He's Still Here

When Kyle's number flashed across the screen of my phone, I knew it was important. I was a texter, and everyone knew it. And Kyle never called me, only text. Plus, he and Mason were at work on the oil drilling rig.

I quickly answered, "Hello?"

"Claire,", Mason's brother, hesitated, his voice raspy. "Something's happened. You need to come to the hospital. I'm here with Mason. I would have called sooner, but I didn't have service. He's hurt bad."

My heart dropped. Working on the rig could be extremely dangerous, fatal even. When you step foot on one, you never know if you will step off alive. So many possibilities of what happened ran through my mind. Did he fall off the derrick? Get hit in the head with a pipe? Smashed between equipment...

"Claire...did you hear me?" Kyle voiced, pulling me from all the horrible things running through my head.

"What happened," I finally managed to ask.

"The tongs slipped and knocked him off the floor. Get here quick."

I arrived at the hospital shortly after. I found Kyle sitting in the waiting room chair with his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. I ran to him and put my hand on his shoulder. When he looked up at me, his eyes were red and wet. "He's gone," his voice cracked.

My heart shattered at those two words. The feeling in the pit of my stomach made me sick, and my chest started to feel like it was constricted. I started to take quick breaths as the tears started to form. Kyle stood up and wrapped me in a hug. And together we both cried.

It's been a month since the funeral, the day I said goodbye to my best friend. My love. My soul mate. My forever and always. I miss him so much, and my heart aches constantly to see his face and to feel his touch. To hear his voice.

While getting ready for bed, I decided I wanted to sleep in one of his flannel shirts. I haven't packed up his things, because I'm still not ready yet. So, everything is exactly where he left them the morning he left for work. I open his drawer and pull out his favorite, which is the black and red one. As I unfold it, a small black box falls from between the folds of the shirt and lands on the wooden floor. I pick it up and look at it curiously. I set the shirt on the bed and open the lid on the box.

Inside is a beautiful sapphire cushion cut stone with clear stones going around it. My eyes begin to tear up at its beauty and the fact he had bought me such an elegant gift. I take it out of the box and put it on my wedding ring finger and stare at it in awe.

After what seems like hours of staring with tears streaming down, I finally pick up his shirt and put it on. I walk around the bed to my side and crawl in. I turn off the lamp and curl up in the comforter where I continue to silently cry.

After a few minutes of silence, I hear a low, soft voice, "Please don't cry." Startled, I sit up and look around. There's a figure standing in my bedroom doorway. I panic. I throw the covers off me and quickly turn on my lamp to see the intruder's face. When our eyes make contact, I freeze.

I'm dreaming. I must be. Staring back at me are the vibrant, emerald green eyes I've been missing for over a month. I close my eyes tight for several seconds. But as I open them, he's still there. "Mason," I whisper.

He smiles his sweet smile. "Hey." He starts over to me. He's in his jeans, black t-shirt, dark red over shirt unbuttoned, and his boots. My eyes never leave his. He sits on the bed next to me. I reach my hand out slowly to caress his cheek. As soon as my fingertips touch his skin, he closes his eyes and lets out a breath like he was relieved. His lifts his hand to cover mine, and then opens his eyes.

"Mason." He looks into my eyes again. "How are you here? I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

"No sweetheart, I'm here." His deep voice is like music to my ears.

At that, I lose control of my senses and tackle him in a gripping hug. I never wanted to let him go again. And he hugs me back just as tight. "How?" I sob.

"It's not something I can explain. I'm here now. I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," I cry into his chest.

We caress each other for hours until I ultimately fall asleep. When I awake, I sit straight up and search for him. The bed was empty. "Mason?" I called out. I get out of bed and search every room in the house, growing anxious after finding each room empty.

I start to get a sinking feeling. "It was a dream," I whisper to myself. I fell the tears form in my eyes, and I try hard to keep them from falling. I take a deep breath and let it out, trying to regain my composure.

I glance at the clock and notice it's already half past eleven. I'm supposed to meet Kyle for lunch at noon. He checks in with me everyday to see how I'm doing. The first two weeks after Mason died, I could barely eat or even get out of bed, and Kyle stayed with me. Mason and I have been together since our sophomore year in high school, so to Kyle and me, we really feel like we are siblings as well.

I take a quick shower and get dressed to go out. I drive to the Whataburger on the other side of town. I see Kyle there waiting in his truck playing on his phone. He doesn't see me pull in, so I get out of my car and walk up to his driver side window. I smack the window with my palm and watch him jump about six inches off his seat, nearly dropping his phone.

I start to laugh, which is a very rare occasion these days. He opens the door. "Ha ha ha. Funny." He smiles at me while he watches me giggle. When I'm finally done, I give him a hug.

We sit at a table with our food and dig in. "How many days you have off?" I ask him.

He swallows the bite of cheeseburger, and says, "About a week. We're waiting on an 'okay' to drill on some land." I nod. "How are you doing?"

I'm about to give him my famous 'I'm fine' line, but I hesitate, debating on if I should tell him about my dream. It was so vivid.

Noticing my hesitation, he looks up at me. "What's wrong?"

I look up at him and set my burger down. "I had a weird dream last night. It seemed so real." He waits for me to continue. So, I tell him the dream exactly. "When I woke up, he wasn't there. I searched the whole house, and I realized it was just a dream." His eyes hold despair for me. "I miss him."

"I miss him too. Nothing is the same without him here."

After that, I tell him about the ring I found. He smiles. "He showed it to me a couple weeks before his accident. He'd finally saved up enough money to get it without you knowing," he chuckles.

Later that night, I'm on the sofa with my favorite throw blanket. I'm reading a book I found on an app on my phone. I realized if I read it keeps my mind busy so I'm not losing my mind missing Mason.

"What are you reading?"

I nearly jump out of my skin with a yelp, dropping my phone to the floor. In the archway to the hall stood Mason. "I'm dreaming again."

"I'm no dream, baby," he says smoothly as he starts toward me.

I stand up. Why doesn't this feel like a dream? When he reaches me, I stretch my arm out to put my hand on his chest. He's dressed in the same clothes as last night. I move my hand further up, around his neck, to the back of his soft brown hair. I abruptly pull him down and lock his lips to mine into a much needed kiss. He gladly kisses me back.

When we break the kiss, he smiles at me. "If you're not a dream, then that means you're a ghost. If you're a ghost, how can I touch you?"

"Like I said last night, I can't really explain."

I take a step back and look him up and down. "Where have you been all this time? Heaven? Hell? Or did time just stand still? Where did you go last night, and where have you been all day?" I have tons of questions.

"Baby, I know you have so many questions. But I wanna know about you." His eyes grew soft and full of worry. "You're thinner. Are you not eating?"

"It's hard without you. Kyle makes sure I eat at least once a day."

He smiles at the mention of his little brother's name. "How is he doing?"

"Better than me. He was off work about two weeks after you...you know. But he went back to work for the rig against my better judgement. He's been helping me a lot."

"You're helping him too. I'm sure of it. He may not say it, but helping you helps him keep it together. He doesn't have anyone else."

"I know." I'm waiting to wake up anytime now. I know I'm sleeping.

Mason steps toward me and grabs ahold of my hands while staring into my eyes. His eyes hold so much affection for me. He always looked at me like I was the only person in the room. The only girl in the world. His girl. His world. "I hope you know just how much I love you, Claire. I didn't expect to be dying at only twenty-five. I thought I had my whole life ahead of me. Ahead of us."

He brings my hands up to kiss each one. He notices the ring on my finger. His smile spread wide. "You found your ring."

"Last night. It's so beautiful. I love it."

"Not as beautiful as you."

I reach up and deeply kiss him. I break away from him and turn back to the sofa to pick up the blanket while asking, "You wanna sit on the couch..."

I turn, and he's gone. I look around, confused. My small house is silent. "Mason?" I call out. But he's not there.

The sinking feeling in my chest returns. "Okay Claire, you can wake up now," I say to myself. When I don't wake up, I go to bed.

I wake up to the sound of bacon sizzling from the kitchen. Kyle didn't tell me he was coming over, but maybe he woke up early and was bored. I get out of bed and put my bra on before going into the kitchen. When I round the corner, I see jeans and a dark red over shirt.

He turns to me. "Good morning, baby. Are you hungry?"

I'm speechless. I'm going crazy... I quietly slip onto the bar stool in front of the cabinet opposite of Mason and the stove. I pinch myself on my arm, and it hurts.

"What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost," he says with his smile widening at his joke. He turns back to the stove and continues cooking.

"Where did you go last night?"

"Uh...sorry. I don't have all this quite figured out or how it works."

"Where do you go when you're not here?"

He sets a plate in front of me with two fried over easy eggs, bacon strips, and two pieces of toast. "You need to eat. I hate what you've been going through." He ignores my question, and I let it go. I just decide to go with it and spend time with him, crazy or not.

While I eat, we make conversation. He makes sure to keep it away from him and about anyone else he possibly can. My heart fills with warmth with him here.

I got a text on my phone from Kyle.

Kyle: You want to get takeout and watch movies later?

I reply, Yeah, only if I get to pick the food.

Kyle: Deal. Be there about 7

"That was Kyle. He's coming at seven to watch movies." Mason just smiled.

Mason disappeared randomly around six o'clock. I'd gone from the notion that I'm dreaming to I'm just probably crazy. But even if I was crazy, he wouldn't actually be there, right? Which means he couldn't cook me food. Or touch me. So, what is going on???

Kyle got there at 7:02pm as promised.

For a few hours, my mind is distracted from Mason. After watching two movies on Netflix, eating two Dominoes pizzas, and some junk food from my cabinets, we start cleaning up.

"Hey, Kyle? Can I talk to you about something?"

He looks up from behind the counter after throwing a bunch of candy wrappers in the trash. "Yeah, of course."

"You're gonna think I'm crazy."

He chuckles.

"You remember the dream I told you about yesterday?"

He grew more serious, paying closer attention. "About Mason? Yeah."

"It happened again." I told him about last night while I was reading my book, and how he suddenly vanished. Then how I woke up to him cooking me breakfast and spending the day with him. "He disappeared again about an hour before you got here."

Kyle's eyebrows were furrowed, and he seems a bit concerned. "Are you sure you've been feeling okay Claire?"

"Yes. I'm telling you the truth. Trust me, I was skeptical about it at first too, but after today I'm convinced it's real. He's real."

"Claire...he's gone. It's not possible."

I sighed. "I know that. I'm confused about it too."

"Maybe you should see someone. A therapist or something?"

I was defeated. He thinks I'm nuts. "You know, you're right. Maybe I'm just not getting enough sleep or something."

He nods. "You need rest. I'll head out so you can get some sleep."

"Can you stay here?"

He gave a comforting smile. "Of course."

I could hear Kyle snoring in the living room from the couch. I hadn't been able to fall asleep, because I was waiting for Mason. Would he come tonight? I finally felt myself drifting off to sleep when suddenly there's a dip in the bed. My eyes shoot open, and I see Mason climbing under the covers beside me.

"Mason?"

"Shh. Go back to sleep." He wraps his arms around me, and my body melts into his. I've missed his embrace dearly, and I can't get enough of it.

I suddenly remember. "Kyle. He's in the living room."

"I know," he whispers.

"He doesn't believe that you're really here. I should wake him up."

"Shh...you need to rest, baby. I just want to hold you in my arms." He nuzzles closer to me, and I get lost in his scent. My body relaxes, and I fall asleep within minutes.

Of course, when I awake, he's gone. Sadness fills my heart. The next few days go on the same. He comes and goes. Each time, it leaves my heart hurting more. But he's staying longer at a time. He still avoids a lot of my questions. He won't tell me why he hasn't visited Kyle. He only tells me he just wants to spend as much time with me as he can. He claims to not know exactly why or how he is here. I love seeing him. But I can't help in my mind feel like I'm going crazy. Mason says I'm not. But isn't that what crazy people tell themselves? I'm not sure what to think anymore.

"Why are we here," Mason asks softly, the both of us standing in front of his grave.

"I haven't been here since you died."

"I'm right here."

"But you're not. I know I'm going crazy. You're not real. You're in my head."

He takes my hands in his, slightly squeezing them and faces me. "Does this feel real?" He moves his hands up to my cheeks. "Does this feel real?" He leans in and kisses me with so much need and passion. When he pulls back, he asks, "What about that?"

A tear falls from my eye, and he wipes it away with his thumb. "You're not crazy, baby. I don't know how, but I'm here."

"I feel like I'm losing my mind." Another tear falls, and he pulls me into his embrace for a hug. I cry into his chest while he soothes me by rubbing my back.

It's late evening, the sun is almost set. I'm on the front porch sitting in one of the chairs waiting for Mason to come back out. I twist my beautiful ring around my finger admiring it. I'm so glad I found it. If not, Mason probably would have given it to me when he showed up out of nowhere. I'm in the middle of my thoughts when I see Kyle's truck pull up. I instantly feel bad, because I haven't been talking to him as much as usual. I've been spending so much time with Mason. He gets out and comes up onto the porch. "Hey."

"Hey," I reply.

"I tried calling you a million times. I thought something was wrong."

"Oh. Sorry. My phone has been inside."

He sits in the chair next to me. "I haven't really heard from you. What have you been up to?"

I debate on what to say and decide with the truth. What the hell. "I've been spending time with Mason." I look up to see his expression. It's full of worry and concern. Like always.

"Claire..." he finally says, but I cut him off.

"I know what you're going to say. But he's here. He's inside getting me something to drink right now. He'll be out here any second, and you will see."

His eyebrows furrow. "Claire, listen..."

"No," I say as I stand up and grab for his hand. I drag him into the house. "Mason?" I call out. We go into the kitchen. I see a glass of freshly poured iced tea on the counter. Frantically, I search for him as I call out his name. "Mason!?" Dread fills me when I realize all the rooms are empty. Why does he keep doing this to me?

I bring my gaze up to Kyle's. There it is again. He believes I'm off my rocker. Maybe I am? I shake the thought away. No. I felt him. He's real. "You have to believe me Kyle. He's still here."

I feel a tear slip down my cheek. "Maybe you should come stay at my place for a while. I can ask for more time off." I start shaking my head before he even finishes. He steps toward me, and I step back out of his reach. "Claire," he says, serious now. "I'm worried about you. Please come with me."

He reaches for me, but I dodge and dart out of the house. I continue to sprint in the cool breeze until I find myself at the small bridge that's on the way into town. The sun has set now. I walk to the side of the bridge and stare down. It's a long way to the cold water. My head is pounding from crying and running so long.

I could jump over and just end it all right now, I think. I step closer and swing a leg over. Then the other. I sit on the ledge of the bridge with my feet dangling as a sob escapes me.

"Claire?"

Startled, I quickly turned to see Mason standing on the deserted road. We locked eyes for a few moments.

"Why did you leave?" He stays silent. His facial features show pain and hurt. Maybe even guilt. "Why!?"

"Baby, please come back over the edge. You're gonna fall."

"I want to fall," I tell him.

He looks pained to hear that. "Don't say that."

"I'm crazy!"

"No, you're not."

"I can't do this anymore," I sob. He takes a step closer. "Tell me how you're here! Or I'm going to jump!" I scoot closer to the edge.

He quickly steps forward to try to catch me if needed, arms extended out. "Okay, okay. Just please, stop. Please," he begs. "I'm here, because you can't let go."

I stare at him while tears run down my face. "You need to let go," he says softly. I close my eyes, more tears forming at the thought of losing him again. When I open them, he's right in front of me. "Please come off the ledge."

He holds his hand out, and I take it. As soon as I'm back on my feet, I pull him into me. I savor his smell, his warmth, his touch, his breath on my neck. "I don't want to lose you again," I cry into his chest.

"You have to, baby," he whispers. "Your ring..."

When he doesn't continue, I pull back and look at him. He stares into my eyes with so much love and sorrow. And it clicks. Mason never arrived until I found the ring in the dresser and put it on. I've been wearing it ever since. I look down at it. It's beauty sparkling in the moonlight. I look back up at Mason, and he nods. I feel fresh tears fall.

"I love you, Claire. Take care of yourself, and I'll see you when the day comes for us to be together again." He leans down, pressing his lips to mine. I want to stay like this forever.

I feel his hand on mine, and he pulls my ring off. We break the kiss, and he holds the ring out to me. I take it between my fingers, and he nods to the river. I instantly know what he wants me to do. It only takes two steps to reach the ledge, and I hold the ring out above the water.

"I love you so much."

He smiles his warm smile at me. "I love you too. Goodbye, sweetheart."

As soon as I drop the ring into the water, I hear Kyle's voice, "Claire, there you are!"

I turn the opposite way of Mason and see Kyle jogging from his truck that he had parked on the side of the road right before the bridge. I never even heard it.

I turn back to see Mason, but he's gone. I look around frantically, even though I know he won't be there. More tears fall as I start to cry from losing my love again. I fall to my knees as Kyle reaches me. "Hey, hey, hey...it's okay." He leans down and engulfs me in a hug. "Everything will be okay."

The next morning, I lay in Kyle's guest room's queen size bed. I recall the night before and try hard to keep tears from spilling. I don't want to get out of bed. I miss him. Kyle told me he didn't see Mason at all on the bridge but saw me drop something in the river. I didn't give him details. He already thought I was crazy. I am crazy. If I wasn't, Kyle would have seen him.

I bring my hands up to wipe a few stray tears off my face. And that's when I see it. Sapphire blue...shiny diamonds...white gold band...sitting snuggly on my wedding ring finger.