I am Still Here, in your Heart

There used to be much more of me in your heart, before you started down your path of denial and fear and disappointment.

Do you remember how full of dreams, and courage, and spirit, you used to be? Before you took the 'easy' path; before you started listening to other people too much?

I was the hope that you carried in your heart, in your bones and your stomach, when you were at your lowest times. I was the ultimate belief and positivity that you had; that everything would be alright. That highs would follow the lows.

I kept you smiling, when all the chips were down, when the debt-collectors were at the door, when your closest relationships eroded. I was the essence that billowed out of you, I was your belief in yourself, the belief that made people remark on what an incredibly resilient and strong person you are, and how you inspired them to keep going too. It was because of me that you sought help, kept going, shouted with rage, cried and then readjusted your crown before soldiering on.

My presence meant that you didn't quit, despite every obstacle in your way. My influence meant that there was a little powerful core inside of you that NEVER gave in, never refused to believe that everything was pointless. You misplaced me gradually over time, but the fact I was there at all, gave you the balls to search for answers, to search for clues, to keep looking for solutions; what an incredibly resourceful person you can be, because of me.

I am your hope. You cannot see me. I cannot be quantified. And no matter how you reduce me down, or lose your faith in me, the tiniest iota of me in your spirit is enough to mean that you get up, every day, and face the world, no matter how weary you may be feeling.

After all, if you had no hope at all, why even bother? Why get angry? Why bother to change things or keep fighting? Why not just lay down and stop functioning? Nope - because of me.

You don't realise just how incredible I am. How vital. Not just for you as a person, but for society, for humanity. For you, and for millions of others. I keep charities afloat, because nobody continues to work and fight for justice without hope. In every courtroom, in every battle between the little people and the more powerful ones - I level the playing field.

After all, we don't fight without hope. Even if that chance of winning the current battle is only 0.001% it is still a chance. In that respect, the amount of me that you keep in your brain and thoughts and feelings is irrelevant. After all - a chance is a chance. Whether it is 99% or 1% - it is still hope.

I am your hope. I am in your thoughts, your dreams, your ambitions, your every action. Your every cup of tea or coffee, your every moment upright, your every rant to friends, your every angry letter or email. I am keeping you upright every single day. Even when you think I have gone, when you are in the gutter, feeling that you have lost the last traces of me, of course I am still here. I am in your sinews, in your bloodstream. I am your battle cry, however quiet and weak you think that I am.

Because I get you back up off that floor, and trying once again. You misplaced me over the years, but you will never completely lose me. I am a part of you. I am a part of life. Don't ever give up. I love you, and I will never stop.