No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

The aliens appeared at the UN and made the world an offer they could not refuse. The deal was simple. They would provide humans with money for the fat of their bodies or they would destroy our planet. While the aliens were removing human fat, they would cure the donor of disease or infection. The only exception was that they would take no one under the age of twenty. Behind their backs, we called the aliens, Butchers.

Kelly was invited to the alien embassy for a free lunch seminar by one of her doctors. The aliens sent an ambulance to take her to the restaurant. Kelly was thirty-six; she weighed 904.4 pounds.

Being so large, Kelly depended on her mother and kids to take care of her. Since she could not get out of bed, she pissed, shit, ate, and cleaned herself all in the same bed. Her mom used a dish mop to wash her folds. Her children helped care for her. Her kids rolled her, wiped her, and added baby powder to her crevasses and creases. She was always in pain from the various illnesses her size caused.

Kelly was in terrible shape. Her weight had rendered her immobile. She had large lymphedema fat modules hanging from her legs and arms, a large underbelly, and could not walk. She was on oxygen. Her skin was red, full of rashes in odd and unpleasant places every place it rubbed together. Her feet and legs were so swollen they were unrecognizable.

The presentation was simple. Based on your fat grade, the aliens would pay you per pound. They attached a machine to her wrist. The code was red, yellow, and green, with green being the best. The greener the better. Kelly knew she was special when her green light not only flashed green but began blinking on and off in rapid succession. The machine sounded an alert. The aliens floated over to the device. They offered her a thousand dollars per pound. She took the deal; she was certain her children would not miss wiping her ass.

At first, Kelly wondered what the aliens did with the fat they were collecting. By her fourth procedure, she did not care. She was not in pain. She was making a ton of money. Her skin was clear of sores. Whatever she wanted to eat whenever she wanted, they provided it. After her fourth visit, the Butchers offered her a place in their apartment complex with 24/7 care. She moved In the next day.

Aliens combed her hair and dressed her in the softest pajamas ever. She requested steak, potatoes, eggs, and French fries. Within minutes, a double platter of food arrived for her. On the sixth week, she asked for a man. An attractive thin man showed up and addressed her needs.

Kelly lived in a modified apartment complex with other people like herself. Although she could not walk, her newly healed knees allowed her to stand. The view from her cloud-top apartment was stunning. Besides the nurse, the apartment came with a silent alien butler who did whatever Kelly requested. Her complex had food of every sort, day and night. Whatever you wanted… they would get or prepare it for you.

For the first two months, she was gaining weight even with ten pounds removed every ten days. She ate to her heart's content. Kelly laughed each time she went to make a fat deposit. She had a beautician and nail tech come and do her hair and nails. A massage therapist rubbed her down twice a week. Sometimes, Kelly had an artist come to makeup her face for no reason. She could afford it.

Her family came to see her and asked how long she was going to stay. Kelly laughed and told them forever. Why would she leave? Conversation ground to a halt. After a few visits, they stopped coming.

One of the other residents left. Marie slimmed down to three hundred pounds. The aliens would continue to take her weekly deposits, but they would not finance her lifestyle anymore. Marie left smiling. Her goal had been to lose weight and go back out into the real world. Marie made a quarter million in six months while reducing her weight from five hundred to three hundred pounds.

This complex held a thousand humans. Kelly knew there were other complexes around the world. Marie was the only person who had left. The rest of the people were staying and staying fat.

After Marie left, Kelly’s eating slowed. There was no one to criticize or scold her. There was no financial pressure. The Butchers arranged for her family to withdraw money from her account. Kelly lost weight. First slowly, then quickly. When you can have whatever you want, whenever you want, eventually you have eaten all you could.

After six months, she could walk with a walker. Her butler insisted on pushing her everywhere in the wheelchair when they left the apartment, but using the walker, she walked to the bathroom and the bedroom now, dressing and showering herself. Although she had deposited 360 pounds, she still weighted over five hundred pounds.

Was she going to be a fat depositor for her entire life? Or was she going to return to the world? Kelly swam in the complex’s pool. Over the next four months, her weight dropped one hundred pounds. She could stand without the walker, walking short distances. How long had it been since she had walked anywhere? Kelly heard another person left and went home.

The Aliens eliminated any human interactions in the complex. Anything Kelly needed; she could get from her Alien customers. Hair, nails, they provided everything. If you used Alien suppliers, the cost was covered. They strongly discouraged leaving the complex.

A slim young man came in to talk with her. He asked how she was doing before broaching the subject of her weight loss. Kelly was expecting congratulations. What she got instead was concern. Was she losing weight on purpose, if so, why? Didn’t she have everything she needed here? Wasn’t she happy? The Butchers were incredibly pleased as her fat was some of the best they had ever harvested. Please let him know of anything she needed.

She almost told the young man of her plan to lose weight, but something in his eyes made her stop. It was the way he was talking to her as if she were a disobedient child. Kelly reassured him that all was well. He reminded her that if there was anything she wanted, they could accommodate her wishes.

After he left, Kelly sat there, thinking. Her alien butler was always with her, no matter where she went. It was creepy. Kelly requested a doctor.

When the slim doctor came by, she told him she wanted to lose enough weight so she could walk farther on her own. The doctor was not encouraging. He advised her to relax and enjoy her life.

Kelly set up an account at a human bank “for her family.” She started depositing half of her money into the human account. A slim financial advisor came by to let her know that the rates the aliens were offering were better. She told them that her family was alien bigots but since she loved them anyway, she would deposit the money in the banks they choose.

Kelly kept losing weight. Her fat still caused the green light to freak out.

A new rule was announced, to leave the fatty complex needed permission. Seemed a person had gone out to visit with family, then stayed gone. The aliens had to locate him and persuade him to come back.

At the end of the third year, she weighed in at 391 pounds. She received another visit from the counselor. People under three hundred pounds could not stay on the complex.

The message was clear: if Kelly continued to lose weight, she would lose her apartment, her free food, and everything else. At three hundred pounds, she would be no one special. She would be just another fat person on Earth. Kelly feigned dismay and continued to lose. It occurred to her she was being milked for her special fat. She had to get out of there.

Finally, Kelly was under three hundred pounds. Her fat still tripped the machine with the blinking green light. She was ready to leave. The aliens set up a ride for her. As she got in the vehicle, Kelly felt exhilarated. It took ten minutes for her to recognize that she was not heading back to the city, but somewhere else. They injected her with something to stop the screaming.

When she came to, she was in an apartment identical to the one she left. They shackled her to the bed, then connected to a feeding station to pump liquid food into her. She was their prisoner, their livestock to be fattened up and milked as they saw fit. The Butchers were real butchers.

Kelly wondered what the Butchers had told her family. She was overcome by panic and fear. Tears filled her eyes. Her butler rolled a bed next to Kelly. She turned and raised her head to see who was there. Shackled to the bed was a very plumb Marie.

There is no such thing as a free lunch.