How do make de chocolate cake with the Swedish Chef

The Swedish Chef stood behind the prep table to his rather large kitchen chasing a headless chicken around with a meat cleaver, he had gotten as far as decapitating the chicken, but forgot to take into consideration that the nervous system of a chicken was such that they could still move around for a while after they were decapitated.

“Get back here you flippity flippin flappin flying frickin’--.”

“HEY!” Kermit the Frog quickly rushed into the kitchen and looked at the chef. “I think you’re supposed to be showing us how to make a chocolate cake, or something, not…whatever it is you’re doing!”

“Oh,” Chef looked at Kermit with a look of embarrassment, “yeah.”

“So, get rid of the…you know…chicken and get things started.

“OK,” the chef dropkicked the headless chicken until it went flying towards the meat freezer, and dropped to the floor, finally not moving.

Kermit gave a look of disgust as he made his announcement. “NOW the Swedish Chef is finally going to show us how to make a chocolate cake…I hope.”

By this time, the chef had the main ingredients for a chocolate cake on hand; flour, eggs and some sort of chocolate powder. “First you take the fleur--.”He picked up the bag of flower, not realizing there was a hole in the bottom of the bag, so everything poured its way out of the hole in the bottom of the bag. “Oopsie!”

For Statler and Waldorf, who watched the Chef from the safety of an area above the kitchen, this was nothing new. Statler looked at Waldorf and frowned. “I have a question for you.”

“What’s that?” Waldorf asked.

“Has Chef ever completed preparing a meal?”

“There’s a first for everything.”

“Oh,” Chef could hear them making fun of him again, “shad up!”

“That’s not nice!” Statler mumbled as he decided to leave Chef alone for the moment.

Chef mumbled out something that sounded vaguely like it wasn’t supposed to be. “Now where was I?” He looked down at the flour that was still all over the prep table. “Oh yeah,” He brushed the flower off the prep table into the large mixing bowl, “once de fleur is in de bowl, you add de egg.”

The egg was cracked open and went onto the flour without a hitch.

“Uh ho!” Waldorf said.

“What?” Statler responded.

“Something actually went right!”

There was a spare egg, so Chef tossed it aside so hard it landed on Waldorf’s face, it dripped off his nose and into his mouth.

“Oops!” Chef said with a hint of mock surprise.

“Su-ure!” Waldorf pulled out a rag and wiped the egg off his face.

“This isn’t going well,” Kermit stated something that was quite obvious.

“NO!” Statler said. “Let him go,”

“Yeah, we want to see if he actually finishes this thing!”

“Listen…” Chef was getting angry, he mumbled out something that was completely incomprehensible to Waldorf.

“WILL YOU GET ON WITH MAKING THE CHOCOLATE CAKE!” Kermit yelled out.

“Okay, I will,” Chef said, “now with de egg in de fleur you add de sugar un de chocolate.” There was plenty of sugar and chocolate added. With that done, he went for some water. “Now you add de water jest enough do make it smooth!”

“That’s the only thing that’s smooth about this whole thing!” Waldorf said.

“Dat’s it, I’ve had enough!” Chef picked up the bowl and threw it at Waldorf and Statler, the chocolate cake mix went all over the both of them.

“What are you doing?” Kermit looked on in horror.

“Don’t worry,” Chef opened the oven to present a finished cake, “I made one beforehand.”

“That was truly obscene and tasteless!” Statler said.

“Actually,” Waldorf licked at the chocolate that was on his face, “it’s really not too bad.”

Kermit took himself a nice big slice of the chocolate cake and took a bite out of it, “taste pretty good to me!”