How one decision that takes a minute

Warning This is a Fiction story that deals with suicide and the planning of suicide.

How can one minute make all the difference in the World. In my case it did. Let's start from the beginning. It all started with the decision to take my life. That choice took way longer than a minute. I made a plan months in advance. I was going to go to a hotel and do it.

There is one thing that should have changed my mind and made me want to live. I was in a car wreck that if one thing had been different, I would not be here. I was hit in the back by a rock truck that was fully loaded. I was stopped at a red light. It messed up my back and knee. You would think it would give me a new lease on life. It didn’t. My mind was made up. The reason I decided to do it was valid to me at the time. I was having not so good thoughts. I thought ending it was the only way to get them to stop.

The timing of the wreck could be considered perfect timing or not. One, it gave me enough money to publish a book I had written. If I died, I wanted something to be left of me. The book was as good as anything. Two, it gave me enough to live what I thought was going to be my last few days to the fullest. I went to see a special screening of a movie. The movie happened to deal with disease and death. The disease was CF. The name of the movie was Five Feet Apart. It was really good.

I also ate really well. I went to restaurants I normally didn’t get to go to. I ate things I normally couldn’t afford. I also did some nice things along the way. I paid for several people's meals without them knowing. I tipped the waiters really well. My thinking was I won’t be here to spend it so I may as well do good and give it away.

The one hard thing I did was write two letters. One to my best friend at the time and one to my family. I mailed the one to my best friend and left the family one in my hotel room. Of course, when I survived, I had to tell my friend to not open it and tear it up.

I did get the supplies I needed before I got to the hotel. I went to Walmart to get a knife and some melatonin pills. I Had pain pills and muscle relaxers from the wreck. I also went to the liquor store and got Gin and Vodka. I also bought something that ultimately saved me in the end. The plan was to drink as much as I could when taking the pills and the knife was the big finish. Was going to do it in the bathtub.

I did it the night before I was supposed to check out. I started with a drink. Then I started doing half a bottle of pills with each drink. I went through two bottles of melatonin and the rest of the pain and muscle relaxers. I drank all the Gin and most of the Vodka.

Now we get to the secret thing I bought. It was rat poison. The moment I decided to eat a piece of it is the moment my life was saved. I only took two little bits.

Something started to happen. I was getting sleepy. That was when I decided to get in the bathtub. As soon as I got in the water I immediately started puking. Everything came up. I tried to stand up but couldn’t. So, I stayed in the bathtub till I woke up around 3 am and had to cut on the shower to clean myself up. I am sure they were wondering why the shower was on that early. I got in bed and had to get up around 9:30 to get ready to check out.

I am glad I made the decision to buy rat poison and even more glad I took a few bits of it. That one-minute decision saved my life. One it got everything out of my system and two it prevented me from using the knife.

I am glad I am alive. It did take me a while to recover from the financial hole it left me in. I am better now. I didn’t seek professional help. I know I probably should have. The thoughts that made me want to do it are buried deep in my mind. Sometimes they rise to the surface for a brief moment.

If you need help, please get it. Don’t be like this character and not seek help.