Knot's Rules to Live By

“Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say.” The pleasant female voice paused for a moment in consideration. “However, that doesn’t mean the scream never existed.” As the words flowed through my brain, they began to distort into a shriek of agony that shook the essence of who I was like a dog with a live wire. Tastes, sounds, and colors all combined into an eternal screech of agony; one I was unable to return. All I could sense was the unending torment of the scream.

Until eternity spat me out like phlegmy mucus.

****

“Uh, mister, are you ok?”

With a groan I opened my eyes. Sunlight pierced my lashes, taking on the form of daggers which proceeded to stab my eyeballs. Squeezing them shut, I turned from the traitorous sun, only to have a sharp stone bite me in the ass. Huh, the part of me thought that wasn’t dealing with the pain. I guess I’m naked.

“Josiah, there’s a naked man here who doesn’t look very good,” the voice above me yelled.

A few painful moments later, I heard the shuffle of footsteps approach. “Fool drunk,” a rough voice muttered before covering me with a rough blanket. “Boy, go get him some water.” After the scurry of footsteps receded, the muttering continued. From the little I heard, it sounded like he was questioning my intelligence and parentage.

“Here you go, can you lift your head?” The boy’s surprisingly gentle hand lifted my head from the ground. When I felt a cup press against my lips, I tried to prepare for the water without choking. I mostly succeeded.

I lay back, willing the daggers from my head. “Do you recognize him, Josiah? I don’t remember ever seeing anyone like him around here. How do you think he got through the mountains this time of year? Where did all his clothes go?”

“Quiet boy,” the gruff voice answered.

Slowly, the pain subsided. I cracked an eyelid. The leathery face of a man in his later years stared down at me with a scowl.

“His eyes are open. That’s a good thing, right?” the boy asked, his youthful face and dirty brown hair coming into vision. The man grunted.

“What’s your name, son?”

Giving a cough to clear my throat I said, “My name…” and my mind hit a wall. It took a moment to discover that the wall was there for good, and I wasn’t going to remember my name. I tried thinking about where I was from. Again nothing. I knew there was stuff I should remember, things like my family, favorite foods, the type of clothing I usually wore when I wasn’t going around naked, but nothing came to mind. With a groan, I closed my eyes and rolled back into a ball. “Not again, not again.”

It’s an odd feeling to know that the amnesia you’re experiencing has happened before. I don’t even know how to explain I knew it. I mean, if I have amnesia, shouldn’t I have forgotten I had amnesia before? It wasn’t so much a memory, as a feeling of familiarity. Like entering a graveyard and seeing someone else with your name buried there.

“Eh, what’s that? Did you say your name is Knot? Like a rope?”

It took me a moment to realize that he had gotten the name from my repeating of, “Not again.” With a half groan, I said, “You can call me whatever you want.”

Muttering over the absurd name, the man replied, “Well then, if you’re over your spell, we gotta get moving.”

I widened my eyes from a squint and sat up. Besides my two rescuers, there was a lone figure moving our way. The morning sun peaked from behind a large mountain in the distance. In fact, looking around, I saw the entire area was surrounded with mountains, leaving us in a kind of bowl, at the end of which stood a large, wall girded castle about a half hour’s walk from us.

Motioning at the boy, Josiah turned to the cart full of turnips. “Let’s get going. Market’s gonna open, and we’ll lose the morning advantage less we hurry.”

“Wait. What am I going to do?” I didn’t relish the idea of trying to find clothing here in the middle of nowhere. The boy turned to me, compassion filling his face. When Josiah didn’t answer, he shrugged, walking off shamefaced.

I stood, shaky knees barely holding my weight as I pulled the blanket around me. “You can’t just leave me here. I don’t have any clothes.” Patting my bare bottom reflexively I added, “And no money either.”

“That’s your problem, not mine.” A string of half heard curses followed, giving me little opportunity to press my case. I was starting to get the impression he didn’t like me very much.

The boy stood between us, looking torn. “You can keep the blanket, mister Knot. I just brought it along to wipe down the sow before selling her, but I’ll find something else. Was going to get a different one anyways. Used it to deliver the last litter; a messy one. Almost lost the sow.”

Pointing toward the cart, I saw a big, black and white pig waddle behind on a rope. I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination, but the blanket suddenly felt moist. Huh, naked and wrapped in pig placenta. My right arm jerked free from the blanket. I stared at it in confusion as it grabbed hold of the cover as if it had a mind of its own, and tore it off me.

“Stupid drunk,” I heard Josiah mutter. Quickly bending to pick up the blanket - I seemed to have control of my arm again - I saw the farmer glance at me. “You better keep covered. There’s a preserver coming our way.”

Walking to the cart, I tripped over the blanket before pulling it above my knees. “What’s a preserver?” They looked at me like I was muttering gibberish.

“You don’t know what a preserver is, mister Knot?” the boy asked in confusion.

“That better have been some durned fine ale to have left you with holes in your memory big enough to fit preservers through.” He pointed ahead of him at the figure moving towards us, as if that helped any.

“What’s a preserver doing this close to Passage, Josiah?” the boy asked, looking worried. “There aren’t savages about, are there?”

He snorted. “There ain’t no savages this close to the city, boy. More than likely, he’s on his way somewhere, same as us.”

“What’s a savage?” I think I was starting to wear them down with my ignorance, because I only got an exasperated sigh this time instead of the normal ‘you must be an idiot’ look.

“Savages are giant beasts bigger than a house.” The boy looked around nervously. “My nan says they seek human flesh to eat because it’s their favorite food. They can also read your mind.”

“Your nan should spend more time in the garden, and less filling your head with nonsense. Then maybe I’d have more turnips to sell.” Josiah snorted. “Savages are just beasts like any other, maybe just a bit bigger than normal and more likely to attack if they see you.”

“If they’re just like any other animal, then why do we need preservers to protect us?”

“Preservers don’t protect anything but their own interests.” I could tell from the practiced way he said this it was something he said often. “They don’t care about us or anybody else. I doubt most of them have ever even seen a savage, much less killed one.”

“Then why are there preservers at all? How did they get started if not to fight savages?” The boy looked at him in stubborn earnestness.

“It’s all about who has the power,” Josiah shook his head. “Maybe there were savages we needed protecting from at some time, or maybe some fool noble just decided they wanted more power. Either way, the preservers have all the power, and we don’t get any benefit from it.”

I stumbled on the road, stubbing my toe, and earning one of Josiah’s glares. When I put my hand on the cart to steady myself, the mule nickered. I had thought my walking skills were getting better, until that tremor in my legs caused me to falter.

The figure before us was getting closer, and I was finally able to get a better look at him. He was covered in a form fitting, silvery material reflecting the sun’s orange glow. Walking with long, powerful strides, his shoulder length hair artfully swayed in the breeze.

“He looks like a douche.”

“Shh, quiet, Knot,” Josiah hushed me quickly. “Don’t say ill of the preservers where they can hear you. They are outside the law and can choose to deal with us however they please.”

Before I could respond, my knees trembled again. Oddly, my companions also seemed to have shaky knees, as they stumbled. The preserver jumped ten feet in the air in an awe-inspiring feat of athleticism, smoothly pulling his sword out, before dropping to the ground in a fighting stance. Silver light sprung from the blade, rippling like waves against his suit. My mouth dropped open at the sight, only to snap shut painfully as another tremor traveled through my body.

All three of us dropped to the ground, Josiah desperately grabbing at the cart as the mule bucked and ran, turnips flying everywhere; the sow scrambling to keep its feet as it was dragged away.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a turnip flying towards my head, and before I could duck, my right arm yanked free of the blanket, shooting across my body, and yanking me sideways to grab it from the air. My arm lifted the turnip in the air triumphantly before I gained back control, dropping the turnip onto my knee painfully.

“What is going on?” I screamed, the whole world going insane.

“It’s a savage!” the boy cried, rolling into a ball, his arms covering his head. “Nan said they shook the earth before eating you. Pretend like you’re not food, it can read your mind!”

“No savage could do this, stupid boy,” Josiah yelled, scrambling on hands and knees as more quakes shook the earth. “Get back here you twice durned fool of an animal!”

“I’m not food, I’m not food!”

I wasn’t sure who was right, but my eyes fixated on the preserver before us, crouched majestically in a fighting stance, unmoved by the tremors. “He seems prepared for anything,” I said, wondering if my initial assessment was wrong.

Several large cracks opened around us, as the largest tremor yet hit us. Turnips bounced around like giant hailstones, many hitting my tender, exposed flesh.

The preserver was doing better, unyielding against the battery of quakes. With the cracks below him widening, he exploded into action, jumping high to pivot with his sword pointed downward, as if to jam it into the ground like a giant spade. Moments before it hit, the ground erupted in a geyser of dirt and rocks as a giant, tusky-horn thing rocketed from the ground to smash into the preserver. His body flew towards the castle like a pinwheel in a hurricane, as his giant sword flipped through the air to stab the earth in front of us.

“Huh. I guess he wasn’t prepared for that.”

“I told you Josiah, I told you!” the boy screamed.

Beneath the tusky-horn reared a head from nightmare. Part worm, wolf, and rhinoceros, it shook the dirt from its huge, hideous head before roaring towards the castle. In awe, I watched as it scrambled from the earth, powerful claws pulling its long, serpentine body from the ground. Larger than a hundred turnip carts, it reared, blocking the sun with its massive body. Giving a final shake, the entire area sprayed with dirt, falling around us in a dusty rain.

Coughing loudly against the dust, the giant head snapped in my direction. I choked, wondering if it was time to pretend I wasn’t food. Slowly, the creature moved towards us.

“I’m not food! the boy screamed as he started scrambling away on hands and knees.

“I’m not food either!” Josiah yelled back, climbing to his feet, and running in the opposite direction. Dirt was grudgingly falling from wet pants.

“He peed his pants!” I yelled with a laugh, wondering if I shouldn’t be more worried, or scared, or something.

The beast turned its head to look at each of us in turn before lunging towards Josiah, its multiple fanged mouth snapping shut over his body. I instantly felt bad about making fun of him in his final moments.

“Josiah!” the boy cried out, turning to look at the monster as it munched contentedly on the old farmer. Crying, he got to his feet, a turnip in his hands. Before I could stop him, he threw it at the beast.

With amazing aim, or luck, what should have been a harmless turnip to the behemoth hit it smack dab in the middle of an eye. With a roar of pain, it thrashed its head violently, globs of Josiah flying around us. Within moments it was back to its normal human devouring, monstrous self, staring at us balefully, the turnip infected eye squinting at us waterly.

“Well, we’re screwed now,” I said, looking around for anything to help us. My eyes briefly fell on the preserver’s sword before dismissing it. Not even a weapon that large could hurt something like that.

The boy fell to his knees, his body wracked with tears. “I’m not food,” he hiccoughed.

“There’s not time for that now!” I yelled at him, leaving the blanket to run towards him. “We’ve got to get out of here!”

After several steps, my right arm jerked my body around in a one eighty to face the beast again. Fixated on us, it was moving forward slowly, part uncoiling snake, part stalking cat.

My arm jerked violently in the direction of the castle. Stumbling, I cried in pain, my arm painfully jerking. Staggering after my arm, I watched in horror as the beast moved towards me.

“Don’t touch the sword, mister Knot! It’s a preserver’s! It will kill you!”

It was only then I realized what my arm was doing. With a final yank, I reached the sword as my right hand twisted to give me a thumbs up before clamping on the hilt of the weapon.

With the contact, silver laced electricity supercharged every nerve in my body. Time slowed as every sense I had overloaded with information. I could feel the shape of each particle of dirt coating my skin. Categorize each scent around me from unwashed boy, to freshly dug turnip, to freshly butchered Josiah. Even taste the remnants of my last meal. Huh, where did I get a cheeseburger and fries around here?

All these new sensations became irrelevant as a presence entered my mind, every bit as monstrous as the beast about to devour me, but somehow snootier and more snobbish. “What have we here? It has been ages since an untrained has attempted to control me. Perhaps I’ll have a little fun before I destroy your mind.”

“Why don’t we skip the second part instead, and just have fun?” I asked, as I adjusted to the new changes.

“Because that’s the climax of my fun. To destroy you, taking your knowledge and understanding of the universe and making it mine.”

“I’m not sure how well that’s going to work, since I have no memories at the moment.”

A second presence entered my mind. “What is going on? Who dares defile the sacred bond between preserver and relic?”

Rather holier than thou if you ask me. In sudden realization I said, “Wait! You’re the glittery douche, aren’t you?”

“Oh, it’s you, master of the blade and champion of all that’s holy,” the presence I thought of as Snooty said in a mixture of boredom and regret. “I had thought you vanquished when I came in contact with this little mind attempting to take control of me.”

“Little mind?” I said in outrage. After giving it a moment’s thought I conceded, “Yeah, I guess that’s fair.”

I felt roiling anger emanate from Holier-Than-Thou. “How dare you defile this sacred connection? To do it in the moment I am about to defeat an unholy savage makes your act the more heinous. I will destroy your mind in recompense.” I knew I wasn’t going to like him.

“Why does everyone want to destroy my mind? It’s not all that great a one anyway. It doesn’t even remember its own name!”

Ignoring me, I sensed the two merge, turning their combined strength on me. In agony, my mind was squeezed in a vise of mental energy as the two forces attempted to pop me like a zit. My brain sent random impulses throughout my body as if crying for help, and I knew my naked body flopped on the ground, even as my hand continued to hold the hilt of the sword as if it were part of it.

“Stop!” commanded a third presence, placing each of us stasis. “Calculations are incomplete. Attempting new computations.”

“How many of you are there in my head!” I screamed in frustration and pain. I could still feel the pressure the two were exerting on me, but it wasn’t growing worse. I did have some inkling however of how a nearly empty mustard bottle must feel when you tried to squeeze out the last flatulent drop.

“How dare you!” cried Holier-Than-Thou.

“What is this, a new source of knowledge to crush and make my own?” Snooty sounded intrigued.

“My calculations showed an eighty three percent chance of merger with the artifact when faced with equal threat. Previous symbiotic relation not considered.” There was a pause from which I could feel the others seething. “Recalibrating symbiosis.”

I felt more than heard a tearing sound like that of newly cut wrapping paper, and with it a scream of pain from Holier-Than-Thou resulting in an instant release of pressure on my mind. I almost felt sorry for the preserver, until I remembered he had been about to crush my brain.

“The yoke is removed?” I felt Snooty flex mental muscles before turning its attention to the preserver. “Now I am finally free after years of servitude. I will take pleasure in slowly crushing your mind.”

“Take your time,” I said, worried I would be next once it finished with Holier-Than-Thou.

“Merger must be completed immediately. Calculations show twelve seconds before confrontation with the world beast.”

“Twelve seconds? Do you mean that beast is going to be licking me up in twelve seconds? I can’t even open a pickle jar in that amount of time!”

“I…” Snooty paused before continuing. “Concur,” it sounded grudging. I felt a building of energy followed by a glittery squish reverberate through my mind. Mentally searching, I didn’t feel the preserver anymore. “The savage is nearly upon us. There is time to finish you first, however.”

“Eleven seconds. Synergy is critical.”

“Hey now, don’t be hasty.” I felt Snooty begin to build energy. “I’m not all that bad a guy once you get to know me. Just ask Josiah.” Remembering his fate I continued, “Er, you can’t really ask him right now, but he was definitely warming up to me.”

“Sorry, little mind. I am sure lesser beings enjoy your company. I, however, refuse to be yoked again.” The energy built to an apex before he released it on me.

I should have died. I was pretty much expecting it. I mean, here was a being who could snuff out people just by thinking it. How did I stand a chance when I couldn’t even remember my own name?

When the energy blasted towards me, I could feel the presence of the other being surround me in a bubble. The energy slid around the bubble to slingshot back to Snooty. “Ten seconds remaining. Destroying the host mind is not an option.”

The moment the energy reached Snooty, I felt a connection between us, kind of like how your pet dog watches you when you’re going to the bathroom. It felt a little dirty, but at the same time right. When I felt the connection become complete, I mentally approached him, patting him on the proverbial head. Using my best doggie voice, I said, “There’s a good boy. You’re such a good boy, aren’t you Snooty?”

I didn’t think I deserved the roar that followed. I mean, here I was trying to be friendly, when he’s the one who nearly liquefied my brain. He should be grateful I even considered taking him on as a pet.

“Nine seconds remaining. I suggest finalizing the synergy and exercising the transformation.”

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?”

“Now, Snooty, there’s no reason to be like that.”

“I WILL NOT BE YOKED IN THIS MANNER. I AM XULATHAR PROTECTOR OF A THOUSAND GENERATIONS, NOT SNOOTY.”

“Be reasonable Snooty. We can still get along just fine. Just pretend like you’re my sidekick or something. I’m Batman, and you’re Robin. They’re basically the same.”

“Eight seconds. Time is critical.”

“THERE WILL BE NO BARGAINS. YOU WILL RELEASE ME IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL DESTROY WHAT LITTLE YOU HAVE FOR A BRAIN.”

“Ok, that’s enough. It’s one thing to be upset at being bested, it’s another to take cheap shots at my intelligence.”

“RELEASE ME NOW, PUNY ONE!”

“Seven seconds. I strongly suggest symbiosis in the face of immediate death.”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” I roared back, putting every bit of mental energy I had into it. The blast hit Snooty, who was powerless against it. He cried out piteously, and I instantly felt bad. I hadn’t realized how much control I had over him. Sending out soothing thoughts, I mentally stroked him.

“Six seconds. I must insist on turning attention to the world beast.”

“I’m sorry, Snooty, I shouldn’t have done that. But you shouldn’t have said those things about me either. Now, yes, you are under my control, but that doesn’t have to necessarily be a bad thing. I’m more than willing to allow you to work with me as a partner, and not as a slave or servant. We’re connected now, don’t you see that?”

He whimpered. “Yes master.”

“Not master. Partner, or just Knot.”

He paused. “Partner. I have never had a partner before.” I felt him rummage through my thoughts like a dog snuffling my hand. “You tell the truth. You do not wish me to be your servant.”

“Five seconds.”

“Now that you understand, can you help me defeat the monster? I can’t do it by myself, I don’t even know where to start.”

“Of course I can defeat the savage! I am Xulathar, protector of a thousand generations!” He paused. “I meant of course we can defeat the savage, partner.”

“Four seconds. My calculations show a sixty three percent chance of failure against the world beast at this juncture.”

“Snooty!” I pleaded.

“I will not allow the savage to destroy us!”

A surge of energy flowed through me from the relic. Unlike previously when Snooty meant harm, this time I felt bolstered by it. Every muscle surged with strength. My mind sharpened as if I had just drunk three cups of double espresso. I broke out of the mental fugue to see a giant tusk aimed at me.

In panic I stood, jumping into the air, the giant sword in my hand. A rush of wind blew beneath me as the tusk narrowly missed to smash into the ground where I had been lying. Debris geysered into the air, some falling on the figure of the boy running madly from the devastation.

Twisting in midair, I felt a soft substance begin to cover my naked body, until I was completely covered in flexible, silver scales. “Great, now I’m wearing the glittery jumpsuit.”

Trying to ignore my new wardrobe, I took the sword in both hands, and turned it so it was pointed downwards toward the body of the beast.

I will show you what I can do, partner!

The voice came to my mind through the sword, surprising me to the point where I almost dropped it. “Don’t startle me like that, Snooty.”

I apologize partner, but there is no time to waste!

Plunging towards the beast, I found myself yelling wordlessly, either a formless war cry expelled on a wave of emotion, or a wail of disgust at how my calves looked in the jumpsuit. Light lanced from the blade in a giant scythe shape. Moments before impact, the giant head turned to watch me, lips lifted in a snarl.

I cut the monster in half.

Blood and gore rained down around me as I landed between the two sections of beast. “Was that it?”

That was it partner! I told you we could defeat the savage. The head of the beast smashed into the ground, causing the earth to shake.

“But I was expecting something more. A big battle, perhaps, where each of us exchange blows. Maybe a weapon duel, where I use you to parry and thrust against its tusky-horn thing.”

If I were still linked to preserver Edward, perhaps the battle would have gone as you described. I never gave him access to my full power, though. Snooty snorted disdainfully. He was never my partner, instead treating me less than a pet dog. We are partners, and I have no qualms sharing my power with you.

“So, what do we do now?”

The boy ran towards us. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a preserver, mister Knot?” He blushed, stammering, “Um, I mean preserver Knot.”

“I guess I didn’t know it myself.” Glancing towards the castle, I saw several people on horses riding in our direction.

“That was amazing! I knew everything nan said was true.”

I sense another preserver coming towards us.

“That’s good, isn’t it?” I figured if I was one of them now, I’d better get to know them.

“Of course it’s good. It means nan was right, and we need the preservers now more than ever.”

Snooty made a noncommittal sound. Each preserver is the equivalent of a ruler, and strictly adheres to tradition. They may not like the competition of a new one joining their ranks in such an unorthodox way.

Walking to the head of the beast, I grabbed hold of the tip of its horn, and used the sword to slice it off. I figured it might be kind of nice to have a souvenir of my first battle with a monstrous beast.

Twirling the horn, I waited for the riders to approach. I had been trying to act cool and nonchalant, mostly ignoring them, figuring that’s how someone with a fancy sword like Snooty would act.

“That is quite the savage you brought down, brother,” the man in front said, stopping in front of us. “There has not been an attack this near the city in nearly a generation. We are fortunate you were nearby.” He was definitely a preserver, with the silver jumpsuit and a giant grey sword hanging from his saddle. I had to say, Snooty was much more striking with his strong lines, and brightly polished finish.

Thank you. He began to glow brighter, causing the preserver to frown.

“Just another day on the job, bro,” I answered lightly, leaning against the shorn horn casually.

The people surrounding him began to mutter. There were about a dozen of them, most of them looking well off, at least if you ignored the animal furs they wore and focused on their abundant jewelry. The preserver shot a glance back and they quieted.

“I am preserver William.” He paused, waiting for me to give my name. Since I didn’t feel like giving it, in part because I didn’t remember it, he continued, “I don’t recognize you. Are you from another city?”

“You could say that.”

“Perhaps you have seen another of my brethren, preserver Edward. He felt a disturbance nearby, I presume from the savage, and came to investigate.”

“Well, Billy,” a gasp rose from the group, and the preserver’s eyebrows lifted, “I may have seen him. Actually, I thought I saw him take off in the direction of the city.” Snooty gave a snort of amusement.

“We would have seen him on our way here if that were the case.” He frowned. “The only person we saw was some unclothed drunkard passed out on the side of the road.”

When we bonded, the powers I gifted preserver Edward left him, making him nude.

“How ironic,” I muttered. Louder, I said, “I hope one of you left him a blanket, at least.”

“I have no care for one such as he.” Billy was looking at me closely. “Propriety suggests you give your name, brother, so that I might know you as friend.”

“You can call me Knot,” I said, taking Snooty from where I had placed him against the beast’s head, casually leaning on him like a walking stick.

A gasp came from one of the women riding behind him. “I recognize that sword, preserver William! It is Xulathar, preserver Edward’s relic!”

“Well, it used to be,” I conceded, to an echoing chorus of incredulity. “I call him Snooty now.”