Oblighaustion

Jamie drags herself out of bed as the alarm clock buzzes. It feels like she just closed her eyes, and it’s already morning! Like a mindless zombie, she stumbles into the kitchen for breakfast. What’s the quickest? Coffee and cereal like always. Breakfast is cold and bland as she wolfs it down, never savoring, never tasting.

Rapidfire pings assault her ears as she opens her phone. Email him, text her. Buy this, do that. Exercise, work, errands, parties, fundraisers... everything due NOW! Every day planned down to the last second. The slightest deviation, and the entire schedule derails. Obligations left unmet means people left disappointed. Fail too many times, and they walk out of her life. She can’t let that happen again!

Crumpled papers of unfinished drafts litter Jamie’s desk. Her sketchbook, pencils, and sewing basket sit abandoned, gathering dust. Symbols of pleasure sacrificed at the altar of business. Her time is bought and sold, no longer hers. All day she sits typing away, but the passionate fire is gone. Mechanically, methodically toiling, she turns out pages of emotionless drivel.

Her house looks awful; she can’t stop to clean. Her favorite movie is on; she can’t stop to watch. Her friend calls; she cant’ stop to answer. There’s no money in housework, in leisure, in friendship.

Meditation offers no peace. It’s another task to check off the list.

Bedtime sneaks up, leaving half the list undone. Like the fatigue overtaking her, the unfulfilled expectations never end.