Hold Onto A Piece of You

“This is special,” the woman said as she placed the warm piece of metal softly in young Lexi’s hand. Her mother had the sweetest voice. It always put Lexi at ease. “It is now a part of you. Always hold onto a piece of you, who you are, and never let go. No matter what, never let go.”

No matter what. The words echoed in Lexi’s head as she was awoken by dirt falling on her face. Not wanting to let go of the memory, Lexi desperately tried to slip back into the dream. She closed her eyes as tight as she could to will herself back to sleep. However, sleeping was no longer an option. Not only was the ceiling starting to crumble, but also the support beams were beginning to creak and splinter.

Begrudgingly, Lexi snatched up her meager possessions and put them into her backpack. Slinging it onto her back, she began crawling out of the tunnel, past the large “Do Not Enter!” sign at the entrance and into the mains. Approaching one of the lights on the wall, she held up her palm, and the light shone on a grimy, heart-shaped necklace whose chain was wrapped through her fingers. Years of dirt, muck, blood, sweat, and all other forms of filth had tarnished its original beauty. It was the last thing her parents had given to her before everything went crazy. Content the locket was secure, she closed and brought her hand down on her chest, hugging it close. I’ll never let go.

Dim electric light lit the railway tunnel at intervals which allowed Lexi to see well enough to make her way with relative ease. As she passed one of the flickering lights, she was surprised electricity was still powering this area. It had been days since she’d passed through the last city.

City, she thought, chuckling to herself. Bit of a stretch calling it that. In reality, the city had been an old underground train station. It was one of the last remnants of the old times, before the mushroom clouds bloomed, and humanity was forced underground to live like rabid gophers.

Those unlucky enough to survive the bombs had to deal with the living hell that remained. Radiation burned through the ozone, making even the slightest hint of sunlight deadly. It seeped into the ground pursuing them below the earth. No one truly escaped. Lexi couldn’t think of anyone who didn’t have some level of radiation poisoning. Not that she met many people. She had only braved the last ‘city’ because she had needed food. She had been able to trade a couple items for some dead rats and worms, a bona fide feast.

Picking at the last bit of rat stuck in her teeth, Lexi grunted as she heard a faint pop. She looked down to see another of her teeth lying on the ground. Damn, she cursed inwardly. I won’t have any teeth left at this rate.

Poor nutrition and an irradiated life underground had not been kind to Lexi. What little hair she had left was kept firmly in place by a tattered knit cap. Her sunken eyes were perpetually lifeless, except in those rare moments she glimpsed at her treasure. Then, no matter how faint or short-lasting, there was a spark.

Lexi’s chapped lips curled into a slight smile as she once again peeked at the necklace next to her heart. To her, they were one and the same. The metallic heart in her hand was no different than the sickly one inside her pumping blood through her body. She held her life—her true life from before—in her hands. Holding it tightly, Lexi could almost see her mom there with her. She could feel her mom pressing it into her hands ever so gently and speaking to her with that calming voice. Tears welled in Lexi’s eyes as she lost herself in memories of happier times.

A sudden noise echoing throughout the tunnel broke Lexi out of her reverie. She clasped her hand around the locket and crouched down. She spun around wildly, trying to determine the cause of the noise. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something small starting to scurry through the lighted areas behind her. Lexi waited until the rat was a bit closer, and then she pounced.

She reached out and grasped it with her left hand. It flailed desperately, but the poor creature went limp as she brought her right crushing down on its head. With dinner procured, she took the meager portion over to the nearest wall light.

Old incandescent bulb, Lexi noted to herself, placing the rat on the bulb. Might be able to cook it a bit. The smell of burning rat hair didn’t bother her. Smells in general were a thing of the past. Living in a world with little electricity and even less clean water led to a steep decline in personal hygiene for humanity. People just accepted the fact that there were no longer scents in the world. There was just one Smell. If one was lucky to find a crumb of sweet soap, it would soon be tainted by the Smell.

Feeling that one side had cooked for long enough, Lexi reached up to turn it over. Just a few more… Her thoughts were interrupted as she was knocked onto the ground by something behind her. Lexi managed to twist around and looked up at her attacker. It was a man, taller than Lexi but just as gaunt. His eyes were blood red, veins bulging, with no inkling of humanity left in them. He wildly thrashed away at her body with his claw-like hands as a guttural roar erupted from his mouth. Bile and spittle splattered Lexi’s face as she lifted her arms to fend off her attacker.

The rat carcass fell off the light illuminating more of the tunnel. He slammed Lexi’s left arm onto the concrete floor and grasped at her cap, easily tearing out a chunk of her remaining hair. Crying out in pain, Lexi kicked at his chest. She managed to push him back long enough to wipe away the tears forming in her eyes. As she did, the chain loosened in her hand, causing the heart necklace to drop a few inches. The dim light glinted off the bits of metal showing through the grime.

The howling stopped as the frenzied man cocked his head to the side and stared, mesmerized, at the shiny object. As Lexi quickly covered the locket, the man lunged at her hand and began to pry her fingers open. No, Lexi cried to herself, more tears rolling down her cheeks. I can’t let go. I won’t let go! With a shriek that would frighten a banshee, Lexi became like a feral animal herself. She swung her free hand at the man’s face, rending flesh from bone with her jagged nails. As he staggered back, Lexi saw her chance and stuck out her leg, causing him to trip and fall. Lexi was on his chest before he could even blink. She continued to pummel and claw at his face, until nothing remained but a bloody pulp.

Lexi rushed back to the light and held up the necklace. Is it okay? Is it damaged? How could I be so stupid? Lexi thought as she frantically tried to wipe the blood away. Finally realizing that her own bloodied hands weren’t helping clean the necklace, Lexi rushed to her backpack. Rifling through, she found as clean of a filthy rag as she could find.

She took it back to one of the lights on the wall, which she absentmindedly noticed was next to a ladder, leading to the surface. Pausing, she looked up into the darkness to where the grate would be and wondered what time of day it was in the outside world. Shaking her head, Lexi refocused on the important task at hand and began meticulously cleaning her treasure to the best of her ability.

Satisfied that she had done all she could, Lexi rewound the chain around her fingers and grasped the heart close to her own. Tired, but not wanting to stay in the area too long, Lexi walked over to the corpse. Barely minding the blood now, she picked through the its pockets with her left hand.

As usual, scraps, Lexi thought. These types never carry anything valua… Once again she was interrupted in her thoughts as her hand clanked against something tiny and metallic in one of the pockets. Pulling the thing out, she saw that it was a small, round tin. And not just any tin.

For the first time in years, a real smile spread across Lexi’s face, and her eyes lit up. A slip of the label was still readable: …tal polish. Lexi let out a slight squeal that echoed through the tunnel until her dry throat cut it off with a hacking cough. Blood splattered onto her hand, but Lexi didn’t care. The tin was all that mattered. She wiped the blood off on her pants and gingerly pried open the lid of the tin. Just as she had hoped, inside was a goop of polish. On the underside of the lid was a tiny bit of clean cloth. At least, it was cleaner than anything she had. It was almost white.

With great care, she took the cloth in her hand and scooped up all the goop she could scrape from the tin. She rubbed and scraped away at the grime and muck with a devout fervor. By the time she was finished, there was not a speck of white on the cloth. But...

“It’s so beautiful,” Lexi said aloud, staring at her reflection in the locket. The sound of her own voice startled her, but nothing could distract her from the necklace. She could see herself. Hair torn and body bleeding, all Lexi could think of was how clean her heart was. However, something troubled her. The lighting was horrible down in the tunnel. Her heart needed to truly shine.

Looking up, Lexi made her decision. After making sure her heart was tightly wound in her hand, she grasped the rung of the ladder and began to climb. It was slow going, but time didn’t matter. Only the locket mattered. When she finally reached the top rung, her left arm was burning, but that didn’t matter. She nudged at the door but to no avail.

Budge you damn thing, she grunted to herself as she strained against the door. She scrunched her eyes closed as she put as much force as she could muster into the door. Everything she had was focused on opening the door. And finally, a crack appeared. Hot air flooded the tunnel, blowing the few strands of Lexi’s hair back as she stepped out of the underworld and onto the surface.

Dawn was approaching. The sun was slowly rising, sending out the first few rays of morning. As the heat burned away at her exposed flesh, Lexi held up the locket. When the sunlight hit the freshly polished surface, the necklace glinted and sparkled like a diamond.

I did it, Mom. Lexi told herself as tears began to flow down her face. I held on.

Unwrapping the necklace from her hand, Lexi draped it across her neck. The chain lowered the heart-shaped locket down to rest against Lexi’s heart. I held on, Lexi thought as she, succumbing to her wounds, laid down on her back. The necklace, still sparkling, laid there with her. I held on.