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Not Nappy About This!

A short story inspired by a bizarre dream about watching the news.

By Chloe GilholyPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Not Nappy About This!
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

“And now the six o’clock news with Magnus Steele.”

A man in his late 50s and black suit and tie took a seat with his eyes on the camera. Magnus was known for his wisdom and straight face. He took pride in telling people that he never looked at social media, but he couldn’t resist the odd scroll on his wife’s mobile from time to time. From what he had seen, he had no idea how he was going to keep a straight face.

“Good evening. Due to the increase of strange fetishes, care facilities all over Europe are running out adult diapers and incontinence pads. And with me tonight in Cocksworth is the CEO of Prime Kink Fashion, Violet Bondage. Good evening, Miss Bondage.”

“Good evening, Magnus.” Violet Bondage had been on the news many times to give interviews. It was safe to say that she was one of the more attractive guests Magnus had had on his show. He would welcome her back anytime just for a glance of her cherry lips.

“Now Miss Bondage, can you explain this strange phenomenon?”

Violet nodded and spoke with a smile. “Despite the taboo nature of these fetishes, it’s more common than most people think. Due to social media, the shame from it has been lifted.”

“How is it suddenly become so popular now?”

“It’s a natural progression I guess. Some people feel nostalgic wearing them. Some like the warmth and the slosh. Some like to be adult babies sometimes.”

Magnus gagged. “Sounds disgusting.”

“A lot of my customers do like to get down and dirty.”

“And how much money are you making out of these disposable pants?”

“We’ve sold over a million packets past two months.”

“And what sort of message is this giving out to the younger generations?”

Violet shrugged her shoulders. After a few moments of hesitance, Magnus was on the edge of his seat. “As long as all parties involved are consenting, I see no harm it’s doing to our society.”

“Now Miss Bondage, I must ask the question that we are all dying to hear: what kind of underwear are you wearing?”

“Normally I would say mind your own business.” Violet lifted the rims of her dress up to her weight to reveal her answer. “Since you asked nicely: I am commando.”

“The looneys will be furious because you’re not wearing a nappy. But anybody with a decent taste in women will be delighted.” Magnus Steele chuckled. He got what he wanted, and he was sure he would be in trouble with his wife when he got home. “Thank you very much.”

“You’re very welcome.”

“Also with me tonight is Florence Ryan, a nurse. Mrs Ryan, what are your views on this?” Mrs Ryan’s hair was all over the place and her uniform was drenched in sweat. He felt sorry for the poor woman. She had to be working from dawn till dusk to look after the sick.

“I’ve been a nurse for forty years, and I’ve never seen such madness! A price of these pads has rocketed because of this foolishness. This is disgusting! We cannot give patients the proper care they need.”

“And what would your message be to the people doing this?”

“Only use them if you require them! Get a job! Get a life! And spend your money on things worth having. Go shopping. Travel the world. Do things with your life. It is not fun to lie in your own waste every day. You will get sores. Your skin will become infected. You will smell!”

“I'm afraid I'll have to cut you short there. Thank you for your time, Mrs Ryan.”

“Thank you for having me.”

“In breaking news, The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom has a special message regarding the diaper shortages.”

The screens cut into the Prime Minster outside Number Ten Downing Street. “You are all morons!”

Magnus nodded. “For the first time in my life, I quite agree with the Prime Minister.”

Humor
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About the Creator

Chloe Gilholy

Former healthcare worker and lab worker from Oxfordshire. Author of ten books including Drinking Poetry and Game of Mass Destruction. Travelled to over 20 countries.

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