How Can I Overcome My Fear Of Failure?

How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure. Fear of failure is a very common problem. But rather than avoid the situations where you fear you'll fail, learn how to face your fear. Here are some ideas to overcome your fear of failure.

Too often, I want to run in the opposite direction when I don't feel right.

Why is this?

Most of the time, these feelings are fleeting, and the feeling leaves once I get back to what I know is right.

But there are also times when I let it affect my decision-making.

What I need to realize is that the choice I'm making is the right one.

I need to feel like I'm doing the right thing and be confident in that, even if the confidence is shaky at the time.

Maybe that's the faith I'm talking about.

Or maybe it's the confidence that comes from facing an unknown with confidence in yourself, no matter what that unknown is.

I know, I know.

I'm late with this.

Furthermore, I could blame it on the illness that's been circulating through my office.

Or the stay cation that's allowed me to not worry about writing.

Or the - lack — of — work that's allowed me to read books I never would have had time to read during my busy day job.

But the reality is I didn't want to write.

I don't know if it was that my plate was overflowing, I was feeling too frazzled, I just needed to sleep for the umpteenth night in a row, or maybe I just didn't want to share it.

Maybe the creative juices were too muddy?

Maybe I was stuck in one of those endless revisions of a story I'm not fond of?

Whatever it was, I just didn't want to write.

That's a problem when your current WIP is taking up more of your time than is comfortable.

It's tempting to change scenes around, throw things in that don't fit, or decide to change direction with the plot altogether.

And that's the kind of self-sabotage I don't need.

So today, I'm making a choice.

I'm going to just do my best, writing every day, and hoping that something amazing will come out of it.

Or something better.

Or both.

I learned a few things in the last year or so, and the one that's been on my mind lately is that your career is more important than your personal life.

I'm not talking about dumping your family to devote more time to writing.

Furthermore, I'm not talking about not taking vacations because you need the time to write.

Furthermore, I'm talking about working all the hours God sends and sacrificing your relationship with your spouse and your child because you can't wait to get to the keyboard.

Furthermore, I've heard story after story about this.

My family, my friends, my coworkers, my mother, my best friends, you name it.

So when I started thinking about how to balance family and writing, I thought about how I'm spending my time.

Like most writers, I'm a daydreamer.

Sometimes when I'm not consciously writing, I'm thinking about the story, the characters, their motives, their backstories, or my reaction to their actions.

In some ways, that's the most important thing I'm doing when I'm not writing.

And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

So when I make time for the family and friends I love, it makes for a better family life.

And when I spend my downtime with my hubby, my son or my best friends?

Those moments mean more to me than the words I put down on the page.

I wouldn't trade those moments.

And I certainly wouldn't leave it all behind to write.

I think I'm beginning to understand the concept of balance.

But I'm not going to focus on writing today.

I've had a rough week at work, and my health continues to be an issue.

If I'm going to be able to write my story tomorrow, I need to rest.

And I know I'm going to feel guilty.

I'm going to think of that scene I want to write, and the wonderful ending I want to build.

And I'll feel obligated to go home and write.

But I don't have to.

I have many friends who write in the mornings, so if I don't write now, maybe they can get something down.

And if not, well, I'll just start the day over tomorrow.

So, for now, I'm going to blog and hope that it's a good distraction from writing.

I'm also going to make a delicious, nutritious dinner (salmon, wild rice, asparagus, cauliflower, beets, onions, and salsa), spend some time with my son, and do some deep breathing to calm the day-long stresses and hopes I've carried.

In 2012, my brother, Scott, came over to our house in a tizzy. I walked into the living room to discover my brother, my sister-in-law, and their four children in the presence of a young lady we shall call Claire, having an animated discussion.

“What’s the new lady in your life?” I asked.

“Claire,” he said. Then he turned around and handed me a book.

It was a copy of The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that lasts by Gary Chapman. I turned around and handed it across to Claire, who told me to read it. I was not about love or romance at the time. In fact, I was dating my first man-whore. To her credit, Claire did not try to talk either of us into getting engaged. Instead, she asked me what I was doing for dinner, suggesting she bring over a casserole. There ensued a discussion about how I like to write, and so on.

I did read the first chapter of the book. By the time I was done reading it, I had asked my sister to make me an omelet.

What was I afraid of? Perhaps the fact that she was about to give me five weeks of sexless romance. How sad that would be for me and worse for her. Perhaps my fear was that I saw no way out of a relationship, and this could be away. It would be a long, slow journey, but I had nothing to lose except the chance at a meaningful, long-term relationship.

My problem has been with the concept of “failing” or “letting people down.” I thought that if I did not fail in her eyes, perhaps I would fail in hers, and that was unacceptable to me. That might not seem like much fear of failure, but what does matter is that such a small thing as this can have a huge impact on someone else’s life and mine, for the rest, and even after reading the book.

My brother and his family have been wonderful to me throughout my life. Through them and their parents, and then my children and my ex-wife, they have taught me to succeed in life. How often do we take into consideration what someone might be going through?