I Think I’m Ready!

For the past Seventeen years I have been seeing the same therapist. I know, that makes me sound demented right. But in my defense, I have only gone to see her four or five times a year. My father recommended I start seeing a therapist after my mom passed. I am a certified daddy’s girl, but when my mom died, I was only seventeen and I took it pretty hard. Cathy, my mom, was diagnosed with breast cancer, a month later she got really sick, then a week later she was dead.

We had exactly no time to even process the possibility of her dying before she was gone. So, in an effort to help me cope, I started seeing Lili. The absolute sweetest woman in the world, Dr. Lili A. Price, LMHC. I only say was because almost a year ago, Lili retired and moved to Hawaii, to sip Mai Tais and lay out in the sun. We used to always kid and say, her Mai Tais and hammock were waiting for her.

My last visit with her was bittersweet, I am beyond happy I could invest in her retirement, but I’ve been lost ever since. Lili had helped me through the roughest times in my life, all those important milestones that my mom would have been there to coach me through, she was there. My graduations, my first time, every bad break up and disaster date and even when I moved into my first place.

It has been nine months and today is supposed to be my first visit with a new doctor. Dr. Lyric Caldwell, LMHC, comes highly recommended by Lili. Although I trust her judgement, it has taken me this long to not only build up the courage to become once again vulnerable to a complete stranger, but also to find the time.

So, who needs seventeen years of therapy after losing their mother? That would be me, Alana Randell. Now, thirty- four, confident, intelligent, driven, and astonishingly attractive. Not to toot my own horn, but if I don’t, who will? Everyone just calls me Lana. I am the current Co-CEO, soon to be CEO of Randell & Co., one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the US. Preferably in the coming weeks, my father Jake Randell will soon be announcing his retirement and naming me CEO. Of course, he will still hold a seat on the board of directors to keep an eye on me, but I am beyond ready to take the reins. Having dedicated my entire young adulthood to the company, it is only right that I finally be able to demonstrate my impeccable leadership skills.

It’s twenty minutes to eleven and I am definitely gonna be late, but I’m eager to make this appointment with Dr. Caldwell, before I fly out to Canada in the morning. Thankfully, she was able to squeeze me in on such short notice.

I spend half of my life on our company jet traveling to our different facilities, so it had come at no surprise that I’d be involved with, Stephen, our private pilot.

Stephen has been with us for almost three years. For more than two of those years, we’ve been satisfying each other’s needs, or hooking up, I guess you’d say. Everywhere from the back of the jet to the bathroom stall at the Portland airport, we have mastered the art of discrete seduction. Apart from the few co-pilots Stephen recruits to travel with us, no one had a clue we were involved.

After racing through traffic, I arrive at Dr. Lyric Caldwell’s office, with exactly one minute to spare. Just as I take my seat the door opens and a beautiful woman with long dark hair stands smiling at me. Incredibly attractive and very pregnant, she studied me with soft, caring, kind eyes, then said

“Good morning. You must be Alana!”

I stood up smiled back and said

“Yes ma’am! Please, call me Lana”

Ma’am, seemed respectful, but honestly Doc look like she was twenty-two years old. Way too young to be giving life advice, I mean she did not even look like she was out of college. Maybe I was just used to, Dr. Price, the mother figure. But, nevertheless, I figured I would give it a shot.

Once we got in her office and sat down, I said

“Congratulations!” referring to her pregnancy

“Thank you so much” she smiled unconsciously touching her belly

“I feel like I’m as big as a house and he’s been a busy boy this morning.”

I told her she was gorgeous and then noticing the gigantic rock on her finger, I thought I would pry a little before divulging my private affairs.

“You and your husband must be so excited. Is this your first?” I asked her

“We are ecstatic! I’m only engaged though.”

“The wedding is next year and yes, this is my first. But enough about me.”

She was young and sweet, but she saw right through my deflection attempt. I guess looks can be deceiving. Reading over her notes, she sees that I had been referred by Dr. Price. After discussing Lili at length and me, breaking down our seventeen-year relationship, Dr. Caldwell looked at me and said

“I know this is your first appointment with me and you’re still feeling me out, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable charging you if we didn’t at least try to discuss the reason for your visit.”

Glancing at the clock, I realized we’d already been talking for twenty minutes, so I jumped right into it.

I have worked at my father’s company ever since I graduated from college, a little over ten years now. He has spent all that time grooming me for his seat and don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. But a part of me wants, unable to find the words, I just used her as an example.

What you have, the fiancé, kids. I guess, I mean a normal life. My life is nothing remotely close to normal. I travel at least once a week, sometimes for as long as a week at a time. Which leads me to the real reason I’m here.

I have been seeing, well, more so hooking up with this guy for almost two years now and because of my position and the fact that I’m kind of his boss, we’ve kept things under wraps. Workplace romances are discouraged, more like prohibited.

My own father would probably fire me if he found out. And I have tried to stop.

Pausing, I notice Dr. Caldwell grab the side of her belly and watch as she squints in what seems to be pain.

“Are you ok?” I asked her

“Yes, please continue!” she replied looking back over at me

Like I said, I have tried to stop seeing him, but I cannot turn off the way he makes me feel. He is unlike anyone I’ve ever known, and I’ve done my share of dating. For anonymity’s sake, we’ll call him Mr. X. Tall, athletic, smart, charming, I mean the list goes on and on. He is perfect and the sex is mind-blowingly incredible.

I still remember the first time we; you know. We’d flown to Canada for two days and I had just broken up with another loser. It was the second night, and I was sitting at the bar when I noticed him drinking alone in the corner. What’s funny is I did not realize who he was until I’d ordered him a drink and sent it over. Once he turned in my direction, I was so embarrassed. I mean, I was trying to pick him up, but I didn’t realize who he was.

Long story short, we spent the night laughing and flirting and when he walked me to my suite, I finally kissed him. We spent that night together and every night out of town together, since. We have never gone on a date. Two years of room service and scandalous hot sex and I think I’m in love. When I say it out loud, I sound pretty pathetic.

I wanna go beyond that but with my promotion coming up, I do not want to do anything to jeopardize it. I know that’s terrible right?

Looking up I see Doc sitting there with her eyes closed taking deep breaths. After a moment, she opens her eyes and says

“I’m so sorry. He’s just really busy today.”

“No, to answer your question, that’s not terrible. What did Mr. X say when you asked about going public with your relationship?”

Nothing, I haven’t talked to him about it yet. We fly out to Canada in the morning, I thought it would be fitting since that is where it all started. I’m a little nervous about what he’ll say but I think I’m ready.

“If your feelings for him have grown this strong, you owe it to yourself to open up and see what happens. You never know, he might be feeling the exact same way.”

As I sit watching Dr. Caldwell, she asks

“You said the two of you travel together all the time?” Pausing briefly leaning forward, she asks

“Is he”

“Your assistant?”

Suddenly before I can reply, she looks down and says

“I’m pretty sure my water just broke.”

Surprised by her level of calm, during what seems to be her going into labor, I ask

“Do you need me to call someone?”

“No, my fiancé should be in the lobby. He was coming to take me to lunch. Will you please grab him for me?”

Standing up, I raced to the door. Opening it, I was taken by surprise when I glanced around the lobby and saw only, my pilot, my love, Stephen, staring back at me.

“Lana!” he muttered mortified

“Stephen!” I whispered confused by his presence. Had he followed me there? Did he have an appointment with Dr. Caldwell?

Before either of us could say another word, Dr. Caldwell waddles over to us

“Babe, you two know each other?” she asks looking between the two of us

Finally, the realization of what exactly was happening dawned on me, and I collapsed right there on the lobby flood.