Gone But Never Forgotten

My tired eyes slowly opened as I awoke from my deep sleep. The lamp on my desk was shining down on me as I lifted my head away from the paperwork below me. My hands crinkled the scattered papers around me as I slowly became more aware of my surroundings. Looking around my room I realised that the sun had set, and evening had settled in with the clock on my bedside table flashing, letting me know that it was currently Friday 7:28 pm. A shiver ran down my spine as a cold draft washed over me, looking towards the window across from me, I realised that I had left it opened. Getting up from my desk, I grabbed the jacket that was sitting on the back of my chair, put it on, and walked across my bedroom to close the window.

Quickly shutting the window, I closed the latch and double checked to make sure that the window was completely shut and locked. From my window I had a clear view of my front yard, which included most of my front porch, yet I couldn’t see my front door due to the darkness of the night. But despite this, I could still see that something was clearly sitting on my front doorstep. Curious as to what could possibly be there, I quickly backed away from the window and exited my room. Ignoring the locked door in front of me I rushed down the stairs on the left. Quickly getting to the first floor, I rounded the corner of the stairs, and I came face to face with the main entry hallway of the house. Flicking on the light switch at the bottom of the stairs, I watched the porch lights flicker to life through the little glass windows that stood on either side of my front door.

With my back to the kitchen and the living room on my right, I calmly made my way down the narrow hallway to the front door. Without a second thought, I unlocked the door and opened it. Looking down, all I could see was a small shoebox sized, brown, paper package wrapped up in string. Confused, I looked around outside to see if there was any sign of who could’ve left the package there. Picking the package up, I inspected the cleanly wrapped box. Nothing. No note. No letter. Absolutely no indication to who left the package there. ‘Whoever left it clearly didn’t want to me to know anything, I guess.’

After checking the package was safe, I turned around to head back inside, my eyes never leaving the box that now sat in my hands. The package wasn’t heavy but there was definitely something inside. Shutting the door behind me, I tucked the package under my arm so that I could focus on locking the door properly. Peeking through the window one last time, I took the package out from under my arm and turned to make my way to the kitchen so that I could open the box and find out what was inside.

“Hello,” a sweet little voice startled me. Dropping the box, my eyes snapped up to inspect my surroundings. Everything was exactly how I had left it. Stepping forward, I turned my head to investigate the living room on my left. The fire was still burning, and nothing was out of place. So, I picked up the box and continued down the hallway and into the kitchen. Placing the neatly wrapped box on the kitchen counter, I quickly manoeuvred my way around the kitchen and towards the cabinet on my right to find the scissors. Taking them out, I turned back to the package and made quick work of the wrappings, discarding them into the bin at the end of the counter.

Placing the scissors back on the counter, I grabbed the lid of the box and paused. Something didn’t feel right. Lifting my head, my eyes fell upon the dining table and there, sat at the table, was a little girl and middle-aged man. I screamed and ducked behind the counter. ‘No. It can’t be them. My eyes are playing tricks on me. They must be.’ Building up the courage, I peeked up over the counter to find the kitchen empty and no one sitting at my dining table. Sighing, I stood back up and focused on the box that was still sitting on my kitchen counter. Pulling the lid from the box, tears welled up in my eyes as I realised what was inside. ‘This had to be some kind of joke. I locked this away after the incident.’ My hands covered my mouth as I stood there in shock of what I was seeing.

Inside the box sat a small, pink baby blanket with a gold wedding band sitting on top of it. By now the tears were streaming down my face as I recognised the objects inside the box. ‘No. This isn’t real. Who would do this? Why would they do this?’ My breathing picked up as anger surged through my body at this sick joke. Picking up the box, I threw it across the room and ran towards the living room. Sitting down on the couch, I watched, mesmerised, as the fire burned in front of me. ‘How could someone be so cruel?’ Getting an idea, I quickly made my way back into the kitchen, gathered up the box and returned to the living room.

Sitting down, I made sure the contents of the box were still inside before putting the lid back on top, covering the wretched joke from my view. Turning back to the fire, I took a deep breath and I threw the box into the flames. I watched as the flames licked at the box, slowly, but surely, devouring the box and its contents. Satisfied with the destruction of the sick joke, I laid back into the pillows. Relief washing over me as I closed my eyes and relaxed in the silence. “Now why would you do that sweetie,” his voice cut through my peaceful silence like a knife. I jolted up from where I was laying, my eyes scanning the room carefully as to not miss anything. Finding nothing, I leant forward with my head in my hands.

Calming my breathing, I decided that I was just overworked and needed some more sleep. Making my way out of the living room and towards the stairs. Stopping at the bottom I flicked the porch lights off, I watched as the florescent glow became darkness before slowly making my way upstairs. Coming to the top of the stairs I turned right to make my way to my bedroom but stopped as I came to my bedroom door. Turning around to close the door, I came face to face with the room at the opposite end of the hall, the door that was always locked shut. Not being able to look at it, I dropped my gaze to the floor. “It’s okay honey,” his voice made me squeeze my eyes shut. ‘I was just hearing things. I’m not crazy, just sleep deprived and over worked. I’ll be fine, just ignore it and go to bed.’

“Mommy? Why are you looking at the floor?” Her giggle left a nostalgic feeling weighing on my chest and I could feel the tears well in my eyes as I refused to look up. “Mommy’s just tired baby, let’s leave her to get some rest.” I could just picture him picking her up and taking her downstairs. Sighing, I shut the door and made my way into bed. ‘I refuse to cry, I have to stay strong, for them.’ Closing my eyes, I let the solemn feeling of their voices lull me to sleep.

I jolted awake, my head quickly coming up off my pillows as my body moved into a seated position. My breathing was heavy and there was a large, weighted feeling in my chest. Quickly I looked over to my bedside table and I saw my clock flashing. Friday, 9:48 pm. It was all just a dream. I slowed my breathing and sighed. Falling back against the soft mattress, I tried not to let my dream remind me of the things I didn’t have. ‘It was all just a dream. None of that was real.’

I laid in bed thinking over the dream I had just endured when I heard the doorbell ring. ‘Mhm that’s strange, I wasn’t expecting anyone to come by tonight.’ Curious, I quickly grabbed my jacket from the back of my desk chair and rushed out of my bedroom and down the stairs. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and flicked on the porch lights. There was no one at my door. All my movements had halted at this point, and my breathing had started to become rapid. The fear had settled in now. ‘I was just being silly right?’

I quickly disregarded the thoughts in my head and calmed down. Slowing my breathing, I made my way to the front door. With my hand on the doorknob, I quickly unlocked the door and swung it open. There was no one there. Stepping out onto the porch I quickly looked around, the eerie silence calmed me as I realised that I was indeed alone. Breathing deeply, I took that as my sign that I was just being stupid. Turning around I made my way back inside to get some tea. ‘I just need to calm down. I’m overworked and that dream just got to me. That’s all.’

Making my way back inside, I quickly shut and locked the front door before navigating myself down the narrow hallway and into the kitchen. Stepping into the kitchen, I froze. I felt my eyes widen as I processed what I was looking at. Casually, just sitting there, on my kitchen table, was a small, brown, paper package wrapped neatly and tied up with string. ‘This can’t be real, right? I’m dreaming.’ Waking up from my shocked state, I quickly turned around and ran all the way back to my bedroom. Making my way out of the kitchen, up the stairs, into my bedroom, locking the door behind me, jumping into bed, and hiding under the covers.

“Hi Mommy,” her voice was burned in my brain. It almost felt like she was in the room with me again. “Honey, come out from under there,” his voice brought tears to my eyes. Sighing, I brought my head out from under my blankets. Tears leaked out of my eyes as I realised what was in front of me. An open box with a small, pink baby blanket and a gold wedding band on top. My breathing became heavy and uncontrollable as more tears welled up in my eyes. ‘No, no, this isn’t happening. My eyes are playing tricks on me. It can’t be here. It’s not real.’

Reaching down, my shaky hands made contact with the 2 items. The soft blanket contrasting against the cold metal ring. I couldn’t hold back the tears as placed the ring onto my finger before clutching the blanket to chest. Leaning over to my bedside table I opened the drawer, reaching in I pulled out a picture. The only picture I had left of them.

I couldn’t control the tears as I looked over her little face again, her tiny hand holding his large one. If only they could still be here, with me.

“I’m so sorry, I wish you were both here. I miss you.”

I let the sobs wrack my body for the first time in months as I laid down in bed. My hands clutching at her blanket, the picture held close to my chest and his ring on my finger, and that night I cried. I cried for my little girl, and the love of my life.