Life of an Owl Woman

Saoirse Byrne didn't want to believe the screeches that kept her awake for the last two nights were a warning of her loved one's impending death. She denied it, as much as she denied her heritage over the years and extended family obligations. Then her husband got cancer, and she was desperate to understand the meaning as if old traditions and superstitions held a secret to prolonging his fate.

She tended to Liam asleep in their bed. The stomach cancer had come from nowhere and was aggressive to where little could be done. She had read that it usually took years to develop, and Liam hadn't even shown the symptoms of abdominal pain, nausea, or tumor growth. He always had a great appetite and was rarely stressed working as an electrician with a steady flow of jobs. His cancer seemed to have grown overnight, else he ignored how he actually felt over the years. His preference was for hospice to be at home rather than in a hospital.

They had a peaceful, fulfilling life, but were not blessed with children. Saoirse was averse to the idea and had been faithful to the upkeep of her birth control. Now she wishes they had a child, so she would have a remnant of her husband with her when he passed. With the advancement of his illness, no child could be conceived now.

She was even so modern as to keep her maiden name, which she regretted now too. She could have at least worn his name; maybe that was why he was being taken from her. She recognized these as irrational thoughts, but she tried to find why her husband got sick so young. Why did he have to leave her so soon?

Saoirse made his favorite soup during the winter months, a hearty chicken dumpling soup, but had held back on the dumplings and thickness of the soup. Even broth was a challenge for him to eat, as he felt pain with anything he consumed.

She reflected on the better days they had before this winter. They had been together for nearly thirteen years, although married for seven. Since middle school, they have known each other and reunited during a college party at the local university, talking about music and literature.

Both started as English majors with the dream of becoming writers, but practicality took Liam his third year when a friend's older brother helped him get into a trade school for their company. It had been smart, as the only job suitable for a creative person seemed to be teaching, which he hated doing. Saoirse found teaching her calling and enjoyed teaching English, Mythology, and Folklore at the high school.

Feeling a chill on that cold winter night, Soarise went to her closet to grab a sweater. As she raked through her clothes, many never worn, she wondered why she had held onto so many of them. She found a green woven sweater her grandmother had made that matched her green eyes and nicely complemented her red hair. She didn't know how long she would have with Liam, so she made a point to dress well around him, as he was unique to her and her only company.

They had many visitors at first, as Liam was well-liked and known in their community. They enjoyed trivia night at the local pubs, and he played D&D often with his dedicated, tight-knit group. He had tried to get Saoirse to join them, like some of the wives of his friend's, but Saoirse preferred to do painting or knitting while listening to them play. She was never for adventure but enjoyed the toils and comfort of home, even in her fantasies.

She knew all too well how easy it was for her to get lost in such fantasies after nearly getting lost as a child. Perhaps it was avoidance, perhaps a subconscious defense, but deep down, Saoirse knew she would never leave if she went there alone. Things were waiting for her there, just like when she was a child.

She fought the memory of that traumatic event as she pulled the green sweater over her head and was surprised to find how snug the sweater clung to her solid midsection, breasts, and stomach alike. She had always been proud of how well endowed she was and remembered how this sweater was always a little tight there, but the stomach area was new. Too many days grading papers, enjoying good food, and dealing with stress. As she gazed at herself in the full mirror, she admired at well everything hung, giving herself a foxy wink thinking about that's what Liam would do if she disparaged herself.

Golden eyes appeared in the mirror behind her, from the outside window across the room. Her heart raced as she turned to face them, but they disappeared. They had been brightly contrasted to the winter darkness of bare tree branches. She listened to the house sing from a sudden wind whistling through the windows and wondered if the eyes had departed with the wind, like an owl flying overhead. She preferred to think of that rather than the banshee she kept dreaming about.

Owls were her comport animal. She collected them in various forms, as cookie jars in the kitchen, knick-knacks in the foyer, and even had a collection of stuffed owls that Liam grew nearly every Valentine's day. She kept them piled neatly on their guest bed, which was always a great conversation when friends or family stayed the night after extended visits or games of D&D.

It had been an owl that helped her leave the forest when she had gotten lost. When she had nearly died. No one believed the story of a seven-year-old girl who had wandered from camp into the woods, lured by what she thought to be fairy lights, and how it was an old owl woman who helped her find her way back.

She had been gone for nearly three days when the search teams lost hope of finding her alive and focused on recovering her body for her parent's closure. She had tried to forget that experience, but it had burned into her and became part of her image, becoming an owl woman in her own way by collecting them.

Her memories of that event couldn't be trusted, as they appeared more like a delusional dream than anything she could experience in real life. She had held onto her story and convictions that her parents got her to process her trauma in therapy over the next four years, ending when she entered middle school and met Liam. Now, they resurfaced, like the denial she held about Liam dying.

The wind continued to howl about the house, making it feel as brittle as Liam's compromised body. She needed a distraction and took out her phone to play music. Liam was in a dead sleep for the time being and enjoyed waking to music. She thought about playing Ska, but with him still sleeping, she chose classical instead.

She pulled out a copy of Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman, a book she had been trying to read for a while but didn't find the time. It would be good for her to escape and brush up on myths different from her own.

She remembered her grandmother's anger at her parents when she found out Saoirse was going to therapy. Her grandmother said that her story was true, even if it sounded unbelievable. She said it would offend the spirits who had helped recover Saoirse, ending a line of protection that had lasted for generations. Saoirse remembered how upset it had made her mother, who had married into the family and didn't believe in the old traditions and stories. It was one of the reasons she studied stories and myths.

She had difficulty focusing on the book as memories kept flooding her mind, even though Gaiman's punchy writing style usually kept her attention. The owl woman from her dreams took her grandmother's place in her recalled memory, and she wondered briefly if she were asking the spirit for help with her husband.

Feeling sleepy, she allowed herself to drift into a nap after giving up on a page she had tried to read three times, and as she slept, Soarise remembered.

She had wandered from the family campsite early in the morning, needing to relieve herself, but her parents were having difficulty waking up. Her older brother snuggled more in his sleeping bag, not wanting to go out into the morning cold with the sun hours before rising.

A month before, she had learned the hard way that wetting her sleeping bag only made her colder, so she was determined to use a tree, as her mother taught her when they started going hiking and camping earlier that summer.

Saoirse felt the pain in her bladder needing to go, only she realized was the little girl she was long ago, but now the grown woman. The little white fleece jacket and hiking boots were the same that she remembered, only larger to accommodate her adult size.

After dressing, she unzipped the zipper to half her height, crouched through the opening, and then rezipped the tent door. She heard her father's snore and knew no one was aware of her leaving, falling back asleep when she had tried wakening them. She didn't think this was suspicious when she was a child, but older now, she wondered how they had remained in such a deep sleep.

She walked down the hiking path and then ten steps off the trail, where she found her tree, dug a small hole, and then squatted. After Saoirse felt relief, she covered the spot as she was taught, feeling proud for applying everything she had learned. It was surreal reliving this memory as a child feeling proud of her independence and as the adult now in her dream. The moment passed as she caught sight of the fairy lights that had led her away the first time.

At first, she thought the fairy lights were the sun just starting to peek over the horizon, but they were getting more prominent the closer as she walked, and they were numerous with different tones of purple, blue, and pink light. They were more similar to the fireflies she saw the night before when her father told her most of them would die by the morning since their life spans were so short. These lights remained and became bigger.

Dense fog developed around her as she walked closer to the lights, and she could hear soft singing whispering her name. She felt herself in a trance, obligated to meet them, pulled out of her own free will.

"Do not follow them, child," another voice startled her. "Or else you will get lost and will never see your family again."

She turned around and saw an old woman wearing what looked to be brown, white, and tan layered skins. The cloth was actually large feathers creased down to look like clothes upon a closer look. She had bright yellow eyes but a kind expression with many wrinkles formed from smiling. Her eyebrows were unlike any Saoirse had seen, arching well above her hairline like horns, and her nose was sharp like a beak. Saoirse knew this was the Owl Woman who had saved her so long ago.

"What are they?" she asked, hearing the echo of both her deep adult voice and that of her younger self.

"Spirits of the land," the owl woman said. "They like to take children like you and sometimes replace you with one of them to see what living a mortal life is like. Then they enslave you for longer than the mortal life you would have lived."

"Why?" Saoirse asked.

"It is their nature here in the land of in-between, child," the woman said. "Just as it is mine to help souls cross into the next world once their life has expired."

Panic filled Soarise, unsure of what she was hearing, and she bolted running, trying to find the camp, but the fog had become so dense, she didn't remember the direction. She circled around the area, now feeling worried as the fog had blotted out the sun, bumps forming on her skin from both fear and the uneasy cold overcoming her.

She had even lost the tree she had relieved herself at as the forest around shifted, looking nothing like what she had seen the day before. The trees were different, more gnarly and full of thick leaves and moss growing on the branches. The ground looked different too, no longer just dark brown mud, but littered with sparkles that glinted light from no source she could see.

This is where her dream changed. When she was a child, she hadn't bolted from the owl lady, and instead, she took her hand, where the owl woman escorted her out of the fog. While she had been there for what felt like moments, three days had passed in the real world. She found herself back on the trail, walking for only five minutes before a ranger on the rescue team had spotted her.

In the time she spent running, she finally comprehended the purpose of the owl woman after recalling her study in myth. She was a guide that escorted souls to the next world. The fear of her own death did not frighten her, but she thought of her husband on his death bed and knew that was why the owl woman was there.

She heard her husband's voice and saw his silhouette in the distance, standing with the shape of the owl woman.

"It is just about your time," she heard the owl woman say.

"I don't want to leave her. I promised I would stay with her," her husband spoke.

"The body cannot always keep such promises."

Saoirse walked towards them, feeling unease as if she were intruding on a conversation she shouldn't be hearing.

"She is special, though. Touched by death before, so at the very least, you can say goodbye."

As Saoirse drew nearer, the fog revealed her husband and the owl woman. Her stomach dropped seeing his sorrowful expression, but he looked like she remembered in the prime of his health and not the deteriorated body she had tended to for the last few months.

Her hands shaking, she clasped his that were outreached, holding them like she had done during their wedding ceremony, at a distance, but intimate at the same time. He smiled as she met his hazel eyes. She felt as lost in them as when they had dated, as she enjoyed studying the different colors in them.

"You know she will take me where I need to go," he said. Saoirse nodded as tears welled.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," Saoirse cried as she collapsed into her husband's arms. Liam hugged her with the strength she remembered and knew this was a gift.

At last, Saoirse pulled herself from his embrace and faced the owl woman.

"What if I take his place?" she asked the owl woman, who in turn made a bemused expression with her horned eyebrows.

"You cannot take his place, child," the owl woman said. "But he can continue to live if you take mine."

"What happens if I take your place?" Saoirse asked, hope filling her heart.

As the owl woman walked closer, her husband clenched her wrist, "It's my time to do go, not yours. I don't want to live the rest of my days without you."

"And I don't want to live mine without you. You didn't have to face that these last couple of months!" Saoirse was surprised by the anger she lashed out.

"No, I was preparing for my death," Liam said, dropping his arm while still holding her hand. "If we are where I think we are, bargaining with the fey will only backfire."

Something inside of Saoirse knew that this was her destiny. Perhaps it was when the fey first caught sight of her when she got lost in the woods or when she met the owl woman, but she knew they would return for her. At least she had a life to fight for. For the first time in months, she had control she longed for in impeding her husband's death.

The owl woman held out her scaled hand with talons for nails. She appeared to be transforming before her eyes into a large owl, yet, she remained like a woman. In some ways, Saoirse was like the owl woman in two forms, being that of a child and woman at the same time in her dream.

As Saorise reached her hand out, anticipating the gentle hold of them like the first time they had met, the owl woman slashed her wrist with the talons.

Liam protested and charged towards the owl woman, but Saoirse held him back with a quick embrace. His face paled as she gave him one last kiss, while mist formed around them and fairy lights appeared dancing.

Saoirse was lifted from the ground by the fairy lights and felt an immense pain, the girl version of herself split from her body. Her younger half gave a pleading look before she started convulsing, white feathers growing out of her skin. She arched her back as her body rose to the adult size she was now, her nose elongating sharp like a beak, and eyes widening and changing color to a dark brown. As Saoirse gazed at her transformed self, she realized she had become a barn owl.

The owl woman version of herself now looked back at Saorise with anger, leaping towards Saoirse propelled by her newly formed wings. At the moment she collided into herself, they became one once more.

Saoirse no longer felt worried about her former lover below her. New thoughts occupied her mind as she felt souls around her needing her. She looked back at the other owl woman, who had also changed, into an old woman wearing clothes fashioned from the 1930s.

As the old woman took Liam's hand and escorted him out of the woods, Saoirse flew above the forest, back into the world she had known most of her life. She found a soul needing an escort and departed towards it, leading them back into the in-between and to the next world.

Liam woke late the following day, his body sore but also feeling as if a dead weight were removed from it. It took all of his energy to get up from his bed and head to the couch where his wife sometimes slept when reading, knowing that was where she had last been.

He found white feathers in her place, and he knew that both she and the cancer were gone.