Grandad Jokes, Batch #4

151

Reportedly, Satan has set up refugee camps

on the border.

There's not enough room in Hell for all the Trumpites.

152

Republican illogic.

Opposing vaccination and masks,

so more Republicans die.

Opposing abortion,

so more Democrats are born.

153

When Mr. Potato Head was elected President

he became a Dick Tater.

154

Suggested theme song for the 2020's --

This is the Dawning of the Age of Precarious.

155

The ruler of law is far too short to measure the lies and crimes of Trump.

156

An epic about Covid should be entitled The Illiad.

157

When can we expect publication

of the first sedition of Trump's autobiography?

158

She was so right-wing

that she wouldn't eat leftovers.

159

Trump's autobiography

will need lots of iditing

to raise it from gibberish

to text that an idiot can understand.

160

Slogan of Trump's new social media site --

The Truth will set your fee.

161

I object to "Z" becoming the symbol of Putin's forces in the Ukraine war.

That's an insult to the memory of Zorro.

It's also an insult to Zombies, who are far more humane.

162

The elephant is an appropriate symbol for the Republican Party.

Never forget what they have done.

163

"Breaking News" everywhere.

Where's the glue?

164

Trump is guilty

beyond treasonable doubt.

165

Russia is playing a game of

truce or fiction.

166

Slogan for mid-term elections --

To thine own self be blue.

167

Beside yourself over covid restrictions?

That's good.

Just be sure to stay six feet away

from yourself.

168

In celebration of the election in France

Ronald McDonald is offering a new food choice --

the Mac Ron.

169

In the days of covid travel restrictions,

it takes a village

to book a flight.

170

Trump's Jan. 6 sedition plan

should be dubbed

The Immaculate Misconception.

171

In a previous life,

Susan Collins

went door-to-door

selling out.

172

In the midterms,

it will be the donkey,

not the elephant in the room.

173

Trump asked for a six-pack,

and by accident

he got a Supreme Court.

174

When the MAGA candidate

who lost the election

when to confession,

the priest suggested that

he should go to concession instead.

175

Supreme Court justices

should have turmoil limits.

176

I can imagine a Twitter case going to the Supreme Court

and being named Roe vs. Bot.

177

The second amendment is about the

"right to bear arms."

Anyone who can give birth to a gun

certainly should have the right to do so.

178

Thinking of Memorial Day and today's politics

I'm reminded of the Twilight episode

"To Serve Man."

That's the sense in which the GOP

wants to serve the nation,

as dinner.

179

BREAKING:

The United States of America

180

Justice or

Just Is,

That is the question.

181

Putin couldn't pay attention,

because Attention wouldn't accept rubles.

182

As an alternative to the Electoral College,

think how much money, time, and effort would be saved

by Trump's alternative --

let a stable genius decide, all alone,

maybe picking himself,

or maybe giving it to the highest bidder.

183

While in office, Trump claimed

that a sitting president couldn't be sued or indicted.

But he was never sitting.

He was always lying.

184

The Supreme Court ruling on abortion

is a miscarriage of justice.

185

So now they make children pray

as well as making them prey.

186

Our evolving language.

Now when you want to make sure

someone doesn't testify against you,

you slip him a Michael Flynn.

187

Trump's idea of a clean election

is one paid for with laundered money.

188

Effects of aging.

Trump and his cronies only have

one erection every two years,

on the second Tuesday in November.

190

Trump's backers are gradually waking up.

He needs new sources of revenue.

Suggestion:

He should sell tickets for the opportunity

to dance on his grave.

191

Instead of snailmail or email,

Trump and Putin send blackmail.

192

BREAKING NEWS:

GOP wants to ban glass

because it is transparent.

193

The politician knew how to cater to public opinion

was a poll dancer.

194

Once upon a time

we thought that the Russian military was mighty.

Now we know that it is mighty stupid.

195

A "publican" is either

the owner of a pub or

a collector of taxes.

Imagine what a "republican" is.

196

Retired GOP politicians often become

stand up comedians,

because they have so much practice

with funny business.

197

Endorsement of Trump by Emperor Nero --

"He's a stable genius.

He used to be a stable boy.

He invented magatism.

He can even change a light bulb.

(But not diapers. That's beneath him now.

But when he joins me in Hell,

nothing will be beneath him.)"

198

Where is the Congressional recycle bin for white trash?

And when is the truck due to collect it?

199

Trump's administration was always

ex post facto.

No facts at all.

200

Instead of college,

Trump went sailing.

He wanted to learn about rigging.

201

Suggested book title --

From Fundraising to Hellraising,

a MAGA Handbook.

202

BREAKING: Clean water is banned in Texas because it is potable.

203

Some people are polymaths

curious about everything, learning everything, understanding everything.

Others are polyticians, understanding nothing.

204

Jesus celebrated the first Easter nailed to a cross.

It would be great if Trump celebrated Easter the same way.

205

Trump would like to replace the FBI

with the FIB.

206

Suggestion.

MAGA has coopted the American flag.

So design one with 52 stars,

including DC and Puerto Rico,

and make that the symbol of the resistance.

207

Imagine that cavemen didn't write on the walls of caves.

What we see there today is what was prophesied to them -- written on the walls by their gods.

A linguist deciphers the code at Lascaux.

It says, many ways and many times --

"Trump will be indicted and convicted."

208

BREAKING:

Texas outlaws translation.

209

He was a soldier in the Ukraine.

A helicopter was coming to save him.

Then he woke up in a dentist chair.

It was that kind of extraction.

210

MAGA Republicans probably don't know the meaning of the word fascist.

They would be more upset if someone called them fat.

211

Rumor has it that rookie Russian pilots

are suffering from premature ejectulation.

212

What did Zorro and the Lone Ranger have in common?

Neither of them caught COVID.

213

Elizabeth didn't need to knight Trump.

He was benighted at birth.

214

Trump is a traitor

(additional terms apply).

215

Suggested word for a government run by thieves and liars --

kleptocracy.

216

Putin should be embombed.

217

Before Trump can prove that

he declassified documents by thinking,

he needs to prove that he can think.

218

MAGA swear --

Fake you!

220

Suggested name for a MAGA college:

Fake U.

221

Those who are polite say, "Yes, ma'am."

Trump says, "Yes, mayhem."

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