Finally

Carefully setting the slice of chocolate cake on the table in front of Kyle, Claire was giddy at the thought of how excited he would be, anticipating a grin at least, but hoping he might even laugh in delight. After all, who doesn’t love chocolate cake? She never imagined he would throw it across the room.

“Are you kidding me? As if either one of us needs to gain weight. You disgust me enough as it is!” Kyle screamed, the sound of the plate hitting the wall echoing through their apartment. The white ceramic shattered and the thick brown icing clung to the wall, while the cake itself plopped onto the floor.

“I thought chocolate cake was your favorite. You mentioned the other day how it’s been ages since you had it, so I thought you would be happy…” Claire mumbled the last part, swallowing back her tears.

“Don’t use me as an excuse for your gluttony! I bet you already stuffed your fat face. I can’t even stand to look at you.” Kyle yelled, kicking over his chair as he made his way to the bedroom. He grabbed his perpetually packed duffel, and strode out the front door, slamming it in his wake. Claire, still stunned by what had just happened, slumped to the floor. Why would he be so harsh? What happened to the man she fell in love with? The man that would tell her how beautiful she was? Who thought it was amazing that she could cook and bake, and would shower her with affection every chance he got? When did he change? She didn’t even recognize him anymore.

Thinking back, the past year or so Kyle had become increasingly unpleasant, but Claire had done everything he asked of her and more. She cooked, cleaned, gave him her pay, had sex whenever he wanted, but never insisted he reciprocate; she tried so hard to do everything right. To be perfect. Couldn’t he see that? She lived every day with his happiness as her only goal.

She tried to get him to open up, asking for any tidbit of information from his day. How was it? What did you do? Did anything happen? In return, she would get one word answers and grunts, until he would blow up and ask her why she wanted to know. Did she not trust him? What was her problem? It’s none of her business! All she wanted was for him to share his life with her and have him ask the same questions so she could share her life in return. But he never asked. He never cared.

Claire shuffled over to the broken plate and ruined cake, carefully placing each shard in her hand until she had them all safely between her palms to be thrown out. If only she could throw her relationship with Kyle out so easily. Why couldn’t she? He had after all become vicious in his emotional and verbal abuse of her. She loved him, but was it really so simple to stay with him? No, staying in this relationship can’t be an option. If she stays with him things will only continue to get worse.

She could change the locks. No, that wouldn’t stop him. He’d wait however long it took until he could convince her to let him in. He might pretend to be nice, get her flowers, tell her all the things she longed to hear. And she would let him in, because he knew exactly what to say. No, staying here wasn’t an option. She must be the one to leave. But was she strong enough? Could she really make it on her own? And who would want her? He’d been telling her over and over how disgusting she was, that no one would ever want her and she didn’t want to be alone. Should she lose weight and see if that changes things? Maybe that’s all it would take…

No. Her weight was not the problem, just Kyle’s own insecurities. It was time to be strong, regardless of how hard it would be. She didn’t have any money saved since she had been giving him her paychecks for months, but her grandmother lived nearby and had a spare room. But that would mean telling her they broke up, and then she might ask why. What would she tell her? It’s not like he’d ever hit her after all. Could she really say he was abusive? Was it abuse? Maybe she’s just being dramatic…

No, his behavior was unacceptable. She deserved so much better than to be scared and teary-eyed all the time. It didn’t matter what it took or who she would have to tell, she had to leave. Would that make her a victim? She didn’t like the thought of that. It doesn’t matter, it can be figured out later. The fact that she would likely need years of therapy certainly wasn’t a winning endorsement to stay. For now, just pack a bag, call grandma, and stay with her long enough to save up a bit of money for a place. A place all her own. That she could decorate however she liked and build into her own personal sanctuary. Sanctuary. She loved the idea of having her own little safe haven. She may have to start small, but she won’t get anywhere unless she takes the first step. Without any further thought, she packed a bag and stepped out the door.