Love Peace and Chocolate

Love is a funny thing. It makes you do things you'd never do. Ignore things you'd never ignore. I was married. Happily married. We were both married before and have children from our previous relationship. His ex-wife would try to interrupt our lives but it only made us stronger. We had the picture perfect marriage until he got hurt. He's a roofer. He fell off a roof. His body laid there twisted and mangled. He was alive but in pain. The ambulance came and he was rushed to the hospital. He had to have back surgery. As I anxiously waited for the doctor to talk to me about my husband I started thinking about all the stupid fights we got into and how proud I actually am of him. Finally, after hours of waiting, the doctor came out and said surgery went well and he would need physical therapy. I was happy and ready to help. When it was time for my husband to go home the doctor prescribed him medicine to manage the pain. At first I didn't think anything about it. He started to heal but said he still needed the pain pills. I couldn't understand why but since I never had that kind of surgery why would I. Unfortunately, he became a statistic. He is now an opiate addict. Watching him for the first time in full addiction was unbelievable. I cried. I screamed. I asked God why. I watched him run around the house screaming, falling, hit himself and collapse to the ground and nod off. I knew he was hurting and I was helpless. He went to several rehabs. No success for longer than a couple months. You see for rehab to work the addict has to want to change...has to want to be sober. He wasn't ready. Life was hell on earth. I had to keep him away from my family and my daughter was angry because she saw me fading and being an absolute mess. Everything was against this relationship now. His kids and ex kept sneaking drugs to him so he would give them money. I couldn't take it anymore. One night when he was out of control the police came to the house. The neighbors called. They were afraid for me. He was arrested and put in jail. I cried because the addict is not who he really was; but I was at peace. I could sleep knowing I was safe. The judge kept him in jail for a month, than a rehab, a halfway house and three-quarter house. I had 10 months of rest. 10 months to get me back. He was placed in a drug court program. A drug court program is very strict. Random drug tests 4 times a week and signed NA/AA meeting slips with court twice a month. He had some slip ups and was sent back to three-quarter house. One year later he graduates the drug court program. I was getting my husband back. It was getting good again. He was allowed near my family. We had years of happiness. I'm not sure why but he relapsed and I couldn't get him back this time. It was a spiral of in and out of jail and this time he got violent. I broke. He broke me. He was suffering. I was suffering. My daughter moved to another state for a job, so I was alone. I wanted to end his pain. I wanted to end my pain. That night I made a chocolate cake filled with poison. After dinner and making love for the last time we had dessert. The poison counter acted against the other drugs in his body and calmed him down. He looked at me and said I'm sorry and we fell asleep and died in each other’s arms. I just hope my family can forgive me and know that I love them with all my heart. Bye.