Never Judge A Book By It's Cover

"Ive been through more things than you think Raheem" Julia said softly.

"I know about trauma and pain just like you do. You see me holding this pen, and you think its a piercing sword. I know all to much about weapons, and in a way, I'm just like you. This pen is a tool, a tool of choice. A tool I chose to use to help and heal, not hurt."

"Those are some of the same things my pops used to say doc." Raheem replied while looking down at the table.

"I watched my father get killed by the same man that said he loved him with his life! And for what? A couple of lousy dollars? " I could of sold a couple of packs and gave him that doc."

"The man that killed my father was like a uncle to me." Raheem explained with a tear coming out of his eye.

He took care of me, bought me clothes, put a roof over my head, and food in my mouth! He was always around the house. My pops name in the streets was "Stash" because he literally always had a lot of work and money stashed in the crib!

"Was a big time drug dealer in your neighborhood?" Julia asked with a intrigued look on her face.

"Yeah. he is from the Bronx. It seemed to me like he had everything from Forrest Projects to Bronx River East on lock. He'd been putting in work on them streets for years. He'd have a book bag full of crack and guns underneath a change of clothes. We'd go to Forrest Projects, he'd drop me off at a chick house for a day, and the next day he'd come back with two to three thousand dollars, cash! This was was every week! I don't know how he did it!" Raheem explained.

"Every week more money came. Soon he was making $20,000 a month J! I counted it. I was thirteen 0r fourteen years old watching this happen. My pops was never flashy. He would always take the money from the work, and invest it into the neighborhood or other kids. Then he Re up'd and do it all over again. He aint care about a fly car, clothes, or chicks. He cared about younger kids coming up. He bought kids books, you know. He paid for them to go to school, to make something of themselves!"

"One cold night" Raheem continued to explain.

"The dude that I thought was my my uncle, was my family, called my pops into Forrest Projects. I thought maybe it was some business that they needed to handle. Pops parked the car on 166th and Tinton Ave and walked off with a smile on his face. It was like the happiest I'd ever seen him. He always had this saying he'd say to me every time he had to leave me. He'd say "Rah hold your head never let your head hold you."

"What do you think he meant by that?" Julia asked

"It meant keep your head above water because sometimes your head can be the reason you drown. Its your job to train your mind, body, and spirit on how to swim. Its your job to find balance and peace." Raheem explained

"Great analogy Raheem! So what happened after you father walked into the projects?" Julia asked.

"So I'm sitting there and over a sudden I hear 5 gunshots!! I see people scrambling out and screaming. I immediately jump out of the car. Instead of running away I run toward where people are running from."

"My pops never let me carry, so I basically jumped out blindly and ran."

"Thats when I saw the moment that changed my whole existence forever. My pops lying on the ground, and the man that was supposed to be his brother, his damn best friend, was standing over him with the gun. He stole his book bag, got in a car, and drove off. I ran over to my pops and held his face in my hands. I cried and screamed so loud. " Raheem continued to explain.

"It was as if it was a movie, and this was closing scene, it just seemed to surreal. The blood felt like thick water, and my fathers eyes..." Raheem said as he paused to wipe his tears.

"His eyes were open. They were wide and lifeless. My best friend, mentor, and OG was gone."

"My moms was a drug addict and I had no older brothers or sisters, so I was bounced from pillow to post my whole life. Selling crack, coke, weed, X, anything to get money and numb the pain." Raheem explained as he continued to wipe his tears.

"So you'll have to excuse me if I don't trust what you say doc. A close relative betrayed me so why wouldn't you do the same?"

"As I said were more similar than you think." Julia replied putting her pen and book down.

"My rookie year as a cop I worked a case in The Bronx believe it or not. My lieutenant assigned me to work the Mt. Eden beat with these two sisters. This was about August 2001, right before the towers fell. At the time they had about ten years of experience, and they had both been partners for their entire careers."

"They are my best friends and great mentors to me." Julia said as she continues her story.

"Anyway, about two months into my training there is a robbery in progress, at a bodega near the 4 Train line. The address sounded familiar, and while on the way, I realized that it was my uncle's bodega. I didn't tell my trainers because I wanted to see what happened for myself."

"Really Ms. J, you've never shared this story before" Raheem said as he leaned in, engaging in Julia's story.

"There are a lot of things that you don't know about me Raheem, but I want this story to be a lesson." Julia replied passionately.

"So as we get out of the car we hear 4 gunshots!" People were scattering, screaming, and crying! We ran in to the store, and the first thing I see is blood on the floor, and my uncles dead body. I screamed, I yelled, I cried, for help. The sisters ran after the suspect but he got away." Julia said.

"Eventually I had to tell them who the victim was to me, so I wouldn't be a conflict of interest in the case. I went through the whole process. Interviews, background checks, it was very stressful."

"What happened next?" Raheem said quietly with his arms folded, while he laid down on the couch.

"Well" Julia said as she continued her story.

"They found out through the investigation that it wasn't a random robbery. My Uncle sold cocaine out of that store, and had been since about 1991. It turned out the same people he paid off set him up. They knew my uncle's business, and knew that he kept thousands of dollars worth of product in that store."

"Thats a great story Julia, but how does that relate to me?" Raheem asked as he shook his head nonchalantly.

"Theres one small detail that I left out of that story Raheem." Julia said as she leaned in closer to Raheem."

"Whats that?" Raheem asked, as he looked a way in a arrogant manner.

"The man that we found out that killed my uncle....." Julia said as she paused.

"Was my father" Julia replied.