Heaven & Hell

“So are you claiming this soul, or am I?”

The angel let out a groan of annoyance, ruffling her feathers. “Well,” she sighed, bringing out a parchment and unrolling it. “Ten thousand, three hundred and twenty seven good deeds, nine thousand, six hundred and thirty two bad ones, not to mention six hundred and thirteen morally grey actions and...... this is going to take a little bit of time to calculate.”

“That's fine, we have time,” the demon said. He turned his attention towards the man and kneeled beside him as he took raggedy gasps for air, his eyes closed to conserve his remaining energy for his futile survival. His chest was crushed by a piece of falling debris. It was quite ironic that a human who ventured topside got did in by a remnant of their old society. His tattered yellow hazmat suit stained with crimson stood in stark contrast against the grey and brown of decay around them. He leaned in closer and noticed a heart shaped locket around the man's neck which he twirled around his fingers.

“Humans have really fucked themselves, haven't they?” the demon said.

The angel stopped her calculations and low utterances. “Yeah, I guess,” she responded, looking off into the distance. She pointed off into the distance and gestured around her. “Look, there's not even anything green anymore. Climate change, nuclear winters, war, torture. A lovely bunch. I just can't wait to get this over with.” She returned to her calculations.

If anyone asked the demon, he would have said that Earth was worse than hell, it's own special kind of punishment. Not that he would ever say it out loud, though. Around them stood only the withered remains of what was once a bustling metropolis. Once, feats of architecture stood so high they skimmed the clouds. Now, empty buildings stood around them, half collapsed and what remained was fragmented. Natural light didn't even grace the ground anymore. Shattered paths were covered in dirt.... So much dirt. With Earth unable to support any form of life on it's surface, all that once resided on it died and was already turned to dust. All that was left was what managed to survive in the bowels of the planet. There would never be a recovery.

“You won't have to wait too long. There aren't many left.” The demon stood up, snatching the necklace off the man's neck. He began to eye it carefully. It was made of silver with a clean cut ruby set in the center of it, engravings wistfully dancing towards it's edge.

“Only two hundred and nintey-seven. Left, I mean.”

“You're counting?” The demon inquired.

“Why wouldn't I be? When God assigns you the shit job of claiming souls, most of which don't even make it into heaven anymore, demons who never like doing their fair share of work.... Yeah. You tend to count.”

“I thought you were supposed to believe in the beauty of mankind or something. The potential to do their best?”

The angel sharply inhaled. “I have a job to do, if you wouldn't mind leaving me alone?” Moments of silence stretched between them.

“You ever wonder why they did it?”

“I don't know, seems like a question that you would be able to answer better than I would,” the angel said, scratching and scribbling.

“Demons.... can be greedy. Lustful. Vengeful. But even we're not stupid enough to do this,” the demon said as he gestured around them.

“Good! Because that would have created a terrible backlog for the both of us. And..... I got it! Hell. He's going to hell. Now if you don't mind...” The angel turned on her heel and began to leave.

“Wait!” The demon called out. “We're out of room! You know we have no more room! I bet you purposely miscalculated it just so you don't have to deal with him!”

The angel didn't stop, but only slowed her stride. “Sorry, that's just what the numbers say, goodbye!” And with that, she was gone, her written benefaction swirling violently in the elements. The demon snatched it on it's descent. At the bottom, in bold letters, was written 'PURGATORY'.

“Fucking bitch,” the demon mumbled under his breath.

He kneeled towards the man again. His breath was shallower. It wouldn't be long. He began to stroke the man's hair with one hand, the locket in the other. At the top of the locket was the word “DAD” stamped permanently in cursive. What kind of man were you, the demon wondered. He opened the locket.

Inside was a picture of the man and a younger girl and boy, though it was hard to see as the picture was taken in low lighting. The lights were probably fading in the remaining human settlements. The man had a radiant smile in the picture, the smiles of the young boy and girl didn't reach their eyes. Over the picture was written “Love you Steve, Lilly & Parker.”

The man finally opened his eyes and looked at the demon. “You can see me now, yeah?” The man nodded. The man attempted to speak, but no sounds came out, only some sort of grating noise.

He started to stroke Steve's hair. “I'll be taking care of you today, and you'll get to see your children soon enough.” The man's eyes widened as his breath quickened. “Shhhhhh,” the demon said, holding a finger to his lips. “Don't take it personally, no one really gets into heaven these days.”

The man reached his fingers towards the locket, slowly. With a wheeze, he let out the word “innocent,” unable to say anything else.

The demon cupped Steve's face in his hands. “There's no more water, Steve. No deer, no birds, no fish, no plants, nothing. Your kind killed it all, everything. For the cosmic balance, someone has to pay. Sending a handful of souls down into hell won't atone for this. Carry the burden of your legacy like a man, as your children and your children's children will. Doubt you guys will get much farther than that.”

It was only a few minutes until his heart finally stopped. Removing a soul from a dead body was messy, time-consuming. You had to scrape out all the little bits that managed to attach itself in all the hidden nooks and crannies. The whole soul, and the eyes especially were the worst. You couldn't break it, otherwise there would be hell to pay, and his boss tended to not be forgiving when souls were broken before they even arrived.

After he was done, he held the man's soul in the palm of his hand, condensed in an ethereal sphere. Fear radiated from it's inside, as always.

“Well Steve, we better get going then.”

Then down they went into hell.