Olga's Garden

I sat in the garden and looked up at the sky thinking about her. So many things I wanted to say and so many things I thought about that weren’t that important, but I still wanted her opinion.

Looking at the banana plant taking in all the beauty of nature, fresh air and the sound of the birds at 5 am. So many people would do anything to have a garden like this in the middle of London.

The sky was light blue with a streak of pink, a cloud cut in half and another one shaped like a sliced frying pan. Staring at each cloud like it’s a puzzle. Breathing in each cold particle of air and being grateful for the peace and clarity from the atmosphere of the outside.

Watching a sunrise cannot be put into words, thinking about who decided to create such a beautiful view that cannot really be timed because it's different all over the world. The best sunrise I have seen is in Ibiza. She would have loved it but then she is always with me, and she would have seen it. I keep forgetting, silly me.

Someone so prominent in your life, watching and waiting for you to realise that the whole time they have been with you, smiling and crying and laughing. Wherever you go like a guardian angel, or like the fairy I painted when I was 10 that sits on the edge of the pond.

Is that her as well?

When I feel sad or low, I feel her in the wind just pasted my shoulder and through my hair, sometimes it's Suttle and sometimes it's so obvious. Would she want me to follow my dreams and go to the path she chose for me, where she protected me and waits patiently for me to open pandora’s box, I’m still unsure.

The dream started under the pear tree leading me to a box, pandora’s box maybe. I didn’t open it in the dream it was under the tree already open and glowing inside. A bright white light burning not just inside but also my curious heart. I woke up.

This was not the first time I had the dream it was the seventh time.

What did it all mean?

I looked up the box in my dream book. It said, ability to make sure you always feel more safe and secure.

Maybe she will tell me what the dream means. If I ask her tonight before I go to bed and open the window and hear the wind chime move in the breeze of my heart.

She was the most beautiful woman and if I could show her everything I have grown. The carrots, the tomatoes and the spinach growing so fast the slugs were going crazy. I think she would be proud of me.

No words can describe this summer garden, the hammock swinging in the wind, as I can the neighbour's children playing a few doors down on a concrete ground, fighting over the ball they both want to play with.

This garden should be on a tv show it could win an award with the most exotic plants that are not used to this temperature. The bees love every flower and every colour they can smell all day.

Thinking about her again and how she left so suddenly, we all missed her and what she would be like now. She was the heart and soul of the garden and the other one she was always in pruning and trimming everything that called out to her. Begging her for water and to care for them, plants are just as needy as humans really. Always seeking and demanding things they didn’t need to worry about. If people spoke to their children, the same way that she spoke to her plants. We would have raised more global leaders than ever.

The plum tree was falling. The tree had been propped up so many times and the tortoise was always trying to eat rotten plums that fell on his head in the middle of the day. The cats ran across the tree and caught the pigeons and killed them under the cherry tree.

This garden was more active than central London, there was so much to see and watch out for. The local fox likes to hide behind the Rosemary bush until he realised the cat had been there and it didn’t smell that good now.

She talks to me again I can feel it and I did not wear a jumper today. I can’t work out if she’s staying today or if she wants to just let me know I should sit in peace, breathe her in and sit in the gratitude of my own heart.

Every morning I write my ten blessings and my favourite is the garden because I think of her, I read them back to myself and I know she is smiling down at me. I know you are there, listening to me.

The garden looks different from every angle. The path is a winding road to the garage and from the pond it looks like the trees overcrowd it, giving a good source of shade for a sunny day. The birds have more feeders to choose from than a guy trying to find the right way to approach a girl at a bar.

I love this garden because every year something grows more than the other side but there is one tree that bears fruit every year. As I lay down on a picnic blanket and reminisce about her, I remember when she planted this pear tree.

She’s in the wind when I cry, she’s in the soil for every flower that blooms and she's in every leaf that grows like wildflowers. The wind chime blows in the wind again

Is she speaking to me?

Does she love the garden?

Do you like this place? No wind just stillness.

The wind chime blows, jangling and jiggling as the leaves swing and sway. That is a yes, I think.

I miss you so much and we just hope that you are ok.

The sun shines and the gulls come out to squark as if she's saying yes, yes everything is ok and you will be too.

I wanted this garden to be a safe space since the day I had my treehouse was when I was 12 and the cat that used to come would sit with me while I played on my Gameboy. I'm so glad I knew you then and I am so much like you now.

I never thought my granny would still be talking to me while I sit in the garden missing her constantly. Suddenly the wind chime comes crashing to the ground and the branch falls snapping in half as a bird flies away. Watching the wind chime fall in slow motion each bead and piece of metal dance like little splashes of rain. I now realise the whole time she spoke to me through the wind chime dangling on the tip of the beautiful pear tree.