Her blood on My Hands (PART 1)

It was a Tuesday morning around 8 o'clock before noon. Arron thought it was extremely clever to do a project a day before the submission date. And it was still the neighbour’s water pipe that he had to fix for her laundry. But who the hell does laundry 7 o'clock in the morning? But it was the dog that jumped in front of his car that canned him more. But sore paw or not, he was woefully down the road again. Okay way of topic here. Arron ordered his daily Macchiato from Godley’s and as he stared out the window at the all-day city life, someone drastically caught his eye.: “She looks so familiar” he thought. Like he has seen her sometime in his past... It was the red buttoned coat and blue jean that made her stand out. She saw him staring at her and he didn’t do well with eye contact at all... And there Arron stood, blushing as if his girlfriend had told that she was pregnant. And that's the thing... He had a girlfriend, so why was he blushing at another person? The most beautiful smile he has ever seen since his girlfriend went to whiten her teeth. And right there he smiled back too. Stupid mistake. Just as Arron’s Macchiato was finished, he paid and as he turned around, she stood in front of him with a smile.

Arron choked on his spit as she uttered her first words to him.

"So, at least I wasn't the only one staring." With a giggle at the end.

He quickly came up with an excuse and told her that she looked like one of his friends. He couldn’t tell her that he founded her attractive... Both of them had the same idea of doing a project the day before submission. And she guessed that Arron did a project a day before submission.

He asked her how she knew, and her reply was "Well your level of the irritation in your face tells me everything."

There's a lot of stuff that could have risen Arron’s irritation level, like the neighbour’s water pipe. So, she was just very "lucky" to be able to guess it right. They were so engrossed in the conversation, until Arron realized that he had 20 minutes left to get to the office. And the traffic would have let him down. Unfortunately, he had to cut the conversation short, and she asked whether she could get his cell phone number due of the fact that the both of them were in the tech industry... Her motives were different than the rest of the girls that had other ulterior motives. It’s like she wanted to build a relationship. But why did she give him butterflies in his stomach? He was never attracted to any other girl. What made her so different? He didn't want to get attached, so he came up with an unnerving apology from a new number he got that he didn't know.

She looked a little negative and she may have known that it was a faint excuse... He said goodbye and went forward with his day. He showed up at the office and his assistant insisted on a cup of coffee. It wasn't Godley’s Macchiato now, but it would have to do. Arron walked to the Director General’s office to hand in his project, but he was not impressed with his work. It is understandable. He did only start and complete it in a day's time. But he was still negative about it. Apparently, his chart was inaccurate and the figures from the WI-FI installations were less than they needed to be. Not everyone is looking for WI-FI so how was is it Arron’s fault? He fore lonely proceeded to his office and as he walked in, he saw his assistant with the woman at the coffee shop.

:"Sir, this is the new temp that Mr. Van Zyl has appointed." My assistant said.

Arron was chosen to take her under his wing and teach her more about the business. She taunted Arron with her red, luscious lips as she kept smiling at him.

:"Melissa Harper" she introduced with a handshake.

Her soft, slender hand was something Arron considered alluring... He could physically feel his body vibrating as they shook hands. It was a strange feeling for him...

Arron and Jessica got along very quickly, but as soon as she wanted a cup of coffee, he immediately stopped her with a quote that said "Success waits for no one. Your coffee will."

He felt pretty good about it. Actually, badass to say the least and walked with a smile as she pursued him with a fanatical look. She needed to know that Arron wasn’t going to take any crap and that he wouldn’t be intimidated. He directly wanted to come off as someone you wouldn’t want to mess with. As he gave her a tour of the building, they had to stop by the designing department because that was her specialty. He allowed her to make sense of everything and watched as she introduced herself to everyone. He could see how she was welcomed immediately. Everyone liked her right away. If Arron had to bring cupcakes to everyone, they would probably like him too. They introduced her to the system that they were working with, and it was nice for Arron to see someone so passionate about their work. The way she looked at everything with such patronizing vision made him happy. But he found her so appealing yet again.: “Why?” he thought. He felt a bit guilty about it and swept it under the rug.

Momentarily, she came out with a cup of coffee and her comment of "While waiting for success, coffee will make it more bearable" was surely understandable. It was always there and reliable for the late nights' work.

He took her to her office where she could get her workstation up and ready, and told her that if she needed anything, that she could just message him.

:"With the number you forgot or your work number? “She said with a smile of "Got you now."

He wanted to kick himself with stupidity. He took up his cell phone from his pocket just to make it look like he had forgotten his number, and typed it into her cell... She was all too happy about it. She asked him whether he was going to Godley’s every day. And to Arron’s surprise, she also goes there every day. Yet, he never saw her there. He wasn’t that excited seeing her every day. They didn’t know each other long, but Jessica’s arrogance bothered him, and he already complied a suspicion that she would have a negative impact on his life that could be filled with hatred… Or even lust perhaps… There was something about Jessica that Arron couldn’t figure out… But Jessica did things to him that she didn’t even know about. If someone gets on your nerves with allured thoughts in a few hours of knowing each other, how is it possible to correlate your feelings that fast? As the day wore on and it was time for the both of them to clock out, he said goodbye to her, and as he walked towards his car.

Jessica approached the parked vehicle next to him and said:” Drive safe.” Whilst climbing in her car.

She slowly reversed out and gave him “that smirk” again, while driving off. He didn’t think much of it. Well… The only thing that he thought about was that she might be into him. But Arron then took that thought, hid it away with the rest of the outcasted thoughts in his mind and proceeded back home. And when walking into the house, was every Tuesday's troubled story. He had to walk into a house seeing his girlfriend and some of her friends getting wasted on vodka... And with Arron’s money, too. It's money he wanted to put away for their future, and she kept blowing it out on booze. He was furious... Her friends were using them, or rather Arron for the money and booze, and he refused to allow it any further…

He asked them to go home because he had to be in the office early tomorrow morning... He isn’t the type that will try to control their girlfriend's life and telling her who she can and can’t be friends with, but they were very comfortable blowing out his money unnecessarily. His girlfriend was a people's pleaser. And due to that, she thought that it would already be easier to keep her friends in her life, even if they used her or not. They fought badly that night... Money doesn't grow on a man's back... And she was very comfortable with the money he always had to transfer into her bank account for necessities and shopping. She and her parents wrote each other off about a drug problem she was having in the past, so Arron took her in, and they fell in love during the process. He helped her and covered her rehabilitation costs, medicine and so on. Still, her parents decided not to make contact because the "past is too hurtful." She never realized how much Arron had done for her. She got sucked in by so many backstabbers and that was something Arron always stood up for, even though she would never listen. She was blind for the fault of others. He calmly proceeded to talk to her nicely and told her that they should work responsible with the money. That’s when she had the audacity to throw the past in Arron’s face... It was the nightly Tuesdays at the Croft house... Other days, they would be fighting about something small that she got angry about, but he didn't bother himself with it anymore... He didn't want to leave her because her own grace is more toxic than drugs. They went to bed angrily that night and didn’t say a word to each other.

The next morning, he left her cup of coffee and some pain killers on her nightstand and went to work. He had reservations about whether he wanted to be with her. And as he drove down the road in thought, the imaginary vision of a person in his head began to wander. And the second thoughts that he was having were clear. He didn't look where he was driving, and when he came by and regained self-control of what was happening around him, he fell back to Earth where he had scuttled a red robot street and almost crashed in a blue Volkswagen. He immediately swerved onto the pavement and stopped at Godley's which was about 40 metres away. He was in shook of what happened and heard a car approaching and parking next to him. The same blue Volkswagen that he almost crashed into. The one and only, Jessica Thompson... He felt so humiliated and couldn't get out of his car fast enough to ask her for an apology. She got out wearing his short denim pants and grey shirt with her white leather shoes... And for a moment my breath was taken away. The way her lean, yet muscular legs stood out. Was something one couldn't overlook. It was quiet and the tension was building up.

:"So, is there a reason why I almost had to call my insurance?" She said

He was filled with anxiety about what excuse he could make up for the reason. He explained to her that there was trouble in paradise.

:” Success is the same as death.” She said. “It waits for no one.” It was quite the good comeback.

He just laughed lightly and asked her one huge apology. She was very calm about the situation and then took him for a cappuccino to show that all is forgiven. He’s the one that should have bought her one, but Jessica didn’t look like the type of person that you would want to argue with. As they waited in line, awkwardly silence included, Jessica looked at Arron up and down as if something was wrong. “Something wrong?” Arron asked.

“Yes. From all the outfits you could have chosen to almost die, you chose this one.”

Arron gave a chuckle and said: “Well I could ask you the same”.

“Yeah, well I wasn’t really planning on dying today, so I took out this old number from my closet.” She said.

From Arron’s looks, it didn’t look like an old number. She looked amazing in it.

:” Well, then you tend to look after your clothes very well."

As she wanted to say something, they got to the front of the line and ordered two cappuccinos. They moved to the table just briefly talked about my problems like my girlfriend and why I was on my mind. It was nice to open up towards a stranger, but in the same breath it was unethical because she was a work colleague. Arron felt like as if he could trust her immediately and it was a lot for her to take from a stranger that turned into a colleague in a few minutes. She told Arron that she was in the same situation, and how it almost broke her. He was sympathized with her situation. It's like they were connected from their same situations at that moment. And her former ex-lover left her because he gave her an ultimatum.

:"Well, he is going to regret it..." Arron said.

Arron thought out loud and wanted to take back what he said, but there those words were drifting in front of them. He worried that she could’ve found that sentence weird or take it up the wrong way. It's weird that a guy, fresh out of university, said that to someone he barely knew. He didn't want to show that he did find her attractive.

:" Mister Croft, was that a compliment or a warning?" She said with her soft smile beaming into his vison.

:” What if I were to say both?”

They both gave a soft chuckle, but it was clear that she came of as intimidating. Arron just smiled and shook his head ever so lightly. It was quiet for 6 seconds.

:” I know you have a girlfriend and all that, but you’re giving off gay vibes.” She said as if she didn’t care whether it would be a sensitive topic or not.

Arron laughed intriguingly and said: “I’m as straight as they come.”

They were talking about nonrelated topics, when he suddenly got a notification from his banking application on his phone stating that his girlfriend spent another whopping 200 Dollars at the mall. Spending money was her retail therapy. Arron was so angry because she chose to spend money on random junk instead of talking to each other to try and resolve their issues about the previous nights’ argument. So, he stopped one of his cards that she had for a week just so she couldn’t spend money on booze and other shit, till they resolved their issues. But there was another reason for her violence... He looked disappointed in a way. But didn't say anything about it to Jessica. She did look worried but chose not to ask about it. Arron looked at the time and found out that he was almost late for his conference call from potential investors from Scotland. Arron had leave Jessica at Godley’s and said that he would call her for another quick coffee. He jumped up, said goodbye with his cappuccino and raced to the office. He could not afford to let his job down. He was in a relationship with it. Traffic let him down again and got to work 25 minutes later. Just in time for the conference call. As he entered his office, he saw that a tragic incident had taken place. He had to walk in and see a security guard dragging his girlfriend out of the building. The one responsible for the destruction of his office… When she saw him, she wanted to assault him. Arron knew why.

He did not know why or when, But he saw white powder under her nose... Unless she decided to sniff something else like baking powder, it was crystal meth, her main drug that she always used... Everything in his office was a mess. All his documents torn... His stationery everywhere on the floor. One of his biggest projects that he ever worked on to establish decent Wi-Fi in Lesotho was shred into piece, thrown in the trash and set on fire. Arron still wanted to make copies that same day. His girlfriend also knew about the project, which is why she probably destroyed it. to spite him. His heart sank with disappointment... To think that his girlfriend was more concerned with money than their relationship. His boss stormed out of his meeting and Arron had never seen him so angry. He glared at him while there were many important investors sitting in a meeting. Arron didn't have control of the situation.

:” If you would like still have a job by tomorrow, I’d consider getting your girlfriend’s unethical and professional behaviour under control!” His boss yelled.

Arron stormed out to the parking area where the security took her out and rushed to them and said they could get back into the building.

:"Why is your goddam card not working? You stopped it, didn't you!?" were her first words to him.

And then he yelled at her: “Why is there white powder under your nose Ashley!?”

Her version was that she baked pancakes, then wiped her nose. She wanted to go buy some more baking powder and then she saw that his card were no longer working. If that's the truth, why vandalise his office? He took her home to see whether any pancakes were made. As they drove home, he had to hear all the time how messed up he was and stuff. He was quiet and just focused on the road. His mind was in several places and didn't know how to get rid of those unwanted feelings. They arrived home and Ashley couldn't get out of that car fast enough... She opened that door and as they rushed into the kitchen, everything stood there... The milk, the empty bag of baking powder, the cinnamon... He felt so bad because he suspected her of drugs, which has always been a very sensitive situation considering the past. She was so vivid because he couldn't trust her, but could she really blame him after everything that happened? The aggression and the trust that crumbled between them was not something that quickly recovers. And Arron couldn’t be angry because according to Ashley, he was very unreasonable. If someone messed up your office now and discontinued a lifelong project in the making and humiliate you in front of your work colleagues, everyone would have been mad. Arron just shook his head in frustration because she could never do anything wrong and always tried to justify her actions. A moment of silence occurred. They looked at each other and Ashley clenched her fists as is eh was ready for a domestic competition. Arron uttered to say it, but couldn’t take it anymore…

:” It’s over…” He said.

Ashley turned her head askew with a wild look in her eyes and asked, "Excuse me?"

:"You heard me." He said to her with a mischievous tone of voice.

One of 3 things could have happened after he said that: She would have physically assaulted him, would have turned the whole house around or both...

"You're still going to realize what you've lost." She said after a moment of silence.

He was shocked and assumed that she was going to beg him to stay just because she wanted to be there for his money and not through the hard times.

She quietly went to pack her bags and said "I love you, always forever."

He stayed out of her way and looked behind his shoulder the whole time. He didn't want to take the chance of being hit with something behind the head. She came out with her bags and asked if this was really what he was looking for... He was sure of my case. She picked up her bags and before walking out the door, she threw our picture frame on the floor. Hundreds of pieces of glass that scattered in the air and on the floor. It was, oddly enough, a sense of relief. He felt free because it was no longer Tuesday nights of sobbing or the worry that she was going to return to drugs... The moment she broke that picture, was the moment he had a new life, without her. But he was frightened that this was going to push her over the ledge, going back to drugs.

Arron still had unfinished business at his workplace and to pick up Ashley’s reputation. He met up with his boss at his office, and he asked whether everything was okay after the whole situation. Arron held his head high and reassured him that she wouldn't bother him again at the workplace. He then gave Arron the rest of the day and the following day off for emotional healing. He was grateful and went to Godley’s to go buy a cup of coffee. bought a cup of coffee. He sat by one of the oak wooden tables and stared outside, trying to make sense of everything that had happened. Jessica happened to walk in, and when she saw me, she smiled. She came over to the table and asked if she could sit with him. She proceeded to sit at her chair and just wanted to show her condolences of what happened at the office. The news spread like wildfire... Arron embarked a light tear in his eyes, and she then held him on his shoulder, telling him that everything will be okay. It was traumatic in a way what had happened... So, she sticked him another coffee and they just chatted... She told him that if he didn’t want to talk about it, they could talk about something else. They talked about random IT stuff. She amused him with the joke and talks and it started to cheer him up. But Arron never thought that she could swear like that. It was funny for him experience. She dropped a hint of too much ingredients for macaroni and cheese that she was going to make, and then decided to invite him for dinner at her house.

He was sceptical at first, but what was the worst that could happen? It would’ve been nice for Arron to get out of the house. It was his favourite dinner after all. He then agreed and took time looking the best. The best perfume and outfit he had.

He showed up at her house after 6 and he thought “wow.” That a 22-year-old woman can stay in such a beautiful home.

He thought that it could have been her parent’s house, but there wasn’t anything shown that it could be. He was greeted with a cute and loving dachshund named Willow. Jessica offered him some wine and they went to the kitchen together where they prepared the dish. They had quite a good time chatting and laughing. They talked about ex relationships and so forth. Arron was on his nerves a bit talking about Ashley again, so he avoided that topic. because like Ashley’s parents said, the past is to “hurtful.” They finished preparing the food while babbling, put it into the oven and moved to the living room. They sat opposite of each other, and she told one of those typical dad jokes and they laughed. They looked at each other suddenly the joke faded, but the smile Jessica had was still there. She slightly licked her upper lip and physically stared me into his soul. She moved closer to him. Arron began to sweat due to him being nervous. His heart rate increased, and he could feel himself blushing. She stretched out her slender, soft hand and stroked his ear, then his cheek. She slowly started coming in for a kiss...

Arron’s first thoughts were whether he wanted to do this? Would this interfere with their work relationship? She then rested her hand on his neck, getting closer and closer. Everything stood still... It was him and her... It felt like the whole scenery had changed for Arron. In his mind, they were on a farm under the moonlight and stars, drinking wine and laying in each other’s arms. Her lips looked so soft. Arron froze... And the next moment he knew, her lips were against his. Willow didn’t seem to mind as he was just staring at the both of them. It was a feeling Ashley couldn't even give him. It’s like Arron’s little bit of love and care he had for Ashley cremated. Her soft lips against his... It was like a fairytale that never had to end… But then Arron thought for a moment… Why did Jessica decide to kiss him now of all days? Everything was still raw and emotional and it’s like after everything that had happened, she still kissed him. She didn’t care about Arron’s feelings and trauma that he has been through. Was it because they were in the moment? Perhaps… But Jessica looked like someone who gets what she wanted. Something she and Ashley had in common. It reminded Arron of how bad Ashley treated him despite everything, and he started to fill up with anger. Jessica proceeded with the good old kissing technique that involves a lot of tongue, but Arron couldn't allow it. He pushed her away as she thudded against the couch.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Arron asked with an uneasy tone of voice.

:” It was the perfect moment, and I felt a connection between us.” She replied with a worried look in her eyes.

: "I went through some pretty bad shit these last 2 days, and you thought that it was the perfect moment to kiss me?”

Arron started telling her stuff that they didn’t even know each other for long. Arron was fuming at her.

: “Listen Jessica, whether you just decided to take advantages of me or not, doesn’t mean you get to kiss me and expect me to get your way. You look like the type that gets what she wants, but you lost. I’m no one’s man whore and I refused to be used any further!”

Arron took his stuff and stormed out of his house, whilst Jessica just sat there... Arron got into his car ready to drive off, when Jessica walked outside on her deck, looking into his eyes... There was so much confusion in his head. Why did he feel that way? He didn't want those feelings because love hurts, and he didn't want to be known as someone who moved on really quickly. He stopped at home and went for a shower to get his head clear. His mind was fogged up from all the unanswered feelings and unanswered questions. All that Arron could think about, was that kiss... It was a passionate interaction that made his palpitations rise. He couldn't go through with it. He ended that night going to bed with a neglected heart. And then If that wasn’t worse, he even dreamt of her... A very intimate, passionate evening. The both of them in a forest house with the calmest flowing river in front of them... Jessica making him breakfast and eating it on the patio listening to the forest animals nearby… He then woke up startled…:” Was it a nightmare or a dream I wished came true?” He thought. He took a big morning stretch, yawned, and looked at the time, only to realise that he was late. Yet again… He got up and finished as fast as he could. He didn’t even care about the two different pairs of socks he had put on. There wasn’t even time to get his cappuccino at Godley’s. Arron wondered whether he would see Jessica there, so he drove past briefly, and her car wasn't there. Maybe she tried to avoid him. Or maybe it was because he was running late. However it may have been, Arron felt really bad... She didn't deserve it... But even though they hadn't known each other for long, she wasn't just another other girl. She was Jessica Thompson... A young, intelligent woman who Arron couldn’t stop thinking about. Someone who took pity in his situations and cheered him up. Someone He saw the possibility in knowing more. Someone he even saw as beginning a friendship or even more…

He rushed to the office and saw her car in the parking area. She was walking out of the building, and the first thing Arron noticed was her sense in fashion. Her blonde hair tightened in a pony with her fringe hanging just above her eyes. But it’s her ocean blue eyes that he spotted from a mile away and Arron smiled. He proceeded to stop next to her car and the moment she saw him, she immediately walked away. Arron jumped out of his car and called out her name. He begged her to stop. She slowly turned around and looked at him with an astonishing, yet disappointing look in her eyes. He slowly walked closer and stood right in front of her.

:” Hey. Could we please talk?” Arron asked politely.

Arron then put his hand on her shoulder, and it was clear that Arron had nonchalant eyes. He was also scared, but if he didn’t take the risk of apologising and maybe being happy, he would’ve always wondered.

:” You made it very clear last night that I would use you and abuse you. So, I think we’re done.”

She took his hand off her shoulder and walked into the building. She seemed to wipe a tear from her cheek. Arron felt disgusted with himself. He threw away the only happiness he could’ve had. Happiness that felt wrong... But still, it was the chance he had. He went to work with a heavy heart... Emotions had built up inside him and he suddenly made a breakthrough in his mind. Jessica made Arron realize that everything in life is temporary in a strange way. When he scolded at her at her house, it was anger that was only temporary, because he didn't want to feel that way... Emotions are temporary, as the same with his ex...

His feelings of anger due to his actions were only temporary... And he deeply regrets finding out too late... Because again, he messed everything up. There were so many questions that lacked answers, yet he caused all the answers. It was probably the longest working day ever for Arron... He still had to catch up with work when he was absent and he had to redo the project Ashley destroyed, which would’ve taken months to do. 8 hours passed and he was drearily packing up to go home. He approached his car to load his things.

:"You have 3 minutes." A soft voice echoed in his direction from behind. Jessica Thompson...

He was confused since she showed interest in talking to him.

:"Why didn't you want to talk to me this morning?" He asked.

:” Like I said this morning, you made yourself very clear about where we stood with each other. But when I saw you this morning, I could see the regret you had, hoping that you didn’t mean what you said.”

Arron didn’t realise what impact his words had.

:” Why did you say it?” Jessica asked. I know you’ve had troubles with some relationships in your life but was it really necessary to project those feelings on me?”

:” I was scared… Scared of getting hurt and getting used again. And I feared falling for you. Chernobyl messed with my head, and overthought and complicated the situation. I know I fucked up. And you are right. I do regret what I said. But I hope that you’ll understand where I’m coming from. But most of all, I’m hoping we could start from the beginning? And that kiss was quite amazing...

She stared at him with a smile...

:” I never wanted to put you in an uncomfortable position, Arron. I only took the risk because everything that a person wants, is on the other side of fear. "Everything you want to have or do is on the other side of fear. And I was scared if falling in love with you just as much as you. But I had to allow my heart to take its course. And fortunately, it led is to this very moment.”

It affected Arron quite a bit. :"If you want, maybe we can start over and get a chance to know each other?” Jessica complied. "I would do anything to make up for what was broken and to get to know the real Arron.”

Without hesitation, Arron grabbed her by the side of her neck and kissed her. His whole body reached record high temperatures... He pressed her tighter against him. Her menthol breath blew against his face as they gasped for breath when pulling away.

The both of them pressed their heads against each other, looked deep in the eyes, smiled and said levelly "Fuck Chernobyl."

They laughed. They gave each other one last kiss when she said that she was going to be late for a family dinner. She held my hand and walked to the back until her hand could no longer hold his. She almost fell and they laughed. Arron waved at her goodbye and walked over to his car. When he got into the car, he screamed with joy. It may have been his only chance at love. He was still a little uncertain about the road together with Jessica, but that’s what made the journey so fun. Unpredictable…

But it was also a chance to get out of his comfort zone. He liked her. He was on his way home when he got a call from his father, Michael Croft. It was strange. Arron and his father don’t talk a lot. Not because they don't get along well, but because they’ve never been able to make time for each other. They would only call on birthdays and Christmas and if they saw each other 3 times in a year, it was considered a lot. He answered the phone through his radio and greeted him.

:"Come through to the Croft manor. We need to talk." His father said and then up the phone…