Monday Night in the Uncanny Valley

There weren't always dragons in the Valley. In fact, they usually only came in on Thursdays. Thursday was Bingo night and dragons always thought that meant darts, for some reason. Lots of confused screaming ensued, but it was all in good fun. Until Hazmat the bartender's fake eye inevitably popped out of his skull and everyone was cut off until they found it again. Thursdays were weird.

But this wasn't even a Thursday, though. Today was Monday, so it seemed weird to everyone there that there was a Bataglian Horntooth just strolling in with that reptilian saunter.

Was he looking for a fight? Monday was Blood Bowl, so the place was crawling with vampires—literally crawling: some of them so drunk they were slithering across the ground with their claws. And those claws were just about the only thing that could pierce a dragon's hide, that's why dragons don't like vampires. At least, that's what everyone assumed.

That was why the chatter stopped at the dragon's entrance.

"Hi," said the dragon in a voice that was high and squeaky and would have been even if it wasn't coming from a six-hundred-pound flying lizard. Everyone else was taken aback until they (he? she? who knew?) cleared that long, hot dragon throat and tried again: "Hi!" This time more sardonic. Somewhat.

Confusion. Are we all supposed to start talking now? was the general sentiment as the vampires exchanged desperate glances. There's an actual dragon here on a Monday—do they expect us to just go on with our un-lives?

But apparently not, because after just a little more throat-clearing, the newcomer said, "Does anyone here know Parcheesi?"

Really? The vampires all looked at each other, many of them already sitting in groups of four around the Parcheesi boards that had been set up for the Blood Bowl this week.

"Uh, yeah?" said one intrepid Starkamere. She had pale skin and beautiful cascading black curls that were utterly lost on the dragon, who still had trouble distinguishing human features.

"Oh, good," the dragon sighed, releasing their bated breath in a puff of smoke. "Thank starlight! Can you teach me?"

The other three players, all of them Wendlars, turned to the Starkamere vampress and then, in unison, got up and abandoned the table, leaving their wagers behind.

Not one to look a gift dragon in the mouth, the woman scooped up the coins and vouchers and squirreled them away before the dragon got to the table. The rest of the contestants went back to the tournament as the dragon scooted the seats out of the way.

"Thank you so much," said the student to the teacher. "You're a lifesaver! I got a hot date coming up tomorrow with this Gryphon from Leems? You know how Gryphons get about Parcheesi—well, all games, really. It's basically how they communicate!"

"Can I just ask," interrupted the vampire, "I don't mean to be rude, but what are your pronouns?"

"Oh, of course," said the dragon, then made a gargling, popping sound in the back of that fiery throat. "Oh, sorry, you meant in Standard, right? Uh. How about 'he'? That's masculine, right?"

"Usually."

"Cool. And what about yours? I'm not really around a lot of humanoids—"

"You don't have to apologize. 'She' would be fine."

The dragon chuckled. "Yes, 'she' would," he grinned, then realized that the pun he was making worked in Dragonic but not Findolian, which was why his tutor was blinking.

She kind of thought it was cute, though.

"So do you date a lot of Gryphons, then?" asked the vampire while setting up the board.

"Not really—actually, I don't date much at all—I mean, look at me."

"What? You look pretty masculine to me."

"Oh, thank you, no, it's just, like, if you'll notice the discoloration here? I don't know. I'm not very confident."

The "discoloration" he pointed to on the inside of his wing was an absolutely mesmerizing spread of rainbow gradations not just appealing to the human eye but dazzling enough that the vampire made a mental note for a cute new parasol she could use to lure human prey.

"I don't think you should be hard on yourself," said the vampire teacher.

"Well, I appreciate your support," said the dragon student.

"So—shall we begin?"

She won the first game so he'd see how it was done, then let him win the second just to see how he'd do it. Then they played four more games by the end of the night and he loved it and eventually, he forgot all about the nice Gryphon he was supposed to meet.

That was the beginning of the alliance between vampires and dragons.

That was the beginning of the end of our world.