Free to Be

The Heart is the manifestation of our being and the Locket a manifestation of our Heart, to be without one is to be without both.

Never Lose It.

Or you are nothing.

That is something that I thought was true for my entire life. Then I learned the truth about the world around me. This is my story.

I was from the CAPITAL, yes with capital letters and all, and there I thought life was perfect, in my own little home, my daily routine and, now that I look at it, daily not-so-subtle indoctrination.

In the CAPITAL and all other cities, each person had a heart-shaped locket, a sort of cutesy thing to make us think that we actually had something nice in our lives, to make us feel as if we had possession of something unique since within that Locket was said to contain our identity.

Why have a name? Or individuality? Or even love if we could have our own regime-issued facsimile around our necks. Now that I look back, I can see how very cunning it is, giving us this false sense of identity when in reality we were nothing more than puppets.

Well...moving on, so there I was minding my own business when this crazy woman barrels into me and knocks me over, stealing my Locket.

Crazy am I?

Undoubtedly so. Now let me continue.

So there I was, panicking and losing my mind, and in the ensuing chase we both ended up getting arrested. It was then that we actually got to know each other...somewhat.

Who are you?

If you must know, I’m Nerine.

...What? What does that mean? You are...Nerine?

Tch...you can’t understand.

I can’t understand if you’re not making sense. Just show me your Heart, it has your identification number.

I don’t have one.

WHAT?

Yeah, that was an interesting conversation to be sure. For the first time in my life, my entire worldview had been battered. A Heartless was the big boogeyman that everybody was told as children, our Hearts were our focus and our only sense of identity, without them we would become divergent, insane, spouting off lies and half-truths to convince others that there was nothing wrong in becoming a Heartless.

A perceived descent into lunacy propagated from above.

Well aren’t you poetic?

Shush, you’ve been a horrible influence on me. Exposing me to all that literature. Do you realize how boring it was when I returned?

Don’t remind me, I had to go through that poor excuse of a library, remember?

Obviously having never encountered one of the ‘infamous’ Heartless, I did what any respectable citizen of the CAPITAL would do.

Panic like a chicken with its head cut off?

...Yes.

Of course, this attracts the attention of the guards who are quick to silence us, and then of course arrive the top-secret investigators who accused me of association and Heart Abandonment. Logically, they should have listened to my pleas of innocence and seen my perfect record and acted accordingly. Obviously, since I’m here that wasn’t the case.

I would later find out that it was due to my “association with a known criminal” that there was no option for a “potential risk” to be let go. Turns out my fellow arrestee was a known Heartless who committed an assortment of crimes from assault to murder.

That was in self-defence.

Of course, I would never say otherwise.

And of course, after that it turns out that she’s already freed herself from her bindings, incapacitated the guards, and left me behind. Naturally, to prove my innocence I go after her to get my Heart back, how it wasn’t confiscated I don’t know.

Oh you know pretty well why they couldn’t find it on me.

Yes, but I choose to ignore it and stow the memory away of what you did.

Baby.

From then on we move forward to me chasing her as she made her way through the city and then tackling her after heroically jumping off a bridge she crossed under.

If by heroically you mean tripping and then body slamming me from above then yes that could be considered so.

Hey, whose story is this?

Technically ours, I’ve just been letting you tell it so they don’t have to hear how bumbling you can be.

Very funny.

I’m here all week.

Fine then, body slamming her from above, which now that I think about it was one of the funniest noises I ever heard from her.

Hey!

What? I remember clearly hearing all the wind rush out of your body and the noise it made, it was like a “PAhhh” followed by the most adorable squeak.

You were twice my size! What do you expect when something like that falls on me?

I don’t hear you denying it.

...just continue.

After questioning her about where my Heart was, and finding no answer, unfortunately, some short people-(ow)-really cannot handle having almost 200 pounds slam on top of them from a story above. Discovering that she was heavily disoriented-

Practically concussed.

And feeling some guilt over what I did to her, and panic at the approaching police I took her somewhere relatively safe.

By relatively, he means that we were discovered within a day minutes because of course, he took me to his home.

True. I was pretty naive then.

Going back on the run, I found myself being guided by her, in exchange for my help, she would return my Heart. It was odd, to say the least. In the CAPITAL, everybody has their place, their status, their job, their...niche, in society. As we moved to the edges of the city, I saw just how different things could be.

I was born lucky, I realized, even though at the time I didn’t know what that meant. The CAPITAL was separated into different zones, the closer you were to the center, the better off you were. Eventually, we made it to the end, where suffering and pain were rampant. Everybody hid their Hearts from each other, and everybody was for themselves. I had wondered if this was the same for every city.

I had questions, but they could only be answered once we had left, and so we did. I had been afraid, all our lives we had been told, that if by any chance we were near the WALL, to never leave, for the world outside was only capable of giving us chaos and cruelty, with the WALL there was security and peace.

I had no choice however, my face had been plastered everywhere, I was marked Heartless, however, after spending two days, with Nerine traveling on my back, her leg had been broken.

By you.

By me.

I took a leap of faith and ventured forward into the unknown abyss-

Dramatism.

Sorry.

And I found a world that was completely new, nature unrestrained, chaos and cruelty indeed, but it was beautiful. Nerine taught me how to survive, how to take advantage of the world around me, and how to be self-sufficient.

How to be free.

Eventually we made it to the Valley, a place of refuge, in reality it was a misnomer, but to hide from those looking for us, they created a walking city...rolling technically.

It was there that I met them and finally got my questions answered. Turns out our world has been pretty messed up for a long time, nobody’s really sure how long the CAPITAL and the other CITIES have been active but it’s been long enough that inside, nobody cares to question.

I learned about names and the true meaning of identity, how no two names were the same even if more than one person shared them, for each name had a different meaning to the person who held it. It was at first, odd, and even ridiculous, to somebody from the middle core, why have names when Hearts were practically the same and did the same job.

Fortunately, my newfound friends (and wasn't that a novel concept, friends) were patient with me, most of them, Rick always had a rough edge around him.

Still brings me a chuckle to this day anytime I remember the day he irritated you so much you kicked him in the Ricks.

Do you have to call them that?

That’s what he calls them.

Rather not follow his example.

From there, I continued to learn, and I admit, I even forgot about my Heart, but I saw the people who lived in the Valley, and interacted with them, hearing and learning about hopes and dreams. I found literature and art and life and love and I remembered that once, even I had hopes and dreams before they were ruthlessly crushed.

Yeah, as it turns out, Hearts? Memory modifiers, personality suppressors, all kinds of technology that was completely unheard of.

Innovation that wasn’t supposed to exist.

I had finally realized the truth, my identity was nothing at all, I could not exist, for there was nothing to ‘be’ in the first place. My entire world was shattered, for I was nothing and had nothing, nothing to establish myself as an individual being.

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately-ow-, I had Nerine, and she helped me understand that what I was going through was necessary so that I could make something of myself. She became my light, my dawn from the endless night of-

Dramatism!

Sorry...are you blushing?

Tch, no!

Mhmm, ow! Blast woman, stop smacking me!

Stop it with the poetry! Especially in front of them!

You know you like it-ow!

J-just continue the story.

After spending a year in the Valley, I had proven my worth enough to help with missions, I was to be a temporary implant, to help break out one of Nerine’s friends since I was the only one born in the CAPITAL, the rest either born in the Valley or the other CITIES, I knew the best way to go around and make myself obscure.

I lamented having to go back however, everything was just so boring. Although I was worried about having the Heart returned to me, I did not desire to be insignificant again, to be empty.

But I moved forward, and through the pain, the torture, the explosions, and bullets, the soul-crushing moment of having the Heart forcibly reactivated, of being trapped behind a person that was not me. We still managed to escape, scarred, but alive.

I’ve since then realized that fighting against the CAPITAL at this time is a near useless endeavor, truthfully, they have too many resources, too much time, their roots are deep in the ground and the people blindly support them.

Realistically, it’s an impossible deathwish.

But it is my hope, my dream, that one day, the people can be free. It is a dream that started generations before me, and I hope will continue for generations after, and though I might not see it, I hope it comes to pass.

I am Lirim, the one who is free to be, and this my children, is the story of how I met your mother.