Gems, illuminated

They had officially started dating that following Friday.

It was still a secret, though Judy knew.

They called her on speaker phone and Roger randomly gave a highly detailed and passionate speech on the way he intended to create an atmosphere of trust, respect and commitment to this new relationship.

Judy was highly amused by this, listening intently with a growing smile on her face. Her boyfriend Jack also had been easing in and out of the conversation(he was very nonjudgmental) and gave Judy a secret smile and thumbs up in approval.

Once he was done, Doug smiled nervously at Roger, waiting for her response.

She finally said, “Well, if this was a stage, I’d say that was the best impromptu speech I ever heard. But,” she grinned. “It was not on a stage. So, fuck that. Roger, I’m so happy you’re with my brother. There is no one better for him, I can’t think of one person better. My boyfriend totally loved what you had to say, too.”

Doug smiled and said, “That means so much to me. To us. Thank you.”

“Yeah, thanks Jude!” Roger said happily. “Your boyfriend has great taste!”

“Haha. Jack does, doesn’t he?! And, I love that nickname! Hah. Cool.”

They said their goodbyes and Doug brought up how they should go about setting up their first date.

“What about first kiss?” Roger winked, and Doug shoved him playfully, laughing.

“I’m not entirely sure you’ll be getting that yet, Rog.”

“God! It feels so fucking good to just be honest. You know?” Roger said suddenly. They were in Doug’s room, on his bed. Roger had moved in to Doug’s house, with Doug explaining to his parents the precarious and dangerous situation that Roger was in with his family, and was currently sleeping in Judy’s old room.

Roger wrapped his hand gently around Doug’s waist, pulling him close. Their cheeks touched.

“I’m so fucking happy,” Roger whispered in his ear. “Do you know that?”

Roger suddenly got up, picked him up, spun them around and looking at him, shyly put both hands on Doug’s shoulders—-

Kissed him on his forehead and then, they hugged.

“Yeah, I know. Do you wanna know…” Doug suddenly moved in close to his boyfriend’s face. “What I used to dream of?”

Roger sputtered out a reply of, “Uh… ye-yes…”

“I used to dream of you… and I…. In bed…. Together…”

Roger’s entire face was bright red.

“We were happy. So… let’s make our dreams come true?”

Roger nodded. “Damn. You are sexy.”

Doug laughed. “No way.”

“Are you a virgin?”

Doug’s eyes widened. “Huh? What? Why?”

“Can’t I know? I’m your… boyfriend. Right?”

He nodded. “True. Uh, yeah. I am. Are you?”

“You crossed the line, Funnie!” He said in an obviously faux-angry tone.

Doug grinned. “Oops.”

“I’m not.”

“Who did you lose your virginity to?”

“Connie.”

“Yeah. I knew she liked you. We all could see it.”

“Doug?”

“Yeah?”

“I wish I would’ve waited.”

“Aww. That’s sweet. Me too.”

“You really like me? I mean… you’re attracted to me?”

Doug nodded.

“Because… I’m not sure if you and I have the same level of attraction. You know?”

Doug frowned, sighing. “Well… do you mean.. sexual? Sexual attraction?”

“Yes.”

Doug took Roger’s hand.

“This is new. Being with a guy. But.. I had weird dreams of you when I was younger. I think I like guys… just not as much as ladies. But… I mean, I only really fooled around with Patti.”

“What did you do with her?”

“You perv!” Doug teased. Roger laughed loudly. “Hmm.” He paused, thinking. “I… she touched me, I touched her. We made out.”

“Did you guys do… like… uhhh…”

“Oral?” Doug suggested.

“Good guess.” Roger’s face was permanently red.

“No. We didn’t. Have you done that?”

Roger nodded.

“Okay. Well, you might… need to teach me things.”

“Well… that sounds good. But let’s take things slow. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“So… you do understand that.. shit.”

Doug smiled and asked with a tilt of his head. “What?”

“You do understand that we… we’re both guys? And… this is different?”

Doug looked at him extremely amused, and said, “No way! I had no idea! What a shock!!”

“Okay, smartass. Then, let’s discuss shit. How do we… make each other feel good?”

Doug shrugged. “You already make me feel good.”

Roger looked at him funny. Doug laughed.

“I know what you meant. How about..when we both are ready, we write down something we both wanna do. And when we are to that point in our relationship when we will be intimate, we will hand each other the note.”

Roger nodded, grinning. “Okay, anything we want to do?”

“Oh. What is it? Tell me.”

“No, not until we’re ready.”

“Is it sex?”

Roger shook his head.

“Is it… what is it?”

“No. I won’t tell you.”

“But you will tell me when you’re ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Mystery adds some excitement to our relationship.”

Doug was starting college next month, and they planned to have several dates before he began his classes.

The first one would be, dinner and a movie.

Roger protested.

“This… has to be something good. Better than that. You know?”

Doug bit his lip. “Better?”

“Like… let’s have a picnic together somewhere. Outside. At a park.”

“In public?”

“Why not?”

“I haven’t even told my parents, yet.”

“When… do you want think you will?”

“I… I want to. Will you… be there?”

Roger looked at him with affirmation. “Anything. Of course.”

“Really?”

“Just in case… they throw me out… let’s do our first date with a dinner and movie. Then, after I tell my friends and you tell your parents and friends… we’ll have that picnic. Deal?”

Doug nodded. “Rog, I do gotta tell ya something.”

“What?”

“I told Skeeter that… I liked you. Before we got together.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I told him you seemed to like me too.. but, I didn’t tell him your secret.”

“You promise?”

He nodded.

“Cool. So, you wanna tell him we’re together now? Was he okay about it?”

“Very supportive.”

Roger looked surprised and said, “That’s awesome. Just tell him.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “Yeah, babe.”

There was a brief pause and Doug and Roger realized this was the first instance of a pet name.

Roger called him babe. It felt right to call him that.

Doug liked it. “Did you call me babe?”

“Maybe. Why? Is that okay?”

Doug nodded, shyly looking down. “Yeah. I liked that.”

“Nice! Great.”

“So… dinner and a movie. Fancy or not fancy?”

“I don’t care. As long as I get to be with you.”

Doug blushed. “Me too.”

“But… you like fancy? Right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I get my pay check soon. I’m taking you out to that fancy Italian place, babe.”

Doug smiled. “Okay, honey.”

Roger grinned. “No one ever called me that before.”

“You like it?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad, hon. So… let’s think of our couple playlist. Like… I have some songs I want to use.”

“Oh my jeez… really?”

Doug nodded, completely serious. “I really loved Malena. And I do want Something Stupid to be in our repertoire.”

“Malena? Oh. You remembered that?”

“Of course. I listened to it a lot. It made me miss you a lot.” Doug laid down and motioned for the other to lay down next to him.

Roger did so, and they held hands.

“Yeah? You missed me?”

They moved closer, their bodies touching.

“Is this okay?” Roger asked.

Doug nodded.

“Can I hold you?”

“Yes.”

They both wrapped their arms around each other, and Roger was close to the other’s neck, breathing in his scent.

“Can I kiss your neck?”

Doug sighed. “Yes.”

“Doug?” He asked breathily as he laid a trail of kisses along his neck.

“Yes?”

Their bodies got so close, Doug let out an involuntary moan.

That noise set off Roger—and he wrapped legs around Doug’s waist, the highly close contact still not feeling good enough.

“I need you… fuck, I need you…” Roger whispered in a sort of whining cry.

Doug moaned again. His thoughts were shut off, except one: Why did this feel so fucking good?

“I need you, too…” Doug said back.

“Doug, wait… shit… umm… I’m sorry.” Roger got up and sighed.

“What? Why?” Doug looked disappointed.

“We need to have a proper first date. Break in our relationship the right way. Okay?”

Doug frowned. “Yeah.”

“Don’t tell me you’re upset? Are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“Doug… that felt so good. Didn’t it?”

Doug nodded, his eyes watering a bit. “It felt really good.”

“Then it’ll feel even better once we are… set in stone. You’ll be glad I stopped us.”

“Okay. I know you are right.”

“You are a dirty guy, huh?”

Doug looked at him with half lidded eyes. “You don’t want to know the half of it…”

Roger licked his lips. “Oh, but I do.”

They grinned, and Roger decided he wasn’t going to wait anymore.

“Fuck it.” He leaned in and gently kissed Doug on the mouth, licking his lips gently. They pecked and kissed over and over; long, sweet kisses and short, little breathy ones.

“Best… first kiss… ever…” Doug said.

“Score!”

“That was… hot.”

Roger grinned, though it seemed a bit overly confident. “I know.”

“I really like kissing you.”

Roger stopped the cocky attitude and looked at him softly. “Me too.”

“I’m… uh… I think I’m…”

“What?”

“I’m falling for you.”

Roger smiled, and touched Doug’s hair affectionately. “I already fell for you.”

“When?”

“The day I met you.”

Doug’s face flushed, paling and his heart raced. “Even when I messed up your suede boots?”

He leaned in close, and their lips touched again.

“Especially when you messed up my boots.”

They kissed deeper this time, their heart beat now in synch, both happy and proud of their easy openness and almost intimate understanding of each other.

****

They had their first, second and third date.

Doug was saving that special journal he had bought for Roger for their one month anniversary, a mix of their couple songs, candy and a homemade card.

Roger was planning to buy Doug a silver chain and sunflowers for their anniversary.

What he really wanted was to get an apartment with Doug.

He had been using the time he had at Doug’s house to try and get to know Doug’s parents.

He’d cook and clean with Doug’s mom. He learned that Theda was quite the environmentalist, and really loved conservation(“He must’ve gotten that nature conserving spirit from somewhere! Especially from someone as lovely as you!” He told her, which made her giggle like a school girl).

He’d go out to Doug’s father’s store and help out sometimes with inventory, or learn a bit of photography from Phil, as he told Roger to call him.

It was almost too perfect how easy he managed to fit into their family, as Doug saw, and once it was their one month anniversary, he saw Roger was itching to tell them.

“So… babe, you wanna tell your parents?”

They went in Doug’s room and he nodded, though he felt nervous.

“Uh… after our anniversary?”

“Let’s do it before. Remember we had planned to tell them after our first date? That.. I’d like to just tell them before.”

Doug frowned but nodded. “I mean… they do love you. I can tell.”

He leaned down and kissed Doug on the side of his mouth. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

“I hope so.”

“Hey, your parents are like… a trillion times better than mine. Don’t worry.”

Doug bit his lip, and hugged Roger.

“I love you, Doug.”

Their eyes met and Doug’s became wider. That was the first time either them had said it.

He had never felt such an impact by those words before—-and Doug had never wanted to ever feel it again by anyone else but Roger, because it gave him chills, but intense heat—-a ravishing sense of dreamy affirmation and affection and lust and intimacy that could never be compared.

And it hit back—the feeling of trust and love and passion.

He kissed Roger on the lips and said, “I love you so much.”

Roger looked at him and smiled affectionately, kissing him back.

“Move in with me, sweetie. Let’s get our own place,” Roger said.

Doug slightly moved out of their embrace, a bit nonplussed.

“What?”

“Let’s.. get our own place?”

“Wow. Rog… that… that would be awesome.”

“You want to?”

“Yeah. We could have privacy then.”

“Okay. It’s settled.” Roger said and took Doug’s hand. “Let’s tell them right now.”

“Huh? Now?”

“Then when?”

“How about….” Doug realized this conversation was going to be the happiest thing he was going to have to do—-and that he was never going to feel one hundred percent ready.

Roger rolled his eyes. “Doug… seriously?”

Doug nodded. “Fine. Let’s go. How shall I tell them?”

“Just tell them… hey, guys, we are dating.”

Doug frowned, “It has to be a lot more eloquent than that.”

“Umm, okay. You make the fancy words. I’ll sit pretty.”

Doug laughed.

They both sighed.

Roger fixed some of the longer, stray strands of Doug’s bangs from his face.

“You’re so sweet.”

Doug smiled. “So are you.”

They held each other’s hands and walked out of the room.

Theda saw them first. She immediately noticed the pair holding hands.

“How’s everything going, boys?”

Doug smiled nervously. He couldn’t speak.

Roger grinned and had no trouble speaking. “We are doing excellent. How are you doing today, Theda?”

“I’m good. Say, you two in the mood for chicken cacciatore tonight?”

“Oh, absolutely. I’d love to help. I can clean up too.”

Theda smiled. “That’s wonderful. Sounds like a great plan. Thank you.”

Roger nodded. “Doug, don’t you have something to add?” He asked.

Theda looked attentively at her son. He looked frozen in place.

“So… your father just got home, Doug, honey.”

Doug nodded, still feeling a fresh case of laryngitis come on.

“I’ll be downstairs, if you two need me.”

Theda went downstairs and Roger looked at Doug confused.

“What was that?”

Doug squeaked and sighed. “I lost my voice.”

Roger sighed, and laughed softly, “That’s okay.”

“Let’s go. I think I’m ready.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure I’m about to faint.”

“You won’t fall, I’ll hold you up.” Roger sighed. “Listen… we don’t have to do this.”

“No. We waited long enough as it is. Let’s go.”

They went downstairs, and Doug called out his dad.

Doug remembered the first conversation he had with his parents about letting Roger stay with them. The trepidation of letting an old bully of their only son live in their house—but they saw that Doug was incredibly determined and highly caring of this person, and they were touched by his advocacy.

“Yeah, son?”

“Would you and mom please come to the living room?”

“Sure! Just a moment!” His dad said.

Roger and Doug sat down on the couch, looking at each other calmly.

“I got your back, Doug.”

Doug nodded, smiling at him.

Really, he just wanted to kiss him.

But, his parents walked in at that moment.

“How’s it going, Doug?” His dad asked.

“Yeah, what did you want to talk about?” His mom asked, looking concerned.

They both sat down on the love seat opposite of where the pair was sitting.

“Hi Roger,” his dad said with a smile.

“Hello, sir.”

He laughed. “Oh, Roger… Please don’t call me sir! Call me Phil. Like I’ve told you.”

Roger nodded, smiling, “Of course, Phil. Thank you.”

Doug cleared his throat and started talking, “Mom, Dad, you guys have been great parents. Amazing. The best. I just… I need to be honest. And you two..” he looked at them and smiled. “I hope you won’t be mad.”

Roger smiled nervously.

“Of course not,” His mom said. His dad nodded in agreement.

“I’m..umm, so, I need you to know I got a new… I’m dating someone new.” Doug sighed.

“Not that blonde girl again, right?” His dad said with an unimpressed look.

“She wasn’t that bad, Phil!” His mom cut in. “She was cute! And nice.”

“You see… if you have to start with, ‘She’s not that bad,’ it is a low place to start. No offense, son, I didn’t like how she treated you at the end,” His dad amended. “You can see that too, huh, Roger?”

“Phil!” His mom admonished. “Don’t get him involved. That’s not fair.”

Roger looked at the family and nodded, “I think I’ll plead the fifth on this one.”

“Haha. Good one, Rog,” Doug said a bit frustratedly. Roger just grinned.

“Okay, okay. Enough silly banter. Who is she?” His dad asked.

“Dad, Mom,” Doug started, his heart beat trembling and then beating so fast he thought he would die right then and there. “So… I have been trying to figure out who I am. This has been a journey of self discovery and something that has taken me since I was a teen to really understand. I really do like girls. But.. I also like guys. But, really, I only like one guy. I’m dating someone—-well, not someone, but it’s someone you know—and,” Doug stopped and looked at his parents. They both looked a mixture of confused, concerned and a bit shocked.

“And?” His mom asked. Doug sighed, taking Roger’s hand.

“It’s Roger. I’m dating him.”

Doug’s dad shook his head and stood up. “I gotta get some air.”

His mom took in a deep breath. “Okay. Just… relax, everyone. Doug, are you sure about this? This is a huge step. Have you really thought about this?”

“Yeah. I agree with your mother, Doug.” Roger said, making the whole group blink in attention, looking at him for clarification.

Doug looked at him with a bit of confusion and concern. “Rog?”

“How can you know for sure how you feel? How can you truly know what’s deep inside your bones… settling in like a restless trickle of rain tumbling upon the river—-never truly seeing the impact it’s tiny droplets against the magnitude of the enormity of the flow of the stream? How can you know that feeling won’t subside—-won’t deepen or just evaporate into the wind?” Roger stood up, and everyone was in awe at his impromptu poetic speech. Doug’s eyes met Roger’s, and they smiled. “How can one know that this is truth or fallacy? How can you know the person beside you is for you or not?”

Doug’s mom stood up and went beside her husband.

“The undeniable part of our humanity is… we don’t know. It’s a leap of faith. But that leap of faith cannot be broken once the true story of our soul shines through——and we can see that the soul shining next ours, a gem illuminated—-is beautiful and heartbreaking and wonderful and shared. It is no longer hidden. It is presented and loved,” Roger sighed with a sad smile. “Theda, Phil…. I have that with your son. He showed me how much my life was worth. And we bring out that illumination within each other. Would that be an illusion or a truth?”

“Truth,” Both of his parents said at the same time.

Doug was proud and felt more joyful at that moment than he had in his life.

Doug took Roger’s hand and said, “Is this okay?”

“It’s not something I’m used to, son, but I love you. We love you,” His dad said. “And Roger is someone we like.”

His mom nodded. “I love his cooking and cleaning skills!”

Suddenly, she walked over to her son and Roger, hugging them both.

“It’s hard—-Doug, for us. But, we care about Roger too—-and we want you to be happy. So, please, let us know if we can support you in any way!” His dad said, looking a bit nervous.

“This is great. Now. The way it is,” Doug said.

And it was.

They worked through it as a family, as Roger finally felt whole and new, not hiding any longer—-and free.