George LaLa LaDude and the case of the social media dream leveling

And so the fable begins…

Once upon a time there was a LaDude, and certainly not one of those LaBro’s, from the land of primarily landed LaDudes (of varying reputation) of royal gentry, named George LaLa LaDude, who liked to play with his cellular device; a cellular device that pretty much satiated his need for meaning in life and well being.

He would use it day and night, and all his friends had one too! He liked to examine the social media applications, which he had downloaded from the amazing application store, and he really enjoyed seeing what his friends posted! They would post pictures of their dogs and cats, mental health, and hot air balloons! They were such fun people!

One day when George LaLa LaDude was especially tired, he took a nap and never woke up! He wasn’t dead, however, he was lost permanently in a dream-o-sphere, which had poor Yelp reviews, where he again, played on his phone and looked at super cool social media pictures and videos. He was so entertained.

George LaLa LaDude totally knew something was up, for each time he had woken up in the last year and a half, the world was a shade pinker and he could swear at all times that Detroit Techno could be heard increasing in volume the more footsteps he took and the more confident his stride.

One day a spirit came up to LaLa LaDude, while he was unknowingly relaxing in the dream-o-sphere, just before bedtime with his night cap on and candle drooling at his bedside, who declared with spiritual spookiness, and rattling chains, that this wasn’t the first time this had happened! And that he had fallen to sleep 590 other times before, where he had never woke up! And that he was still asleep elsewhere in 589 physically slumbering manifestations and was awake only in this one, until of course he fell asleep again!

George LaLa LaDude asked the spirit what this meant. He said, “what do you mean?” And the spirit said, “you’ve fallen asleep before, you dummy, and ended up in the same situation, playing with your phone and liking social media pictures! It even happens to your friends! Haven’t you ever wondered why your friends list becomes smaller the day after you fall asleep?”

“I’ve noticed but haven’t thought much about it,” said LaLa LaDude.

“Well you should,” said the spirit. “Because every time you fall asleep you go to the next level.”

“Next level?” Asked George LaLa LaDude, puzzled.

“I will not repeat myself.” Said the spirit. “Only just this once!”

“Alright, I’m listening,” said George LaLa LaDude, attentively.

“When you fall asleep, you go to the next level that you’ll manifest, where your social media experience is even deeper. But your friends have to be in your level to be added to your friends list. So when you proceed to the next level, your friends in the previous one also need to go to the next one to be your friend on social media! But to proceed to the next level requires not only to fall asleep but to like and share and really care about your friends stuff more than they do.”

“I understand,” said George LaLa LaDude.

“So make sure you’re the best at social media, LaLa LaDude, making sure that all your friends are taken care of and well paid attention to! Don’t let any pesky advertisements rob them of your hotly desired and very marketable attention!”

“Okay!” said George LaLa LaDude, excited.

The spirit fluttered off to get some tacos, and George LaLa LaDude went at it, posting and liking his friends posts, inviting them to events that he would never actually go to, and sharing their stuff. And every time he fell asleep he went to another level, until he hit a level so high that none of his friends were there. So he had no friends because he had no friends on his friends list and this made him really sad, but he kept posting his own stuff and soon he didn’t care. He went numb inside. And he just posted things without expecting anyone to like it or share it, hoping that one day one of his friends would make it to his level. But that never happened and he died.

The end.