Ice Princess

As she ran through the field behind her aunt’s house, Serena could feel the warmth of the sun on her skin. She was grateful for the experience. Growing up in Alaska, she yearned for the heat. Tall green grass enveloped her legs, and she couldn’t help but wonder how she could ever live in a place that was cold and damp most of the year. If it weren’t for her family and her job, she would have left the cold years ago. She cherished the summers where she could swim freely in the lake and sit on the dock, doing nothing but staring off into the distance. She felt as if all her worries were lifted. Worries about her job. She had worked as a steward on the Alaska State Ferry since she was 18 years old and never really felt it was a fit for her. She worried about her family, while her father was sick with Parkinson’s. She worried she was a burden living with her sister and her husband. She was scared. She knew she was moving into a new life, a life she’d always dreamed of, but never thought possible. Serena was an amazing painter and landscapes of mountains with nature set as the main character, were her specialty. She limited herself because of where she was, because of who she thought she should be. Visiting her Aunt Magda's house in South Carolina, she felt free. She felt it was the only place she could be herself, with no expectations. She painted almost the entire time she vacationed there aside from days she helped her aunt at her flower shop. Paintings of flowers and streams adorned with children playing in the distance. She expanded her talent. She allowed herself room to breathe.

“Why can’t I be this free at home?” Serena asked this of her aunt, at least once a week. “My dear, you are still you, and for as long as I can remember, you have dreamed of leaving Alaska, why don’t you look into it now?” Serena thought about her aunts’ question again. It wasn’t the first time they’ve discussed her moving to South Carolina, but it was certainly the first time she actually felt it was possible. “I’m scared” she whispered quietly. “Fear is a baseless monster that only has power when you run from it and pretend it doesn’t exist,” said her aunt Magda. “Try sitting down and talking to your fear and asking what would happen if you left? If you could do something for yourself for once. What could be the worse case scenario if you told your parents you were happier elsewhere? Allow yourself that courtesy. Be kind to yourself. Fear of leaving because of someone else, even if family, is still not being true to yourself.”

Serena thought about what her aunt said. She was right, as usual. But for some strange reason, this time, it was bigger than her. She knew she had to make a tough decision. She sat at the end of the dock once more, with her pencil in hand, intent on drawing some of the boats on the lake. Instead, she found herself drifting back to Alaska. The memories of her childhood flooded her with joy. It wasn’t all bad, she thought, not at all. She remembered the feeling of the cold frozen pond on her legs after her sister dared her to try ice crawling, which wasn’t a real thing she found out. Still the memory stuck in Serena's head. Some of the best times she spent with her dad were fishing on that frozen pond. It seemed like a million years ago. She realized she was holding on to what she didn’t want instead of looking at all that she had received living in a beautiful ice painting. The ice queen and princess games her and her friends would play, couldn’t have been more joyous for a kid living in a winter painting. Serena started crying on the dock, realizing she had it all wrong. All that she was, all that she had become as an adult was because of her surroundings and the love of her family, and Alaska. This significant realization didn’t make Serena feel worse about trying to leave, but it made her feel like it was possible. She was grateful for where she came from and this—this is what gave her the courage to move into a new stage of her life. She ran back into her aunt’s house screaming, “I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna move here!” “Well, its about time," her aunt scolded. " I’ve told you for years you can stay with me and work at the flower shop. The local civic center has art classes, and I hear they are in need of an art teacher. You can use your degree now. Though you know you're extremely talented and never needed it to begin with, right?” Serena smiled big and started laughing as she squeezed her aunt tight. “Mom and dad will understand right? After all, mom has full-time help with dad, and she will understand- right?" She wondered out loud. "I can visit in the winter and Sarah and I can still do our yearly ice fishing weekend on the frozen pond.”

Serena gathered up the courage to tell her mom after dinner. “My dear, of course we will miss you, but I’ve been waiting for this,” she said softly. “I knew your dreams of being an artist were bigger than this town, and I didn’t want to push you. Everyone needs to come to these conclusions on their own. I never wanted you to stay here, miserable, for your father, or myself,” she said. “Mom, you never needed to ask me to stay, I guess I just felt I had to. That’s on me, not you, and as Aunt Magda always says, decisions like this come to us when we are ready. I guess, I didn’t know it but, I wasn’t ready. But I am now. I’m ready for a new challenge.”