Love and War

War is coming. Slowly, methodically, traveling like a fog across the land. There was no meaning for the chaos, no mercy to be shown. Men had gone off to fight, and many had not returned home. The war had finally reached her doorstep and she feared for her life.

Ethan had promised to protect Abagail, through love and death as her husband. He had promised to spend his life with her. And yet, she stood next to the window dreading the night. Dreading even worst, the possibilities that Ethan might be dead. He had been gone far too long.

Darkness quickly engulfed the end of the day. A crimson sunset lingered against the darkness. Gun fire quickly spread over the land. She had felt the fear clutch her bones at the echoes of pops. The booms of the cannons had been the worst, like thunder crashing into the land. Each one had rattled the house. The battlefield was so close to the house.

The old plantation house sat like a beacon, a bright white light from a lighthouse over trepidatious waters. The forest lingered at the edge of the property. A field rested between the house and the forest on the front and rear. Horses’ nay from the stables off to the side of the house away from the kitchen. Four brick columns brace the roof across the porch.

Candlelight burned furiously at the dining table behind her as she stood next to the open window, the odd smell of gunpowder and death lingering in the air. Nothing had been worse than this war. This would be a scar on the nation’s back for the rest of its existence. Abagail pinched her fingers together, straining not to pop her knuckles in frustration.

Her mother, Susan, had left with her two youngest siblings headed to Virginia to her aunt’s plantation and farm. She had been safe with Ethan who had promised to keep her safe since her father, Jacob, had passed. He had died a couple of years ago in a horseback riding accident.

Ethan had gone out to hunt game, at least that’s what he had told her. For too long he had spoken like a patriot, had voiced his concerns with the townsmen about the British, taxation, and liberation. She feared, he had deserted her to fight alongside his comrades. She didn’t blame him or hold ill will but she wished he had at least shared his feelings and thoughts with her. Maybe she could have gone and spent time with her mother and siblings, helped raise them. Ethan had promised, after all, to keep her safe.

Dark shadows lingered against the tree line, like fog blanketing the earth. If she stared long enough, would she see the red coats? Would she see the blue uniforms of the patriots of her country? Fear twisted its fingers about her neck, forcing her muscles to spasm and shake. Dots of red spread out across the tree line like a wave of fire ants emerging from the hill. Her stomach rolled. What would the enemy do with her?

She moved to douse the candlelight. Her shoes echoed like hooves on the pine floor. Her heart leapt, pumped, and pushed against her chest. Maybe the men were far enough away not to have heard anything. Maybe, she thought. She went for Ethan’s musket rifle in the bedroom. It felt heavier than normal, but she took a deep breath and readied herself for the possibility that she would need to defend herself and her home.

Her palms were sweaty as she gripped the rifle. The wooden porch creaked under the heavy foot traffic of the soldiers. The front door squeaked in protest of being opened. Her feet felt leaden, sweat beaded her forehead. She couldn’t move from where she stood gripping the rifle like some deadly life-raft.

Raising the rifle in both hands, she prepared herself for the first shot, possibly the only shot she’d be able to get off. The footsteps neared her room. Her heart thundered in her chest like a drum. She tried to breathe evenly. Blood was crashing into the drums of her ears.

A hand wrapped around the door leading to her bedroom. She backed up a few steps, wincing at the sound of her shoes. The door swung open slowly, as if her world had suddenly dropped into slow motion. Abagail held her finger on the trigger. In another breath, she would shoot.

“Wait! Abagail!” Ethan begged as he raised his hands in surrender.

Her body flooded with joy and adrenaline. She immediately dropped the muzzle towards the floor. “Ethan, you’re alive!” She balked.

A man emerged from behind Ethan in the notorious red coat. She wanted to raise the rifle back up, wanted to shoot. She didn’t want to become a prisoner of war, or a comrade to the enemy. Ethan stumbled. He leaned heavily against a crutch while the British man held his arm. She spared him a glance, even as she clutched the rifle indecisive.

Piercing blue eyes stared back at her from behind Ethan. The man was beautiful. His long dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail away from his face. His face clean shaven. It took on the shape of a raven, pointy and fierce. She feared him instantly.

“You’ve brought the enemy into my house.”

“These men are not the enemy.” Ethan argued.

She wondered how many men would be lingering behind tall, dark, and handsome. “Ethan, what is this?”

“These men saved my life.” Ethan started. His leg was bandaged heavily, stained in blood. She wondered how bad the wound was. Was it fully broken? He leaned heavily against the crutch, even as the British man gripped his right arm, bracing Ethan.

She tentatively laid the rifle against the bed. She was sorely afraid.

“There are other men, who need medical attention.” Ethan pressed on. Sweat creased his forehead. His breath labored, and he looked as if he was knocking at death’s door.

“I don’t know anything about medical treatment, Ethan.”

Ethan’s face softened, “no but you are my wife, and you know how to care for others. That should suffice.”

She walked to his left side, offering her body as a means for him to lean on and walk with. She didn’t want to be near the British man, whose features continued to devour her. Feeling the heat flush her body and face, she turned Ethan’s body, so that they would face the English man. “And your friend, Ethan. What is his name?”

“Benjamin Wilkerson, he helped save me.”

Benjamin continued to stare at her. His hand ready at his hip to grab Ethan and steady him.

“Have any of your men eaten?” She wanted to remain stern but polite considering the circumstances. She was almost certain she would become a prisoner in her own home now.

“No mam.” His voice was strong, deep, seductive even.

What was overcoming her? She was married to Ethan, and yet she was attracted to this man. Her cheeks flared deeper. She shook herself mentally. There was food in the kitchen, the building behind the house.

Returning to the dining room, she helped Ethan into a chair at the dining table and then looked around at the faces of the men standing inside her home. Some of them looked like just boys. What could be driving them to fight? But then she also thought of the men and young men fighting at home. Some of them had barely been eighteen, a few more even younger.

She placed her hand on Ethan’s shoulder as he placed a hand over hers. She looked down into his eyes and saw only compassion. She smiled and tried to feel the same for these men. Ethan was a good man, even if this accident had confused his mind.

“Alright,” she whispered. Abagail leaned down to kiss Ethan’s cheek. “I’ll go into the kitchen and start bringing out food.”

“There is venison, mam.” Benjamin offered up.

“Venison?” She asked.

“Yes, mam. We caught a deer on the way back.”

“Do any of your men know how to butcher and cook the meat?”

He smiled genuinely. “Yes, mam. I’ll help if that’s alright.”

She nodded, rubbing her hands down her apron. “That would be nice.”

She walked to the back of the house. Benjamin followed quietly. There would be plenty of room to work with. She knew how to butcher the animal and prepare it but having a few extra hands would help the process go faster. Benjamin called for two of the young men who looked like boys, Alec, and Jameson. Alec was a scrappy looking teenager, who had blondish brown hair cropped off short. He looked about like her younger brother, even the same size. Jameson, on the other hand, looked more like the younger version of Benjamin, and she wondered if there was any relationship there.

There was a tree outside the kitchen where Alec and Jameson hauled the deer up and began to filet the animal. Abagail busied herself, washing off fruits and vegetables. Benjamin lingered in the doorway. He looked a little lost and unsure of his welcome.

“Thank you, Benjamin,” She stood at the sink, watching the boys prepare the deer. “For saving my husband.” As she turned, she smiled at Benjamin.

Benjamin seemed to relax at that. He placed his rifle against a piece of furniture next to the door and then removed his jacket. Jacket with the rifle, he rolled up his sleeves. “What would you like for me to do?”

She continued to smile at him and offered him a cutting board and a knife. Would she be able to trust him with a knife, she wondered?

“It was no problem, mam.”

Abagail looked at him a little confused.

“Ethan was hurt badly. His leg was severed. The bone completely broken and crushed through the muscle and skin. We set his leg and bandaged it as best we could. But he will need to be watched for sepsis. He’s lost a lot of blood. I’m afraid he is still bleeding.”

That she understood. How had he managed to walk, even with a crutch. Had they carried him back to the house? His pride would have made him want to try to walk into the house. Or better yet, he knew his wife, and logic had told him that he would need to be seen first. It had been sepsis that had killed her father after his horseback riding accident. “There aren’t any medics around to call on. They are all fighting in this war.”

They stood on opposite sides of the working table in the middle of the room. Benjamin cut up the vegetables, while she kneaded the bread, taking up a quarter of the table in flour. She worked some of her aggression out in the dough. The boys made quick work of the venison. Benjamin and Abagail worked in silence. As Alec and Jameson brought in chunks of meat, Abagail placed the meat into the broiler.

“Do you have a washroom,” Alec asked.

“Be polite, Alec,” Benjamin corrected him.

“Mam,” Alec’s face reddened in embarrassment. His white shirt was now bloodied from the animal. Closer inspection revealed that he truly looked like her younger brother.

“Yes, come around the table to the back side of the kitchen.” She pointed towards a back door, “by that back door is a well, and some of Thomas’s clothes should be hanging in the hall.”

“Thank you, mam.” Alec dropped his head like a chastised boy, walked around the table to the little room.

From where she stood in the kitchen, she could see him pull up a pale of water, pull his shirt over his head, and dip it into the bucket. Jameson followed suit.

“My God, they’re just boys.” She muttered. She covered her mouth with the back of one hand for a moment, while her other hand rested over her stomach.

“Do you have children of your own?” Benjamin asked.

Abagail jumped, a little startled and lost in thought. “No,” she admitted. “Ethan and I have been married a little over a year and have not started a family yet.” Her cheeks flared with heat again. “He’s a good man.”

Benjamin looked perplexed as if she had slapped him. “I meant no disrespect.”

She nodded softly, “And your family?” She wanted to keep the peace.

“Sadly, I am not wedded. I am a Captain and have not had time to find the right woman.”

She brought a large pot over for the vegetables. His hand brushed hers as they gathered the food to dump into the pot. Abagail busied herself with the bread again, allowing Benjamin to take the pot and place it over the fire.

“Jameson, bring in a pail of water.” Benjamin called to the boys. Jameson brought in the bucket of water. Benjamin added the water to the pot, retrieved a utensil to stir with, and kept himself next to the warm fire. “So, who is Thomas?” He couldn’t take the silence between them. It was unnerving.

“Thomas is my younger brother.”

He squatted next to the fire, looking at the pot and the ground. “What happened to your family?”

She laid the dough in a bowl to rest and started cleaning up the flour. “My mother took my brother Thomas, and my younger sister, Anna, to my Aunt’s plantation in Virginia.”

“I’m sorry,” he looked up to examine her face as she turned and looked at him. “There has been a lot of talk of devastation from the war. I hope that your family is alright.”

Tears collected in the corners of her eyes at the thoughts of her family being gone. If only they had stayed behind.

“I’m sorry,” Benjamin said softly again. “I hope your family is well.”

“So, do I.” She couldn’t stop the two little tears that trickled down her cheeks.

~

Benjamin, Alec, Jameson, and Abagail brought out food to the masses. She counted twenty men in all. Abagail had Benjamin gather most of his men around the massive dining table. She had decided that there would be a civil dinner, regardless of the war happening outside. The table wasn’t large enough to sit all of Benjamin’s men. Some offered to sit outside, guarding the house and the men while they ate around a campfire beneath a tree. For the briefest of moments, a spark of joy lit her soul, and Abagail bantered with the men. She tried to forget that they were the enemy.

Ethan picked at his food. His skin and manner turning green. His leg was swollen, but he didn’t complain about the pain. She would catch him frowning or wincing in pain, and then he would smile and be a wonderful host. She loved him for that. His bravery despite the odds. He saw the men as good, comrades in arms, fighting because they had to, not because they wanted to.

Benjamin helped Abagail carry Ethan to the bedroom and laid him on the bed. Ethan already felt fevered. He had spoken of the chills. Abagail also noticed that his heartbeat was rapid as she had helped to carry him to their room. Benjamin left the room. Abagail filled a washbowl with water on the nightstand, wrung out the cloth, and then placed the towel against Ethan’s head. Pulling up a chair, Abagail held Ethan’s hand and silently said a prayer. He didn’t look well.

“Abagail,” his voice was raspy, thick as if his tongue was swollen.

Abagail opened her eyes and studied her husband’s face. “Yes, love.” She brushed a whisp of his hair away from the cloth.

“I don’t want you to mourn for me.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “You’re not going to die, Ethan.” She hadn’t looked at his leg, and without a doctor, who was she to say that he would live through this? He coughed, ragged and deep. “I feel it, Abagail. I feel death’s hand on me.”

“Don’t be silly, Ethan.” She wanted to swear at him. “You can’t leave me.” She didn’t want to think about being alone.

“I wish it could be some other way, love, but I’m sure of it.” He coughed again and she watched as his chest heaved and struggled to gain air. “I want you to go with Benjamin when I die.”

“What!?”

“He would keep you safe. He would care for you, Abagail.”

Her cheeks flared with heat. Not only had she been attracted to the man, but now her husband was telling her to commit adultery. To live with another man; a man she didn’t even know! The sickness had to be getting to his head.

“He could love you, Abagail.”

“Stop talking such nonsense.” She fiddled with the cloth on his head.

Ethan reached out and gripped her wrist with such strength, she wondered how he had any left. He had to be delusional. “Believe me, Abagail. Believe my words.”

She frowned, smoothed the cloth back out against his brow, as she watched his lips tremble. She wanted to busy herself with something. Frustrated, she stood up. She wanted to get a blanket and drape it over Ethan, but as she turned towards the door all she could do was stare at Benjamin as he leaned into the doorway.

“How long have you stood there?” She felt angered, embarrassed.

“Long enough.” His short remark made her fume.

“We’ve already discussed it, Abagail.” Ethan said from the bed.

“So that’s it, is it? I’m just some pawn in a chess game, passed on and used, for what?” She was mad, but beneath the madness was a fear; a fear that she would be safe with Benjamin, that, she would be loved. But she loved Ethan!

“Think it through, Abagail.” Benjamin crossed his arms. “If Ethan dies, you have nothing. You wouldn’t be a prisoner or a slave with me. I’d take you in as my wife. I’d even leave it up to you. We could stay here, or we could return to England.”

The tears slipped down her face. She clenched and unclenched her fists as she stood there defeated between them. She couldn’t believe it. “I need to think.” She muttered, then walked past Benjamin. The men looked on curiously. Outside, she rounded the corner of the house, walking until she was behind the house in the smaller field where she sat down and stared at the night sky.

Men…she couldn’t believe them. Ethan wasn’t going to die. But what if he did? It wasn’t like she had the rights to the house or the land. She felt the frustration boiling inside of her, so much that she wanted to scream, but she had no voice. She wrapped her arms around her knees, swiping her cheeks against her arms furiously. Studying the gold band around her finger, she just couldn’t fathom how Ethan had come to such a conclusion. Surely the fever had idled his brain.

Why was life being so cruel? Was it God’s will that she was to leave her husband, for another man? It felt sacrilegious. They were insane. Benjamin would be fair; he would love her; or so he claimed. But how was she to know the truth of things? If Ethan died, what could she do? Benjamin was offering her safety, the chance to stay in the states, or to go and live abroad with him. If Ethan died, she thought.

Footsteps thundered against the ground behind her. She didn’t turn to look and see who was headed towards her. Thick black boots stopped beside her, and then he surprised her, he sat down in the dirt beside her. Benjamin looked different in the darkness, as if his spirit were a part of the night, blending with it. His face looked a bit majestic, as if night embraced him.

“For what it’s worth, I am sorry.” Even his voice was intoxicating.

She hated herself more for being attracted to him. “It’s not supposed to be this way.”

“What way?” He was close to her, shoulder to shoulder.

“I’m not supposed to love another man!” She blurted out.

His smile was genuine even as he looked over her face. “You might like me, but you couldn’t love me so soon. Maybe one day.” He promised. “Ethan is extremely ill, Abagail. He simply wants to know that you will be protected if he dies.”

She nodded. “Could you learn to love me?” She couldn’t resist the urge to look at him.

His eyes shifted looking down at her hands as she fiddled with her wedding ring. “I believe I already have.”

“Milady,” Jameson called from the side of the house. “Milady, Ethan is calling for you.”

She stood, rushing back across the yard and back into the house to sit by Ethan’s side again. His skin had turned ashen. Massive dark circles made his eyes look sunken in. His breathing was erratic. His eyes brightened if only for her, before dulling at the onslaught of another ragged cough.

“Abagail,” he whispered.

“I’m here, love.” She cried some more as she took his hand into both of hers. She sat against the edge of the seat and laid her head against his chest. “Please don’t leave me, Ethan.”

“I’m sorry, my love.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, as he rubbed his hand against her back. “Will you be with Benjamin?” He asked.

She raised her head, turning to look at Ethan’s face. “Only if you will it, Ethan, will I.”

He smiled despite his pain. “Then you will make me a proud man.” He motioned for Benjamin to join them.

Sitting up, she tried not to flinch as Benjamin laid his hand against her shoulder.

“All will be well,” Ethan promised.

She loved Ethan, but for the sake of his wishes, she would do as he asked. She would learn to love again. Emotions shuddered through her. She felt it deep into her bones.

“I will protect you, Abagail.” Benjamin promised.

She felt Ethan’s hand on her cheek, and she returned her focus back to her husband.

“I love you, Abagail.” He smiled, but the pain was great on his face. She could hear the wheezing in his voice. He closed his eyes, his breathing becoming shallow.

The breath was stolen from his lips, his hand dropped from her cheek, and his head turned against the pillow.

Her hands covered her mouth, “oh God,” she muttered, “Ethan!”

Benjamin reached for her immediately, cupping his hands beneath her arms and pulling her up out of the chair and into his embrace. He held her as she cried. He rocked her as they stood.

~

Dressed in a vibrant purple colored dress, her dark hair pulled back and tied with a delicate hat, her hands covered in dainty white gloves, Abagail peered over the side of the ship at the rushing waters. She had never been on a ship before. It felt like a strange, exciting, and delightful. Benjamin wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her into his side. His face was scruffy. He hadn’t shaved in a several weeks. A charming surprise to his normally clean shaven appearance. He had confessed that shaving on a rocking boat was not the easiest task to accomplish. He leaned to the side to kiss her forehead.

“Thank you, Abagail.”

Though the sadness still took her, he was ecstatic that she had chosen to have a life with him. Ethan had been a godsend, a strange and wonderful gift from God. He had never truly put much thought in life through God. But Ethan had helped him to believe.

“For what?” She smiled.

He smiled at her playfulness. “Thank you for becoming my wife.”

He watched the blush fill her face. It was a wonderful feeling to have the words spill out of his lips. He had never thought the day would come.

The war was over. In the end, the British had been defeated, but he had still come out the victor. Abagail was a blessing. He did his best to be her strength. When the war was over, and they had traveled through Virginia to return to the ships, word had finally come. Her family had not survived the war. She had lost everyone. There was nothing left for her in the states anymore.

She had boarded the ship with what belongings she needed, clothing, and a few mementos from home, and she hadn’t looked back. She would embark on a new adventure and she would embrace the life that God had set before her.