LAUGH SERIES

‘Make sure, children are outdoors’ I said

‘They’re not in the house’ replied my wife Jennifer, as she steps inside the bedroom

Clean white appliqué bed sheets, strawberry musk, candle illuminating the four-walls, air of romance swooshing in the room through the little cracks of the window pane. It’s a special day for us, the Combesters! Thunder is roaring outside, clouds are dark, it seems wind wouldn’t be much far away, and take the clouds along the east.

What is the Combester couple upto? You might be thinking? What’s so special? Neither is the birthday of our family-member, nor is our anniversary. What else is special for us?

Ahhh….the day is not special; it’s just made special! We, (me and Jennifer) just want to rekindle some of the old memories. As if, we both needed proof of our own marriage…..

Are people born under a lucky star or some other charm which lets them so desirable?

“If wishes were horses beggars would ride”, seems correct.

Jennifer had been blaming me for not spending time from the day we had Natalia, our first born. Life gave us chances to be free-spirits many-a-times, holding each other’s hand, basking under the sun, on the yellow grains of sand of some beach in Spain, or Italy. But time is the devil! — all remained a dream. Whenever the mind is free of thoughts, time reminds the daily chores to get done, even if we’ve nothing of that sort to be called an important business, if not, then someone arrives with a message, ultimately, draining us out of our freedom. I can’t be solely blamed, as I’m the one who had plans, who has always been eager to take my family out on a vacation. It’s not my fault, as the fate had always been cruel.

At other times, Jennifer would act as a demure wife sitting at home, minding the house. After having children, whenever I planned a vacation, either the school of Natalia or the adolescence of Ricky came in between our family trip. And we remained where we’ve always been — the village of Oakrun. What a pity on our fate!

One thing is for sure — time doesn’t remain same, it stirs up, it changes everything, even thoughts. And, after years, it has finally solved what it took away from us — a thought of vacation. Though a thought, but a wonderful one.

Think of last Saturday — it wasn’t same. I, and Jennifer had a strong argument, as happens in every household, as years pass, when responsibilities get intense. Jennifer took the argument to heart, she wailed and moaned, shook me with, “You’re a complete…..! You’re this! You’re that!

Not just last Saturday, tussle has become a regular entertainment for us, especially from the past week. It did take place earlier, on Monday, even in the afternoon of Tuesday, when there wasn’t any chance of altercation. Each time it ended with me, slamming the door and visiting this friend or that one. And our children muttering among themselves : Why are mom and dad fighting? What happened to them?

My sixth-sense is sharp. Something isn’t right, my intuition says. Not just something, everything isn’t right. Jennifer is not in talking terms with me, I know. I tried once or twice, but, had to come back with a pumpkin-face, swollen and with an expression of failure. Though others call me a fool behind my back — more than that, I’m an emotional one. Jennifer is a Queen for me. She’s very admirable- at least for me! I ‘m nothing without her. She’s a goddess, arrived in my home as a gift for my last life’ virtues- that’s what I think. Although, a bit pudgy, yet her words are sharper than a knife. And when it comes to giving a lesson to her husband, she’s not less than any other wife. She knows where to scratch and how to quell doubts.

For all the time I’d spent alone from the past few days, for all the patience I’d shown, I ‘d come to know that life is a game of coexistence. And coexistence is closely related to happiness. And the real happiness is when we do something for others. There are over a trillion-ways to make your partner happy. Of them I need just one. You heard it right. Just one! Anyway, I understand Jennifer well, know what makes her happy and sad. That’s me, talking to myself, “I know what would be good? I know what she wants?”

But me, this new, withered version of the original happy and naughty one, need a surprise for my lovely wife, to mend differences. I ought to be prudent while selecting the present, else I’d myself get one — days of staying alone. That’s what I did today. Planned a surprise! Thanks to the lord! Thanks a lot! Guess what, Jennifer wouldn’t have to complain again, as we, “the Combesters” are finally going to Europe. Time has solved what we lacked, as Natalia is twelve years of age and Ricky is seven years old now. I’ve to relay the message in a proper-way, with a sense of repentance — that’s what every wife wants.

“Are you okay, Jennifer?

“Yeah. Ummm..

No. No. No, I mean…. — I rehearse

“I have a surprise for you!

“Hmmmmm….

“I don’t want to ruin it.”, my mind says

Mm-hm.Mm-hm…

“So, um, what are you — — ?,

Don’t worry. I’m not going to propose again….” — my third rehearsal

Despite all the rehearsals, and the wandering in the backyard of my house, I know one thing for sure, that slowly and diligently, I’ve to let the cat out of the bag. Of all the important businesses, my prime priority for now is towards my children. I’ve to go to their school, as early as possible.

Let me tell you how hard it can be to make teachers understand, forget about the children then. My two-days of work been tossed in trash. How tough it was to express my views, penning down, using words like respectable teacher, and yours sincerely in the form of an application. And, what these teachers did…? Said No….just no?

What’d a respectable person of my age do? Obviously, I’d to come on foot.

Dressed in blue gallace-jeans, disheveled hair, I rushed to the school, without invitation. I knocked at the gigantic glass door of Ricky’s classroom — like a gentleman. “Oh hi! Sorry to barge in. The door was open”, I said, as I’m already inside the classroom. “No.no.no…it’s okay!” She’d to say. When I came through the door, teacher felt there will be exchange of views, there will be drama. I can sense that. I totally understand, being in the company of students for most of her life, she’s grasped the root emotions of children, which replicates in adults in the similar fashion. Just by looking at the person, she can tell, what’s going in his/her mind. On the other hand, I’ve not come to get into any heated-argument, I’d be as polite as possible, but by mistake some other person had started, he/she’d have to bear the brunt of same intensity.

“Good morning, sir,” teacher said

“Good morning, miss,” I replied back

“Umm…what can I do for you, sir?”, teacher said. Maybe, it’s because of my clothes. Maybe, she’s noticing a funnily-dressed man, saying not a word, just staring. That’s how I’m. Just look around, there’s no-one like me. One day it’ll be fashion — my attire, I mean. Just wait for the right time.

I sighed,“ My children are my responsibility. I can do what I want to.” She wanted a word! I gave her that.

She’s lost. There’s something going in her mind. I know it’s the letter I’d written her. Not a love-letter, though. It was more of an application than a letter. My children were suffering. I’d to write.

What’s wrong in it? Every father would write it, if it concerns the future of his children.

That’s how the application read, “Respected Madam….Martin is my name, Ricky and I look exactly the same, that’s why he’s not your tame..because he’s my son and I’m his father……kindly, grant him holidays rather…my children are my………”

She could only say, “Oh. Oh. Ok. Ok. Ok. I mean….” How could she forget me? Not at all. I know my poetic application had been the object, and subject of comedy for the entire day in the staff-room, where she’d read it aloud, and her colleagues( teachers and the Principal) had cringed on their knees, laughing till their cheeks were wet.

That’s the reason she winced. “Yeah…you’re absolutely right, sir….”

I know teachers. They can be hard to handle. Even I’d many. Some were sweet, some cruel and about others I cannot say — because I never understood them. Or, they didn’t understand me at all!

Our generation was a mature one. The present one isn’t. Tens of us would sit together, side by side, in rows, on those small benches. I still remember, how we used to name our teachers. One, that took small steps was named tortoise, while the snort one, we preferred to call Ms.Big Fat Hen (in short — BFH). Those days are gone….those sweet old days.

We used to fight for others. Now, see the present generation — they can’t even fight for their rights.

I can tell, deep down, she knew she’s in a problem. While she observed the situation, which seems getting out of her control, she’s to keep her temper calm. She’s managed to keep her smile intact, while answering me. For how long she can handle me, I cannot say. She’s one of the smartest people one can find. And, smart people don’t mess with smart people. I’m just warming up!… for the others…for her colleagues.

Her eyelids are gazing at the door. I know she’s in utter need of help. But there is none outside, not even a passerby. “Sir, we cannot grant this much long leave. I’m sorry.” — she shook her head in disapproval. “Why not?” that’s my reply, a tit-for-tat. She’s looking around, at the ceiling fan, thinking of an excuse. But, I’m ready!…..for any sort of excuse.

Just within seconds, she instantly got the idea of presenting me, in front of others. That’s smartness! Before the situation actually gets out of her hands, she’s to take me in front of all the teachers and the principal. How do I know? Well, her face speaks it. And, she’s rolled her eyes.

What place could be better than the staff-room? Yes staff-room! She might’ve thought in her mind. She’s to be really quick, otherwise, her giggling can turn to sobbing.

As she was in her mind, two teachers emerged from somewhere, they might’ve heard our squabble from the adjacent classes. There’s a sense of relief on the face of Ricky’s teacher. She wasn’t alone after all. She knew, if god existed, he’s nearby. She slipped pen and glasses in her purse, and followed me and her colleagues to the staff-room. I’m escorted by women. I’m more than happy!

My children’s staff-room reminds me of mine. I guess, all staff-rooms are the same. It’s not at all a peaceful place. You’ll hear all sorts of murmurings. The staff-room isn’t far away, a few steps to the left, and almost an equal steps to the right, with twin-broad doors, stretched to the extremes. It’s an old building with old hall, old furniture, and some green plants beautifying the hall. It’s already full. Sun-rays are glittering through the hall. Teachers with multitudes, teaching different subjects, not to forget upon their eyes, in the room they’ve spectacles of almost every type one could think of — blue, black, grey, and ochre. The teachers have staked out their favourite places. There’s a group of teachers discussing newspaper on the left, while the other is keen on gossips, and the third bunch of them, in the centre, seems free, possibly, they are waiting for their next period. That’s the one, the last group — my prey! I just walked over towards the group, straightaway went to the lady who has dark curly hair. She’s going to be the first. The unlucky one. She reminds me of my mother. Maybe, that’s the reason, I chose her to discuss my problem, politely.

“Miss, have you got a family?” I asked

“Yes, sir.” She answered.

“What can you do for your family?” I asked again

“Anything….” She blurted out

She’d keenly listened to Mrs. Ramson the other day, in the staff-room, about the father of some kids, and she was the one who had laughed the most. She remembered the saying — the one who laughs the most at someone, cries the hardest. After laughing the most, she didn’t want to shed tears. She knew that was him. She didn’t want to get this guy mad at her. Her palms felt sweaty. She wanted to be avoided. She’s not the perfect person for the occasion. So, she zoomed after giving the excuse of a class.

Next one is there. She didn’t go. She seems a shrewd one — who can pull the ears of the students. She’s perfect for the job. Plus, she’s the advantage, as she knew the entire situation. She’s Natalia’s teacher!

Right from the beginning, the teachers of both Ricky and Natalia, were not in favour of their absence from the school for a two-month period. I pleaded the school administration on phone, to give due consideration to the fact, that the kids would learn a plethora of new things on the trip. The school’ administration, been represented by Natalia’s teacher didn’t care about anything, and started lecturing me on the phone, about the wastage of time. I didn’t shy away in giving a reply. ‘Whatever you people are going to teach them theoretically I’ll teach them practically’, I said without a thought. ‘And, believe me, my children are going to create a new wave of competition for the other lads after returning from the trip’ added Martin.

I was not scared of them. I’d my point and they’d theirs. There were many “buts, hows, and whys” from the other side, I didn’t care. I said what I had to. She wanted to gag me, but words proved to be insufficient. Finally, the teacher found it difficult to make me understand how much my kids would lose in the meantime. “My children won’t lose anything….they would gain…” She’d put down the phone. I wanted to say more, but she wasn’t ready.

But now, it is different. I’ve come in person. They can’t kick me out. I’m frowning. I was a bit suspicious, but I could only try, the rest is upon the school administration.

I mustered my feelings, and presented them in the form of courage. Soon the place rumbled with my voice.

I, and Natalia’s teacher are now face-to-face. Isn’t that she wanted? If she’s shrewd, I’m stubborn. I’ll never give up.

“What is the difference between knowledge and education?”, I started with my first question.

“Sir, what type of question is this?” Teacher bellowed

“No. Answer my question”, I’d to insist

“Knowledge comes through education, and, education’s main goal is to acquire knowledge”, answers the teacher

“That’s a blunder.” I’d to growl

“Knowledge doesn’t come from education. Irrespective of the influence of education, knowledge flows directly from the heavens. Or, in short, knowledge is knowledge and education is education. Both follow different paths.” I replied back in a single breath

“We’re not understanding your point, sir.” adds the same confused teacher

“Can you educate a donkey?” I questioned

“Hmmmmm….No sir!” answers the teacher

“Then how does a donkey eat, sleep, and above all labour more than humans? It has nothing to do with your education. Isn’t it?”, I grinned

“Due its brains” the teacher guessed

“Alright, then who’s training it’s brains?” I asked

“Day-to-day experiences” replies the teacher

“Exactly! I’ve planned the same for my children. I want them to learn through experiences.” I said

“You don’t understand, sir. Our hands are tied…We’re……” teacher had no words

“It’s the other way around, miss. You don’t understand my situation,” I snarled in frustration

The teacher is struggling in vain. Whiffing the situation perilous, she including her colleagues had to keep their mouths shut, as it’s their only chance of escape — let me speak till there isn’t anything within to speak. Soon, they preferred to answer in “yes and no” to my questions. I know, half of the battle is already won. What else could they do? What I determine, I achieve it! Sometimes, I can be a bit of impossible to handle. But, I’m not a bad person. I’m a child in the skin of an adult.

Hour-hand reached eleven and the minute hand arrived on twelve, the teachers are still there, they’ve been trying from the past three-hours. I was brought in for a series of tests, by different teachers, speaking one after another. And, there was nothing they’ve achieved so far.

Soon, I noticed I’ve been continuously explaining, but they are silent from the past half-an-hour. The conversation started from application, now reached in a different direction, towards philosophical thoughts. Again, what’s my fault! They don’t understand my problem, and I, theirs. I had to bring heaven and hell in order to explain them about the meaning of education. They weren’t understanding me.

“I’m sorry for taking your precious time,” I said while concluding our conversation.

“Yes, you are, the teacher finally said. I’m very very sorry….mmm…”. I know she’s confused now.

Though, a little philosophical, all I said was absolutely right. But, life is not a single philosophy. It’s a diversity. And, the beauty is everyone has a will and chooses accordingly. That’s what happen when views collide — mine and theirs.

Thanks lord! The school administration didn’t have answers for questions that deal with god and heaven. I agree, it is the only subject not taught in schools. And, there is no teacher of any other subject in the school to come up with a critical aspect of my reasoning. It took me just a few-hours to defeat the representatives of the school.

Indecisive and confused teachers had never expected an individual to be equating the IQ of a donkey, and a human on the same level. Yet, they’ve realised their education doesn’t apply to the mindless animals.

“It means education has nothing to do with learning, but, the experiences created by education makes a difference, and, these experiences can be gained anywhere, not just in schools” — that’s what school administration had learnt so far. — that’s what I wanted them to learn.

Anyway, it was a lot for them. Some of them flunked their classes and went to their houses, to get a sound sleep after a hectic day, while others let the class-representatives handle the class for the entire day.

“Now, I’m taking my kids, and, I want you to continue marking ‘ P’ for two months on your attendance register. Is that clear to you?” I snarled

“Yes, you’ve made that more clear, sir.” replies another teacher

My powerful critique of education had served as the main plank of hiring a philosophy teacher in the coming days of active struggle against people like him. I’d, by my power of reasoning undermined the foundations of education system by exposing its shortcomings. Happily, at last, I’ve returned to home. Jennifer never saw me happier. That’s why, she wants to celebrate with me, in private. Though, she’s unaware of all that took place in the boundaries of school. I’ll tell her, but after the surprise.