscellaneous items (why were there so many empty cardboard egg cartons?), and an abundance of store-bought and hotel toiletries.

Nia remembered when she discovered the cellar, seeing all those toiletries made her break out into tears. The irony of the situation didn’t escape her: plenty of things to keep her clean without anyone to notice. The current situation looked bleak beyond words that Nia forced herself not to get too deep in that thought. Instead, she did what she normally did: she assessed the situation, then began to form some sort of plan. Her survival method was simple: keep moving forward, no matter what.

Along with the goodies she found in the cellar was a turtle. Normally, Nia would have been livid to see any animal in a glass cage, even if it did survive thousands of years on earth. She hated seeing animals in any sort of captivity, which is why she refused to go to a zoo. So, when she first spotted the turtle, she was furious. But that fury quickly changed to gratitude. How could she possibly justify her anger towards people who - without knowing - gave her an abundance of provisions, along with the only living thing that Nia had come across in who knows how long. It was that last thought that lingered a bit longer than Nia would have liked...who knows how long. So, instead of lingering on why anyone would leave a turtle in a cellar, she decided to give thanks for the unusual and unexpected new friend.

Nia had always been a person who liked order. She had no problem letting loose and could be very spontaneous, but she liked order. Once the shock of what had happened had faded a bit (or maybe, she was still in shock and this was her mind’s way of protecting her), she decided to develop some sort of routine. Every 5-days, she would go exploring to see what goodies she could find and find a place to store the excess. But, whenever she went exploring, deep within her spirit, she hoped that perhaps, with all that had been destroyed, there was still life.

Whenever Nia wanted to embark on a new project in her new reality, she would often get the thought, “Why even bother?” The question didn’t disturb her as much as not having an answer. Why even bother? Nia’s rationale was that she wanted to maintain some sort of order so that she wouldn’t go crazy. But what if she had already gone crazy? Nia was well aware that her conversations with Theo the Turtle were getting longer and longer each day. Her rational mind told her that Theo doesn’t understand her at all. But there were times when she would go off one of her longer than usual tantrums that Theo seemed to look at her with understanding. Yeah, right…

Nia was looking forward to doing some heavy-duty cleaning, but she wanted to go out to pick up a cart she had found a few days ago. Nia tried to remember why she hadn’t just brought the cart back with her when she first saw it. The cart was spotted out the corner of her eye and within a few seconds, her attention had been distracted, so she left it. Being that it was early, Nia wanted to retrace her steps in the hopes of finding that cart again and bring it back.

Before leaving, without even thinking, Nia went right into her usual ritual: triple-checked that her mask was on secure; unpacked and repacked every item in her backpack to make sure that she had the “essentials” in the event that she got stranded somewhere (Nia was always surprised and impressed at how sturdy her backpack was with very little wear); gave Theo some food, which was basically anything that she thought wouldn’t be too offensive for a turtle to eat), and of course, her locket. Nia was surprised at how quickly she was able to find the cart, which turned out not to be too far from her cellar. Her cellar...How interesting that something she didn’t buy, build, or was not given to her as a gift, now became hers, simply because there was no one else to claim it. No one…

Nia got lost in thought but was jotted back to reality when she noticed something. Not just something, but something had moved! Did she eat that day? Yes. Did she feel light-headed? No. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Possibly. With all that Nia did to avoid losing her mind, she couldn’t escape the thought that her mind could have been lost a long time ago. But it wasn’t that...she had seen some movement. She was certain of it. Person, place, or thing...that’s what she remembers in grade school when reading a sentence and having to find the subject. Was it a person, place, or thing? Whatever she saw (Nia decided to accept that she actually did see something move) it seemed to be buried. Something that wanted to be discovered...or a person…

Whoa!!! Slow down! A person! Seriously! Nia voiced her thoughts, concerns, and disbelief aloud as if there was someone else to banter with. Yes...it was a person...I would bet my life on it! Really? What life is this anyway? Your best friend is a turtle and you eat Vienna franks almost every day and act as if it’s a delicacy!

Nia was well aware of the voices in her head (Great! Now I have more than just two other voices to listen to. Fantastic!) What if? It seemed almost impossible… she had passed over this spot a million times… As Nia stepped over the all-too-familiar rubble, with fear, anticipation, curiosity, and more fear, Nia moved forward. Each step seemed to take her an hour; instinctively, her fingers gently rubbed over the heart-shaped locket given to her from Ma B. Immediately, a sense of calm engulfed her as her finger ran over the worn-out inscription: Never lose sight of the strength from within…