My body doesn't understand the seasons

There is a pile of tissues next to my bed. I haven’t got the energy to get up and put them in the bin right now. There is a river of snot constantly flowing out of my nose; my cough sounds like I have the plague, and I’ve had a headache for the last 3 days. I know it’s just a cold or, at worst, man-flu, but it’s still had me off work for most of the week.

Here’s the thing, though: it’s about 90 degrees outside, the peak of summer. I can hear my next-door neighbor in their pool; the kids are having a great time. This is not cold and flu season; it’s the exact opposite. But here I am, looking like Rudolph the red-nosed patient zero.

I am a person with a Southern Hemisphere immune system living in the Northern Hemisphere.

The worst part is this is me every year. I will go through winter, and everyone is getting sick around me, dropping like flies, but I’m as healthy as an ox. They are off work or working from home (and they probably shouldn’t be, because they are barely functioning and should be letting their bodies rest). Everyone marvels at how healthy I am and wants to know my secret.

Then we get to summer, and the tables flip. People are enjoying the beach, or the park, or the backyard, or just being able to get out of bed, and I’m here sick as a dog. It’s not that I get sick for the whole summer, but it’s a noticeable chunk of time where I’m completely down for the count, and then there are a few more weeks of trying to shake it. That time when your body is drained of energy, and you just want to sleep every spare moment away.

As a kid, it was horrible. One year, my parents sent me to summer camp; I got to enjoy the inside of the cabin for most of those two weeks. The camp leaders tried to force me to participate in activities because they were convinced I was doing it on purpose so they could send me home. One of these activities that they thought I should try was a 3-mile hike in the woods. Well, I persevered and made it to the furthest point from the campgrounds, where I proceeded to pass out, hitting my head on a rock. My folks got their money back after that; apparently, the owners were worried my parents would get litigious over their son almost getting killed.

People's helpful advice is always great. There's also the “did you get the flu vaccine this year?” question, which usually leads to them telling me why I should or shouldn’t get one. My diet and vitamin regimen is another common topic of curiosity. At this point, I’ve had every natural remedy short of leeches suggested. The fact is, I’m just a marvel of modern-day physiology.

One year I tried to tempt fate. I was in Virginia, over Thanksgiving weekend. I decided I’d get around in summer attire to see if I could pick up a cold. I was walking around the backyard at my in-laws' house wearing a T-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops. Did I feel it? God yes. Did I get sick? Well, not sick with a cold or the flu; I did end up with frostbite on my toes. My father-in-law had thought I was odd before this; I don’t know that my escapade to bring on an illness helped improve his opinion of me.

I would love to say that after all these years, I’ve accepted it and moved on, but I just can’t. It’s annoying; it’s inconvenient to everyone. My wife ends up taking the kids to the pool or the beach while I stay home. Then she comes back to a sniffly, sick husband. The kids just want to do things with me, but I’m coughing up a lung or sneezing my head off.

Maybe I just need to follow through with my threat to move to Australia and have my ailments align with the seasons again. Knowing my luck, I’d be in a new country, and my body would reset itself.

Oh well, better pick up these snotty tissues.

Thank you for reading. Please like, comment, share, subscribe, or tip.

If you'd like to read some other stories about me being miserable, please check out the story below: