I am praying

She only wanted to get away from him. Meanwhile. he was trying to stay on focus, trying to win over his grandmother's guest. His clothes were clean but he reeked of alcohol. She was doing everything not to cry. She had been around drunk men before, but this one was spouting nonsense. He had been programmed, by god. with a malfunctioning code. She was trying to follow the rules of etiquette that her mother had taught her. But when he pulled out his fake eye, she was no longer able to look at the person who was talking to her.

Later, all she could remember about the evening was her desire to go home. She swore she would never go back to that house. Her friends knew she had gone over there and asked if he was a potential boyfriend. She could not even start to describe her discomfort from the evening. She never heard from him again. but she felt shaken, not sure she wanted to meet strange men, or even those suggested by friends. She doubted everyone's judgment but her own. She kept thinking, reset your password. Don't make it easy for others to enter in. Keep your ideals high, in fact, make them higher even if it means you spend your life alone. All she told people about him was that he was crazy and drunk. She did not express to anybody the disgust and fear she had felt that evening. She also felt angry that people would think that was the kind of guy she deserved. Every time she thought about it she cried. What was the saying "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" She believed more in "big girls don't cry." but she cried anyway.

The boring everyday routines of life continued. No dates. It took months before she even dared again. That was a disaster as well. But at least she got a few kisses and was beginning to feel a bit more normal again. She began to feel that maybe she could find a man that made her feel worthy. She gave out her phone number, to men she met on her own. Since you give what you get she started working out. She no longer quoted the phrase reset your password. She just was more hesitant about who she shared it with. The password to her heart was well guarded.

She was scarred but she was trying to move forward. She didn't trust anybody she could trust enough to commit to. Months later, she never thought of that revolting evening. Then one evening her mother called. She seemed confused and was crying. She asked her mother what was wrong. " Do you remember Grace?" her mother replied, She honestly didn't so she said no. "Allan's grandmother" "Do you mean the drunk man who you introduced me to? Who lived with his grandmother." "Yes ", she responded back. Her mother cried a little and then continued on "She's dead, she was murdered last weekend."

There was silence over the phone line. Her mother was the first to cut the silence. " Her grandson killed her.

She knew she should be polite and express more support. It didn't take a trained psychiatrist to tell the guy was crazy. She was not at all surprised She just told her mother that she was sorry. Her mother was confused. Both Grace and the mentally ill were her friends. She didn't seem mentally able to grasp the whole situation. Could she support the mentally ill, and also be upset that a mentally ill person had killed her friend?

She listened to her mother's dilemma. Her mother asked her nothing about how she felt about the situation.

Finally, off the phone, she lay on her bed. She was numb. She had hoped to never hear about that man again. She cried a little.