Kramer Williams in the Bottle

Kramer Williams was a clever devil. He was tiny and fast, and he took advantage of that to do all kinds of small mischief around people’s houses. Has anyone in your family ever lost a book or a set of keys, and couldn’t find them anywhere, no matter how hard you looked? Have you ever noticed how our pens and pencils sometimes seem to vanish in thin air? Kramer Williams loves to hide our stuff in the most unlikely places. Have you ever opened a nice box of strawberries only to find them all moldy and icky? Have you ever taken a big gulp from a nice cup of cold milk only to find the milk is spoiled and tastes awfully sour? Kramer Williams loves to spit into fruit and milk just to make it go bad.

If you want to get rid of Kramer Williams at least for a while, there is a fairly easy way. You have to make a tiny lucky charm bracelet with red and black beads and leave it on a white saucer with seven cheese cubes of the sharpest cheddar you can find and place everything at the back door of your house. If you can stay awake, you can even try to watch it as tiny Kramer Williams comes, tries on the lucky charm, gobbles up the cheese and then leaves behind his trademark: a sulfuric, skunk-like, yellowish cloud of flatulence.

One day a Witch called Switch, who lives in the woods, came up with a plan to capture Kramer Williams and make him her personal slave. Switch the Witch set up a trap with an irresistible bait: a small white saucer with seven cubes of sharp cheddar and a red and black tiny lucky charm bracelet at her back door. She caught the little devil and then she put tiny Kramer Williams inside a transparent bottle sealed with a cork with a blue א [aleph] written on it. Kramer Williams stood quiet and made himself invisible in the hope that Switch the Witch would open the bottle to check and let him escape, but Switch the Witch was very sly. She took a funnel and filled half the bottle with water. Then she had, “Kramer Williams, you better show up and talk to me, or else I’ll fill this bottle to the brim!”

Switch the Witch wanted Kramer Williams to make her rich and powerful, but Kramer Williams only knew how to do small, inoffensive tricks. The worse things he could do were punching a whole on the bottom of a box of orange juice inside the refrigerator or stop up the kitchen sink with a cat’s hairball. So, Kramer Williams told the Wizard, “I’m sorry, but I think you got the wrong kind of devil.” Switch the Witch was upset and decided to keep the bottle with Kramer Williams on the top shelf of her kitchen.

Then, while Switch the Witch was out, Kramer Williams started teasing her cat, Moonlight. He called it lazy and fat till Moonlight couldn’t take it anymore. The cat climbed on the shelf and knocked down the bottle with its paw. The bottle fell and broke and Kramer Williams got out.

To take his sweet revenge Kramer Williams first stuck Moonlight inside the oven. Then he broke a dozen eggs and spread them on the witch’s favorite pillow, poked holes in the bottom of all her pants, and hid her keys under the freezer. Then he flooded the bathroom, chopped up a filthy dirty sock and put it in the witch’s teapot, and spread butter all over her favorite sofa.

I suppose Switch the Witch learned a lesson!